Wanna Tell You How I Feel Inside

I looked at up from ‘Tom & Jerry’ when I heard a knock on the door. I had been dropped off by Mrs. Samuels, the next door neighbor, a little over an hour ago. I watched for another second to see Tom blow up before I hurried to the door. I used a stool Mommy kept next to the door so I could see out the peephole. I saw two men there dressed in blue uniforms. Police uniforms. I pushed the stool aside before unlocking both locks and opening the door a crack.

“Yes?” My voice came out squeaky. I always got nervous around cops whether I did something wrong or not. I used to believe they knew when I even stole a cookie from the cookie jar. They smiled sadly down at my small figure in the three inch crack I made. Mom always told me I looked like a ten year old stuck in a seven year olds body.

“I’m Officer O’Malley and this is Officer Gomez. Are you Sage Edwards?” the man that was closer to the ground, as I called shorter, asked. I nodded shyly. “May we come in?”

“My mommy said to never let strangers in without her home,” I recited. Then my mind froze. Shouldn’t Mommy be home by now? After watching one episode of my cartoons Mommy walks in. I was already on my third episode.

“Well Mommy won’t mind. We’re police officers and if anyone tries to hurt you we can protect you,” Officer Gomez said. In my ten year old head this made perfect sense. I nodded and pushed the door the rest of the way open. I walked back to the living room, sitting on the couch and watching TV again. I heard the two men follow me, shutting the door behind me.

“Sage, can you please turn off the TV?” I turned to look at them. The shorter man, Officer O’Malley, was the one who spoke. He had a serious look on his face, like when Mommy talked to some man on the phone named Frank. I always asked Mommy who Frank was, but she always said someone not worth our time. I pressed the power button on the remote before turning to the cops who sat on the couch angled on my right. “Sage, this is about your mom.”

“My mommy?” My mind began to swim with thoughts. Is my mommy running late? Is she in trouble because she let me have cookies before dinner? Or did she tell them about how I was bad in school and they blame her? “Where is she? Is she in trouble?”

The two officers shared a look. They both seem hesitant. Officer O’Malley spoke up. “No Sage, she’s not in trouble. She…well, she had an accident.”

“An accident?” I echoed. The men nodded. Lots of things flew through my head. Wet her pants? Dropped a vase? Accidentally threw something away? “What kind of accident?”

“Did your mom ever tell you of a cold she had called cancer?” Officer Gomez questioned.

“Cancer?” I had never heard of that would before. Mommy was sick and didn’t tell me? I should have saw she was sick. “No. I should have made her go to the doctor.”

“Honey, it’s not your fault. Your mommy did go to the doctor. The doctor didn’t know how to make her better,” Officer O’Malley told me sadly.

“But doctors know everything! How could he not make Mommy better?” I cried.

“Doctors don’t know everything yet. Mommy is with the angels now. God thought she was the prettiest woman ever,” Officer O’Malley told me. My mind couldn’t compute that.

“Of course she is! But isn’t that good?” Officer O’Malley smiled sadly and nodded. “But wait, if Mommy’s with God, what happens to me? Can’t I go visit her?”

“No, not yet. You are going to live with a lady named Ms. Hemmy. She is going to take care of you for now.” I nodded before being ushered upstairs to my room to start packing clothes. It didn’t hit me until we were in the cop car what Officer O’Malley had said. I wouldn’t be able to see my Mommy anytime soon. No more goodnight kisses, no more bear hugs, no more dress up together, no more watching Disney movies together. I broke down crying on the highway to the station.

“Sage!” I gasped, snapping up straight in my seat. Mr. Stevens in front of me and the rest of the class looking at me. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah. I’m fine.” Mr. Stevens didn’t look convinced, but walked away from my desk anyways. The class turned back in their seats, going back to reading. I wiped my eyes clear of tears I knew were falling down my face. I peeked over at Matt to see him looking at me worriedly. I laid my head back onto my desk, sighing. Mr. Stevens hadn’t let me move away from Matt, but we no longer had the desks in small tables. They were spaced back out, but three feet wasn’t far enough.

It was last period and I’ve been struggling not to murder any of the guys today. In Science and math Matt and I didn’t look at each other, say anything to each other, or even breathe in each others general direction. Luckily in math our teacher allowed me to sit by Ben. In art and P.E. Zacky glared at me and made jokes, but my attention was mostly held by Jersey or Liv. In History Jimmy threw paper balls, spitballs, and tripped me on the way out of the room. Liv helped me ignore him as much as I could. Honestly I never knew Jimmy could be so mean. Lunch we were completely ignored, which was great. PFD was the worst. Ben tried to make me ignore Brian, but he called me every name in the book, tossed my shit across the room, and we almost got into a fist fight. Ben pulled me into the hall before I could injure him at all.

Suddenly the bell rang and I ran out of the room as fast as possible. I hurried to my locker, tossing the textbooks I wouldn’t need in it. I sped down the hall to the backdoor. As soon as I exited a force shoved me forward, making my chin scrape the concrete ground. I stood up so fast I fear my legs would fly out from under me. Before me stood Jimmy smirking and walking away with Brian right behind him. I ground my teeth together, just glaring at the two.

“You fucking pansy bitch! If you really wanted to fight me you’d do it like the man you aren’t!” That made both freeze in their paths. Jimmy whipped around, his eyes burning with rage. On the inside I shrunk a little, but its not like I thought by yelling that he would just wave me off and continue on his merry little way. He stormed up to me, towering over my body.

“You have no room to talk short shit. You can talk all the shit you want, but I bet you have nothing to back it up.” My eyes narrowed at this tall freak. I punched his stomach before kicking him in the pelvis. He crouched over and I decked him in the nose. Brian suddenly jumped in, punching me in the cheek. I flew my leg at him and it connected with the side of the head, making him stagger then fall to the ground. Jimmy tackled me then punched me in the nose. He landed two punches on my stomach before a loud whistle cut through.

Jimmy jumped off me and him and Brian stood straight, their chests out. I sat up to see a group of kids had formed around us in a circle. The circle suddenly split to reveal Mr. Sanchez, also the coach of the boys football team and my History teacher. He glared at the two boys before his gaze landed on me.

“Sullivan, Edwards. I already have a detention for you on Thursday. Unless someone wants to explain who started this then you two and Haner will all be bumped up to serve it for an hour after school. Now, who wants to talk?” I stood, glaring at the two. “Edwards?”

“These fucking giant shoved me and made me cut my chin. Obviously I’m not going to just let that slide sir,” I said, pointing to my chin that I could now feel bleeding. No one spoke up, agreeing that’s what happened. Mr. Sanchez turned to Jimmy, clearly wanting an explanation.

“Sir, that’s a lie. I bumped into her on accident while leaving. I tried to apologize, but she punched me. I shoved her to get her to leave me alone and shoved too hard, making her get that cut. She went ballistic and attacked me. Brian tried to get her away, but she fought us both more.” My jaw fell open. That cunt!

“Can anyone vouch that’s what happened?” Mr. Sanchez asked after seeing my face. Brian was the only one to raise his hand. Mr. Sanchez sighed before turning to me. “Well Ms. Edwards, I cannot prove that is or is not what happened, but Mr. Haner agrees that is what happened. So you will be joining me after school Thursday for an hour detention. Haner, Sullivan, you two will be in my room during lunch for your detention. Go home.”

With that everyone broke off. I glared at the two once more before storming towards the front of the school. I could feel blood dripping down my nose and chin. I passed by many kids who began to whisper to each other. As I was headed to Ben’s car where he, Liv, and Jersey stood I was stopped by Matt.

“What happened?” he gasped. I glared and spit at his shoes. Red laced the saliva letting me know the punch to the cheek had screwed up something in my mouth.

“Don’t act like you give a fuck. It was your stupid ass friends Brian and James. Kiss my ass Sanders,” I hissed, walking forward. As I passed by Matt’s car Johnny laughed calling out ‘looking good Edwards’. I flipped him off before I was suddenly tripped, hitting my chin again. I winced in pain as I heard cold laughter above me. I peeked up to see Zacky leaning against the hood of Brian’s car, his leg spread outwards.

“Watch yourself Sage.” I pushed myself to my feet before rushing over to Ben’s car. Everyone was looking at me shocked, but I quickly climbed into the backseat. I heard the other three follow my actions before Ben started off down the street.

“Sage! It that all from Zacky?!” I shook my head as I dug into my backpack for my compact. I looked in the small mirror and winced. My nose was dripping blood from both nostrils. The cut on my chin was surrounded by dead skin, gravel, and bloody spots. My lips were swollen and blood covered my teeth. My left cheek was bright red and the air conditioning made it sting slightly. I tossed the compact back into my bag and lightly lifted up my shirts. Two big, black and purple bruises were forming above my hips.

“Sage, do you need us to come inside?” Jersey asked worriedly. I looked up to see the Bakers house in front of me. I saw Mr. Baker’s SUV which made me let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“No, I’ll be fine. Mr. Baker’s here so Zacky won’t try shit,” I assured. The three gave me gentle hugs before I climbed out of the car. I hurried up the sidewalk to the door before pushing it open. I could hear a football game playing in the living room. I all but ran to the stairs, hoping not the be heard. I wasn’t that lucky.

“Sage? Zacky? That you?” I sighed, pausing before I lifted my foot to the first step.

“Just me Mr. Baker!” I called. I heard him stand up and head towards the hall. I kept facing the stairs so he couldn’t see all the blood.

“Come, let’s go chat in the kitchen. You can tell me about your day,” he said happily.

“No, I want to go put my stuff up and change first.”

“Come on Sage.” He made me turn around and gasped when he saw me fully. “Sage! What happened to you?!” Just then Zacky and his group walked through the door. Their happy chatting came to a stop when Mr. Baker turned to look at them. Silence filled the air for a few moments.

“Nothing happened. Just a fight.” Mr. Baker turned back to me.

“Who in the world did this?”

“Just some girl from school.” All of them but Matt smirked and walked into the kitchen.

“Do you need help cleaning up?” Mr. Baker asked. I shook my head, turning on my heels and heading up the stairs. I tossed my backpack into my room before walking into the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and pulled open the door that the mirror sat on above the sink. I pulled out cotton balls, peroxide, and a band-aid. I cleaned up everything with the cotton balls and peroxide, pulling the band-aid over my chin to prevent infection. I rinsed out my mouth, the blood filling the sink. A sudden knocking came from the door which made me roll my eyes.

“Go away!” I hollered. The knocking continued and I growled. I pulled open the door to be faced with a chest. In front of me stood none other than Matt Sanders. “What do you want?”

“I’m sorry for what the guys did. I-” I snorted which stopped him.

“I don’t give a fuck. You aren’t the one who did it so I need no apology. I don’t want one anyways. You all are assholes and I have new friends. Just forget about me and move on with life.” I let him there, walking into my room and locking the door.