Confessions

Michael: early March

I glance at Melly, who looks absorbed in her text book. I look at the clock, then back to my book, but it can’t hold my interest for more than a minute. I look at her again.

She’s gorgeous as usual, wearing her dark hair loose in curls and just her regular skinny jeans and a hoodie.

I rest my hand on her knee, slowly massaging my way up and down her leg.

She pretends not to notice.

“Michael!” she whines in annoyance, after another minute or so, but I know it’s just from my teasing.

“Let’s go back to your place,” I suggest, leaning over to kiss her neck, even as she’s still trying to study.

“Can’t. Victoria’s there with a ‘friend,” she groans. “Besides, I have work to do. They start tomorrow, you know. We don’t have time to mess around.”

She’s studying for midterms, which is what I should be doing, but I just don’t care.

We’re graduating in a few months and I’m not going home – as long as I can find a job before my student visa expires.

I push those thoughts to the back of my mind for now.

She chews on her lip, just looking at me decisively.

“Fuck it,” she declares, putting her books aside and grabbing my face to kiss my lips.

I’m busy trying to get her hoodie over her head when suddenly William barges in with Mike, both with ecstatic looks on their faces and disregarding that I’m currently attempting to undress my girlfriend.

“We’ve been invited to play a showcase in Texas during spring break!” Bill announces, looking deliriously happy. “The label rep that’s been considering us said they’d make a decision afterwards!” he exclaims.

“Road trip!” Mike interrupts brightly, a huge grin decorating his face as well.

My realization of the meaning of their words overtakes my original annoyance of their interruption and then my face mirrors Mike’s while Melly hugs me and kisses my face, just as excited.

We’ve been attempting to catch the attention of this label for quite some time now.

My problems might be solved by the end of semester.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

“You don’t want to film me again, do you?” I ask her, only half-joking.

“Nope. Just need someone’s advice while I’m editing,” Victoria responds.

Usually, Mike is helping her out, but everyone’s at class or work, so that left me.

She clicks a few things on her laptop, plays back a few clips, and I start to wonder what I’m doing here in the first place, because there’s no way I’d be any kind of help with this.

I’m about to try to figure out what it is when she suddenly speaks.

“Michael? Can I ask you something?” she asks.

“Uh…sure?” I reply hesitantly.

It doesn’t sound like she’s looking for help with her project anymore.

“There’s this guy…” she begins, and I’m not sure I like where this conversation is going.

“Why don’t you talk to Melly about this? Or Lila?” I immediately question.

“That’s the thing!” she exclaims in exasperation. “Because I can trust you to not to tell. Not even Melly.”

“That’s not really fair-” I try to argue.

“I don’t know who to talk to, Chizzy,” she sighs. “I already know what Lila and Melly will tell me. I don’t want you to tell me what to do. I just need someone to listen.”

“Fine,” I agree, after a few seconds, and only because she looks that hopeful.

“Promise not to tell,” she says, swearing me to secrecy.

“Promise,” I reply, with a second’s hesitation.

She tells me about Jack.

I tell her how I’ll be devastated if Melly gets into grad school and I have to go back to Australia.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I knock at the door, which is almost immediately opened by Melly in her pajamas, looking startled to see me.

She kisses me briefly in greeting, despite her slight confusion.

“I thought everyone was going to the bar tonight,” she says, closing the door behind us.

“They are,” I reply, shrugging and leaning down to kiss her again. She laughs into my lips.

“I thought you were going to the bar tonight,” she clarifies, pulling away just slightly.

“I wanted to see you instead,” I shrug again.

“You saw me this morning,” she points out, but she’s smiling.

“I know.”

As lame or pathetic as it may sound, I don’t want to not be around her when given the choice. I feel like I should be appreciating the time I have with her, because I don’t really know how much we have left.

We settle ourselves in the living room, me watching mindless television and her being studious even while I wrap my arm around her and occasionally kiss her hair.

“Mel. If we get this deal with the label….” I begin, before I can help myself.

“When you get it,” she corrects, looking up from her book to glance at me. “You’re going to get it.”

“If we get signed,” I continue, as if she hasn’t interrupted. She rolls her eyes so that I can see but I grab her hand anyway, pulling it away from pages of studying, which I’ve stopped caring about awhile ago. “And if you get into grad school…what happens with…us? Or what if we don’t get signed?”

“I…I have no idea,” she admits uneasily. She’s looking at me again.

“Oh,” I reply, because I don’t know what else I can say, and I don’t even know why I stupidly brought this topic up.

“Not like that, Michael,” she adds, squeezing my hand. “I’m not going to leave you. Even if I have to go to grad school.”

“I won’t leave you, either,” I reply, to which she gives a faint smile.

I know it’s horrible of me…but I don’t want her to get in.

“Just…forget about it, okay?” she asks, her hands on my face, and her eyes sad and brown and hopeful that I’ll agree. “We won’t know anything for another month, at least.”

“Okay,” I agree, but we both know we’re still thinking about it.

Then she kisses me like she always does, and I get a pleasant temporary amnesia.