Head on Collision

Alex’s POV

It was true. He was awake. Jac’s awake. My baby. Oh my god. I rubbed at my right eye and just looked at him from my place in the door way. No one had noticed me yet. He was there. His hair was sticking up in every direction possible; the front of his hair flopping down over his forehead. The black eye faded more in the few hours i was gone. I was so pissed that i had left, but coming back to this, hearning Kara’s excited voice over the phone when she told me he had woken up. it was worth it. He sat wearing that hoodie i had left hear purposely. The red one he had left at my house a while ago that i had taken to wearing. The same one he had been wearing when i had met him on my first day at Dulaney High. The frown was set deep on his expression. I smiled a little. Jack bit down on his lip and dropped his eyes down to his lap.

“But. Everything is more than okay,” i told him. Or more to the room.

Jack’s eyes snapped up to me, his big brown eyes wider than i had ever seen them. The frown disappeared instantly. A huge grin, worthy of only Jack, taking its place.

“Alex!” he exclaimed.

I felt the eyes of everyone in the room on me but i only had eyes for one person.

“Jack.” I kept my tone even; emotionless. I didn’t want to break down in front of everyone. I didn’t want to scream at Rian for telling me to leave. I just...

“Can you give us a moment?” Jack questioned as if he had read my mind.

“Of course,” Dr Johnson told us. “Alright, everyone out.”

Slowly the occupants of the room filed out; Dr Johnson last. He rested a friendly hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze; before walking out, pulling the door closed behind him.

I didn’t know what to say. What do you say to your boyfriend who’s been unconscious for three days and doesn’t even remember reconciling? What do you say to the guy you’re absolutely in love with who doesn’t remember all those beautiful things he said in the rain?

“Hi.”

Genius move Gaskarth. Nice one.

“Hi,” jack smiled.

I returned his smile and the room fell silent again. I took a single step forward; resting my hands on the post at the end of his hospital bed. There was so much i wanted to say; wanted to do. I wanted to throw myself at him. Hug him like i had never hugged him before. kiss him over and over. I wanted to make him feel how much i missed him. How fucking scared i was that i was losing him like i had lost Daniel. I wanted to tell him how long i sat and waited for his sorry ass to wake up despite the fact that i hate hospitals so much. I wanted to hold him and help him heal and tell him how much i loved him.

“I’m sorry.”

Jack’s voice tore through my mental wanderings and my eyes met his. They were full of unshed tear; the big brown puppy dogs eyes shiny even more then usual under the halogen lights. I cleared my throat; willing myself not to cry too.

“What for?” i whispered.

“Everything,” he continued; wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

I stepped to the side of the bed and sat in the chair.

“You’re going have to elaborate on that Jack,” i smiled.

“everything,” he said again. “for hurting you. For making you worry. For making you cry. For not remembering what i said to you to make you forgive me.”

“Jack.”

“No. I mean it. I wish i could remember what i said. What you said. I want to remember it so badly,” he pulled a knee up and rested his elbow against it and then resting his forehead in his hand. “I want to remember Lex. I really do.”

I smiled sadly at my broken boyfriend; the small tears trailing down his bruised cheek. I stood up and nudged his other leg with my hand. He sat up and pulled it back; crossing both of his legs.

“What are you doing?” he sniffled.

I kicked off my shoes and I climbed up onto his bed and kneeled in front of him, getting as close as our legs would let us.

“i’m helping you remember,” i told him simply.

“okay,” Jack’s voice was so small and unsure. He bit down on the side of his bottom lip that wasn’t spilt and looked up to me through his hair. I brushed it back of his face carefully and began.

“First. You said ‘we need to talk’ and of course i was scared that that meant the worst,” i swallowed. “i honestly thought you were going to break up with me. But you quickly assured me that it wasn’t on of those talks.”

I air quoted Jack’s exact words.

“You chewed on your lip; thinking deeply. I could tell,” Your brow was all furrowed and you had a worried frown on your face. It would have been cute if i wasn’t so scared.”

“Why were you scared?” Jack asked quietly.

‘because, ihad a feeling i knew where this conversation was going,” i admitted.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. You then asked me what was wrong. And i arued. Saying there was nothing wrong,” i shook my head. “but you were right. I wouldn’t let me near you.”

“Why?” jack interrupted.

“Im getting there,” i answered. “You tried to grab my arm but i pulled away and told you ‘dont”

“Don’t want?”

“Exactly,” i nodded. “Thats what you said then too. You tried to touch my face and then grab my hand but i pulled back each time. And you yelled at me.”

“You wont tell me touch you,” Jack whispered; his voice was sad. “You started to walk away.”

“Yes!” i smiled. “i apologised as i did so. And you wanted to know why. I screamed that i didn’t know. I kept walking. The rain was literally pelting down on top of us. My shirt was soaked through before i got a few metres away. You told me to stop.”

I looked down as i went on.

“you begged me to let you touch me. If you stepped forward. I would step back,” i shook my head. “you said that you knew i had trouble trusting you again after what happened with Jasey. And that i knew you didn’t mean it. Which i did. I know. I know you didn’t mean it.”

I stole a glance at Jack. His shoulders were slumped; his eyes on the blanket that was around him. He pulled at the sleeves of the hoodie.

“i started crying, and told you that i justd idnt want you to hurt me,” i took a deep breath as my eyes filled with tears. “and you said that you didn’t want to hurt me. You wanted to kiss me. You wanted to hold my hand and hug me.”

I wiped the tear that slid down my face away with the back of my hand. And looked to Jack. His position remained the same.

“Close your eyes,” i told him and he looked up.

“What?”

“Close them,” I repeated and Jack slid his eyes closed.

I leaned closer so my mouth was near his ear; repeating his actions from days ago. I swallowed before speaking.

“You can trust my voice can’t you?” I asked quietly; mimicking his whisper.

“Alex, what are you....?” Jack started.

“i’m just repeating what you said. And did,” i told him quietly.

“Oh.”

“You can trust my voice can’t you?” I repeated.

Jack nodded slowly.

“Because it wasn’t my voice that hurt you.”

Jack shook his head in response; just as i had. I slowly slid a hand onto his cheek, careful not to hurt him.

“And it wasn’t my hands that hurt you,” I told him as he leaned into the touch. He sighed; a small smile crossing his features. “It wasn’t my touch that caused you pain.”

He shook his head again. I took a deep breath before leaning in and pressing a light kiss on Jack’s lips.

“And it wasn’t my kiss that hurt you either,” I licked my lips.

Jack opened his eyes slowly and I slid my other hand onto his face; both sitting on either side of his neck. The stance identical.

“It was my actions. It was them that hurt you, and they’re in the past,” I said confidently; surprising myself with how well i remembered it all. “They’re gone and done for. Clean slate remember? We’re thinking about the future now, aren’t we? The future that is just for you and me.”

Jack stayed silent for a moment; his eyes watching mine again. He shook his head slowly and I frowned.

“Lex. I’d rather think of the present,” he smiled and i smiled back. “The present is so much more important. Oh god. I love you. I love you so fuckign much.

I smiled and Jack slid his hands around the back of my neck and pulled my lips down to meet his. The kiss was soft and slow; both of us simply taking advantage of the moment. As we both pulled back slowly, we smiled. I slowly slid my thumb across Jacks cheek, catching the stray tears that were staining his beautiful face.

“Did i...” Jack looked down for a second before catching my eye again. “Did i really say all that stuff?”

“Mhmm,” i nodded; smiling.

“Wow,” he smiled fondly before laughing. “I’m like a walking ball of sap.”

I sat back and smacked his shoulder.

“Way to ruin the moment Jack,” i laughed.

“Ow!” Jack explained. “Okay. I am injured remember!”

“sorry,” i pouted and Jack shook his head. I took a hold of his hands and leaned into kiss him briefly. “You have no idea how hard it was to sit by and just not do anything.”

“im sorry,” Jack told me. “you didn’t have to stay.”

“Yes, i did,” i said; manouvering myself to squish myself between Jack and the rail along the side of the bed. Jack scooted over a little and held up his arm. I snuggled myself down; my forehead against the side of his neck, arm across his waist and his around my shoulders. “I didn’t want to not be here when you woke up. I’m sorry i left.”

“Babe, you needed to rest,” Jack told me softly.

“I can now,” i whispered; pressing a kiss to his throat. “knowing you’re okay.”

“Does that mean i can sleep more?” Jack asked; laughing lightly. “Because i feel tired.”

“Sleep Jack,” i smiled. “But next time, ill be here when you wake up.”