Set Me Free

Dane’s P.O.V.

It’s been almost five months since Drew moved into the neighborhood and a bit over three months since the little 'accident' and school is officially over. Senior year really was the best year of high school. Of course, it could’ve gone so much better, but I’m not complaining. I am not only free from the wrath of Jenny, but I have Andrew.

It's swelteringly hot right now, but I'm not complaining. Being all wrapped up in Drew's arms might not be the best idea in this 109 degree weather, but I don't care, this just feels right. The Connellys are currently getting ready for their barbecue, which I'm pretty sure the entire city of Beverly Hills is invited to. Genna, Ash, Echo and Gabe arrived hours earlier than everyone else, not to help, just so they could fill the pool with ice cubes and jump in. Felicity filled the hot tub with ice cubes and almost broke the thing, but still went in.

This is supposed to be the best summer ever, but there's something scaring me to nightmares nearly every night. The other day, the Connellys got a phone call from none other than Sam, asking his parents to bail him out. He broke into someone's house, raped their poor daughter and landed her in the hospital. Mrs. Connelly hung up on him, so he called back just three hours afterwards, swearing that whenever he got out, he'd be after Drew and I and the entire family. But mostly Drew and I.

Drew's been trying to convince me that it's just a load of bull and that Sam wouldn't do anything to his own family, but I'm not his family. I can see the fear in Drew's eyes sometimes when Sam calls the house, wanting to talk to him, but he wants to be brave for me. As soon as he gets out, I'll be filing for a restraining order.

"What are you thinking about?" Drew whispered in my ear, rocking from side to side slowly, watching our friend play around in the pool.

"Nothing really." I couldn't exactly tell my boyfriend that I was thinking about his brother. I know what he'd say; that everything was fine and that Sam is just full of shit and will get pushed in front of a bus before his time. I don't quite disagree with the first part, but I don't think I really want him to get hit by a bus. I do hate him a little more than I hate Jenny though, but she's making her way up to his rank. She had to ruin my last day of senior year by jumping me in the halls. Oh yeah, she failed senior year. She failed five of her six classes (she passed cosmetology (go figure)). The principal told her that she could either take summer school or she could repeat the twelfth grade. The idiot thought she could get 'daddy' to fix everything for her, so she flew to Paris for the summer. Dumb bitch, I actually want to see her face when she gets back. Apparently her so called 'friends' weren't so dumb. They all passed and now some of them don't want anything to do with her anymore...ha!

My days have been kind of awkward now seeing as my mother's back home, serving out her short hours of community service. I went out to the front one morning to pick up the newspaper and she just so happened to be leaving at the same time. She glared at me and called me a few names before speeding away. I've seen her a few other times and I'm not sure if she's coming to this barbecue, but I wouldn't put it past her. Jorge and Kris are due here sometime soon. Jorge finished his classes and is now just trying to get the summer off of work. It's harder for Kris because he only had a job and he'd gotten so many days off when I was in the hospital. Jorge had to go to school and works in a bar, so he has flexible days. I can't wait for them to come down. It hasn't been that long since my birthday, but I still miss my big brother.

"Do you ever regret it?" Drew asked, stopping the swaying.

I looked up into those dark blue pools of his, trying my hardest not to drown; I already fell, I guess I already drowned quite a while ago.

"Do I ever regret what?"

"Not leaving with your brother." Sometimes I'm surprised that he knows exactly what I'm thinking about. Of course I don't regret staying here, but I was thinking about missing my brother.

"Of course I don't regret it. I'm going to miss him, but before that, I spent over seven years without seeing him face to face, so I think I can handle this."

"Are you sure, because you can always go if you want to."

"...Do you want me to go." Yes, I'm still insecure. Just because I have him now doesn't mean that I all of a sudden think I'm good enough for him. I'll always know that I'm not good enough and I'll always wonder why he chose me when he could have anyone else, but I've learned not to word my insecurities because I know he doesn't like it when I start thinking that he doesn't want to be with me. The last thing I want is to cause my Drew anymore pain.

"Of course I don't want you to go, I just don't want to make you miserable. You don't have to stay because of me; I'll miss you, but if you want to go live with your brother, I won't stop you."

"It sounds like you're hinting at me to go. It's your house, Drew. If you don't want me here anymore, then I completely understand. I'm not about to make you uncomfortable in it. I mean, it is my fault your brother's no longer here, I don't want to drive you out of your own house too."

My voice dropped a few octaves as I played with my suddenly interesting fingers. I have a fat, little pinky.

Drew shifted behind me, managing to lift me completely off of his lap to face him; I really am as small as he always says.

"Dane," I refused to meet his eyes, afraid to see that I was right, that he really did want me to leave. I knew staying here would just make him tire of me that much quicker. I'm nothing special to look at and seeing me every single day must be starting to hurt his eyes. I'll still love Drew if he tells me to leave and I'll most likely turn into a blubbering woman, but at least I'll have somewhere to go. "Dane, look at me." Daring a single glance, I brought my head up and was automatically attracted to the sea. I wonder if Drew knows exactly what power he holds over me. "Dane, I love you. Don't you ever doubt that; why would I want you to leave? Sam's a douche who should rot in hell for all of eternity and stop bothering us; even if he didn't touch you, I would've still beat the shit out of him sooner or later, so stop blaming yourself for his issues. I don't want you to go anywhere."

My head was back down, afraid to check to see if there were any lies, any deceits. Drew must've sensed this because he brought my face up to meet his and crushed his lips against mine. There were no complaints on my side, maybe a little surprise, but that was it. I could tell he was trying to convey every single one of his emotions into one kiss and I might not have been the person who can easily read others, but I could understand that. There was so much passion that it was utterly breathtaking, but there was no lust. There was no need getting in the way, just a simple display of love.

Opening my mouth before Drew asked for permission, I allowed his tongue to yet again get reacquainted with mine. Tangling my fingers in Drew's soft hair (I'm still trying to figure out what he uses to make it so damn soft), I pulled him closer (if possible). The fact that we were only in our swim trunks just made it that much better.

"Take it to your room, boys." Mrs. Connelly smirked as she passed us, carrying another bag of ice for the pool.

Planting one last peck on my lips, Drew pulled away, allowing me to rest my head on his chest. I didn't care if the sun was currently baking me alive, I wasn't about to move from this spot. Well, that was until Genna, Ash, Gabe and Echo decided to thrown water balloons at us. I jumped into the pool after them while Drew decided to help his dad with the barbecue as people started arriving.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The sun's starting to set and half of the party has moved to the lake not too far away from the Connelly's. The adults decided to stay at the barbecue while the teens gathered their things and moved to the bonfire. There were a lot of kids from the school and it turns out that they're not all total douche bags. I found the guy who had the courage and laugh out loud when I had broken up with Jenny in the cafeteria; his name's Kenneth and he's pretty freaking awesome. Everyone's just kind of chilling out, talking, eating, goofing around; beginning of summer celebrations.

Drew and I were sitting a little while away from all of the ruckus, near the trees, shaded by green.

I may sound like a stalker, but it was the perfect place to see, but not be seen. What I'm seeing right now is shy little Gabe heatedly making out with Echo. I never did find out how they began dating, but they're cute together, so I don't care. When I’d asked again he’d said he was still gay, he just happened to like one girl.

Drew planted a kiss to the top of my head, swaying us from side to side. I could definitely get used to this. Turning around in Drew's arms, I planted a light kiss on his lips, resting my forehead against his. I don't think I've ever had a moment of peace like this before. My life used to be so hectic, trying my hardest for a man who could never be pleased, torturing myself in a relationship that could never be fixed, working hard to impress those who just didn't care. I was living a life people sometimes have nightmares about and I honestly thought I didn't stand a chance. Which was why I tried finding a way out; the wrong way out. I'd been so tormented in my life that it had altered my state of thought, making me forget what was right and what was just plain stupid. I'd been taught to believe that no one cared and the ones who did, couldn't help. I could've grown up to be the most selfish person on the planet, but I still had hope. My father tried crushing those by telling me that I didn't matter, that no one cared, that no one would ever care and that I was wasting my time and precious oxygen by still breathing. Then I met Drew; he was perfect and would prove my father wrong, but he just proved him right. Because Drew was scared, he moved away from me, showing me that he didn't care...showing me that my father was right this entire time and that I really was useless. My brother apparently thought so too, once upon a time ago and tried ending his life as well. He didn't succeed of course, but still managed to find happiness. I hadn’t been looking for happiness when I did what I had done, I was looking for peace, for a sense of calm and serenity and I almost found it. Do I wish I could go back and not give Drew that letter so he couldn't stop me? No. I don't want to die and I didn't want to die back then either, I just couldn't see that. I wanted to prove to that man that I was listening to him, that I finally found out he was right and that I was now doing something he might be proud of me for.

Looking back on all of that, I laugh; reprimanding myself for ever succumbing to everyone's will. I'm glad I gave Drew that letter, in fact, I wish I could've given it to him sooner, so I would've never had to go through any of that pain. But I know that everything happens for a reason and that the pain was my 'awakening' of some sort. I'm not going to say that 'if I had a choice, I'd do it all over again' because that would be a lie. If I had a choice, I'd never have thought of it and I'd just go talk to Drew, like Jorge had told me to. But you can't turn back time.

"What are you thinking about?" Drew whispered in my ear, watching the mesh of color in the sky, signifying the end of yet another peaceful day.

"Everything and nothing." I sighed. "Do you ever think of what it would be like if you didn't read that letter on time?"

"Yes, only once though. At the hospital when I’d been waiting for the doctor to tell me if you’d lived or not." He chuckled.

"Why not ever again?" I turned from the sunset to look into his eyes.

"When you're finally able to be set free, you should never look back."