Holding Me Tight, Wherever You Go

Tyler and I were laying in bed one morning with his arm wrapped around my waist pulling me into him. I was around my 6th month now and Tyler and I were so prepared to be parents. Our family and friends have accepted it as well and were very excited.

I sighed in content but Tyler gasped.

"Babe?" he said nervous, "I think your water just broke,"

"No it didn't," I laughed.

"Madison, there is something wet on our bed," he said unwrapping his arm from around me and I moved and we saw a very big red spot on our bed. "Oh my god," he immediately went in protective mode as I sat there in shock and fear.

He lifted me off the bed and carried me to the car buckling me in. Once we got to the hospital he carried me in and began to yell for help.

"My girlfriend is bleeding and she's pregnant," he said to anyone who would listen not putting me down. A nurse came running over with a bed and Tyler laid me down.

"What's going to happen?" I asked.

"It's going to be fine baby, everything will be fine," he said kissing my forehead.

"We are going to find a doctor, in the meantime you just wait in this room and if you need to make any calls go right ahead," the nurse told us after pushing me into a room in the maternity wing.

"I'm gonna go call our parents," Tyler said.

Tyler's POV

I went out into the hallway and first called Maddie's house.

"Hello?" Coach answered.

"Hey Coach, it's Tyler," I said, " Is Carrie there?"

"Yeah, is everything okay?" he asked.

"Not really,"

"Okay, I will go get her," he said before I heard him yell to Carrie, "Car, it's Tyler! Something is wrong,"

"Hi, Tyler Sweetie?" she answered soothingly.

"Carrie, I-I M-Maddie," I tried to get out but tears of worry were in my eyes and I began getting choked up.

"Tyler, calm down. You need to tell me what's wrong with Maddie," she said calmly.

"I don't know, we woke up this morning and e-everything was fine. T-then I felt s-something w-wet and Carrie, she is bleeding. I just, I just have this really bad feeling,"

"Okay, are you guys at the hospital?"

"Yeah, I-I don't know what h-happened,"

"We are on our way now, just Tyler calm down, everything is going to be okay,"

"I-I still have to t-tell my m-mom, but I just w-want to g-go back in with Maddie, I-I n-need to be in th-there with her,"

"Okay, you go back in and we will go pick up your mother and explain everything to her. Tyler, everything is going to be okay, just go back in there with Maddie, you need to be strong for her," she said and I nodded although she couldn't hear me and hung up.

I went right back in with Maddie. She laid there with her eyes close but not asleep just trying to come herself. I picked up her hand in both of mine and kissed it lightly. She opened her worried eyes and looked over at me.

"Madison Davies?" the doctor asked coming in.

"Yes," she responded weakly.

"I am just going to ask you a few questions first, there are a few possibilities in what could be happening this late in the pregnancy and hopefully we can rule them all out," Maddie just nodded, "First, have you had any cramping or back pain?"

"Yes, I just thought that was normal with pregnancy,"

"Yes, it can be." is all the doctor said before moving on, "Has the baby been moving a lot?"

"Not really, not as much as before at least,"

"Okay, well I think I know what is going on," the doctor began with sad eyes, "I have a feeling your are having a placental abruption. It is when the placenta partially or fully separates from the uterus,"

"Is the baby going to be okay?" I asked.

"Well, this can deprive your baby from oxygen and nutrients which causes the bleeding, we won't be sure until we do an ultrasound,"

"Will Maddie be in any danger?" I asked nervously.

"This can effect both the mom and baby but at least for Maddie it is looking up, her vitals are very good," I just nodded, "I am going to do the ultrasound now,"

Just like usual they put the cold gel on Maddie's stomach and she shivered just like she always does when they do that. Then the ultrasound began. The doctor was moving the transducer probe all over her stomach but there was no noise.

"Where is the heart beat?" Maddie asked quietly.

The doctor turned off the machine and then looked at us with sad eyes, "I am so sorry but it looks like your are going to have to go into an induced labor and deliver a stillborn,"

Tears immediately came to my eyes. My baby is gone. Maddie and I won't have our little girl. I saw Maddie was crying as well.

Maddie got a C-Section and they let us see our baby which still wasn't fully formed, then took her away from us.

"You said everything was going to be okay," Maddie whispered.

"Madds,"

"No, I believed you," she cried.

"I know you did, I did too," I said trying not to show my quivering lip.

"Can you please just give me a minute?" she asked.

I nodded and lightly kissed her forehead, then her nose, then her lip and walked out in the hallway still in the scrubs I had to wear during the procedure. I leaned against the wall before sitting down against it with my knees bent, my arms resting on them and my head buried in the hole it made. I sat there and cried softly to myself.

"Tyler?" I heard my mom and Carrie's voice. I looked up at them and all three of them looked terrified when they saw me by myself.

"Maddie is in there," I pointed to the door as I stood up and cleared their suspicions of Maddie dying. The thought of that just made everything worse.

"What happened?" Coach asked.

"W-We lost t-the baby," I spit out as all 3 gasped and my mom came rushing over to me wrapping her arms around me as I began sobbing. Coach and Carrie went in the room to see Maddie as I used the comfort of my mom.

▼▲

It's been a week since we got home from the hospital where we were told of the loss of our child. Maddie still hasn't spoken to me and it is killing me. I have to go back to practice this week but I don't want to leave her alone knowing she strongly despises me right now.

"Baby, you have to get out of bed at sometime," I told her and she cringed.

"Don't call me that," she snapped. I mentally slapped myself in the head for saying that word. I should've known it wouldn't help.

▼▲

It had now been a month since the incident and Maddie was talking but still very hateful towards me.

"Madds, why do you hate me so much?" I asked one night.

"I don't your just really annoying. If I don't want to do anything, then I don't have to do anything. If I don't want to talk, I don't have to talk. Stop making me do stuff I don't want to do," she snapped before getting up and going into bed.

▼▲

It has now been 3 months

"Maddie, you need to get out and do something," I said to her.

"It's obvious you didn't love our baby as much as I did," she snapped.

"How could you even say that!"

"You don't seem upset whatsoever,"

"You think I'm not upset? I just lost my child and now I'm basically losing my girlfriend who hasn't talked to me in 3 months. All I can think about is what happened 3 months ago and I won't ever stop. That was our baby Madison, not just yours. I love her so much and she was taken away from us. I'm just trying to keep living my life. I will never forget her but we can't mourn for the rest of our lives Maddie, we need to move on from this."

"Well, I don't want to move on," she said childishly.

"Well, then I don't know how this is going to work," I said pointing between us before walking into our bedroom.

The next morning when I came home from football practice I saw Maddie and her parents in the living room with all of her stuff packed in suitcases.

"What's going on?" I asked nervous.

"Tyler, I think it's best if we are apart for a little while and heal on our own because obviously it's not working this way," she whispered before handing me an envelope and giving my cheek a longer than usual kiss, then walked out the door.

"I'm sorry son," Coach said before walking out after her.

"Tyler, if you need anything don't be afraid to call. We love you like our own and even though you and Maddie are taking a break you are still our family," Carrie said before giving me a hug which I didn't return because I was still in complete shock then they walked out the door.

I looked down at the envelope with my name on it and opened it to find a letter in Maddie's beautiful handwriting. Maddie gave me notes in high school all the time but I knew this one would be nothing like any of those.

I walked to a door Maddie nor I had been in since we got back from the hospital that day. I walked into our baby girl's room room and sat in the chair by the crib and read the letter from my Maddie.

Tyler,

Today is the day that our baby girl would have been born and also the day I have decided to go back home. I don't want you to think I don't love you Tyler, because believe me I do. I know how horribly I have treated you over the past few months and I am so sorry for that. I never meant to hurt you or ruin our relationship but I did both. I don't want you to think this is your fault that I am leaving because it's not. I really just need time for myself, time to heal but I couldn't do that around you. It's not because you weren't comforting because you were, those first few weeks you were so sweet to me and I understand that you got tired of it but being around you just brought back way to many memories. I couldn't look at you without thinking of the baby and what our future could have been. She would've looked just like you Ty, I know it. We would've been such great parents, you would have been such an amazing father. But for me to move on I couldn't be around things that reminded me of what could've been. I am so sorry Tyler. Don't ever doubt that our relationship, our love wasn't real because it was. I'm sorry, but this is what's best, for both of us. Maybe one day our paths will cross again. We just need to leave it up to fate. I'm sorry, I love you.

Madds.