Wanna Tell You How I Feel Inside

-Sage’s P.O.V.-

I hurried down the stairs and quickly turned on the TV. Now some dumb, too dramatic doctor show was on. I let my mind be absorbed by it, not willing to think of what just happened. But I did. I just got caught using Zacky’s guitar by Zacky himself. If I wasn’t in for hell I surely was now.

“Hey Zack!” I mentally groaned. Today just gets better and better, huh? I tried to focus on the girl on screen who was taking to the doctor with a lot of dramatic close ups when the guys walked into the living room.

“Hey, it’s the social loser.” I grinded my teeth together as Jimmy and Johnny plopped across from me. Brian plopped down next to me and Matt next to him. “Aren’t you going to say hi?”

“Fuck off Haner,” I snapped. I went to stand, but was pulled back down by my wrist. Brian draped an arm across my shoulders to keep me in place.

“Now that isn’t very nice,” Johnny scowled. I kicked the coffee table which made it slid into his knee. As he clutched his knee the other three howled in laughter. Again I tried to stand, but Brian’s grip on my shoulders tightened.

“No, stay. Chat.” I grabbed his hand and tossed his arm off of me, quickly standing to my feet.

“I have nothing to ‘chat’ with you guys about. Now leave me the hell alone.” I stepped onto and over the coffee table, planning on escaping out the front door. Suddenly I felt my wrist get grabbed again and was jerked around to face Jimmy. “Let go of me Sullivan.”

“Give me one good reason.” My eyes twitched which caused everyone to laugh.

“Look, she looks just like a retard,” Brian howled. I looked at each of their faces. They were uncontrollably laughing. Well, everyone but Matt. Matt looked like a robot, just sitting with a blank stare at the TV.

“You have no room to speak Haner. You all look a fucking bunch of baboons, excited because you all won a fucking banana. I’m only sixteen and smarter than all you mother fuckers,” I shouted. I could hear Zacky running down the steps as everyone but Matt glared at me.

“Sixteen? What the fuck are you talking about? You’re fifteen,” Jimmy scoffed.

“Shows how much you know. It’s my birthday today. Happy fucking birthday to me!” I hollered. Everyone froze like this was the biggest news they’ve ever heard. I yanked my wrist out of Jimmy’s grip before running out the front door.

“Sage!” I heard the yell from Zacky, but kept running. If only I had turned around. The thing that happened next was one of the most horrible things I could have thought of.

I heard a car trying to hit it’s breaks, a squeal and sound of tires sliding across concrete. I quickly turned to see a truck flying at me. To say I looked like a deer caught in headlights was probably an understatement. My only thought was ‘this is how I was finally going to go?’. Just as I figured I was dead, a force hit me out of the way. I was pushed to the ground which made my right arm and side scream in pain. My head would have been fucked too if I didn’t keep it up. I watched as the truck continued to try to stop but failed.

“Zacky?” I whispered. It fell into slow motion. Zacky tried to jump towards me, but he was just too slow. The second the truck hit his side his face twisted up like he just got punched in the gut. If only it was that. He flew up and onto the front window, making it shatter. The truck moved a few more feet, making Zacky fly over the bed of the truck and hit the ground. As soon as his body fell limp on the concrete everything was back in normal speed.

“Zacky?!” I crawled over to his, ignoring as my body cried in protest. I carefully flipped him over and brushed the black and purple hair from his face. His face had cuts and I could see blood making a puddle from his head, arm, leg, and torso. Tears fell down my face as I called his name two more times, still no response.

“Move!” I was shoved onto my back again as Brian and Jimmy huddled around him.

“Zacky?”

“Zacky!

“Someone call a fucking ambulance!”

“What the fuck happened?!”

I couldn’t tell who was talking anymore. I stayed on my back, watching as Matt, Jimmy, Brian, and Johnny all huddled around Zacky’s unconscious body. I saw Mr. Baker’s SUV pull into the driveway before Mr. Baker, Mrs. Baker, and Mattie jumped out and ran to their son’s body. Mrs. Baker let out a scream of horror and began bawling as Mr. Baker held her. His eyes were weary. Mattie stood in shock. Sirens could be heard ringing in the distance. Brian turned to me with rage in his eyes. He stood and stormed over to me, me peeking up at him where I still laid.

“What the fuck?! Why did you let him push you out of the way? He didn’t deserve to get hit, you did! Maybe if you did you’d be dead. Instead Zacky is suffering because of your stupid ass!” Everyone turned to me then. The Bakers, Matt, Johnny, and Jimmy. His friends looked pissed as hell while the Bakers looked worried and confused.

“I didn’t- I didn’t want him- I didn’t mean to. I- I-…” I fell silent as I knew I didn’t have anything to say to make them better. They only way I could possibly make them feel better is to turn back time and get hit by that truck instead of Zacky. I began to utter gibberish as an ambulance pulled up. Two men emerged from the back with a stretcher. Brian left me there to watch as everyone began to talk at once while the paramedics hauled Zacky on the white bed.

“Ma’am, you need to come with us too.” I looked up to see a third paramedic hovering about me. I nodded, trying to stand and nearly falling down again. “You’re going into shock.“

He grabbed my good arm, helping me to the back of the ambulance where Zacky’s body laid. He sat me down next to one of his colleagues as he went to drive the vehicle. I looked up to see Matt Sanders across from me who stared down at Zacky’s body. The two paramedics were talking back and forth quickly, saying words my mind couldn’t compute. Suddenly Zacky’s IV thing started to beep faster. Blood was escaping from his arm that seemed broke. The paramedics began applying pressure to make the bleeding slow.

“I am so sorry Zacky,” I whispered. Tears began to fall from my eyes faster than I thought possible. “Zacky, I am so fucking sorry.” Matt looked up at me as I began to repeat this over and over. My arm was killing me but Zacky’s pain had to be greater than anything I was feeling.

“It’s not your fault.” I looked up suddenly as Matt held my hand. I shook my head, the tears dripping off my chin.

“It’s all my fault! If I would have just looked before I crossed the street Zacky wouldn't have had to push me. If I wouldn’t have just been a stupid mother fucker Zacky would be fine. If anything I could have just been hit, I deserve it!” I sobbed. Matt wiped away my tears with a pained look.

“Sage, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Zacky was protecting you. He’s your fucking brother. He didn’t have to do anything, he wanted to. Stop blaming yourself, you should be thanking him for saving your life.” I fell silent. Matt’s speech made me feel no better, if anything it made me worse. Zacky saved my like a brother and I was ashamed to think of him as one. I am a bitch. Suddenly we pulled to a stop at the Huntington Beach Hospital. The two paramedics hurried inside with Zacky’s stretcher, quickly meeting a doctor and team of nurses inside the emergency doors. I got out, kind of wavering behind. Matt followed me as a paramedic took my good arm and led me in. Soon I was sitting in a hospital room with a female doctor. Matt had gone to find the emergency room that Zacky was being placed in.

“Looks like your arm is broken and two of your ribs are fractured.” I numbly nodded as the doctor called in a group of nurses to help her.