Confessions

Victoria: October

“Victoria, would you mind staying a little later to help us wrap up the video shoot?” Karen asks.

I open my mouth to agree whole-heartedly, but my bastard of a boss speaks for me, as usual.

“Actually, her shift just ended, and she starts early tomorrow.”

I grit my teeth in contained anger but don’t say what I’m thinking.

If I said what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have a job tomorrow.

I leave without another word, cursing out my boss in my head until I’m interrupted by my phone ringing.

“Hello?” I snap into the phone.

“Hey, what did I do?” he asks indignantly. “Today, anyway?”

“Sorry, Gabe. I had another shit day at work.”

“Sorry to hear that, Vicky T. Listen, maybe this will cheer you up.”

“My phone’s about to die, so-” I start to inform him.

“Right. Okay, so I talked to the guys, and…we really want you to join, if you’re still up for it.”

“Really?” I ask.

I hadn’t really been focusing on it; I hadn’t wanted to get my hopes up in case things didn’t work out like the past bands I’d tried to join.

“Yeah. Of course. It’ll be great.”

“I…yeah. Sounds…great,” I lamely agree.

“I’ll call you to set up rehearsal soon. We have a gig next month, so we want to start as soon as possible.”

“Awesome. Thanks,” is all I can think to say.

“Oh! And we’re having a little party this weekend for my birthday at my place. Your friends can come. It’ll be crazy. Don’t forget to bring your roommates, yeah?”

“My roommate’s not going to fuck you, Gabe. She has standards, you know,” I roll my eyes and smirk to myself.

“Hey. I never said I wanted in on her pants,” he huffs defensively. “I just want you to introduce me. No big deal.” I sigh.

“Okay, fine. We’ll be there. See you soon.”

I continue on my way with a little bounce in my steps.

Maybe this year won’t be so bad after all.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

“Smoothie for a pretty lady,” he says, handing it over the counter with a cheesy smile.

“Thanks, Jack,” I smile, reaching for it and getting out my wallet.

“It’s on the house-” he begins. “…but only if you go on a date with me.”

“Do people even go on dates anymore?” I raise my eyebrows. He shrugs, still grinning.

“Are you going to Gabe’s party tomorrow?” he smartly changes the subject.

“Yeah, should be fun.” I briefly turn to check if there’s any customers I might be distracting him from. “Are you going?” I continue, seeing it’s almost completely empty and he’s not likely to get in trouble for socializing with me.

“Only because you are,” he winks at me with that cheesy grin.

I’d think it was adorable if it wasn’t aimed at me.

“Right, well, I have to get going, I have things to work on…” I trail off.

“See you Saturday,” he replies, as I start to walk off. “Bye, girlfriend!” he shouts loudly, as I’m exiting.

I briefly glance over my shoulder to see he’s waving frantically at me meanwhile his friend laughs at him and the couple customers glance around in confusion.

I shake my head to myself and leave with my smoothie in hand.

I take out my phone to type a quick text.

Sent: You need to stop calling me that.

It’s not even a minute later when I get my reply.

Received: Why deny the inevitable? ; ) You think I’m dead sexy. Admit it. – Jack

I roll my eyes good-naturedly.

Sent: You need to work on your pick-up lines, Jacky.

Received: Anything for you, babe. – Jack

When I get back to the apartment, our living room is a mess with Butcher and Lila sitting in the middle with art supplies spread around them.

“Hey,” they chorus absently, briefly glancing at me then quickly getting back to work.

I continue to the bedroom, pull out my video camera and laptop, and settle myself on my bed.

All the skills of mine not being utilized at work go right into my documentary.

I go back over my interviews with all my friends and start to edit and get a rough order together of what I have so far.

Mostly of my roommates, with random bits of other friends.

I’m trying to focus the topics on school and our graduation in the spring, but half the discussions consistently turn to dating before I can get them back on track.

To hear Butcher talk about Lila, or Melly and Michael talk about each other-

And me, I just can’t see myself ever falling in love like that.

I guess what I need is some perspective to understand what everyone’s telling me.

And the way my friends talk about it, well, maybe there’s more to this love thing than I’ll ever know.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

“Are you almost ready yet?” Lila rolls her eyes at me while lounging on her bed.

“No,” I calmly reply. “And I can’t believe you’re ready, already.”

“Why should I dress up? We’re just meeting your new bandmates, right?”

“Well, yeah, but…” I hesitate.

“What?” she asks, frowning. I don’t answer and bite the corner of my lip as I apply mascara. “Victoria!” she groans, realizing. “Not again!”

“I didn’t mean to this time!” I defend myself.

“I don’t want to be set up with anyone!” she shrilly exclaims.

“Gabe wants to meet you,” I state simply, turning back to the mirror.

“Why?” she counters flatly.

“I don’t know. He saw the painting of me in the living room you did, and he wants to meet you.”

“That was barely a sketch with some watercolor!” she complains. “And when was he in this apartment?”

“When you and Andy went home to Milwaukee a few weekends ago,” I calmly explain. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Because Butcher will be mad,” Melly chimes in matter-of-factly, appearing in the doorway, the only out of the three of us ready to go. “And are you really planning on going looking like that?”

“Butcher has nothing to do with this,” Lila scowls at both comments. I start on my hair meanwhile Melly searches the closet thoughtfully, putting an outfit together for our indifferent roommate.

“You know he’s in love with you,” Melly continues. Lila doesn’t respond.

Of course she knows. Everybody knows.

“Here, put this on,” Melly tosses a few items on her bed before going to answer the sudden knock on our door.

Lila stubbornly begins to change, and I wave her over to me afterwards so I can touch up her makeup.

Not that she needs any of it. Lila’s beautiful, and she knows it- she but loathes hearing people state that simple fact.

I suppose that’s why she doesn’t give much thought to how she dresses.

“I think you’ll like Gabe, if you give him a chance,” I remark, clearing up my makeup and putting it away when I’m done.

“Maybe,” she concedes.

I don’t know why I have this habit of setting her up with people when she’s perfectly content to be single.

I think half of me just wants her to finally see how perfect Butcher is for her to compared to everyone else. That he’s one of the few boys in this whole damn city that sees past her pretty face.

And then I remember that I don’t believe in soul mates and so I don’t know why I go through all this trouble for her when she’s so stubborn about it.

“Ready?” I ask, and she nods with a non-committal sigh.

As we’re leaving, my video equipment catches my eyes, and I think maybe I shouldn’t be avoiding “love” after all.

I want to be able to see what everyone else sees.