Set Me Free

Drew’s P.O.V.

I cried. That’s really what I remember most from the night before. After Dane had fallen asleep, I just sat there and cried. Then Jorge came into the room and cried with me. In the middle of the girl fest we were having in Dane’s room, I saw Genna walk by, smile and skip down the halls humming to herself. I had to remember to thank her one of these days.

I’m okay now that Dane woke up; I called mom and she sped over here. She kissed every inch of his face that she could find; dad just sitting back and smiling. Felicity stood shyly in the back, cowering behind dad while Sam just stood there, rolling his eyes and muttering profanities under his breath. Why did he have to come back home? If he’d stayed with his trashy friends, everyone would be so much happier.

Dane still hasn’t woken up and we’re in no mood to try to wake him up. Ash said he needs to keep resting, since his brain was active the entire time he was in his self meditated coma. Gabe came by and nearly killed Dane in a hug (again) and then he just sat there and rambled on and on about what’s been going on at school. Keegan and Josh haven’t been coming and everyone’s wondering why but something tells me that Dane knows. I don’t really care anymore. Jenny’s found herself another man to whore around with and began spreading rumors around the school that, not only am I gay, but I’m dating Dane. Don’t I wish. Now that Dane’s awake, I can stop worrying about the coma situation; now I just want to know what I’m supposed to get him for his birthday. It’s in a week and a half and I want to do something special for him. Not just for his birthday, but I feel like he deserves to have just one special day, to possibly try and make up for all of this. I don’t know what I can possibly do, but it has to be amazing.

That cop came back, the one who told us that Dane would have to go to rehab. He tried doing it again, but as soon as he saw Ash, he fled. Good.
We’re not doing anything now, just waiting for Dane to wake up. I want to make sure that I heard him right, that I wasn’t just imagining what he’d said. I wanted to make sure that he really did forgive me, not just for what I’d said to Felicity, but for everything I’d done to him. He needed to know why I did what I did. I also wanted to talk to Jorge about the whole ‘moving to San Francisco’ thing. I’m afraid to though, I don’t want him to hate me. Jorge is more important to Dane than I am and I’m okay with that.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It’s about four in the afternoon, the sun was high in the sky, birds were chirping away and the smells of the hospital were fresh; a beautiful day. Ash would come in once in a while to make sure that Dane was still breathing and didn’t slip back into yet another coma. Luckily he was okay. His steady breathing was the only thing keeping me going at this point; anything irregular and I swear, I’ll lose it...again.

Echo walked into the room that next moment, looking very guilty and uncomfortable. I owe her a serious apology. I shouldn’t have used her like that, even though she went along with it.

“Hey Drew, Gabe called and said that Dane finally woke up. That’s good.”

She hung her head and looked up at me from underneath her eyelashes, a small smile playing on her lips.

“I’m sorry Echo. I shouldn’t have used you like I did. Dane didn’t deserve any of this and neither did you.”

“It’s honestly okay. I’m to blame as much as you are, don’t worry. I just came here to apologize to him, but I can see that he’s not awake yet.” She smiled, sitting on the chair next to Dane, across from me.

“I understand that you were scared, but why didn’t you just tell him? I’m sure he would’ve understood. And if you still didn’t want to tell him how you felt, then you should’ve continued talking to him while you were ‘dating’ me.”

“It would’ve been better for all of us and maybe Dane wouldn’t be in here right now if I did, but...I tend not to think things through before I execute them.”

She laughed, telling me that she already knew that.

Echo and I were in the middle of a random conversation when Dane began moving around. At first it was just a groan and a shift in bed, but then he turned his entire body completely, trying to make himself comfortable and muttering in his sleep. Echo said that she’d give us some time alone before she comes back in. He twisted and turned a few more times before slowly opening his eyes, glaring at the ceiling, as if that was the reason he woke up.

My fingers are no longer intertwined with his, I’m just sitting on that chair, face in my palms, watching him with a small smile on my lips. He really is beautiful.

He groaned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with small fists.
I tried to stop myself from chuckling at the pure cuteness of his face. He was just absolutely adorable...and now I’m gushing.

Slowly, he turned his head towards me, letting out a small scream at the close proximity of our faces.

“Dude, don’t scare me like that.” He said, trying horribly to hide the underlying anxiousness in his words.

Other than telling me that he forgave me, Dane and I didn’t talk much. Dr. Malridge had come back into the room and check his vitals and everything and by the time that was over, Jorge was already over here and hugging the life out of the poor boy. I’d just stood there and held his hand until he fell asleep.

I knew we had a hell of a lot to talk about, but I was hoping to avoid it for as long as I possibly could. I’ve never been one to enjoy talking about my feelings and this would be no different. I knew I’d have to explain myself and then possibly tell Dane that I was almost positive that I loved him, but I’m just not used to it. But if me confessing every last detail about my life is what it takes for him to completely forgive me and consider talking to me again, then I’d do it in front of a live audience.

“You’re still here?”

Dane’s eyebrows bunched together at the center in a look of pure confusion. I’ve left so many times, no wonder he’s so surprised that I decided to finally stick around. It hurt to hear him ask the question, but it’s only natural.

“Of course I’m still here. Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked around a small smile.

I was expecting a small smile in return, not a sad frown and a build up of tears. Why did I think that asking that question was a good idea? Why wouldn’t I be here? I left before, didn’t I? He’s probably wondering what’s stopping me from leaving now. This is why I can’t possibly have a good relationship with him. From previous accounts, Dane will always be afraid of me just walking away from him. If we were to get into a serious relationship to where, say, we move in together; every time I’d leave to go to work or school, he’d think I won’t come back. I have my reasons for walking away from him; reasons that I’ve said, but never made clear, but they’re still reasons. He has to understand that I won’t ever hurt him again. I feel like shit for ever hurting him to begin with and I want him to know that it won’t happen again. I don’t care if the pursuit of his happiness ends up killing me one day; I want to prove to him that I really do care about him. He needs to know that I really might possibly be in love with him.

I grasped his hand in my own, causing him to jump a little and glance curiously at my pained expression. I’m always telling myself things to break my own heart...and his.

Looking up into those bright, sea green orbs of his, I took a deep breath.
Dane just stared, curiosity evident in his look; just waiting.

“I’m not leaving you again, Dane. I don’t want to and I’m never going to.”

“How am I supposed to believe that?” He asked; genuine curiosity expertly lacing every word.

I didn’t want him to see how badly he was breaking me with such simple words, but it was almost impossibly to hold in the hurt expression. I shouldn’t be so worried about being hurt because of his words when I’m the reason he’s still in the hospital.

Why was I finding it so hard to answer his question? I knew the answer, but I couldn’t simply form it into words without it sounding obscenely fake. I wasn’t used to telling people how I felt, they just seemed to always know and if they didn’t, they’d guess. But Dane was the type who had to have things explained to him or else he’d take them the wrong way. He was like a small child that way; a lot of questions of the world were still left unanswered to him so he had to guess.

“Well, why can’t you? I almost lost you once, well twice, and I don’t ever want to go through that ever again. You might think that I was out there, enjoying my life while you were cooped up in the hospital, awaiting life or death, but you couldn’t have been more wrong. I’d lock myself in my room, waiting for word that you’d gotten out of the hospital so that I could find it easy to breathe again.” I took another deep breath, averting my eyes from those of Dane’s. Looking all around the room, searching for a source of courage from which I could possibly continue. Nothing jumped out at me so I had to continue on my own, trying my hardest not to die from embarrassment. If Dane possibly laughs at me, I might just jump out of the window. “I meant all I said when you were still in the coma. I really do think that I might love you, whether it is some sort of infatuation or not, I really do feel that way. You might not believe me and you don’t have to if you really don’t want to, but I hope that you’ll at least try to believe me. I’m sorry for leaving you, but you have to see this from my point of view. I was just scared, I thought I was the cause of all of this because I’d just met you and you go ahead and do this. I was afraid of being around you in case I caused it again, but I’m far too selfish to leave anymore.”

A part of my mind told me that I’d lost him when I’d told him that I might love him. My face was ten different shades of red, but I took no notice. I was focused on the small boy in front of me. His face matched mine, if not brighter, his hair covered his expression from me as he hung his head low, wringing out his hands in anxiousness. He didn’t believe me, not completely, but I could tell he was trying. I wouldn’t hurt him again, I really wouldn’t, but I couldn’t seem to find a way to completely convince him of that.

Well, I knew one way, but Dane would probably just get security into the room and have me kicked out, so I’m not risking it. I’m thinking about a kiss, by the way…perverts. I guess I just have to sit there and pretend like everything’s okay while my heart slowly shatters.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jorge walked into the room not ten minutes later and noticed the awkward atmosphere. He didn’t say anything, just held the pouting Dane close to him while talking softly to Kris. I wanted to just get up and take a walk, but that would be going against pretty much everything I’d told Dane. I promised him that I wouldn’t leave and if I just got up and walked out, he probably wouldn’t be able to take it. Maybe I could make an excuse or something, just to get me out of there for ten minutes or so. It’s not that I don’t want to be around Dane, because I do more than anything else, it’s just that I don’t want to keep hurting him like this and he looked like he was about to cry. If he wanted to let it out then I’d let him, I wouldn’t stay in the way so much.

“My phone died, I’m just going to call my mum. I’ll be back in about ten minutes.” I said, rising from the couch on the far end of the room. I’d moved to the couch, father away from the bed, when Dane had practically ripped his hand out of mine and turned his back to me after my ‘confession’. This wasn’t how I’d imagined it would be when he finally woke up. I nearly cried again, but held myself back, showing some strength around him.

Jorge and Kris nodded, showing that they heard me, while Dane didn’t even bother looking over at me. If there was any part left of my heart, it broke off.

I walked down the halls, breathing deeply, trying to see in front of me with hazy vision until I reached the pit where they kept all of their telephones. I wasn’t planning on calling anyone, but it was the only place in the entire hospital that wasn’t crawling with patients, doctors and nurses.

I slid down to the ground and brought my knees up to my chest. Swallowing down the bile that rose to my throat. I really fucked up didn’t I? I’d always find a way to screw things up and then wonder how I’d even managed to do it. I guess I don’t have to question myself anymore. I wanted to crawl into a hole until the end of time. I was contemplating leaving again, but quickly chased the thoughts out of my head before they consumed me.

I just sat there, counting the time to make sure that I got back to the room before my ten minutes were up. I didn’t cry, I’d done that enough today, but I was sure as hell close to it. I didn’t want anyone seeing me like this; it was pathetic. I didn’t want to go back into Dane’s room; he’d probably just glare at me and do everything in his power to get me to leave. He just wants to see me crack and go so he can hold it against me in the future. Probably.

The sound of footsteps could be heard coming closer to me. I’d have to suck it all up and leave so the person won’t think I’m a mental case.

“Drew? What’s wrong? What are you doing here?” Genna?

I brought my head up to see Genna standing there with her regular jeans and v-neck, standing next to the girl in the ripped jeans and converse, Echo.

I brought my head back down, not wanting nor needing their sympathy. I fucked up and there’s probably nothing I can do to get him to ever forgive me.

“Sweetie, what happened?” Echo asked, sliding down on the ground next to me and wrapping an arm around my shoulder, bringing my head down to rest at the crook of her neck.

Tears slowly cascaded down my cheeks and hit her soft skin. I’m so pathetic.

“You seem like a Snickers guy.” Genna mumbled, dividing up half of her unopened candy bar and handing it to me, splitting the other half between her and Echo.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked.

I just sniffed and shook my head. Why would I want to talk about it? This is ridiculous! Why am I sticking around when Dane wants nothing to do with me anymore? Maybe it was because of what I’d said about Felicity and all that stuff. He can’t just be mad at me for walking away a few times. Can he? He must think I’m vile and disgusting.

I’ve honestly, now never felt so low in my life.

“Hello ladies, may I speak to him for a moment?”

I tilted my head up just a little to see Jorge standing before us, hands deep in his pockets, a small smile on his lips.

Lifting my head off of Echo’s shoulder, I let her walk away while Jorge sat next to me. He turned his head to me, a small playing on his face, looking quite amused. Are these people evil? Do they just like seeing me like this?

“You know, I didn’t think a person could have this much influence on my brother. He’s completely broken in there, but it’s quite nice to know he’s not the only one.”

That made my heart ache. I was once again causing him pain.

“You should go up there and apologize for whatever it is you did. Why don’t you just tell him how you feel and just get it over it?”

“I did tell him how I feel. I guess I’m not good enough anymore.” I don’t know what else I can offer him.

“You should know that it’s not easy for Dane to make up his mind. He might have acted stubborn at first, but the guilt is probably just eating away at him. If you were sincere and kind about it, it takes a while for him to see. You know what he’s been raised by, he’s not used to love. He’s just crying because he knows he shouldn’t have just turned his back on you. Go up there and give him another chance, if not because of me telling you this, then for the both of you.” He smiled one last time before rising up and walking away from the phone booth areas.

I knew I was going to back up there, but had some doubts as to when, but now I know I’m not walking out of here until I’m able to call Dane ‘mine’.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Why are you still here?” He asked.
The door was left open and Jorge and Kris were nowhere to be seen. Dane was propped up on about twenty pillows, just so he could sit up. He was still in a substantial amount of pain and had slight troubles breathing, but other than that, he was fine.
I’d walked into the room and the first thing he did was ask why I was still here. Not even a hello, or a ‘how did the phone call to your mother go’.

“I can leave if you don’t want me here. I’d understand, Dane.”

I wanted to play the guilt card, which could easily be turned against me, but it was worth a shot, seeing as it was the only thing I had.

Dane hung his head, refusing to look up at me.
Walking over, I sat down on the couch that I’d taken refuge on when Dane refused to speak to me. I kept my head down, refusing to meet his gaze, which I could feel on me.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear.

I whipped my head back to the bed where he was sitting. A small pout adorned his features and his downcast eyes were glazed over yet again.

“What are you sorry for? I’m the one who can’t stay in one place for more than a freaking hour.” I growled, suddenly angry at myself. I really am to blame.

“At least you came back.” He whispered back, risking a glance at my eyes before whipping his head back down once he saw me looking back at him.

“I told you I’m far too selfish to leave again.”

Dane looked up at me, bright green eyes dazzling in the brilliant sun.

“You’re not that selfish.” He sniffed, causing a slight smile to erupt from my stone features. At least he was trying.

“Thanks, doesn’t that make me feel so much better.” I rolled my eyes, taking a chance and walking over to sit on the chair directly next to Dane’s bed.

His face flushed as he brought his eyes down to his hands, wringing nervously into the bedspread.

Taking a chance, I took a deep breath and brought my hand over to the bed to clasp with his. I didn’t dare look into his eyes and I could tell he didn’t want to look into mine either.

It was awkward, but I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy the feeling of his hands in mine, especially when he’s awake. It was a nice feeling to know that he was squeezing back and fully aware of what I was doing.

From the corner of my eye, I could see a small smile on Dane’s lips as he looked down at our intertwined hands.

Yeah, I’m way too selfish to leave this.