Candescent

The holidays seemed to pass in a blur. The funeral, Christmas, New Year...

I had a carriage to myself on the way back to Hogwarts, and it gave me time to think. Well…more time to think. ‘Cause I’d been doing quite a bit over the holidays. But it seemed that the emotion in my thoughts was finally fading as now the loss didn’t make me cry.

In fact, it felt wrong to feel so strong. My father was dead and my mother was alone in a house where I couldn’t be. It had taken all she had to put me back on this train, and I still wasn’t sure that I wanted to be here.

“Hey Tyler!”

Draco Malfoy cut me abruptly out of my reverie. Barely feeling annoyed at the sight of his face, I replied monotonously, “Hello Malfoy.”

“So,” he continued, inviting himself into my compartment and sitting down across from me followed closely by Crabbe and Goyle. Even though he didn’t seem to annoy me before, the idea that Crabbe and Goyle still followed him made me feel something. I’m pretty sure it was just building more contempt. “How were your holidays?”

“Uneventful,” I lied easily, my voice still lacking any depth. It sounded really unused considering I couldn’t really remember the last time I’d had a decent conversation. “How about you?”

“Christmas and all that,” he replied. “Got some pretty cool presents. What did you get?”

“Er…” Wow, I’d completely forgotten about Christmas. How was that even possible? It was the Christmas holidays. Well…I had a lot of other stuff on my mind. “I kind of didn’t get anything.” I could’ve lied, but I had no idea what the magic world gave as Christmas presents. It sure as hell wasn’t a Nintendo DS or a DVD.

“Wow-”

“I don’t celebrate Christmas,” I said, continuing to weave my web.

“Well, I got a…”

I zoned out as he began to speak in detail about his epic holiday. The day wore on and turned into night. Soon, we were pulling down our bags and getting off the train at Hogsmeade being led towards carriages being led by strange skeletal winged creatures.
As I put my bags in the cart, I couldn’t help but stare at them, earning strange looks from Crabbe, Goyle and Malfoy.

“What are you looking at?”

“The winged horse things pulling the carriage,” I responded. As if he couldn’t see them!

“There’s nothing there, right Crabbe,” he nodded in agreement, “Goyle?” also nodded.

I gave them one last glance before stepping inside and trying to forget. It really didn’t seem to work. Mind you, it never seemed to work.

xxxxx

“Alyssa!” Hermione called, running up to me the next morning. “How were your holidays?”

“Good,” I lied for the thousandth time. “You?”

“Awesome,” she replied. “Hey, have you got time for a study session later? I’ve got a few questions from that potions homework.”

“Er…all right.” Crap I had to do that homework. Sheesh, what had I done with my life. I hadn’t honestly spent that many weeks catatonic…

“I’ll catch you later then,” she said with a wave as she walked to the Gryffindor table. I reluctantly went to sit at my usual place down the end of the table finding that Blaise quickly came and sat next to me.

“You’re very quickly going to lose your friendless status,” I commented to him.

He shrugged it away, “I'm cool with anyone who hates Malfoy as much as I do.”

I didn’t bother telling him that I didn’t exactly hate anyone at the moment. It took up way too much energy that I apparently didn’t have. It felt tiring to be sitting at the table so before Blaise had even started eating, I stood up, said “See you in Potions,” and walked out of the main doors and into the cold morning air.

Wrapping my cloak tighter and pulling my gloves out of my pocket, I found myself walking a path well trodden down to Hagrid’s hut. I stopped half way there and sat down on the grass staring across the grounds and the hugeness of Hogwarts. I seemed so insignificant-

“Get out,” I told myself, trying to push the thoughts away.

But why, another voice said. It’s true.

“It’s not true,” I said adamantly. “If I was insignificant why did everyone go to such lengths to protect me?”

The voice shut up when I said that, but another one started.

“Firs’ sign o’ madness that,” Hagrid said, walking up behind me with a wrapped bundle in his arms. “Yeh’ll end up like Dumbledore at that rate.”

“Compliment or warning?” I asked, looking up at the giant man.

“Yer know what, I don’ know.”

I smiled and stood up, “Did you need any help Hagrid?”

“No thanks, I got ter get this down ter me house before goin’ to check on some unicorns in the fores’.”

“Unicorns?” I said excitedly.

“Don’ even think about it,” Hagrid responded. “The fores’ is dang’rous enough without addin’ students to it.”

“What’s that you got there Hagrid?” I asked, inclining my head t the bundle in his arms.

“Nothin’,” he replied, obviously lying by the sudden change of pitch in his voice and how he suddenly needed to go. “It was nice meetin’ yeh, er…”

“Alyssa,” I answered.

“Well, best get out of this cold Alyssa,” he responded, hurrying away.

Dragon.

I spun around, looking for who had said that before realising the voice had been in my head. Dragon? What the hell was that supposed to mean?

I shook it off and turned on my heels, walking back up to the castle to begin another term that I hoped would most certainly, get my mind off the holidays.