Confessions

Melly: Late December

I stare at my phone for a few seconds before picking it up and running my thin fingers
across the smooth numbers indecisively.

We’ve only been home two weeks, but it’s been enough to drive me insane.

I chew on my lip, dialing the familiar number.

I sigh as it goes straight to voicemail after the first ring.

“Hey, Michael. Um…I haven’t talked to you in awhile, and you seemed a little out of it when I last saw you at the airport. I’m worried. Is everything okay?” I pause awkwardly, fingering a loose thread on my sweater. “Just…let me know that you’re alright?” I sigh. “Okay. Merry Christmas. I love you.”

I hang up the phone and sigh, tossing it aside.

I flop back onto my bed, rubbing my eyes as I listen to the commotion downstairs.

“Melly?” my brother’s voice sounds from across the room.

I open my eyes, glancing over to the doorway.

“It’s time for dinner.”

I sigh and obediently follow him downstairs.

The chaos of my little cousins wreaking havoc in my living room combined with all the adults’ chatter in the kitchen and dining room starts to give me a migraine.

I keep to myself while they all ask my brother questions about school all throughout dinner.
It’s all:

Jacob, how’s the internship?

Jacob, is your GPA still above a 3.8?

Jake, have you thought about any Ivy League Law Programs?

Jacob-

“Melanie,” my aunt interrupts my thoughts. “Do you know what you’re doing after graduation yet?”

I know I complain about everyone lavishing attention on him, but at the same time…I don’t want any of it.

Everyone stares at me waiting for my answer, meanwhile I slowly finish chewing my mouthful.

“I’m trying to get an internship,” I offer.

It’s not really a lie.

“And waiting to see what happens with grad school,” I add, before they can question me.

Another dishonest truth.

I don’t want the internship I applied for, and I want to go to grad school even less.

They throw a few more questions out my way, then decide my lack of details is boring, and go back to questioning Jake about how smart he is and what not.

Me, I finish my dessert quietly and wait until it’s time for everyone to leave so I can try calling Michael again.

I’m back where I started two hours later, staring at my phone and waiting.

It’s stupid, really. I know I shouldn’t be this worried.

After all, things like this have happened before; it always turns out to be miscommunication, doesn’t it?

“I’m sorry,” comes a voice from my doorway. I look up from my phone to see Jake standing there.

“About what?” I ask my twin. He takes a cautious step inside my room. He groans, rolling his eyes and running his hand through his curly dark hair.

“Come on, Mel. You think I enjoy being interrogated like that? You left me out to dry back there.”

“Sorry,” I reciprocate. “I have things on my mind.” He closes the door behind him and sits next to me on my bed.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing. Boy trouble, I guess. Nothing. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Right,” he agrees. “Seeing as I am a boy.”

“You know what I mean.” I sigh. “It’s nothing, really,” I assure him.

“Don’t worry. Things work out,” he states confidently, slinging an arm around my shoulders in a half-hug.

“How do you know?”

“I know lots of things Melly. Why do you think I’m going to law school?”

I roll my eyes and laugh at him. He smiles slightly.

It’s strange.

We haven’t been close since we graduated highschool.

I’m just remembering how funny and caring he can be.

“You know, you’re not so bad, when you’re not acting like a fucking genius know-it-all,” I inform him.

He grins my exact grin back at me.

“You know, I kind of miss you,” he replies, standing up. “Good night, Mel. Merry Christmas.”

“Good night,” I echo, and all I can think about is how I’m tired of missing people.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

“Hey Michael, it’s me again. I don’t want to be annoying, or anything, I’m just worried. You’re probably just busy, and I’m probably overreacting…or maybe you lost your phone, or broke it or something. I don’t know. Call me if you get a chance, okay? I’d like to know you’re still alive or if you got trampled by a kangaroo, you know? …Okay, bad joke. Sorry. Bye. I love you.”

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I sigh in complete boredom as I turn the tv off; Lila and Butcher are still in Milwaukee, Victoria visiting friends in New York, Bill, Sisky, and Mike in the suburbs. All of which aren’t coming back until sometime tomorrow.

The only person I’ve seen all day was this awkward-looking skinny kid that was looking for Victoria, said he was her boyfriend, which is laughable, since I know my roommate doesn’t do boyfriends.

And then there’s Michael, my boyfriend, who I haven’t heard from in a little less than a month.

Which is why I’m so I’m startled when there’s a knock at the door.

I automatically smile when I open it and Michael’s standing in my doorway.

In the split-second where I’m so surprised I don’t know what to do, he looks exhausted to
me, and I wonder if he just got in from the airport.

He immediately closes the distance between us with a hungry kiss and hands grasping my waist. I enthusiastically reciprocate the kiss; slipping my tongue between his lips and-

And then I remember I’m mad at him.

“You didn’t call me back,” I remind him, breaking the kiss and frowning as I back away slightly, but letting him step inside the apartment anyways. He closes the door carefully behind him.

“I’m so sorry,” he replies, but I cross my arms hesitantly. “I wanted to, Mel, I promise. Just…”

“What?” I challenge, feelings still sore, even though all I really want right now is to kiss him again, run my hand through his hair. My resolve crumbles steadily just from looking at his apologetic expression while I wait for his excuse.

“My parents…they were on my case the entire time. They didn’t want me to use the phone long distance. They…didn’t even want me to come back, Melly,” he says, sighing. “Could you believe that?”

“What? Why not?” I ask, startled.

“My dad thinks I’m wasting my time here, with music…” he pauses to look at me. “With you.”

“Oh,” I say quietly, a nauseated feeling overcoming my senses. It’s a terrible blow to my insides, and my original annoyance is replaced by deep hurt. I hug myself tightly to brace myself. No wonder he didn’t call. I should have seen this coming. “Get on with it, then,” I say, willing myself not to cry.

“With what?” he asks, confused.

“You’re breaking up with me, right? Just-”

I can’t even finish and stare at my shoes instead, thinking about how Lila always says it’s idiotic to cry because of boys.

“You really think I want to move to New York and work in an office for the rest of my life?” he asks incredulously, placing his hands on my shoulders and I’m forced to look at him. His hands rub my arms and give me goosebumps. “We’ve been together almost three years, Mel. Do you think I’m going to give you up that easily?”

“I don’t know,” I answer, discreetly wiping my eyes with my sleeve. “Why not?”

His arms envelop me as a response.

“I missed you. I was worried,” I inform him, while he buries his face in my neck and mumbles something incoherent back. I close my eyes and sigh as he plants reassuring kisses along my collarbone. “Hmm?” I murmur.

“You never have to worry,” he repeats himself.

He sounds so sincere that it reminds me of a cliché movie Lila hates because she’s so cynical, she says people in real life don’t say things like that, ever.

Me, I believe him anyway, and we fall asleep lying on the couch together.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Lila makes an odd, strangled noise in her throat that catches my attention. I glance at her and follow her line of eyesight to notice Lisa’s walked into the crowded coffeehouse, followed by Butcher, who doesn’t notice us as they make their way to the other room.

I exhale through my mouth and roll my eyes at William, who gives me a small shrug.

“What?” Lila asks flatly, noticing my expression. Her eyes are defensive.

“You don’t want to be with him, so what do you care?” I ask. I don’t mean to snap, but all this time she’s been with Gabe I’ve been holding in what I really think about the whole thing.

“I care because she’s probably slept with half the art and music majors in our year by now,” she states through gritted teeth.

She has a point, but I don’t let her know it.

William looks uncomfortable, drinking his hot tea with more caution than necessary.

“Then maybe you should do something about it,” I reply. I think her attitude is rubbing off on me.

“Maybe you should mind your own business,” she answers.

I’ve been letting everything slide lately, because I know she’s been bitchy to everyone except Gabe ever since Butcher started hooking up with Lisa at parties, but I open my mouth to give her a smart answer.

“Maybe you should both calm down before you cause unnecessary drama for everyone,” William suggests calmly, politely interrupting, but the damage is done and Lila’s still annoyed at me, though she pretends not to be.

Everyone’s on edge lately, and I think I know why.

Our last semester together starts tomorrow.