Wanna Tell You How I Feel Inside

“Hey, do you wanna go swimming at Brian’s?” I looked up from my drawing I was working on my bed. It was after school, Brian had already dropped us off. I got bored and drew for about half an hour until now.

“Is Amberly gunna be there?”

“Sadly.”

“I’ll play nice.” Zacky gave me a smile before disappearing out my door. I flipped my drawing book close and placed it in my backpack. I walked over to my dresser, searching through my drawers for my bathing suit. I cheered, holding up my black two piece. The bottom looked like short shorts and the top was a normal black bikini that was tied together around the neck. I quickly changed into my suit, pulling on some jeans over my bottom. I quickly slipped on my flip flops and some sunglasses.

“Ready?!” I rolled my eyes at Zacky’s voice.

“Yeah, I’m coming!” I screamed back. I skipped out of my room and slid down the banister to the first floor. I fell on my ass -not so gracefully- and busted out laughing. I felt a shadow over me and looked up to see Zacky giving me a weird look.

“You are one strange kid,” Zacky stated before walking out the front door.

“Hey!” I jumped off the ground before dashing out the door. I slammed it behind me and had to jog to catch up to Zacky who was already walking down the street. “You are strange too so don’t even go there mister.”

“Much more saner than you though.”

“Hey! While that may be true, you aren’t far behind.” Zacky chuckled as we came to the front door of a house about a block down. We walked to the front door and as I was ready to stop for Zacky to knock, he just walked through the unlocked door. “What the hell, dude?”

“What?” Zacky asked, turning slightly to look at me.

“This isn’t your house, you’re suppose to knock before just walking in!” I scowled.

“Sorry, mother. But to my defense this is like my second home and his parents don’t care.” I rolled my eyes, but followed him in none the less. Once I shut the door an older man that looked like the middle aged version of Brian appeared.

“Hello Zacky. You must be Sage, Brian and Jimmy have been talking about you since they showed up at home today. I am Brian’s dad, but everyone calls me Papa Gates,” the man introduced, sticking out a hand. I smiled warmly, shaking his hand with my own.

“Nice to meet you.”

“You two can just head to the back, Johnny and Matt have already arrived too.” With that he disappeared up the stairs. As we walked towards the hallway, I looked to Zacky.

“So does Jimmy live here too or something?”

“Most of the time,” Zacky answered simply. He slid a big glass door open, revealing a backyard behind it. There was a huge eight shaped pool, a diving board, spiral slide, and a barbeque grill to the far left side of the backyard. A tall, dark brown fence enclosed the area, separating us from the outside would. Brian looked up from where he lounged in the hot tub built on the far end, separate from the pool. Amberly sat next to him, glaring at me.

“Hey man! We’re here!” Zacky called.

“I’m sorry, we all failed to notice,” Jimmy called sarcastically. I chuckled as Zacky rolled his eyes. “Sage! Get in! I have a score to settle with Johnny!”

“And what makes you think I would choose to help you out?” I asked with my hands on my hips, a smiling barely showing.

“Because you have before.”

“Touché.” I slipped out of my flip flops and took off my jeans. I could see Jimmy, Matt, Johnny, and Brian all freeze, eyes glued on me. I awkwardly shifted on my feet, not enjoying the attention. “Guys!” This snapped them all back to reality. “Fuck, creepy much?”

“Sorry. They’re not used to seeing cute girls in their swimming suits,” Zacky told me. Amberly looked annoyed and offended, but we just all ignored her. I grinned, taking a running jump off the driving board. I did a cannonball, water shooting off in every direction. Jimmy high fived me, everyone else looking annoyed.

“It’s on Sage!” Johnny created a big splash, spraying me in the face. I glared, splashing back. This went back and forth about four times before I tackled him into the water. I pushed him under me, trying to keep him down as long as possible. He flipped us over, tickling my sides. I couldn’t stop my laughing, oxygen leaving my lungs and water entering. Johnny was shoved away by Matt who pulled me to the surface, letting me take deep breathes to get oxygen back.

“You’re a dick!” I screamed, pointing a finger at Johnny. Before he could reply, Zacky tackled him back underwater. I chuckled, sitting on the concrete seat that wrapped around the pool. I slid my sunglasses back over my eyes as I sat and soaked in the sun.

“I declare we all have a massive orgy in the pool!” I eyes snapped open faster than I thought possible. Everyone has migrated into the pool, Jimmy standing in the middle.

“Jimmy, are you fucking nuts? Wait, stupid question,” I muttered. Jimmy took my hands and pulled me to him.

“Pleaaaase Sage?” I looked up to see him doing the puppy eyes. I sighed, knowing I couldn’t say no to that.

“We need music.” Jimmy and Johnny cheered. Johnny hopped out, running to the radio that sat next to the grill. He turned it up, a random rock song blaring from the speakers. I had just noticed the sun was setting and the hanging lights that circled the backyard had been turned on. I closed my eyes, letting the music flow through my body. Soon I was dancing like it was a rave. I opened my eyes to see everyone doing to same.

When I shut my eyes again, I felt someone grind up behind me. I smirked grinding back. When I finally turned around I saw Matt there. I felt paralyzed and stared at those hazel eyes. He stared down at me too, an emotion I couldn't name in his eyes. Suddenly it was like the world slowed. The music thumped, I could feel the water move, but it all seemed to distant. The next thing I knew Matt was leaning down towards me and I was leaning up. Right before our lips could connect I felt the string behind my neck slipped off, my top falling down. Everything seemed to stop. I blushed bright red, quickly covering my chest. My mind flew back to an old memory in Hawthorne.

It was the last week before freshman year began. Where else would every teenager in the area be but at the local pool some kid’s parents reserved for our class. I showed up with Sarah, the only close friend of mine that was in my grade. She had managed to talk me into wearing a red bikini that had everything that tied together.

“Tell me again why we are here. We could just be at Todd’s. Remember? Huge pool, no annoying teens?” I reminded her, rolling my eyes as she waved to ‘cute’ guys. Why were we friends again?

“Yeah, but you forget the fact that the kids our age are here.” And the fact they all hate your guts. “At Todd’s is all kids older than us. Don’t you want to fit in with our age?”

“Not really,” I muttered. Sarah didn’t hear me as she walked forward, taking her current boyfriend into a hug and sucking face. I rolled my eyes, walking to the pool. I tossed my towel onto a shockingly empty lawn chair. I plopped down, staring at the teenagers that splashed around in the pool. I now remember why I never came to parties. Kids our age are stupid and immature. I watched as two boys acted like girls -horribly might I add- before falling into the pool.

“Sage! Aren’t you going to come in?” Sarah called with a smile. I turned to see her hanging out in the four foot area with her boyfriend and some ‘friends’. I could see a few chuckle, but I ignored them. Sarah was a friend, didn’t matter if I liked her friends, she didn’t like mine. I joined in, leaning against a wall. They had a continuous conversation going on, me just observing.

“Come on Sage! Join in the fun.” I turned to the guy. I don’t think we’ve ever talked. What the hell? Shrugging I walked closer where everyone was dancing. I joined in, dancing with a random guy. Suddenly the tie that held my bikini together behind my back was loosened, it falling off. Everyone stopped turning to laugh, including Sarah. My face burned blood red, quickly hopping out of the pool.

“Hey Sage! Call me anytime you wanna get busy!” The boy I was just dancing with hollered, making everyone laugh harder. I grabbed my towel, tightly wrapping it around my chest. I flew out of the party, planning to head straight to Todd’s. When I arrived him, Amy, and Toby looked up at me worriedly.

“Sage! I thought you were at that party thing with Sarah?” Amy said, pulling me close to her. “Where’s the top of your bikini? Sage, what happened?”

“You guys were right. She’s horrible!” I finally let the waterworks start, sobs racking my body. Toby held me tightly, leading me to Todd’s room to lend me a shirt.

“Sage?” I shook my head, running out of the pool. I quickly turned my back on them, tying my bikini again. I grabbed my shoes and towel in a hurry, running out the house.

“Sage?” I ignored Papa Gates before dashing out the front door. They’re just like Sarah. I knew this was too good to be true. I hate California! I hate it. I want back home.