This Is More Like It...

‘Kyle,
I know that by now you’ve found the letter I left you on my computer, I wrote this after deciding to leave. But the other papers in here are diary entries dating back to when I was old enough to write I think I was 6.’
I looked up at my ceiling and let out a sigh. I wondered where he was right now. I turned the letter over and looked at the second piece that sat staring me blankly in the face.
‘Didn’t go to school today, nor did Ky-Ky. We stayed at home. His nana came over and I went and watched TV with them. My mum came back from work and made us some lunch. We played in his garden for the rest of the day.’
Each page had a collage of snippets from his younger day’s diary. I turned the page again and this time his hand writing was easier to read and I knew he must have been about 10 now.
‘Ky came back off holiday today, his arrival made me smile. I was sat in my room when I saw the car pull up. I jumped 4 stairs at a time as I raced down the stairs and out the door. Ky was already out of the car and at my door, like little girls we giggled and we ran into his back garden and traded information on the time spent away from each other. He told me stories about how his dad nearly got attacked by some crazed man who ran across the beach naked, about how his mum won the limbo competition and how he made loads of new friends. I didn’t like hearing the stories about how he and his new friends explored the beaches and ran riot in the hotel, I became jealous, but never spoiled his story telling. I told him how he hadn’t missed much, except old Mrs Parkins had died.’ Doodles covered the page, it was like looking through a love struck teenage girls diary. I turned the page again and my face dropped, this one was from the day people found out he was different.
‘Ky’s changed now, he’s become popular, he’s leaving me. I’m not like the rest of the guys at school, im ‘different.’ I wear bright and clashing colours, tight jeans, hi-top trainers and baggy hoodies, they all wear boot cut jeans with shirts and ‘safe and sturdy’ shoes. Ky’s different to them too, he wears tight jeans and shirts yet no one bothers him about it. I guess I should have known from the beginning that one day id loose him.’
It was obvious how he cared about me. There was one page left, I turned it over and at the bottom was an envelope. I read the extract from this year first.
‘Today Ky and I went shopping for prom suits. It was fun, although Ky had a mini breakdown, it was a good day. On the train home he said something that I had wished for him to say for many years. He told me how he thought he was gay, and that he had fallen for me. The moment he told me my eyes filled with shock, I couldn’t believe it, it was the best moment of my life. EVER! Tears streamed his face as he ran off the train and all the way home. Moment ruined. I thought id lost him forever.’
After reading that something in green pen caught my eye. The only part in colour.
‘Kyle. Everything I wanted in life. Since I was born Kyle and his family were there for me and my mum. But as we grew up he became more and more gorgeous, I couldn’t keep my eyes off him or my mind far from thoughts of him. He was the yin to my yan. The day of prom came and we went together, happier then ever we walked into the people filled room. But what he had said shortly after killed me, “Luke tonight is going to be fun, but there’s alcohol involved and you know how I get. Anything that happens I want you to know I love you and that what ever I do mean’s nothing okay?” To realize that he was going to drink tonight and possibly get off with a few girls, hit me, hard! I walked out into the night air, an hour passed and I went home, not wanting to take much more of his crap. I loved him but seeing him kiss others, especially girls, hurt me. ‘
My eyes skimmed the rest of the page and then I saw the small note written on the envelope, KYLE ONLY.
I opened the envelope and pulled the contents out; three photographs, one A4 sheet of paper and a smaller envelope. I looked at the photos first, they were from our childhood. Christmas, my 10th birthday and his 14th birthday. They all bought tears to my eyes as I read the letter.
“Kyle, im sorry to do this to you, but you hurt me too. I know you weren’t drunk at prom yet you used that as an excuse to kiss girls. I wouldn’t ever do that to you, you’ve been my life since, well forever. I couldn’t stay in that town, but I couldn’t leave my family. In the smaller envelope are clues; in the shop are some letters for my mum and your family. I want you to find them and give them to them please. I know you’ll try but you wont find me, im sorry to just leave but its not home over there anymore.” The letter went on but it just went over memories and the future. I opened the small envelope and three small pieces of paper fell onto the floor. I climbed out of bed and, leaving the paper on the floor, I went and got dressed. As I had done most days I pulled a pair of gray Nike tracksuit bottoms on, a plain black fitted top and pulled my beanie off the mirror and over my head. I threw my phone headphones onto my bed next to my phone and picked the paper off the floor. Plugging my headphones into my phone and into my ears I left the house.