I've Been Afraid of Changing

Today I was forced to go to school.

I had every intention of staying at William’s house all day and caring for him, like he had for me while I was sick. He had caught the cold from me after all. I guess no matter how strong your immune system is, the cold always finds it way in.

I drove to the Beckett’s this morning with a bag full of movies and cup of soups for Will and I.

But when I arrived, his mother told I could say, only if she could call my father and tell him.

“Dad” wasn’t really in the best of moods today.

And the dropping the “your only son has a boyfriend” bomb on him right now probably isn’t the best idea.

So I gave the soup to his mom and reluctantly went to school.

Without Will being there, I’m not entirely sure what’s going to prevent me from yelling at everyone for being assholes.

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Chemistry class should be considered a form of torture.

I have the most monotone, old, stuffy, boring teacher there is. All he does is tell us what to do in read and do in the textbook. And then he lectures all period.

I understand everything and I usually love science, but that man will drive me insane one day.

To say I hate this guy is to put it lightly.

But he hates me too; otherwise he wouldn’t sit me in the back of the classroom, where the only non-working lights, with the new kid, on a lab day.

This really didn’t help my mood.

I shuffled towards the back and threw my books on the lab table, making my poor new partner jump. I felt bad, I shouldn’t take it out on him, he was just a harmless newbie to the school.

He looked over at me, up from the paper he was doodling on.

I smiled “Sorry, I just hate this class.”

He turned quickly back to the notepad and mumbled “Well I hope I won’t.”

“Oh, give it a week. You’ll either want to kill yourself or the teacher.” I joked.

He chuckled and looked up again. I finally got a good look at him. He wore glasses, red-rimmed. He had long-ish hair, perfect for swishing. He had the straightest teeth I’ve ever seen, making his smile perfect. His smile made me want to smile and be happy.

He put out his hand for me to shake. “I’m Brendon, I just moved here.”

“I’m Ryan, I’ve only lived here my entire life.”

He laughed again. “So do you have any idea what we’re doing in lab today?”

“No, but I usually don’t pay attention to him anyway and I follow the lab papers. That man is insane.”

He smiled “Sounds like a plan.”

Me and this kid Brendon continued small talking about nothing throughout the lab. It was a simple math lab that required no real lab work. We finished in minutes. Apparently we liked the same music, Fall Out Boy and bands like that.

After Chem Lab, we continued talking until we arrived at the cafeteria. At that point, I just couldn’t stop talking to him. That would be rude and make the rest of Chem be extremely awkward.

“So Brendon, do umm, want to sit with me? At my table?”

“Uhhh”

“I mean you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I was trying to be nice and I figured you would want to.”

“I would like that very much. Thanks.”

He followed me to the table were Travie, Gabe, and Victoria were sitting.

I sat down and Brendon took the seat right next to me. Everyone just stared at Brendon and I.

“Oh sorry. Brendon this is Travie” I pointed at him, with his arm slung around Victoria’s arm, he gave a nod in Brendon’s direction. “Victoria, his girlfriend” I pointed at Victoria

“Actually you can call me Vicky-T, I prefer it much more.”

“And lastly, this is Gabe.” I pointed to the boy sitting at the head of the table in a neon hoodie and baseball cap.

“Hola señor.” He said in his seductive voice.

“And everyone, this is Brendon.” He gave them all a wave.

Brendon and I continued our conversation about how much better the Chicago music scene was than the Las Vegas scene was.

We were in the middle of discussing how amazing it was that a small band like Fall Out Boy could make it big was amazing when Sisky, who had sat down at some point, interrupted.

“So, Ryan, who’s your new boy toy?”

“Adam, he’s not mine. William is mine, as I am his. This is just Brendon. I don’t think he’s anyone’s.”

“Yet” finished Gabe from the other end of the table.

I laughed and then I looked over at Brendon, he looked like he had just died.

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Brendon

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The bus ride home was hell.

I was mocked, things were thrown at me, I was called words I would never repeated.

Apparently because I made friends with the wrong kid and sat with wrong kids at lunch.

But I could care less. Ryan and his friends were the first kids to be nice to me at his hell hole of a school.

Who cares if they had to like guys? I certainly don’t care.

I mean it’s not like I like guys. I like girls. I am Mormon.

My parents would kill me if I was gay. They would kill me if they knew my friends were gay.

But it’s not like they said they were gay. But my entire bus thinks they know they are.

This is way too much to be thinking about when I arrive home. My mom will know something’s up.

I walk up to the porch. And there my parents are sitting, talking.

“Brendon, how was school?” my father asked

“Fine” I tried to say in my happiest voice.

“Did you make any friends?” my mom asked

“Yup”

With that I stormed up the stairs and slammed my door shut.

I dropped my book bag and fell onto my bag.

High school was already too much to deal with without factoring in relationships, especially being the new kid.

I couldn’t wait for tomorrow and to see Ryan again.