Status: Complete :')
Note to Self: Just Breathe
The Hospital
I stayed sat down for what seemed an hour. Silent tears ran down my face, and I was aware of the eyes burning through me, but I ignored them. It felt like there was no point of existence anymore. Blake was gone. My family hated me and my friends ignored my pleas. I only had Aidan, but even then he had his own problems to worry about.
I slowly stood up. I no longer ached or felt pain when I walked, but I would be slow to be sure. I only had to walk about 5 minutes until I reached my home. When I got there I found my father stood in the doorway waiting for the taxi. We weren’t allowed to take any luxuries into the hospital. It would spoil us and distract us. I was angry with him. Angry he was putting me in a mental hospital. Angry that he didn’t believe me; and no matter how much he denied it, he wanted to get rid of me. I was a disappointment, a failure, a liar, a cheat, a blackmailer and all the other curses and hurtful names capable of thinking.
I didn’t speak to him; I just stood beside him, and when the taxi pulled up, got in without saying bye. The taxi had been sent from the hospital to make sure I got there on time.
The car ride was about 45 minutes long. I was sat in the back with a thick sheet of glass separating the driver and I. I watched as the busy town slowly gave way to green trees and open air, and I felt a sense of openness around me. For the first time in weeks I felt free. I was often like this when surrounded by the country. It was my release. But being out here made my shoulders feel lighter, like a heavy object had been removed from them.
***
It was Saturday; I had been here for a full day and I still hadn’t eaten anything. The nurse was currently trying to coax me into having a mouthful of mash potato. My lips were clamped shut.
“You need to eat, Willow,” she told me firmly.
“No! It’s my body, I will do what I like with it,” I retorted.
“You either have this eaten in the next 15 minutes or I will force you to eat it,”
I scoffed, pushing the tray of food away from me. Diana walked out the room and soon the 15 minutes had passed. When she returned she wasn’t alone. She had a man with her. He looked about 30 and was already beginning to have hair thinning. Diana stepped towards me.
“You sure you don’t want to eat that?” she asked.
I nodded. “So be it,” she told me, sighing.
The man moved towards me, holding my body to the bed. I struggled against him, but realised my attempt was futile. The bloke must have weighed 170 pounds I thought to myself as I felt him unbend my arm.
I began to weaken, so instead I tried a different approach. I stopped my body from moving and the man glanced at me, wandering why I wasn’t putting a fight up anymore.
I winked at him and ran my tongue along my lips. The man gulped and I smirked, turning towards the nurse. “I like older men,” I explained to her.
She bit back a smile and started to set up a needle. I began to struggle again, my dislike for needles coming through. The man applied more pressure on me and flashbacks oh Cohen whirled through my mind. I began to fight even more and I felt a sharp sting in the bend of my elbow. My mind started to go black and I was aware that I was losing consciousness, until I wasn’t in my body anymore.
I slowly stood up. I no longer ached or felt pain when I walked, but I would be slow to be sure. I only had to walk about 5 minutes until I reached my home. When I got there I found my father stood in the doorway waiting for the taxi. We weren’t allowed to take any luxuries into the hospital. It would spoil us and distract us. I was angry with him. Angry he was putting me in a mental hospital. Angry that he didn’t believe me; and no matter how much he denied it, he wanted to get rid of me. I was a disappointment, a failure, a liar, a cheat, a blackmailer and all the other curses and hurtful names capable of thinking.
I didn’t speak to him; I just stood beside him, and when the taxi pulled up, got in without saying bye. The taxi had been sent from the hospital to make sure I got there on time.
The car ride was about 45 minutes long. I was sat in the back with a thick sheet of glass separating the driver and I. I watched as the busy town slowly gave way to green trees and open air, and I felt a sense of openness around me. For the first time in weeks I felt free. I was often like this when surrounded by the country. It was my release. But being out here made my shoulders feel lighter, like a heavy object had been removed from them.
***
It was Saturday; I had been here for a full day and I still hadn’t eaten anything. The nurse was currently trying to coax me into having a mouthful of mash potato. My lips were clamped shut.
“You need to eat, Willow,” she told me firmly.
“No! It’s my body, I will do what I like with it,” I retorted.
“You either have this eaten in the next 15 minutes or I will force you to eat it,”
I scoffed, pushing the tray of food away from me. Diana walked out the room and soon the 15 minutes had passed. When she returned she wasn’t alone. She had a man with her. He looked about 30 and was already beginning to have hair thinning. Diana stepped towards me.
“You sure you don’t want to eat that?” she asked.
I nodded. “So be it,” she told me, sighing.
The man moved towards me, holding my body to the bed. I struggled against him, but realised my attempt was futile. The bloke must have weighed 170 pounds I thought to myself as I felt him unbend my arm.
I began to weaken, so instead I tried a different approach. I stopped my body from moving and the man glanced at me, wandering why I wasn’t putting a fight up anymore.
I winked at him and ran my tongue along my lips. The man gulped and I smirked, turning towards the nurse. “I like older men,” I explained to her.
She bit back a smile and started to set up a needle. I began to struggle again, my dislike for needles coming through. The man applied more pressure on me and flashbacks oh Cohen whirled through my mind. I began to fight even more and I felt a sharp sting in the bend of my elbow. My mind started to go black and I was aware that I was losing consciousness, until I wasn’t in my body anymore.