The Disease Called Men

Meetings are only for businesspeople and other people who can’t make up their minds!

Cerise’s foolproof, absolutely sure and successful business meeting tactics:
1. Always use a lead pencil. So when the lead breaks, it may accidentally fly into the poor unsuspecting neighbour’s eye. Bonus points for sitting next to someone you don’t like!
2. To sound clever, always use at least two smart and intelligent adjectives, nouns or verbs.
3. Make sure you look neat and respectable and that your uniform is pressed and ironed.
4. When the topic is dull and boring, always remember to nod your head often and frequently respond when necessary.



Heaving a sigh of a long-suffering old man, I slowly trudged my way to the Student Council Room. I had to attend an annoying combined Student Council Meeting. ‘Combined’ as in, it was a meeting with both Brookfield and Aldenbury students. It was ‘annoying’ as in, well, a meeting with Brookfield students was bound to be annoying.

Apparently this meeting was an important meeting to discuss the finer details for uniting the schools. Yuck. How disgusting. I stared at the door knob, the entrance to my gates of hell. I really, really did not want to go. How annoying. I wanted to go home as soon as possible and pack, but now I had to stay behind after school and go to this annoying meeting with those annoying boys.

“Hey man, did you hear?”

And those annoying boys were loud as well. I could hear them from outside. Knowing there was no temporary solution, I began to slowly turn the doorknob. Better get this over with.

“…Yeah. The female president is actually the daughter of the principal!”

Instantly, I let go of the doorknob and shifted forward. Were they talking about me?

“Dude! I hope she’s hot! We’ll be seeing her around a lot!”

Damn lechers! That’s none of their business! I hope I’m ugly to you so your eyes burn and you cry in the disappointment you’ve brought yourself into.

“Have you seen the principal?”

“No?”

“He’s what you’d say…”

How dare they! I gripped onto the doorknob. He may be bald, yes, and he may be childish yes, but he was my bald principal. Only I could make fun of the principal!

“Cerise, what the hell are you doing?”

I immediately spun around. Yasmin and Julia were standing behind me. Yasmin raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at me.

“Uh, I was just waiting for you guys. We can all go in now.” I bowed as I took a step back. Yasmin shook her head at me as she entered the room first with Julia following behind. I heaved another deep sigh as I shuffled into the room. This sucks.

At least a couple pairs of eyes watched me as I entered the room. I had never felt so uncomfortable entering a room before. As I looked for a chair, I quickly surveyed the room and the creatures in it. The Student Council room looked like one of our standard classrooms, only with lesser desks and a kitchen. The room appeared smaller than usual today, with the additional students lounging around the desks.

“There’s a seat here!” A guy with familiar blonde hair raised his hand. I recognised his voice. He was the first voice of the conversation I had eavesdropped earlier – the one who insulted the bald principal! I glared at him. He winked back.

As I made my way to the free seat, I immediately recognised the blonde’s face. He was that blonde potential murderer I met at the student office in Brookfield. Crap.

I quickly scanned the room once more. Damn. There were no other free seats – none next to Julia, or Yasmin even. Of course Yasmin took the best seat available – furthest from the boys. I reluctantly took the seat and sat a polite distance from him. Although I was probably squashed up to the other guy next to me. Oh well. I definitely did not want to be recognised by that blonde.

“Has the female pres arrived yet?” Asked the other guy who was sitting next to me. I did a double take. To my horror, I recognised him too. He was that Nikko guy.

Shit. I was practically cornered by the two people I definitely did not want to see.

“We’re just waiting for the principal.” I replied, looking away and trying to avoid eye contact from either of the two guys I was sitting next to. Yasmin stared at me.

The blonde grinned. “Man, I hope the pres looks nothing like the Principal!”

I inwardly glared at him. Nikko frowned at the blonde. “Who cares? We should just get this over and done with already.”

Suddenly the door swung open. “Welcome everyone!” It was the bald principal.

“Sir, you’re late.” Yasmin yawned, glancing at the clock.

“Only by five minutes.” The bald principal said as he shut the door. He surveyed the room. “Is your principal here?”

“She was,” that Nikko guy answered, “but then she left to get some coffee while waiting.”

The bald man looked thoughtful, “Then we can use this time to get to know each other.”

I made a face.

The bald principal looked at me. “Can I trust you to call me when the other principal arrives? I’ll just make coffee while we wait for her to make her coffee.”

I frowned at his logic. But the bald principal had already left the room.

Suddenly, the guy who was sitting next to Julia jumped out of his seat and hooted. “Introduction time!” He hooted as he clapped his hands and rushed to the front of the room, near the whiteboard. I inwardly glared at him. He was the second voice of the conversation I was eavesdropping to.

The blonde cheered. “Name? Age? Birthday? Relationship status? Star Sign? Type? Rate?”

Yasmin frowned, disgust was clearly written on her face. “What is this? A dating service?!”

The guy who was at the front of the room pretended to blush. “I’m Clark Kyleson. But you can call me ‘Kyles’.”

The blonde ‘oohed’, Julia blushed and Yasmin rolled her eyes while that Nikko guy just groaned.

Kyles continued, “I’m 17 this year, my birthday is on December 28th so that means I’m a… Leo?”

“Sagittarius,” I corrected.

Kyles grinned at me. “Alright, I can be a Sagittarius. My type of girl is a hot girl.”

Yasmin and I scoffed at him.

“Also, I’m single.” He raised his eyebrows in a suggestive manner. “Rate me?”

I groaned. I was tempted to call the bald principal only to end this!

“Negative ten!” The blonde guy hooted.

Kyles pouted. “Now how do I look like?” He asked as he walked around the room doing a flamboyant catwalk, sashaying his hips with each step.

“Like a dickhead,” replied Nikko, as he propped us his elbow onto the table and rested his chin on it.

Clutching his heart, Kyles looked mock hurt. “Girls! Can you believe that? Nikko is bullying to me! How mean!” He began to approach me. He looked like he wanted a hug. No, he wanted a hug!

I immediately backed away. “Th-that’s dirty! Stay away!”

Nikko snorted. “She says you’re dirty. Why don’t you leave, get your face checked or something.”

“Don’t treat me as if I’m an STD!” Kyles cried indignantly.

“Careful,” Nikko whispered to me, but loud enough for Kyles to hear. He nodded his head to Kyles, “those thing are infectious.”

Kyles frowned at Nikko and clutched his heart. “You guys are horrible! I’m leaving.”

“Careful not to drip,” I added.

Nikko snickered. Julia blushed and shook her head at Nikko and me. Yasmin mumbled something incoherent, but along the lines of, “You guys are terrible. Just because he has an STD doesn’t mean he’s a disease.”

Kyles immediately turned to Yasmin. “No, you’re wrong! I don't have - ”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Julia nodded, “It’s just an infection.”

Kyles looked at everyone, eyebrows furrowed. “No way...”

The blonde guy just laughed, then jumped to his feet and hooted. “My turn! My turn!”

Kyles frowned at him. “Dude, It has to be a girl! You know the order, boy, girl, boy, girl, boy, girl!”

The blonde guy sat back down and pouted. “Fine then.”

Kyles turned to Julia, grinning. “Okay, my beautiful chocolate Queen, you’re next in line! What’s your name?”

“Please don’t call me that.” Julia groaned as she looked downward to her lap, her fingers fidgeting. “I-I…I prefer to be skipped. I don’t like public speaking.”

Kyles frowned, leaning forward onto a desk. “No name? Mysterious, I like that. Then what are you here for?”

Yasmin and I scoffed at this Kyles character. Were all boys like this? Julia blushed and looked at her hands. She was fiddling with her watch. “I-I’m the student council treasurer.”

The blonde got up. “That’s enough, Kyles. Let her be. Obviously, she doesn’t want to catch your disease. We’ll skip her, so it’s my turn.” He struck a pose. “I am Cody Miller!”

I groaned. Made sense. I remembered there were the initials of “CM” on the sports uniform.

Cody Miller turned to me, grinning. “Don’t tell me you’ve already fallen in love with me.”

Kyles sniffed. “Aw, Miller! I was aiming for her! You know I always go for the blondes!”

I looked at Kyles, horrified.

“Just kidding.” He winked at me. “I have no preference.”

I shuddered. Why, oh why was I not allowed to dye my hair red?

“If this is all we’re doing then I’m going home,” Nikko grunted.

“Aw, Nikko! You’re such a party poop. Don’t you want to meet and get to know these fine ladies?” asked Kyles.

Nikko turned to Kyles as he stood up. “No. But I’m pretty sure they don’t want to meet you.”

Miller shook his head at Nikko. “Tsk, tsk, tsk. The male president is skipping his duties. I wonder what I should say to the principals.”

Nikko groaned as he sat back down. “Can we just say our names for the introductions then? I could care less about these girls’ sizes or birthdays, so let’s get this over and done with.”

Kyles frowned at him. “Nikko?”

“What?”

“Are you gay?”

“Fuck you.”

“Gladly.”

Julia gasped. “What… What are you saying…? You aren’t implying…”

“A public confession!” I gasped.

“Nice,” Yasmin nodded.

“What?” Kyles went red. “N-no! Not like that! I didn’t mean – argh!”

Julia, Miller and I all looked at Kyles. Julia and I watched as Miller patted Kyles on the back, “It’s alright, it’s alright. This is a safe place. We won’t say anything more on this matter if you don’t want – ”

Kyles frowned. “What ‘matter’?! There isn’t anything to it! You all know I was joking, right?!”

“Ah, what to do?” Nikko sighed, “So early in the year and I already have to break someone's heart…”

Kyles growled, “Stop joking around Nikko!”

Nikko frowned at Kyles, his eyes narrowed. “Then don’t make the joke, dickhead.”

Kyles groaned as he slumped into his chair.

“S-so you’re the male president?” Yasmin asked.

Nikko propped up his arm on the desk and rested his chin on it. “And if I were?”

“This school is screwed.”

Kyles and Miller laughed. “Are you the female president?” asked Kyles.

“No, the female vice president.” Yasmin answered, looking very bored and annoyed.

“Right,” said Miller, “So if you’re the vice president, and she’s the treasurer,” Miller then dramatically pointed at me, “then you’re the female president?!”

Everyone turned to me. I was too busy drawing on the desk. “Huh?”

“Dude! She looks nothing like her father!” Kyles loudly whispered to Miller, “Score!”

“Cody Miller, secretary, at your service.” Miller took a bow.

Kyles followed suit. “Clark ‘Kyles’ Kyleson, vice president, at your service.”

Yasmin groaned in response, “You’re vice president?! Great.”

Nikko frowned as he looked at me. “I swear we’ve met before.”

Miller chuckled. “Yeah, in your dreams!”

Kyles hooted and laughed, “You mean, in his wet dre – ”

Kyles never got to finish that sentence as Nikko punched him in the gut. From Kyles’ reaction, I wasn’t too sure it was that friendly.

Miller just laughed, as if punching friends was completely normal. “Now who’s the one trying to pick up girls!”

Nikko glared at Miller. “No, you dickhead. I’m not.” He turned to me and leaned in, closely scrutinising me.

I edged away from him. It was only recently that I had broke into BBC. Luckily he didn’t recognise me. Good.

“Dude, you’re freaking her out. Don’t you know the proper way to ask a girl out?” chided Kyles.

“I’m pretty sure you don’t know any better,” Nikko mumbled in response.

Suddenly, Nikko’s green eyes widened in recognition. Crap. He remembered me. “You! I remember you now! You were the one from my office!”

Luckily for me, the bald principal had returned. He was accompanied with a woman.

“I hope everyone became acquainted.”

Now, I don’t want to bore you with the rancid details, but this is what pretty much happened:

Bald Man: Now, as the student body representatives, we – the principals of the schools – would like to know your ideas and opinions on this matter.

STD: I am absolutely in favour with this arrangement. There is nothing more to say. Except that the female uniforms need to be ten inches shorter, and five sizes tighter.

Cerise: Objection!!

Grumpy, Lazy Thing: Objection denied. Women have no say in this matter. Go back to the kitchen.

Little Mister Secretary: Agreed. It is settled then. Cerise will make our sandwiches and Brookfield and Aldenbury shall unite. Also, Aldenbury uniforms shall be adjusted.

Antagonist: I agree with the awesome, wonderful, attractive female president! This should not be legalised!

Bald man: On what basis do you two object?

Cerise: On –

Bald Man: Denied. All in favour for Brookfield and Aldenbury to unite into one school, say ‘I’.

Losers: I!!

And that’s how the meeting went. Pretty unfair, wasn’t it?!