Neon Hurt
the needle on my record player has been wearing thin
Mira hated the city. She hated the lights. She hated how nothing seemed real. She hated that you could walk past thousands of people in one day without remembering a face, or seeing one you knew. She hated how unimportant she felt, speeding through crowds of people, trying to get to her nine to five job on time. She hated how no one seemed to give a damn. But if there was one thing Mira hated more than anything about the city, it was the inability to see the stars. It felt so plastic to her. She felt like a Barbie Doll, with her never home boyfriend, and boring job. She felt artificial, walking past people, their faces blurring together. Everyone became the same – personalities disappeared. How could anyone want to live like that?
She leaned against the metal railing of the balcony, and stared off into the distance. Even in the midst of a residential area, the city was still visible, haunting her. She glanced up, watching airplane lights trail by, pretending they were stars. It was times like these – these three a.m. ventures into the night – that she missed Mississippi more than anything. She didn’t know what made her decide she wanted to be in California, but she despised that part of her mind.
“Mira?”
“I’m out here.” She called, turning her head slightly.
She felt Brendon’s arms around wrap around her hipbones, and his stubble-covered chin brush against her shoulder. “What are you doing out here, baby?” He asked, pressing his lips against her neck.
Mira unwrapped her fingers from around the metal bar, and cupped his elbows. “Just thinking.” She said, leaning back so her shoulder blades dug into his pecs.
“About what?” He asked, resting his chin on her clavicle bone.
“I miss Meridian,” She said flatly, answering his question. “I hate everything about this city. I have to get out of here, Brendon. It’s killing me.”
He lifted his head and stood up straight, sliding his arms back until his hands were draped across her hipbones. He turned her to face him. “Mira, you know I have to stay in the city.”
She stared at his face, trying to perceive his facial expression. She hated how far apart they’d grown. Before she’d known him so well. His habits, preferences, pet peeves – it was almost like they were her own. Now she didn’t even know if he cared about her anymore. She didn’t want to believe that they’d grown so far apart that their love had disappeared. “I’m so confused,” She said finally, looking away from his face.
“I’m not,” Brendon said, reaching up and angling her face back towards him. “Mira, I know you don’t like it here. To be honest, I’m not sure I like it either. But I have to be here. We’re always going to have to make sacrifices for each other – Los Angeles is the first one. You have to make it work, baby.”
“Something has to change,” She said, firmly. “I don’t know what, but I can’t go on living like this.”
He smiled at her, obviously under the impression that he had won. “I’ll help you make whatever changes you need. The city can be beautiful, you know. You just have to understand it.”
Mira turned back around, staring off towards the city once again. Something about his tone of voice made her uneasy. She hated how it seemed like it would be so simple to him – how she was so simple to him. He’d never spoken to her like that. Ever since they met, he’d treated her like she was brilliant. What had she done to cause him to suddenly think she was so plain? He knew she didn’t stand for anything less than she deserved. She’d always been under the impression that that was one of the reasons he loved her. It didn’t make sense to Mira. But, nothing made sense in her frazzled mind anymore. Maybe, just maybe, she had become simple.
She leaned against the metal railing of the balcony, and stared off into the distance. Even in the midst of a residential area, the city was still visible, haunting her. She glanced up, watching airplane lights trail by, pretending they were stars. It was times like these – these three a.m. ventures into the night – that she missed Mississippi more than anything. She didn’t know what made her decide she wanted to be in California, but she despised that part of her mind.
“Mira?”
“I’m out here.” She called, turning her head slightly.
She felt Brendon’s arms around wrap around her hipbones, and his stubble-covered chin brush against her shoulder. “What are you doing out here, baby?” He asked, pressing his lips against her neck.
Mira unwrapped her fingers from around the metal bar, and cupped his elbows. “Just thinking.” She said, leaning back so her shoulder blades dug into his pecs.
“About what?” He asked, resting his chin on her clavicle bone.
“I miss Meridian,” She said flatly, answering his question. “I hate everything about this city. I have to get out of here, Brendon. It’s killing me.”
He lifted his head and stood up straight, sliding his arms back until his hands were draped across her hipbones. He turned her to face him. “Mira, you know I have to stay in the city.”
She stared at his face, trying to perceive his facial expression. She hated how far apart they’d grown. Before she’d known him so well. His habits, preferences, pet peeves – it was almost like they were her own. Now she didn’t even know if he cared about her anymore. She didn’t want to believe that they’d grown so far apart that their love had disappeared. “I’m so confused,” She said finally, looking away from his face.
“I’m not,” Brendon said, reaching up and angling her face back towards him. “Mira, I know you don’t like it here. To be honest, I’m not sure I like it either. But I have to be here. We’re always going to have to make sacrifices for each other – Los Angeles is the first one. You have to make it work, baby.”
“Something has to change,” She said, firmly. “I don’t know what, but I can’t go on living like this.”
He smiled at her, obviously under the impression that he had won. “I’ll help you make whatever changes you need. The city can be beautiful, you know. You just have to understand it.”
Mira turned back around, staring off towards the city once again. Something about his tone of voice made her uneasy. She hated how it seemed like it would be so simple to him – how she was so simple to him. He’d never spoken to her like that. Ever since they met, he’d treated her like she was brilliant. What had she done to cause him to suddenly think she was so plain? He knew she didn’t stand for anything less than she deserved. She’d always been under the impression that that was one of the reasons he loved her. It didn’t make sense to Mira. But, nothing made sense in her frazzled mind anymore. Maybe, just maybe, she had become simple.