Set Me Free

I wasn’t so surprised when I woke up that next morning to find Drew laying right there across from me. I’d seen that he’d fallen asleep before me, but I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why he was even here in the first place. He actually had a family who loved him and a home to go to everyday. My parents can’t stand me and I’m currently homeless.

Altogether, I’m pretty sure that I got about an hour of on again, off again sleep, it was horrible. Every time I bothered to close my eyes, the nightmares would begin. That night was the first night that they’ve actually come. It was about the night that I was kidnapped from my home and left for dead on my own front lawn. It would be a huge lie if I said that I wasn’t worried about those guys coming back and attacking me again. At first, I didn’t think much about what happened to me. I knew my dad had made a lot of enemies at his job and I thought that maybe someone wanted to get back to him by getting me for one night. Maybe scare my dad off or something, but...I can’t really explain it. It’s just this feeling that they didn’t want anything to do with my father at all; that it was entirely my fault. I didn’t do anything to anyone (that I know of) and I would never intentionally hurt anyone. If anyone bothered to actually get to know me, they’d see that I was a freaking pussy.

I can’t fight to save my life and one day I might actually have to. I was afraid of them coming back and finishing what they couldn’t accomplish that other night. It wasn’t the possible death that scared me so much, it was the pain that might come with it.

My brain physically started hurting when I tried to think of what exactly I’d dreamt of. It was a terrible nightmare, but when I opened my eyes, I couldn’t remember what in the world frightened me so much. It couldn’t have been too bad if I can’t remember it, but it was awful. I think I actually saw the faces of the people who did this. But why couldn’t I remember it? I wanted to know who did this to me, but as soon as my eyelids got even close to opening, the nightmare would disintegrate and be immediately forgotten. This was way too frustrating.

The cops had said that they’d look for whoever those people were, but I knew that they wouldn’t even bother. They had more important things to worry about than some rich kid getting beat up. They just said what they had to, to not get sued.
I didn’t notice when Drew started mumbling to himself and getting up, stretching his back until he heard a satisfying pop; removing all of the kinks from sleeping on the hard ground.

I also didn’t notice when he got up from the ground and stood right in front of me. It wasn’t until he cleared his throat, did I finally look up. His hand was extended in front of him, asking to help me up. The look on his face on the other hand was more like him asking me if it was okay if he touched me.

Did he think that he was all of a sudden not good enough to help me without asking? If that were true, then he’s delusional; it is I who is not good enough for him.

Taking his extended hand, I raised myself up from the ground, brushed the dirt from my jeans and stood, facing him. I didn’t know what to say. Should I start asking questions again? Try to say something funny for once in my life or just walk away? Why is it so hard to talk to him now? I missed the times where we could just have a random conversation about nothing in general and still manage to be entertained. I wanted those days back and I found myself slightly not afraid to ask for it. My earlier thoughts about my nightmares quickly vanishing from my thoughts...for now.

“What happened to us, Drew?” I asked, not afraid to look him straight in the eyes. Well, I would’ve, if he wasn’t so afraid to look at me.

He didn’t answer, but I could tell that he wanted to. I didn’t want him to be afraid to talk to me; just because he’s avoided me for weeks and crushed me, doesn’t mean that he should be afraid of making it right. I want him to make it right.

“Okay.” I said after a while of him not saying anything. “Um...I’m just going to go then.” My voice cracked a little, but I don’t think it was very noticeable; Drew didn’t seem like he heard it.

There was a tightening in my chest, near my throat, which just happened to clog. I recognized the signs, I knew what they meant, but I didn’t want it to happen. I’m not going to just start bawling my eyes out for someone who wanted nothing to do with me. That’s just really not who I am. If I was the emotional type, I would’ve drowned in my own tears already, but fortunately for me...I’m too used to being hurt.

The only time I remembered crying was after my father would beat me and if I tried moving too much afterwards. When I was younger, it was awful; I’d cry over everything, but I guess...I might just not have anymore tears in me to cry out. Sad, don’t you think?

Moving past Drew, I made my way though the park to get to my car. It was only about six in the morning and school didn’t start for another three hours. I wasn’t sure if my father was still home, that wouldn’t be good. I was in desperate need for a shower and a change of clothes and maybe some food.

I didn’t know that Drew was following me until I’d reached my car and he was just standing there, right behind me...staring intently at his feet.

“Do you want a ride?” I asked, not seeing his car anywhere.
Instead of giving me an answer, he climbed into the passenger seat and pressed his head against the glass.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The drive was silent and uncomfortable. That’s all that had to be said about it.

I parked the car a block away from my house, causing Drew to give me a strange look before getting out and walking beside me.

Is he mute now? Am I supposed to accept this? I wanted at least a sentence! I think I might’ve deserved that much from him.

“I found you, you know.”

Because he’d been silent for the past three days I didn’t expect anything to come out of his mouth and when it did, I jumped so high that I tripped over my own two feet and went tumbling into the street in a pile of limbs and confusion.

“What?” It was all I could force myself to say, while trying to untangle my body parts.

“That day when whoever took you left you on your lawn. I was the neighbor who went out and found you lying there.” His voice was nothing more than a barely audible whisper. Thankfully the streets were empty at this time, except for the occasional jogger. I wanted to be able to hear everything he was saying to me.

“Thank you?”

“I was also the one who drove you to the hospital, though the tabloids happened to mention something about an ambulance, I think.”

It might’ve just been my eyes playing tricks on me, but I could’ve sworn I saw the ghost of a smile on those perfect lips of his.

“Why? You don’t like me; you could’ve just left me there. I’m sure someone else would’ve done it. You didn’t have to bother wasting your time with me.”

LEARN TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND ACCEPT THINGS!!!!

That ghost of a smile was wiped off his face before I could even make sure that it was real. Drew’s face contorted to that of pure agony. It was as if I was torturing the poor boy. I shouldn’t have said anything.

“I-I don’t hate you, Dane.”

“Oh, you might not, but you sure as hell don’t like me.” I said with a bitter laugh. “It’s okay Drew, you don’t have to feel forced to. You can just say it and I promise that I’ll leave you alone. You don’t have to feel obligated to do anything anymore. I promised I won’t be mad at you.” It was true, yes, it would hurt like a bitch, but I wouldn’t be mad at him, not anymore. At least then, I’d know why he was so set on avoiding me.

“You just don’t understand.” He whispered, looking back down on the ground.

“Then why don’t you explain to me. I’m not trying to pry or anything.” I really wasn’t. “I’m just curious is all. Maybe you can still wave to me in the hallways or something.” I said with a smile on my face. “That’ll be cool...that’d be nice actually. Yeah, you should do that.”

Don’t ask my why I was practically bouncing with eagerness. The things this boy did to me and he didn’t even realize he was doing them.

“Dane...just...no.”

My bouncing stopped and a frown turned in place of my smile. Oh...

“That’s okay...” I swallowed my heart back down, trying to keep it in place. I’m not good enough for a simple wave in the hallways? I guess I can live with that...maybe. “Um...I guess I’ll see you later then.” I frowned, quickly walking away before he could say anything else to hurt me.

Did he even see what he was doing? Did he not understand?

I turned around to see Drew slink into his house and close the door behind him.

Sneaking up the flower ladder located on the side of the house, I made my way to the roof, careful to stay away from any windows. From the roof, all I had to do was climb a little bit down to get to my window, which was always opened. It was disturbingly easy to break into my house.

Luckily for me, dad hadn’t already laid out the plans for what he wanted to change my room into. Well, at least that was something to be thankful for.
Slinking into my room, I immediately made my way into my closet, where I pulled out my duffel bag and started stuffing my clothes into it. If I bothered to fold them, then I’d be able to fit more in, but I was too distressed to think about anything other than the fact that rejection hurts.

Before I even realized what was going on, my vision blurred extensively until I could barely see in front of me. Apparently I hadn’t run out of tears after all.

Salty liquid rolled down my cheeks until they hit the corners of my mouth, where they broke apart and tumbled to the ground. I just wanted to know why the world was after me like this.

I’ve done nothing to deserve any of this; why wasn’t his happening to Jenny? She actually deserved it; hell, even she probably didn’t deserve all of this.

No noise was erupting from my lips, just silent tears, rolling down until they splashed and separated on the ground. I found it significantly difficult to breathe, everything was just coming on a little too much and I was being left behind.
Slumping on the ground, but began to think about how much better the world would be if I was no longer around. Would anyone even miss me? I think Gabe would be a little upset at first, but would get over it quickly. My parents would soak up as much press as they possibly could and Jorge...well...he’d start to miss me, but he had Kris now. He would be sad, but not enough to think that the world was all of a sudden a dark place. So this was how he felt when he tried committing suicide? I thought he was just sad.

He attempted suicide, but didn’t succeed.

The only difference between us is that I won't fail...