Tales From Another Broken Home

This was the third time I had snuck out of my house with that insidious, corrupting, addicting boy in the past two weeks. It would all go the same; he would almost catch me by surprise with the suggestion of us going out somewhere, of him taking me somewhere, and I felt so swept up off my feel, so eager for that disgusting bitter taste he left in my mouth, that I couldn’t refuse. It was he was like a drug himself, slowly digging himself deeper into my system. Into my head.

The low growl of his car pulling up across the street was almost seductive at this point. No longer did the thought of sneaking out make me feel terrified; instead it was replaced with a need, a hunger, so large it was almost tangible in the air as I anxiously awaited each time for him to arrive. He would always wait for me in his car as I made my leap from the window and tumbled onto the ground, and we would drive off together to some unknown location. I didn’t really care, though. For once in my life, I felt good, I felt alive.

I still wasn’t the best at socializing at these parties; inside, I was still that awkward, shy girl, but for some reason, they all loved it. They would always seem to almost praise Jimmy at times, and I didn’t really know why exactly, but it only made me more interested in him. Jimmy seemed to get more and more popular as well; as more people came and went, more and more of them were stopping to chat with him because that just seemed to be where everyone else was. He seemed to be the center of attention more and more now, and honestly, I had no idea why. It seemed like people thought he was different or something.

Although that could be my own delusions of thinking he was different.

The late-night outings started making me feel tired all of the time, even if I didn’t go out that night. I would start to get it ingrained in my head that I should be out at night when I wasn’t, and I couldn’t sleep a lot of the times until it was the early hours of the morning. I fell asleep in third hour at one point, and I felt like I should be ashamed, but wasn’t. I was just too tired.

I’d tell my parents that I was staying for study groups after class sometimes after school, and Jimmy and I would walk around to God knows where, sometimes accompanied by his friends, other times not. I’d get dropped off as discreetly as I could in his rusty Mustang, and my parents didn’t suspect a thing. Or at least I thought.

“Hi mom, I’m home,” I called out as I walked into the kitchen. I slung my backpack at the bottom of the staircase to take with my upstairs later after I grabbed a snack.

“How are you?” my mother asked, putting down her book.

“Oh pretty good,” I said, trying to dismiss her without sounding too standoffish. I just wanted to get my snack and leave. I grabbed an apple and a knife with the intentions of taking it upstairs when my mom stopped me.

“Oh honey, could you grab me one of those too? Now that I see it, they look delicious.”

“Oh sure mom,” I said, turning around. I grabbed one, and walked over to hand it to her. My mom stopped and gave me a look as I approached.

“Honey!” she said, getting that tinge in her voice that I knew was her ‘scolding’ voice. “You smell like..like cigarettes! Why?”

I panicked, stopping for a moment to think of what to say. Jimmy always had a smooth tongue, what would he say?

“Oh, you know,” I started with a crack in my voice, “Just the kids outside waiting for the bus.”

She gave me a knowing look, wanting me to elaborate. I started panicking. She knew.

“Well, they were smoking waiting for the bus. I didn’t want to move away from them in case the bus pulled up, so I got exposed to the smoke.” Goddammit, this was nerve wracking.

She gave me a look, then opened her book again.

“Well that’s just disgusting; kids these days shouldn’t be smoking.”

“Oh yeah,” I said as I breathed a sigh of relief, “I just don’t understand the need for it. I think I should go change my clothes to get the smell off me.”

“Alright honey, try and stay away from them next time,” my mom called as I rushed upstairs.

I threw my things on the floor next to me and flopped down on my bed. Goddamn, that was a close one. I’d have to be more careful around my parents; I didn’t want them to suspect anything. My heart felt like it was gonna beat out of my chest, but you know, I kinda liked it. It was almost..thrilling lying to my parents. I felt like it was some sort of a triumph, like I was fighting to keep my freedom. No guilt, just that sensation. I had power.

--

That night, I was once again at Jimmy’s side, following him around the biggest house party that I’d ever been to yet. The kid’s parents were out of town for a week, and he was leaving the house open to any and everyone who would be willing to come out, so needless to say, everyone did. I stood with Jimmy, still uncomfortable with the party scene to go off on my own. I sipped on a beer that Jimmy had pressed into my hands, hoping that somehow, it would make me more social like Jimmy insisted so vehemently upon when he gave it to me. Honestly, it didn’t taste all that great, but I guess that was the way it was supposed to taste.

After the first beer, I started to feel kind of heavy, like my insides were just working too hard and I was overheating. My eyes started drooping and all I could think about was sitting down somewhere. Jimmy was still walking around talking to people and I couldn’t just do it anymore. I wandered over to the living area, only to find to my disappointment, that the couch was already occupied by several people. I sighed, and looked around dismissively, until I decided that the floor was a good enough spot, and sat down, back against the wall, knees up near my chest. After a few minutes, or maybe a bit more than that, I don’t know, a boy came up next to me and crouched down, two beers in his hand.

“Hey, it looks like you need one,” he said, offering out the unopened beer to me.

“Thanks,” I said, not really realizing how quietly I said it. I tried for a couple seconds to yank the bottlecap off, but didn’t have much success. Defeated, I offered up the bottle to him, trying to give him a look that said I was pretty much helpless.

He laughed lightly, and took the bottle from me, unscrewing it within a matter of seconds.

“Thanks,” I said, with a slight smile on my face.

“No problem hun,” he said, giving me a little nudge, picking his own drink back up off the ground. “Maybe I’ll catch you around later?”

I stopped for a second, not really knowing what he was trying to say. I had never really had one of these kids talk to me without Jimmy here; and then he’d usually be the one talking anyway. I gave him a tentative smile.

“Sure.”

He smiled at me, and then walked back into the kitchen.