You Are the Cream Filling in My Twinkies

I locked myself in the hotel room and tried not to cry the whole time. Sure I was alone but I never liked crying, but it was times like these when it was hard not to do.

FLASHBACK

“So why do you live with Casey? Jack asked.

We were doing our normal walk that we did on Saturday nights or early Sunday mornings.

“My parents died in a wreck.”

Jack scrunched his nose meaning he knew when there was more. I laughed a little. “I hate when you do that.”

“What?”

“When you know there’s more to something.” I explained.

“Eh it’s scary to say but I only know it with you. So what else is there to this story?”

I sighed. I had only told Casey and Janice what happened. “The night they died, my mom had disappeared somewhere and she had been doing it for a while so my dad dropped me off at Janice’s and went to find her. I was 15 so I wasn’t stupid I had known what was going on.”

“What was she doing?”

“She was a…” I never figured out how to say my mom was a prostitute/ heroin adict without hesitation.

“Drunk? Druggie? Hooker what?” He laughed but I didn’t. “Oh sorry I didn’t-“

“No it’s not your fault for not knowing. But yeah she was. I never understood why though everything was going great I guess. But they were arguing and then my Dad lost concentration so they hit the a wall. My mom died on the spot but I talked to my dad before he died which was 5 minutes later.”

“Sorry.” He said again.

“It’s fine. I guess that’s part of the reason for running out at the party.”

We were walking because it was my birthday and Jack was being sweet and threw me a party but I ran out and once again he was being sweet again and wanted to see what was wrong.

NOW

I knew that when Jack said stop being like your mom he was referring to the fact that she slept around… a lot, not the drugs and stuff. But it still hurt.

There was a knock at the door but I ignored it and kept starring at the wall.

“Jerry let me in.” Jack said in an almost dead voice.

I sighed. The only reason I was letting him in was because I thought it would be interesting to see what he had said.

“What?”

“Can I come in?” He asked between the cracked door.

“No you can talk from there.” I reassured.
He sighed. “Look Jerry I shouldn’t have called you that, and you’re right I am being an asshole.”

“Apology half accepted.” I said.

“Why half?”

“Look it’s better than nothing, and it’s because…” I stopped myself.

“Because of what? Jerry let me in so we can talk.”

I sighed and opened the door. When he walked in he closed it.

“Because what?” He asked trying to hold my hand to show he really was sorry.

“Love shouldn’t do this to you Jack.” I said sliding my hand away. “You don’t hate the person you love because they love you.” I shook my head.

“So you do love me.” He asked folding his arms in satisfaction trying to hide his cockiness and happiness at the same time.

“I do but… it’s unhealthy like… eating a box of Twinkies by yourself.” I compared. I couldn’t think of anything better it was what started everything.

He laughed a little. “A box of Twinkies?”

“Jack I’m serious. If we love each other we shouldn’t be mad at each other for it.”

“I wasn’t mad at you for loving me. I was mad because you wouldn’t say it.”

“I know but after that we got mad at each other for it. I got mad because I did love you and I didn’t want to but I couldn’t help it.”

“That’s why you left? You didn’t want to love me?” He summed up.

“Yes Jack.” I admitted.

He moved closer to me and lifter my chin up. He always called me short and I had always felt short around him. “Love me then. Weather you like it or not let it go and love me because I love you.”

“We’ll see.” I said before he kissed me.

It was better than the last one two years ago.

“Can you do it now?” He asked when we pulled away.

“I think so.” I smiled.

He laughed a little and I gave him a hug. “I’m sorry.” He said before kissing my head.

“It’s ok.”