Note to Self: Just Breathe

I found Aidan huddled in a ball in a cave that only we knew about. I had finally discovered his secret and I took him to the spot where my brother used to take me.

Aidan was sat close to the entrance, watching the waves as they occasionally sprayed at him. His elbows were resting on his knees and he had his hands on either side if his head.

I kneeled down in front of him, wrapping my small arms around his large frame as he sobbed into my shoulder. No one had ever seen Aidan cry but me, I don’t think he had even cried in front of his family. He believed he had to be strong for them—that he had to be a man. What made it worse was that although he acted like a childish little boy, these were the tears of a man. A man who was losing his entire family.

“Shush, it will be alright,” I repeated over and over again, rubbing his back.

After a while the sobbing turned into a round of hysteria, and soon I was crying with him.

Eventually he calmed down, but we didn’t let go of each other. He continued to cling onto my dress, whilst my arms where like a vice around his neck.

“You know you’re like a sister to me.” He whispered in my ear.

“I know, and you’re my brother,” I told him back. “And I love you, and I won’t leave you. I promise.” And I did love him. Other then Blake and Aidan, the gang were simply by best friends. But with Blake I loved him as a boyfriend, even if he didn’t realise it, and Aidan was my brother.

“I know,” his voice broke, and once again I was crying.

“6 weeks, Li-Li,” he said huskily into my shoulder.

“So soon.” I said quietly to myself.

I felt him nod into the crook of my neck.

“I don’t know what to do,” he admitted.

“Just enjoy the days with him. That’s all you can do.”

“But he’s my dad, Willow!”

“I know. And that is why you must do what others cannot. I know you need to be strong, but you shouldn’t be afraid of tears. They happen all the time, for me especially. When Lucas died, I cried for only one night, Aidan! Then I pulled myself together, I thought I needed to be strong for my mum, and my dad, and Scarlett. That day he died, Blake held me and let me cry for him all night long, and then when my alarm went off, I pulled myself together and got on with my life. And that is what you must do. I know it will seem hard, but time does make it easier. You will be what your mum needs you to be, whether that is the poor helpless son, or the person who will be there for her when she needs someone to cling on to. Yes, I know it’s sad and it hurts so, so much. So go home! Cry all night long if you need to, then in the morning just get up, and put a brave face on. Make the most of your days with your dad. I know he’d prefer it. Just watch John Wayne or something, and you will realise that it is going to be hard to do; but you will do it. Cause that is who you are, Aidan. You are human, you’re meant to feel heartache every now and again. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. So it is up to you, if you want to be all doom and gloom, or if you want to make your last memories with your dad good ones. Be who you are, Aidan. Everyone will still love you for it.”

We began to walk away and I stayed silent, allowing Aidan to take in everything I said to him.

My phone began to ring but I ignored it, Aidan needed me.

In what seemed no time at all we reached Aidan’s house. Aidan appeared to be in Zombie mode and I knew his parents where visiting family, so I fished around in his pockets, searching for the key. I eventually found it and I pulled Aidan upstairs to his room. I pulled off his top, removed his jeans and layed him down on the bed, removing his trainers.

I pulled the cover up to his chin, tucking him in. His eyes drooped and I slowly began to walk away, trying to make no noise. As I turned away I felt him hold on to my hand, pulling me close to him.

“Can you stay with me please? I don’t want to be alone tonight.” He whispered.

I didn’t say anything; I simply took off my shoes, tights and dress, pulling on a top of Aidan’s and layed down beside him. He turned over so he was facing me, wrapping his arms around me.

“Thank you, Li-Li.”

“Don’t worry about it; like I said earlier, I’ll be anything you need me to be.” I told him gently.

He nodded. “I love you, Willow.”

“As I love you,” I kissed him on top of his head, wrapping my arms around him, and we both fell asleep together.