Note to Self: Just Breathe

About an hour later Scarlett and Cohen came in; their faces also worried and panicky, but dad told them to sit down and they would find out what was wrong. My parents were sat on the 2 seater whilst Scarlett and Cohen sat with me on the sofa. Dad took Mums hand and then they both straightened their back, prepared to tell us.

“I have breast cancer,” my mum blurted out.

I remained silent. I watched Cohen take Scarlett’s hand, whilst my mother continued to talk.

“They caught it early; there is a good recovery chance. 90%. I’m going to start chemotherapy soon, I’m going to lose my hair most likely,” she told us. Well when I say us, she was mainly looking at Scarlett and Cohen whilst talking. Not once did her eyes land on me. That sent a surge of anger through my body. I was her daughter too!

I stood up and finally everyone’s eyes were on me. I pulled my shoes on, ignoring everyone.

“Where are you going?” Dad asked.

“Blake’s,” I told him.

“Why?” He snapped. “Your mother needs you here.”

“No she doesn’t! She doesn’t love me. Not once has she looked at me since she told us she had cancer. I’m so sorry I’m not Scarlett! What do you want me to do?! Sit crying into my boyfriends lap and gain all the attention? I’m your daughter too, you know!”

“I know you are!” She screamed back.

“Then start treating me like one! Start acting like you love me, and maybe I would love you back! I’m sorry you have cancer, but I’m not going to have a breakdown over it. Once I leave this room you’ll forget about me anyway, just like you forget about me on Christmas day and just like you forgot about me last night. It’s alright, Blake came round. At least someone remembers I absolutely hate storms!” I slammed the door on the way out, tears or anger escaping from my eyes.

I knew where I would find Blake and the rest. I walked to the river to clear my head which was a good 30 minute walk. My mother and I probably wouldn’t speak for a long while; I inherited my stubborn streak off her.

Soon I reached the river and found them all dozing off in camping chairs, probably having not caught anything. I decided to leave them sleep for a while, so I went and sat on a log which was close behind them.

This time I let tears escape. I regretted what I said to my mother, but it was all still true. She didn’t deny the accusations I made. She never went to me ‘I do love you,’ or even muttered them words to me in my life. Scarlett was the one she loved, the one she told she had cancer to. I was just like a dog to hear. She would feed me and give me treats, occasionally give me attention, but if I was to die today, she might shed a tear but I doubt she would beat herself up about it. I’m 15 years old, I’m still considered a child and she is never even there most nights. Eventually the tears dried and I calmed myself down. It was around noon now, the sun was beating hard down on us and eventually Aidan stirred. He woke up and looked around, noticing me. I shook my head at him, and placed my finger on my lips, telling him to stay quiet and where he is. He nodded and went to look at the fishing line, accidently knocking into James who jumped awake, which in turn woke James up. Blake slept through all this without even an alteration in his breathing. No one else seemed to notice me and I heard James say, “Looks like our boy tired himself out last night,” everyone but Aidan snickered.

Then Josh pointed at Blake and went, “Looks like he’s dreaming about her as well,” they all laughed quietly to themselves. I slowly got up, they all had their backs to me but Aidan and once again I motioned for him to be quiet. I snuck up behind James, leaning towards his ear and said, “Well I can’t say I blame him, last night was a good one.”

Josh screamed and James lunged forward almost like I was some mass murderer. This of course startled Blake awake who knocked his drink down James, making it look like he had wet himself. But even then I didn’t find it in me to laugh, and when everyone else had calmed down, they all looked at me to see why I wasn’t laughing. Blake was the first to me.

“Li-Li? Li-Li what’s wrong?” He asked me, panicked.

“My mum...My mum has cancer...” I told him. Almost like I was in shock.

“Oh Li-Li,” He came up to me and hugged me.

“They reckon she will be alright, but we had a big argument,”

“It will be alright,” Aidan went to me. He, Josh and James came up to me, also engulfing me in a hug.

“What happened?” Josh asked me slowly, gently; like I was a baby. So I replayed everything that I had said to my mother. No one spoke, James broke the silence first.

“We should party, I know someone who’s throwing one tonight,” He told me, his face beaming with his brilliant idea.

“No.” Blake said firmly.

“Yes.” I contradicted, a party was exactly what I needed.

Blake sighed, but meant he would go as well. So it was settled, drugs and booze would be what was happening tonight.