Twin Hearts

I refused to speak to Mark and had done for weeks. If he was going to make accusations like that, then I wasn’t going to go near him. To my doubting mind, his tongue was poison that would kill any of my hope. Will was probably just adjusting to university, making new friends and trying to deal with keeping his secret.
I knocked gently on Will’s door, hoping to find him in at the early time of the day. He opened the door wearing just his pyjama bottoms and with his hair messy; it was obvious I’d just woken him up.
“I’m sorry if I woke you,” I apologised as he rubbed his tired face.
“That’s ok,” he replied, not offering me to enter his room.
I stood there in an awkward silence until I finally remembered why I was there. “Do you want to go out for dinner tonight?” I waited nervously for his answer. My whole plan was to try to make things work between us. If he didn’t have the time to make things work, then I was going to have to do it by myself.
“Um, sorry,” he started, frowning as he spoke. “I have training tonight. We’ve got a big season ahead of us.” I felt like I was being knocked back by a boy I fancied, not a boy who was supposed to be my boyfriend.
“Oh, ok. I understand. Some other time, then?”
“Yeah, maybe,” he replied.
The tension between us made me want to cry, so I said a quick goodbye and left him alone. Walking outside, I caught sight of Hanna doing an early morning run, her blonde hair perfectly swishing in her ponytail. I waved slightly and she gave me an awkward smile, averting her eyes as she entered the halls she shared with Will and the others there.
He’d never cheat on me. He told me he loved me. We’ve been through so much, why would he just throw it away now?
My thoughts went on in circles, as they had been doing for months. I was becoming a miserable, pathetic excuse for a human and I needed things to stop. I needed to stop moping and to just swallow whatever paranoia I had.
“Hey!” Cora called out, running towards me as I walked, hands in my pockets to shield them from the cold.
“Hi Cora,” I smiled, trying to make it seem natural.
“I was wondering whether you’d want to come Pizza Island tonight?” she asked me, crossing the fingers on both of her hands and pulling a goofy face of expectation.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I’m feeling a little… unsociable at the moment.”
“Yeah, I know,” she sighed in concern. “That’s why I thought you might want to go out.”
“I just don’t think I’d be any fun,” I replied. “And anyway, Ruth’s cooking her meatballs for dinner tonight. I don’t want to miss that.”
“No, I suppose not.” Cora smiled at me tightly, as though sensing my inner distress. “But next time, I’m dragging you out, no excuses.”
“I’ll give in to that,” I promised as she embraced me into a hug before rushing off.

“Where’s the cheese?” Evan complained after Ruth finished plating up.
“Well I’m sorry, I forgot,” she said, scowling at Evan as he protested he couldn’t eat it without plenty of cheese.
“Are you honestly going to tell me you can’t eat this without cheese?” Greg asked as he treated Ruth’s own recipe as though it was made by the Gods.
“Someone better go get some.” Evan crossed his arms, waiting for someone to give into going to the on-site shop.
“Well I’m not going,” Ruth snapped, getting cross that Evan was being so stubborn.
It was a stupid thing to be falling out about, so I stood up, about to say I’d go get the cheese for Evan.
“I’ll go,” Mark interjected before I had time to open my mouth. His eyes caught mine and I sat down, realising he was absolute.
Once Mark was gone, Evan happily grabbed himself a beer and waited for his cheese to be brought back.
“Do you think Mark is becoming less shy?” Greg brought up as he shovelled food into his mouth.
“You’re disgusting,” Ruth stated, not answering his question.
“No,” I stated. “I think he never was shy. I think he just doesn’t speak his mind as often as most people.”
“The silent ones are always the crazy ones,” Evan laughed.
“Mark’s not crazy,” Ruth defended. “But you are, asking for cheese with nearly every meal. Who does that?”
“Cheese makes everything better,” Evan argued.
“Guys, please, enough of the cheese argument,” I begged, trying to keep them from starting up the same topic again.
“Fine,” Ruth stated, fixing her eyes on me. “If we can’t talk about that, we’ll talk about… you and Will.” My stomach turned as she brought up the taboo topic. I wasn’t stupid, I knew they’d all been talking about it behind my back, all whispering whether they thought we’d split up or whether we were just fighting. Now she’d brought it up and the other two in the room froze, as though feeling the tension she’d caused.
“What’s there to talk about?” I asked, placing my fork down next to my unfinished plate of food. I suddenly lost my appetite.
“There is something going on between you and all of us know it. So, what did you fight about?”
“Nothing,” I replied to her honestly.
“Nothing? It can’t just be nothing, Alicia. There is always a reason.” Ruth was insistent on finding out what was happening; she just didn’t know that she knew about as much as I did.
I was saved from answering by the door opening, Mark and Cora entering the kitchen.
“Alright,” Evan hollered. “Did you get the cheese?”
For some reason Mark and Cora were both staring at me.
“What?” Mark asked Evan. There was no sign of any shopping in his hands.
“Don’t tell me you forgot,” Evan complained.
“Would you shut up, Evan,” Ruth growled. “Mark, what’s wrong?”
“Alicia, I need to speak with you,” Cora said, her voice almost shaking. “Alone.”
I slowly got up from the table and followed her out, feeling the full force of Mark’s gaze watching me. Something had made those eyes fill with sympathy and I dreaded to find out what.
We reached my room and I was about to bring her in when she stopped me. “He’s cheating on you.” She was blunt and I froze, not knowing whether to believe her- and my own doubts- or to laugh and tell her to fuck off. My mind was in a volatile place at that moment.
“How do you know?” I asked, turning to meet her kind gaze.
“I just saw him in Pizza Island. He was… kissing another girl.”
“Hanna,” I stated and Cora nodded. “I… I thought I was being paranoid.”
“You weren’t,” she stated, reaching out to touch my shoulder. “But you shouldn’t let him just get away with that.”
“Where is he now?”
“Mark saw him going back to their halls together.”
“Alright,” I stated, feeling a wash of adrenaline flow through me. He would have to answer my questions. Cora watched me as I walked away from her like something had possessed me into getting answers.
I left the halls and rushed towards Will’s, not even bothering to put a coat on in the biting cold. I only had one thought in my head and that drove me on despite my shivering body.
On my way over, I replayed memories of our relationship in my head. It was nearly a year since we had properly became a couple and within that time, we’d come a long way. He’d convinced me that Britt’s heart made him feel more for me and that the transplant gave him the push towards getting to know me. I’d been so vacant during the first few months of Britt’s death that I just went with it, thinking I’d read something somewhere about similar stories. I’d fallen out with him on thinking he wasn’t right for me (maybe I should have stayed thinking that) and he’d tried to convince me that he wasn’t just a mindless jock. I was the only person other than his Grandma that knew his secret, and I’d saved his life by telling his football coach I might be pregnant of all things. The list goes on and on, from meeting his family to overcoming Harper’s lies about Will being homophobic. All the things we’d said and done to one another were now under question due to Will cheating with another girl.
When I got there, I didn’t think before I opened the door. I was on auto-pilot, my chest heaving due to the cold and the speed I’d rushed there at. Upon opening the door, the view that met me made my stomach lurch. Will was there, but he wasn’t alone either. Hanna was on top of him, half-naked from the waist up and they were kissing. He was just in his boxers and it didn’t look like they were going to be staying on for much longer.
Both of them turned at the sound of my gasp, looking like deer caught in the headlights. Hanna scrambled in attempt to cover her chest as Will attempted to move towards me. His words sounded like pleading, but I couldn’t hear him properly for the thundering sound of blood pulsing in my ears. Hot, salty tears dropped onto my cheeks as I backed out of the door.
Will attempted to grab hold of my arm, pulling me towards him whilst saying, “Please, Alicia, hear me out.”
“Fuck you,” I spat at him, tugging my arm violently out of his grasp. “I trusted you, Will. I defended you when people told me you were cheating. I said they were wrong. But I was wrong. I’m a fucking idiot, aren’t I?”
“Alicia, I never meant for this to happen.”
“You’ve slept with her,” I stated and his eyes looked away from mine in shame. He’d probably been sleeping with her since we started at uni, I just hadn’t thought it would have got that far. Especially when he’d spun me that line about wanting sex after marriage. “You lied to me,” I told him. “How much of anything you’ve ever told me is the truth?”
“Everything…except—”
“Except the fact you were cheating on me,” I nodded, realising that I should have just stuck by my gut feeling. “But don’t stop on my account. We were through the moment we begun, weren’t we?”
“Don’t say that,” Will pleaded, his eyes filling up. How dare he cry when I was the one being hurt?
“It’s the truth. You probably only went out with me so I’d keep your secret safe.”
“No—”
“Just… just forget it all,” I sobbed with my voice cracking. I turned and walked away from him and her. The truth was finally out and I felt my fears becoming real as I ran all the way back to halls and into my room, slamming the door and throwing myself onto the bed.
So this was heartbreak.