Summer Nights

The next day went by slowly. I didn’t see Jake at all, even though when I asked Braxton, he’d finally called his friend to apologize. Apparently, Jacob was staying at Vaughn’s dorm. It was a day of torment, because I didn’t know how to contact Jake without totally blowing our cover. But the whole point of our relationship staying secretly was suddenly beyond me and I spent hours in my day fretting and holding back tears. I felt like I was overreacting, but I kept repeating that final night at the beach in my head. Had it all been meaningless?
And then there was the whole chemo situation, and I went online and researched the survival rates of people who had stomach cancer and were under thirty. It was high, almost ninety percent, but that other ten percent was still a lot. And of course, there was the chance that the cancer would come back. I was worried about him, especially after he’d confessed that he was scared too. Chemo seemed horrible, and in a way, I didn’t blame him and his mood swings – one second he was calling me a bitch, the other he was crying on my shoulder, and then the next time he was being totally distant.
My parents were going to come home tomorrow and then, in a few days, I would start packing to leave in two weeks. A new school year in Maine was heading my way at the speed of light. I’d realized that Jake and I’s relationship would have an inevitable end then anyways, I’d just never thought about it, preferring to let this flow. I shook my head, telling myself I was just being stupid and over thinking things. But the truth was that I felt like I was back at the ocean, caught between the sand and a tough wave, unable to get up. I was just sinking further and further. I couldn’t see an answer to my problems.
On the morning of Jake’s chemo, my parents arrived. It wasn’t much of an event, since they came and left regularly. We had breakfast together, but both Braxton and I could barely talk. At around noon, we got into his car, got Emma, and drove to the hospital. We met Vaughn inside, and he led us quietly down the hospital’s hallways. We finally entered a glass room in which the curtains were drawn. Jake was sitting on the bed.
The five of us – Jack, Vaughn, Braxton, Emma, and I – sat in the chairs around the room.
Finally, Braxton broke the silence. “So, when is it happening?”
“In an hour,” Jake responded. “They need to redo the test for my white blood cell count, and they have to check to see that I don’t have any infections.”
There was another long pause. “How long is it going to take?”
“Not very long. They weren’t very specific. But I’ll be able to get out tomorrow.”
“Are you going back to my place?" Vaughn asked.
Jake’s eyes flashed to mine, and then he looked down. “Uh…with Danielle.”
My eyes grew wide as the whole world fucking stopped, along with my heartbeat. It was just sudden. Like, one moment, I’d wanted to kiss him and tell him that nothing bad would happen to him, and then…well, I didn’t exactly want to murder him but something close to it. Maybe I’d heard wrong. I was about to yell out ‘What!?’ But Emma beat me to it.
“What?” she screamed. “You fucking asshole!” Suddenly, she looked at me, anger disappearing from her face as she realized what she’d said. “That’s fucking g-great! You managed to get her back! Fucking awesome!” she covered, sitting back down in her chair, as she’d stood out of excitement.
Braxton looked at her. “What the hell?”
She shook her head quietly, but everyone could tell she was fuming. Her hands were clenched into tight little fists, and I wanted to cry because she was such a goddamned good friend. Well, I wanted to cry because of other reasons too, but I didn’t blink so the tears wouldn’t fall, and I bit the inside of my cheek hard as I stared at my nails. I hated the hotness of the tears, the prickling of my eyes, the stuffiness of my nose.
I couldn't believe it. Just like this? No warning? This was his way of telling me all of it had been meaningless?
There was some silence, and then Jake asked awkwardly, “So, Wynter…H-How’s Fuzz?” He'd singled me out with his stupid question, trying to see what my reaction was.
I looked up into his eyes, and it was obvious he wanted to tell me something, but I finally blinked. A tear fell from my eye and I quickly wiped it away. Fuck it. I couldn't play this game.
I managed to force a smile. “I’m sorry. I-I just can’t believe this is happening to you,” I said, trying to make people believe I was crying because of Jake’s condition. In a way, I was. My emotions were drowning me again. “I just…you know, I don’t feel really well. Braxton, can you take me home?”
“Wynter, come on, we just got here,” he responded, and I wanted to punch him in the face. “Anyways, I can't leave Jacob.”
“Can I have the keys?”
“To the car? No, you’re not registered on the insurance and you know it.”
“I’ll take her,” Jack said from the corner.
My head snapped toward him as he stood. Jack was being nice to me? Was there a catch?
I looked around the room slowly, but realized no better offer would come.
“Thanks,” I muttered finally to him, and I got on my feet. “Bye guys. Good luck, Jake,” I said without looking at him.
“Hey, Wynter,” Jacob called, his voice urgent.
“Hm?” I said without turning as Jack held the door open for me.
There was a pause. “Do you really have to go?” he asked, and his voice was layered with sadness. I might have stayed - except my pride was too large. He'd used me, fine. Guys did that. But couldn't he have put in the fucking minimal effort to let me off easy? I couldn't believe this was how I had to find out the guy I'd given my virginity to was getting back with his old girlfriend. Was she even pregnant, like she'd claimed to be?
“I'm sorry,” I responded, truthfully. "Good luck."I started walking, following Jack back to his car. Who would have thought he'd be the one to rescue me? When we made it outside, he had to break the ice with his amazing talent of saying awkward things.
“Did you...” he started, his voice trailing off. After a couple seconds, he tried again. "You and Jake...you guys had a thing going on?"
“No.” My voice was too defensive, my answer to abrupt.
"Wynter..."
I got into his car and closed the door a bit too forcefully. I jumped, then tried to calm my beating heart. He got in the driver's seat, started the car, and drove onto the main road.
"Look, I'm not a dumbass. I may be one when I'm drunk, but I can sort of see that the two of you, well..." I think he was trying to make a joke.
I wiped my eyes, and I sighed heavily. "Just shut up and drive me home, Jack."
"Look, has it ever occurred to you that I feel like shit everyday I see you, because you're a fucking constant reminder of how much I messed up?"
I gave a little sniffle. Way to randomly bring up a topic I'd been trying to forget. "I don't need this right now, Jack. I just don't want to have this conversation. What you did...it's in the past so let's just stop talking about it."
I couldn't wait to get home, take a hot bath, relax, then cry myself to sleep. Ugh, talk about wallowing in self-pity.
“You know, he didn’t deserve you.”
“Maybe I didn’t deserve him," I shot back, completely miserable.
“No, Jake’s an idiot. He doesn’t love Danielle. He’s afraid of love. So he’s sticking it out with her, playing it safe.”
“Save the ‘You’re Too Good For Him’ speech for someone else, Jack,” I sighed, even though I really wanted to believe it. “I just…I thought there was going to be a perfect end to my summer, but it looks like it's only going downhill. Shit, I don’t even feel like crying anymore. I did too much of that already. In a way, I’m glad I’m leaving this dumb town.”
“Come on, don’t say stuff like that. You’ll be back, you’ll see.” Wow. This was Jack at his nicest. Braxton's friends continued to surprise me. I'd always known Vaughn had a nice side, I'd recently found Jacob's, and now here was Jack's. Maybe they weren't the Quad from Hell after all.
“Well, I don't know. I mean, I'm going off to Maine anyways. It was really stupid to start something with Jacob, but I just couldn't stop myself. And now-" my voice broke. "He doesn't even tell me that we're over. I mean, sure we never had a legit date, but I thought - I thought...How could he do this?" I sobbed, wiping my tears. Jesus, they were just flowing, and I was hating myself for it. I'd always thought I would be one of those girls that would never cry over a man.
But here I was, doing exactly that. I'd given myself to him, fully, after - realistically speaking - only a week. A huge mistake. And the fact that the 'L Word' had been on the tip of my tongue...
"I hate seeing you like this Wynter. I've known you since you were a little kid. I mean, sure I've always thought you were annoying as hell, but-"
I forced a grin, even though my heart was broken. “Thanks.”
He flashed a smile at me as he spun the wheel and turned left. "No problem." He sombered. "Look....Jake....He's a bit more complicated then you think. I don't know how much you know about him - where's he's from and shit. But he has history. He's had a really tough life, believe it or not. And now, with this cancer shit. Fuck, it was hard as hell keeping it from your brother-"
"You knew?" I asked, surprised. Jack had known about Jake's cancer?
"Yeah. He called me first. Asshole that I am, I'm a pretty good secret keeper, or something, because right after he got the diagnosis from his doctor, he told me about it and asked me if I could hook him up with a place to stay while he figured some stuff out. I don't have any space in my apartment - I have two other roomates - so I told him to try Braxton. He was reluctant as shit to talk to him, so in the end, we agreed that we shouldn't tell Braxton. He doesn't handle things well at all. You're brother's a great guy, don't get me wrong, but sometimes...."
"I get what you mean," I reassured him. He'd piqued my curiosity about Jacob, and I wanted him to finish. "Go on."
He opened his mouth, but then he hesitated. "I don't know if it's okay to tell you. It's just that, well, Jacob's parents - I think you've noticed - they've been out of the picture since he was a kid. He's pretty much been on his own. Danielle's a coniving bitch, but she's beautiful so Jacob is eating out of her hand. He doesn't love her. Loves the idea of her - someone that loves and needs him without the need to have those feelings reciprocated."
I'd never known Jack was such a Jacob expert. Usually, Vaughn was with Jack and Jacob with Braxton, but it seemed that Jack had a few tricks up his sleeves. "What should I do?" I found myself asking. Was I seriously still trying to be with Jacob, even after his retarded way of brushing me off?
Jack shrugged. "Just give him time."
That's it? That's all he was gonna give me? I knew my source had shut down, so I quietly pondered the information he'd given me.
"Okay, I will," I said. What if what Jack said was true? What if Jacob had returned to Danielle because he cared about me - and for some reason he was afraid. Cheesy as that sounded, I quickly grabbed onto that hope; and I held onto it with all that I was worth. Right then my heart and brain couldn't take the fact that I'd merely been used for sex and tossed asside. I had to believe that I was worth more.
Abruptly, an idea popped into my head. I needed to leave for Maine in two and a half weeks. What if I would head up there earlier? Nate and I had considered moving in together - what if, instead of staying at the honors dorms, I would move in with him? He was heading up there in three days, and I knew he was looking for a roomate. It would be slightly more expensive, and I didn't know if my parents were alright with it either...but the chance of getting away from Jacob was too inviting.
I needed to have him out of my sight, or the heartbreak would be fresh. And all that shit about him caring me - it was exactly that...shit. He'd used me for sex, end of story. Now he was back with Danielle, who'd supposedly dumped him because she'd cared too much about their baby to let him stay with a cancerous father.
The story sounded like bull crap.
My mind was made up. It was time to leave West Virignia, damn hell-hole filled with rednecks. I would go to Maine early and never look back. Jacob was a chapter in life - albeit a nice, short one - but now it was over, and I had to move on.
I needed to start over. Maine was the perfect place to do that.