Only in the Moonlight Does This Feel Right

I awoke to a feeling that I loved—security—when I realized that Jacob’s arms were around me comfortably, leaving no gap between our bodies. I smiled and then kissed his palm that was right underneath my chin. I felt him kiss my neck in return and he chuckled.

“Morning,” He said with a raspy tone, still finding his voice.

“Morning,” I replied and slowly sat up in bed. I looked over my shoulder at him and smiled, he was smiling back up at me.

He sat up and wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into a hug. “There’s your morning hug,”

“Thanks,” I chuckled, and hopped off the bed, walking to the dresser. I got some clothes out and turned back to face him. “I’m gonna take a quick shower, and then I’ll make breakfast after.”

He nodded. “I’ll just rest for a few more minutes.”

I walked into the bathroom, placing my clothes onto the counter, and then turned the knob, water immediately streaming out of the silver faucet. I soon got in, shampooing and cleansing myself of all the dirt, and got out ten minutes later, wrapping a towel around my torso. I changed into my clothes, wrapped my hair up in a towel, and then walked downstairs heading for the kitchen.

I got out some eggs and hash browns and got the oven going as I put the pans onto the stove.

“Morning,” A tired Chris yawned out.

“Hey,” I smiled. “How was dad yesterday?”

He shrugged. “The same I guess,”

“I just want this whole thing to blow over and for everything to be back to normal.” I sighed out.

“Back to normal would be staying here though,” Chris retorted. “If everything had been ‘normal’ in the first place, we never would have left for La Push.”

I nodded. “You’re right, so let me rephrase.” I cleared my throat and smiled at Chris. “I just want this whole thing to blow over and for everything to be right, meaning dad would live and move back home to La Push with us.”

“Such an idealist,” He muttered.

I served Chris a plate, which he had devoured in a few minutes, and Jake walked down the stairs soon after. I smiled at him as I handed him his own plate of food and he thanked me with a kiss on the cheek.

Chris sighed, took his plate to the sink and made his way towards the stairs. “This is when my appetite leaves and so do I.” He muttered. “I want nothing to do with this love fest.”
I served myself some food and Jake and I ate in silence. It wasn’t an awkward silence; we were both just eating breakfast—nothing wrong with that, right? After eating and washing the dishes—I washed and Jacob dried, Chris came downstairs again and walked towards the door.

“You guys ready to go to the hospital?”

We both nodded and the three of us got into the Cadillac CTS. Both boys sat in the front while I sat in the backseat. The ride was filled mostly with the boys’ talk about how patrols were going back on the reservation. From what I had collected, everything was becoming very suspicious over there. Apparently a new vampire was around and that made them all very tense and on their guard.

We parked in the parking garage, got our ‘visitor’ stickers, and walked down the hallways towards our dad’s room.

Jake pulled me back and Chris looked at us, confused.

“Be right in,” I said, and shooed him away. He rolled his eyes, but nodded all the same, walking into the room alone. “What’s wrong, Jacob?”

“What am I supposed to say to your dad?” He asked. “I don’t wanna say something completely stupid and obnoxious.”

I laughed to myself and he sent me a serious look. “Okay, he told me a day before you came that he approves of you. Just act yourself and you’ll be fine.” I explained. “If anything happens, I’ll take care of it—promise.”

He sighed and nodded. “’Kay, but is there anything that I shouldn’t say?”

“Just make sure you don’t talk about us doing anything physical because he’ll go all ‘protective father’ and will threaten to get a gun out.” I smiled. “Other than that, you should be fine.”

“Great,” Jake groaned and kissed my head. “Well let’s get inside before they think we’re doing something weird.”

I nodded my head in agreement, took his hand in mine, and guided him into the room. My dad and Chris were talking to each other about football, and they stopped altogether when we walked in.

I just knew that motion threw Jacob off and made him uncomfortable, because he shifted his weight onto one foot awkwardly.

“Hey dad,” I smiled, acting like nothing was wrong—because in my mind nothing really was. “How’re you doing?”

“Good, good,” He sighed, sitting up straight in bed, and looked at me expectantly.

“Dad, this is Jacob Black, he’s my boyfriend, Jacob, meet my dad.” I said.

“Hello, sir,” Jacob said formally, and extended his hand out for him to shake.

My dad’s eyes went from Jacob’s hand back to his face, and then he suddenly burst out laughing. “No need to be so formal, son,” He chuckled.

“Dad!” I said and hit his arm softly, trying to make him act polite.

“Sorry, Jade,” He smiled. “Nice to meet you, Jacob, though seriously, there’s no need to be so formal. Meeting a parent is the part where you just want to shit your pants, eh?”

Jacob laughed and gave a slight nod.

My cheeks were reddening with embarrassment. I knew that he was going to act this way… I just knew it.

“Dad,” I groaned, “Please stop.”

He let out a hearty laugh and so the terrorizing commenced…

In other words, my dad told Jacob about my younger infamous baby days…

Whoopee…

“So then she got naked and ran outside!” My dad laughed. His face was so red that I thought it was just about to explode… which actually sounded nice right now.

Chris and Jake were laughing just as hard as him. I had a feeling that Chris was making mental notes about each of my embarrassing acts to use against me for blackmail or something.

The thought made my stomach churn in despair…

Or wait, no that was just my hunger.

I looked at the clock and saw it was 1:15. I switched my attention from the clock to the boys and saw them still reminiscing—if you could even call it that—and laughing harder than ever.

“I’m just gonna go ahead and go to the cafeteria,” I muttered, rolling my eyes as I went out.

I took the elevator down to the basement and walked through the hallways, towards the smell of different foods. I know that cafeteria foods aren’t exactly the best, but hey, when you’re hungry, you just don’t really care too much.

I got into the line, served myself a plate of cheese pizza, got a drink, and sat at a booth after paying. I ate in silence and when I was done, I just stayed there for a while. I didn’t want to go back to memory lane right now—too much embarrassment.

After about five minutes, I decided it was time. I put my trash onto the red tray and looked to my side to find out where the trash can was.

Johnny stood standing next to it, and I felt my stomach plummet down to my feet in an instant.

I got out my cell phone and right as I did, it began to ring. Jacob was calling.

“Hey,” I answered.

“Hey, where are you? You just kind of got up and left…”

“I said I was going to the cafeteria, didn’t you hear me?”

“Oh, I guess I didn’t.” He chuckled. “Chris and I will go and get you, stay there.”

“Jake, he’s here.”

“Who are you talking about?”

“Johnny,”

The line went dead because I closed the phone, a bitter cold sensation engulfed my hand and my head snapped up. Johnny smirked down at me. “You really shouldn’t have done that.” He snickered, and then walked off towards the exit and down the hallway.

All I could think about were the guys. I really hoped that Johnny didn’t bump into them and for something to happen.

“Fuck,” I whispered to myself and held my head in my hands. “I’m such an idiot.”

“I can smell him—where is he?” Jacob seethed and I noticed that he was now right beside me, Chris at my side as well.

“He left,” I muttered.

“Did he hurt you?”

“No, but please let’s get back to dad’s room—”

An alarm went off and the three of us looked at a blue flashing light that was on the wall. “Code Blue in room 242 A.” The intercom went off.

My heart sunk. That was my dad’s room. I got up from the booth and bolted out of the room, Jake and Chris running beside me. “Jade, slow down, the nurses will get to dad and everything will be alright.”

No it won’t, I thought and picked up my pace.

I raced up the stairwell seeing as there were quite a few people waiting by the elevators, and the boys were hot on my trail. I busted through the door and ran towards my dad’s room.

Nurses were flooding inside and I pushed myself through their tight wall. “Dad!” I shouted.

As I expected, the RNs began to pull me back, saying “You need to leave, he’ll be fine.” Repeatedly, this only sent me into an even bigger frenzy.

I knew he wouldn’t be fine. I knew Johnny wouldn’t allow him to be ‘fine’.

The echoing and drawn out flat line on the heart monitor confirmed my nightmare… and the doctors apologized to me. “It was his time.” They frowned.

“Dad,” I mumbled out as I sat by his side, staring at his unmoving body. The fact that he didn’t move, the fact that his chest didn’t rise, the fact that his body was now cold made more tears come down. I grabbed his hand and hoped that his heart would start to beat again, that he would wake up and say “I got ya!” just like he had when I was little, that he would simply tell me that everything would be okay.

I didn’t get that satisfaction…

I felt arms constrict slowly around me and I was now sobbing into Jacob’s chest, wetting his shirt with my salty tears. I looked through my blurry eyes and saw Chris standing at the foot of the bed, staring at our dad with a look of shock, bewilderment, disbelief… tears formed in his now glazed over eyes, though none spilled over. I knew what he was thinking, he had to be a big brother for his little sister—he shouldn’t cry…

An hour passed and our dad was taken to the morgue. We got his belongings from the hospital and left immediately, not wanting to stay there for another moment. The ride home was silent, even the fact that Jacob was here didn’t cheer me up in the slightest.

When we got home, the three of us walked inside and went to our rooms. Jacob and I climbed into bed and he held me close to him, rubbing my arms and asking me if I was alright in a soft and gentle whisper. I would shake my head slowly and he would kiss my neck in return.

I fell asleep hearing Jacob cooing me, telling me everything would be alright…

-{}-

I woke up at eight at night and sat up in bed. I looked over my shoulder to see that he was no where in sight.

'Where’d he go?'

I sighed, got up from the bed, and headed downstairs. The kitchen light was on and I slowly headed in. Jacob was by the stove, throwing different ingredients into a pot.

“Shit, shit, shit…!” He cursed.

I smiled and shook my head at his actions. I walked over to him and he saw me out of the corner of his eye.

“Hey sleepyhead,” He smiled and kissed my cheek. “Are you feeling better…?”

I sighed and shrugged. “Yea, but… the hurt is still there.”

He gave me a sad smile and gave me a long hug, “If you ever want to talk more, I’m always here.” He kissed the top of my head.

“Thanks,”

“Anytime,”

I sniffed the air and looked at the stove, my eyes widened and he turned around to see the pot he was messing around with now was on fire.

He got glasses and filled them with water, splashing it onto the stove. I ran around the corner and got the fire extinguisher. I went back into the kitchen to see that it was bigger and I quickly began to spray it. After a minute, it was out and I turned to Jacob.

“Hey Jake, can you promise me something?”

“Anything,” He nodded.

“Never try to cook again,” I laughed.

He laughed and came at me with a smirk. I grabbed the nozzle of the extinguisher, aimed it at him, and began to spray him. He caught me and began to spray me with the extinguisher in return and pulled me down to the ground.

“I promise I will not ever try to cook again,” He nodded.

“Good, because I don’t want to have the fire department on speed dial,” He kissed my lips and we looked into each other’s eyes. “I’m gonna go ahead and order some take out.”

I stood up and helped him up as well, and we both went into the living room. We decided on Chinese Food and soon were eating it greedily. I knew that Chris was awake, but he never came downstairs.

“Be right back.”

“’Kay,” Jake nodded through his lo mein.

I carried some food up on a tray to his room and knocked on the door. “Chris, open up.”
There was no reply, but I heard the door’s lock click. I reached for the handle and opened up the door, walking in slowly. “I brought you some food.”

“Put it on the desk,” He muttered.

I did so and turned to him, sitting next to him on the bed. “You okay?”

“I just… I just thought he would last longer…” He said. “When you told me you wanted things to go back to normal, I actually believed you. Today just took me by surprise.”

“It took me by surprise too,” I said. “And don’t worry about crying in front of me or not, just let it out. You don’t need to ‘stay strong’ for me, Chris, you’re my older brother, and I’ll always think the best of you.”

He nodded. “Thanks, Jade,” He smiled and pulled me into a hug. “God, I love you,”

“Love you, too, Chris,” I hugged back.

“You could always come downstairs with Jake and me,” I suggested.

“Nah, I think I’m just going to eat and go to bed.” He shrugged.

“Okay, see you in the morning.” I closed the door after I left and walked backstairs.

Jacob and I ended up watching a random movie from our old collection of them, and fell asleep on the couch together.

-{}-

The next day, the three of us went down to the morgue and talked to a few people from New Calvary Cemetery about burying our dad there, and so we began to make arrangements. The date for burial was set for tomorrow and he would be buried on a hillside, right next to our mom.

Chris, Jake and I were packing away our dad’s belongings that were left in the house. We were giving away his clothes to the Good Will, while we would have his other belongings to use and keep as memorabilia. It seemed like a good plan to us.

The three of us were sitting on the floor in our dad’s room, going through the many projects and cards our parents had kept while we were in elementary.

I laughed aloud as I picked out a card that Chris and I had written for our parents’ anniversary one year. I was about five and Chris was six.

"Dear Mommi and Dady,

We luv you and cannt wait to see you again! Granma Natily says we have to get to bed now. Lots of luv and big hugs! ♥

Frum, Chris and Jayd"

“What?” Chris and Jacob asked together, looking over at me curiously.

“We were so stupid, look,” I smiled and handed them the folded paper. “You couldn’t spell for crap, Chris.”

“At least I didn’t spell my name wrong,” He smirked.

“I was five years old, thank you,” I stuck my tongue out. “It’s excusable.”

“I just feel bad that we spelled Grandma Natalie’s name wrong,” Chris laughed.

“You spelled it wrong,”

“I might have written it, but you were the one telling me how to spell it.”

“I can’t believe you would listen to someone younger than you.”

“Oh, shut up,” Chris smiled, smacking me gently upside the head.

We continued to sort through the items and continued to reminisce on our younger years. It was a bittersweet moment. The memories made me happy and content, while the thought that we would never again have this kind of a memory with our parents saddened me and made me wish for them back.

'You can’t live in the past, Jade.' I told myself, and put a smile back onto my lips. 'You have to focus on the future.'