Status: Complete :')
Note to Self: Just Breathe
Toni's Cafe
It was Friday; I was currently waiting in Toni’s Cafe, waiting to see if Blake would turn up. I had an hour before I had to get home; my father had told me I was going to hospital for a while because of my eating disorder.
I ordered a banana milkshake yet I didn’t drink it; instead I just stared at it, glassy eyed, praying that Blake would turn up. Each time the bell on the door chinged my head would snap up, only to face the disappointment that it wasn’t Blake who had walked through the door.
Finally after I looked up for what seemed the 20th time, Blake walked in. He wore simple grey joggers, plymys and a Lacoste tee. His eyes were sunken in and it looked like he had been crying, his normally tanned skin had a green tinge to it and he slowly made his way to the table I was sat at.
“Hey,” I said quietly, trying to appear nonchalant whilst on the inside I just wanted to scream with joy.
“Hi,” He said.
We sat in silence for a while, sort of feeling like we just wanted to spend a while together before it all ended.
“You look awful,” He told me, studying me intently.
“So do you,” I retorted.
“Seriously, Willow,” He looked at me sternly. “Why haven’t you been eating?”
“I don’t want to,” I murmured.
“Why not?” He asked harshly.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Fine; starve yourself to death.” He snapped.
I ignored him and we sat in awkward silence.
“Why did you invite me here?” He asked.
“I want to explain,” I told him.
“Well?” He urged.
“That night...That night when Cohen and I had sex –“
“This is what you brought me here for? So you can rub it in my face!” He whispered loudly.
Heads turned our way and I was thankful I didn’t know anyone.
“Just shut up for a moment, will you?!” I shouted. “That night,” I continued, lowering my voice. “I said yes to him at first, but that was the drugs speaking, but when I told him no and I didn’t want to anymore he just ignored me,” I started to sob. “I was telling him no; over and over again, and he didn’t listen.” My fingers began to scratch at my arms, a nasty habit I had picked up on. Blake noticed that. “But then he told my family that I blackmailed him, and I didn’t—I swear. But they all believe him and I didn’t want it but he didn’t listen and he-and he-“
“Sshh,” Blake silenced me. He put his hands on mine, stopping me from ripping my skin to pieces. I looked up at his face to see that he had tears in his eyes, although he was trying to appear expressionless.
“Willow,” he murmured. “I need time to think. Cohen,” he gulped. “Cohen raped you, I get that, but you still said yes.” He got up but I remained sat down, wrapping my arms around my torso. I didn’t notice that he had left until I looked up, preparing to beg him. I opened my mouth, but no words came out, it was too late.
I was too late.
I ordered a banana milkshake yet I didn’t drink it; instead I just stared at it, glassy eyed, praying that Blake would turn up. Each time the bell on the door chinged my head would snap up, only to face the disappointment that it wasn’t Blake who had walked through the door.
Finally after I looked up for what seemed the 20th time, Blake walked in. He wore simple grey joggers, plymys and a Lacoste tee. His eyes were sunken in and it looked like he had been crying, his normally tanned skin had a green tinge to it and he slowly made his way to the table I was sat at.
“Hey,” I said quietly, trying to appear nonchalant whilst on the inside I just wanted to scream with joy.
“Hi,” He said.
We sat in silence for a while, sort of feeling like we just wanted to spend a while together before it all ended.
“You look awful,” He told me, studying me intently.
“So do you,” I retorted.
“Seriously, Willow,” He looked at me sternly. “Why haven’t you been eating?”
“I don’t want to,” I murmured.
“Why not?” He asked harshly.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Fine; starve yourself to death.” He snapped.
I ignored him and we sat in awkward silence.
“Why did you invite me here?” He asked.
“I want to explain,” I told him.
“Well?” He urged.
“That night...That night when Cohen and I had sex –“
“This is what you brought me here for? So you can rub it in my face!” He whispered loudly.
Heads turned our way and I was thankful I didn’t know anyone.
“Just shut up for a moment, will you?!” I shouted. “That night,” I continued, lowering my voice. “I said yes to him at first, but that was the drugs speaking, but when I told him no and I didn’t want to anymore he just ignored me,” I started to sob. “I was telling him no; over and over again, and he didn’t listen.” My fingers began to scratch at my arms, a nasty habit I had picked up on. Blake noticed that. “But then he told my family that I blackmailed him, and I didn’t—I swear. But they all believe him and I didn’t want it but he didn’t listen and he-and he-“
“Sshh,” Blake silenced me. He put his hands on mine, stopping me from ripping my skin to pieces. I looked up at his face to see that he had tears in his eyes, although he was trying to appear expressionless.
“Willow,” he murmured. “I need time to think. Cohen,” he gulped. “Cohen raped you, I get that, but you still said yes.” He got up but I remained sat down, wrapping my arms around my torso. I didn’t notice that he had left until I looked up, preparing to beg him. I opened my mouth, but no words came out, it was too late.
I was too late.