You Are the Cream Filling in My Twinkies

“I’m sorry for actually thinking you would change your mind! But then again I really am a dumbass!”

“Shit.” Alex muttered under his breath.

“Maybe, if you weren’t busy being a manwhore you would have known how I felt!”

“Maybe, if you stopped the ‘oh I am so afraid’ shit I wouldn’t have been the way I was!”

“Oh so it’s my fault!”

“Yes, it is!”

“That’s you’re problem! You blame everything on somebody else instead of growing the balls to actually take responsibility!”

“Oh now I’m irresponsible?!”

“No, the proper term is, irresponsible, selfish manwhore dick face!”

“If I’m a dick face that makes you a bipolar bitch!”

Being called a bitch never bothered me. Jack started to walk out.

“Why thank you very fucking much!” I called before he left.

“Any mother fucking time!” He called slamming the door.

“Arg!” I screamed slamming the door to my room.

Why did love have to be this way? Maybe he was right. I am a bipolar bitch who doesn’t admit anything… like I won’t admit that he was right. He started the fight anyway. Childish sure. But I don’t give a damn. But I do.

Now that I do think about it love is disgusting. It’s a horrible feeling inside. The butterflies. The floating all of that is the exact opposite of what it sounds like. It’s horrible, especially when the person you so called love is a douche.

I laid down no longer thinking about Jack (if I thought anymore my head would hurt and I would shoot him).

I eventually drifted (half way) off to sleep and I heard somebody walk in.

“You ok Mouse?” Zack asked sitting on my bed.

“I’m fine.” I said in my pillow.

Zack called me Mouse because to him when he heard my name he thought of Jerry from Tom and Jerry.

“Look, Jack is just upset about everything. You should have seen him Jerr, he was depressed. And I know you have never seen Jack quiet-“

“Don’t tell me you’re blaming everything on me too.” I groaned.

“I’m not I’m blaming both of you.” He said honestly.

“Look, Zack I appreciate the help but can you leave me alone for a while?” I asked nicely.

“Sure.” He sighed.

I couldn’t help but to think. I was both of our faults.

FLASHBACK

“Hey, are you ok?” I asked while we sat and waited for the smoothies.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He said.

“Liar.” I coughed.

He gave me a faint smile. “I’m fine don’t worry about it.” He reassured.

“Too late, you said don’t worry about it. Meaning that it’s something so spill.” I demanded.

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t know I’m just going to get the same reaction I always get from you.” He shrugged paying for the drinks.

I looked at him confused. “Nevermind drop it.” He shook his head as we walked out.

“Jack, what do you mean drop it?” I asked as we got into his car.

He just sighed and drove.

I have never seen him so tense and quiet like he has been today. Judging by the ‘You’re going to get the same reaction I always get from you’ it had to do with me, but I have no idea how.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna talk?” I asked when he pulled up in front of Rian’s house.

He sighed and looked down. “Look Jerry, I can’t be friends with you.”

I looked at him confused. “Wha-?”

“No what I mean is, I can’t just be friends with you. I feel like I’m going in circles everyday because I know that you won’t change your mind about me. I love you Jerry and not in a friend way. I know this is going to totally screw up our friendship but I don’t care. You have to know this before you leave.”

I stayed quiet. I wanted to tell him how I felt but I couldn’t. He’d be off in LA working on his music and I would be all the way in New York there is no way that could work.

“Jerry, say something.” He said hiding his pleading.

“I can’t.” I said jumping out of the car.

I had began to walk home. I wasn’t looking back because I knew I would make myself cry.

Now

And that’s what Jack had meant by me running away. After that day I had not talked to or seen him. I didn’t ever bother saying bye when I had left. I had spoken to all of the guys just not him. He had some right in being pissed off.

Damn, I am a bipolar bitch.