Confessions

Melly: September

“I just don’t know how to tell them I don’t want to go back home after graduation,” Michael trails off.

I give him a sympathetic half-smile, then realize we’ve been sitting here talking for quite awhile.

I can only squeeze his hand reassuringly because I don’t know what else to say to make him feel better.

“Shit. I’m late for my audio production class,” I groan, checking my cell phone.

“Are you coming over the apartment later?” he asks. “Bill and Mike won’t be there tonight.”

“I’ll call you,” I answer, leaning over to kiss his cheek before rushing away with an apologetic look on my face.

“I love you,” he replies, and I automatically smile even as I’m rushing away.

I race into my class and plop down in my seat next to Victoria in record timing.

“Did I miss anything?” I ask, out of breath.

“If by ‘anything’ you mean this guy trying to get the computer to play his audio for the past ten minutes…” she sighs, nodding towards the front of the room. She goes back to doodling in her notebook.

Our professor eventually gets tired of our classmate’s failed attempts and decides to return to lecturing.

I easily get distracted by Victoria checking her phone every few minutes and begin tapping my pen against my notebook impatiently.

“Who are you texting?” I mutter quizzically, to which she shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

“No one,” she replies, immediately snapping her phone shut. I frown out of pure curiosity, but don’t press her on it. “Do you have time to help me with my documentary later?” she asks, expertly changing the subject.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

“How do you feel about graduation?”

I feel my mouth automatically distort in a distasteful smile, and I shake my head.

“Have you ever been skinny-dipping?” I counter the question.

“Skinny-dipping?” she repeats.

“Yeah. I think college is like skinny-dipping. This one time, in high school…well, one of my best friends back then had a pool. One summer, for her birthday, she has a sleepover, and someone suggests we go swimming. Only none of us have our bathing suits.”

“Mm…” she murmurs, still unsure where I’m going with this.

“So some girls start stripping down, and no one wants to be the prude, so everyone else starts, too. So someone gets the great idea to invite guys over, and they come. And…”

“And?” she prods.

“…and it was fun. It was fucking cold, and a little awkward at first, but it was fun,” I admit. “Well…until we got caught.”

“And what does that have to do with graduation?” she reminds me.

“Graduation is like when your best friend’s mom finds a bunch of nude teenagers in her pool, and then you’re fucked. Sure, it was great while you were doing it, but you never think about what’s going to happen afterwards.”

The twisted smile graces my face again.

“And when you’re dropped back off at your parents’ house, still wet and halfway dressed, and they find out you’ve been fucking around all this time- that’s how skinny dipping is like your last year of college.”

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I feel Michael’s arm tense around my shoulders as guy we pass on the street obviously checks me out.

I wrap an arm around his waist reassuringly.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, as we reach the beach and continue walking. He sighs almost inaudibly.

“Don’t worry about it,” he says, shaking his head.

“Wanna go swimming?” I ask, to take his mind off whatever it is.

“We don’t have bathing suits,” he replies absently, looking out over the lake.

“We don’t need bathing suits to swim…”

“What?” he asks incredulously, snapping out of his thoughts and glancing around. “Are you serious? What if someone-”

“There’s no one here,” I point out, nudging his side playfully. The beach is deserted, and it’s past ten pm and dark out.

“You’re kidding, right?” he asks, unsure.

I don’t reply, just start shedding clothes and dropping them onto the sand while he watches in half-disbelief.

“You’re crazy,” he states, shaking his head at me. I laugh, wading deeper into the water.

“So?” I call back. “Have some fun!”

He hesitates before glancing around the deserted beach and removing his shirt.

He’s beside me in the water in ten seconds.

He grins and I smile sweetly before splashing him in the face.

He laughs, splashing me back.

As we’re walking back to our apartments, hand in hand and our wet clothes sticking to our skin, I’m still grinning because I helped him forget about it, even if only for an hour or so, and even if he won’t tell me what it is.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I wave at him from where I’m running the small soundboard in the back of the venue, just to be distracting.

He smiles, but then looks away and continues to concentrate on playing.

“Doesn’t this ever get boring?” Lila practically has to shout, even though she’s standing right next to me.

“It’s fun,” I shrug in response.

If my parents knew I’d give anything to be a sound girl touring with my best friends’ band instead of going to grad school after graduation, they’d freak out.

“Where’s Victoria?” she asks, when their set is over and she’s helping me pack up.

My eyes scan the crowd for our roommate, and I frown when I don’t see her.

My frown automatically gets deeper when I see two girls chatting up Michael near the stage.

I know I don’t have reason to be jealous, but I can’t help it sometimes.

“I’ll be back,” I tell Lila, who sighs impatiently as I leave her looking for Victoria by herself.

“So you’re really from Australia?” I overhear the one with the lower-cut shirt ask him. She’s also the one with the hand on his arm while the other one giggles.

I tap him on the shoulder before he has a chance to answer.

I pull his face to mine to plant a deep kiss on his lips.

He laughs when I let go of him a few minutes later and the girls are gone.

“You don’t have to be jealous,” he smiles.

“I know,” I admit, shrugging.

What I don’t know is what happens to us after graduation.

He leans down for another quick kiss to reassure me.

What happens if I get into the grad school I don't want to be at and if he goes back to Australia, where he doesn't want to be?