Drowning Lessons

To hear you one last time.

Frank? Frank, are you there? Please don’t ignore me. Frankie, say something. Please Frankie, just…Please…

I hate your guts. More than you could ever know.

Well, at least you’ve said something to me. Look, I’m so sorry Frankie-.

Stop calling me that, Gerard. Since when do you have the right to act all sweet and innocent like you used to? When you call me Frankie, that suggests affection for me. Clearly you don’t have any of that for me, so don’t fucking call me-

I’m so sorry Frank. I really am.

No you're not, Gerard! You don’t even sound sincere…

Frank, please don’t cry. This is hard enough as it is. You don’t even realise it, but this is breaking my heart-

Your heart? Your{}/i heart? Oh, now isn’t that rich. And what about my heart, Gerard? What about how much pain I’m in? If you were really sorry, Gerard, if your heart really was breaking, then you’d take me back. You wouldn’t even have ended us.

You want to punch me, don’t you?

Oh, you have no idea how tempting that is, Way.

Frankie, oh God Frankie, please. Please don‘t be like this. It’s for the best!

What did I say about calling me that?

Let me explain, please? Look, you deserve so much better than me. Look at all of your friends, you have girls who would kill the fucking President just to be with you, yet you choose me, the emo kid who sits up the back? Look-

No, you look Gerard. I know that I could have any-fucking-body, I know who people would kill just to date me, but do you think that any of that matters to me? If I did deserve someone better than you I would have gotten someone better. So stop with the fucking bullshit and really explain what all this shit is about, yeah? Because if you're just going to waste my time, I can spare myself the pain and hang up now.

Alright, alright…Frank, I love you. Never doubt that for one second. You're beautiful, you're amazing, you're-

I hope this is going somewhere, Gerard.

Shut up and let me finish, Frank. Ha, God. As impatient as always. What I was about to say was, well, you're perfect. You're everything I’m not. You have friends, you have talent, you have people who would cut their right arm off for you. Your smile, your laughter, your clothes, your room, your music, your hair, your-

Gerard, are you alri-?

Frank, you’ve made me the happiest man alive. But you’ve also made me the saddest. I can’t compare to you. I’m just this shadow beside you, while you laugh and talk to your friends, I just stand there awkwardly, waiting for you to finish with them and focus on me. In fact, you’re my only friend. So I had to end this before I couldn’t do this any longer. But that just made it all worse.

Gerard, please. Please don’t tell me your about to do what I think your about to do. Gerard, for fuck's sake please don’t leave me. Gerard, I’m so sorry we’re in this mess. Please Gerard, don’t do this, and I won’t-.

What? Oh God Frank, I never thought you’d take this all so bad. FUCK! Frank, please don’t do this. See? I’ve fucked this all up. If we had never of started we’d both be fine and where we belong. I’d be in my basement drawing and you’d be out living your life. Oh fuck it Frank, see, I’ve killed-

Gerard…Gerard, please. Where are you?

I-I’m at Miller's Drop…Why?

Gerard, please. Do not jump. I beg you, live your life. Forget about me…no, remember me, but don’t hate yourself. Remember me for all the good things. Forget this last day, wipe it completely from your mind. Never, ever think about it again, do you hear me?

Frank, what’s going on?

Gerard, promise. Promise me now!

What’s going on Frank?

Fuck Gerard, promise me right now or for fuck's sake-

Frankie, baby, I promise, I promise to God I won’t jump, and I won’t forget you, and I’ll never think of tonight again. What’s-?

I’ve rigged the car. I can’t stop it, I can’t slow it down.


Gerard, I love you with all of my fucking heart. I’ll never let you out of my heart. Don’t forget me, please? Don’t let me be another case of, “Out of sight, out of mind.” I love you Gerard.

Frankie! Oh, fuck, Frankie. Why did you do this? Where are you?

Hush, Gee. Please, don’t cry.

Jump out of the fucking car!

Gerard, the car’s going at a hundred and fifty; if I jump out I’ll die, if I stay in I’ll die. I’m on Patterson Street, headed for the lake. I’m about two kilometres from it, and it’s approaching goddamned fast. There’s no way I can stop it.

Why did you do this Frank? Why! You had so much to live for, and you're throwing it all away?

Gerard, you have no idea how much you mean to me. So you may not be punk, like my friends. So you may not play guitar like a professional, or dress in clothes that look like they came straight from a homeless bum, or act like you don’t have a care in the world and don’t care what anyone thinks about you, but that doesn’t matter. Gerard, I love you for you. In so many ways you're better than me. Do you know how many times I’ve looked at your drawings and wished I was as talented as you? When you broke up with me I was heartbroken. I was as good as dead; I couldn’t even play guitar.

But why did you rig the fucking car, Frankie?

Because I knew if I didn’t, I’d chicken out at the last minute. I mean, I really didn’t think I’d be sitting here now having this conversation with you, to be honest.

Then why did you pick up the phone?

Because no matter what, Gerard, I love you. And I wanted to hear you one last time before I-…I died…G-goodbye Gerard. Remember; I love you with all my goddamned fucking heart. G-goodby-.