Status: Edit: 2017 guysss I'm back. (Formerly called 'Colour of Hate')
The Disease Called Men
Lesson 6
No matter who you are, you will always be embarrassed of your family.
Cerise’s sincere reasons why you should never EVER go to a family reunion:
1. Children. I repeat, CHILDREN WILL BE THERE!
2. The sound of children doesn’t put you off enough? How about all those senile aunties that have a mole on their face with a hair or two coming out wanting a kiss from you?!
3. “So Cerise, do you have a boyfriend yet?”
4. “Why not? You know, when I was your age I …” blah blah blah “countless boyfriends, hundreds of suitors, millions of stalke – uh, I mean secret admirers and many nights of…” Yuck.
DO NOT WANT.
Van Goldenburg.
No matter how fancy-schmancy it looks or sounds like, I will never be able to fully acknowledge that name. Never. Why? Because my family has always been full of weirdo’s. I know too much about that name. Take my father for example. Technically, my father is not ‘weird’. Nor does he act ‘weird’. He just looks weird. Why?
Because he’s bald.
Once upon a time, back when the dinosaurs, no, back when my father had hair, he managed to blackmail (he says ‘charm’ but I know better) his way into a beautiful soap actress life. He married her, had five beautiful children, then life got back at him by taking his free time (he became a school principal) as well as his hair.
On the other hand, the beautiful soap actress was successful, but later became affected by that said man’s baldness. She stopped acting and became a full-time mum. Instead, now mum enjoys creating and selling soy candles online and researching about an organic and vegan lifestyle that would annually cost more than a car. I think mum may be a ‘hippie’, but I’m not too sure.
Cerise: Are you some sort of hippie?
Mum: Yes, thank-you Cerise. I do love animals.
Cerise: …Do you know what a ‘hippie’ is?
Mum: Oh, (giggles) my daughter! Of course, they’re so cute.
Unlike my father, mum doesn’t look weird (thank the Lord!). Instead, she is weird.
Mum, being mum, always liked things different. And that’s totally fine. Except, with her being fond to unique things was probably the only logical reason I can think of when on reasons why she gave my brothers and I our names. That bit, wasn’t totally fine. That bit needed a bit more thought.
Yeah, so because my parents are weird, my brothers and I have been called weird. Yasmin calls my brothers and me the ‘spawns of baldness’ (though, she has more endearing nicknames for me). I guess it is gene inherited.
“YOUR’E WHAT?!” My eldest brother screamed.
“How could you?” My fourth eldest brother cried.
“Why would you do that?” My second eldest frowned.
“When will you?” My third brother asked rather calmly.
“Who’s this?” My mum asked as she passed my room.
I groaned as I began to fold my shirt. “Dad said it was okay. He even gave me the keys!”
Besides my mother and I, my family consisted of men. Our family was of seven. I was the youngest and only daughter of five. So you could kind of understand why my brothers had always been a little protective of me.
“No! I will not allow you to board by yourself!” My eldest brother, Claret said.
“What?! Why not?” I snapped, stiff with indignation. I glared at Claret. He was always so difficult when it came to my freedom and the outside world. Ugh.
“You could be assaulted for all I know!” Claret answered, folding his arms.
“Claret, it’s a girl dormitory. Meaning it’s filled with girls. You know, I’m a girl, right?” I groaned.
“Sorry, Rise. I agree with Claret here,” said my second eldest brother, Viridian. “That doesn’t guarantee anything.”
“Why?” I looked at Viridian. Out of all of my brothers he was supposed to be the logical one.
“You’re lazy, forgetful and with us not around you won’t do your homework or any work,” Claret frowned then added, “also, you might get raped or murdered.”
“Will you stop with the raping and murdering?!” I thought for a moment, wait, that didn’t come out right. Throwing my hands in the air, I continued. “Anyway, I said it’s a girl’s dorm! Girl! It’s part of the school, so it’s safe!”
Saffron, my fourth eldest brother frowned. “I don’t see why you have to board. You live close enough to the school.”
“Yeah, but I’m always late!”
“That’s because you wake up thirty minutes before school starts.” Claret replied, waving a disapproving finger at me. “I’m not having you board.”
Claret kicked Azure, who was my third eldest brother. Azure sighed and looked at me. “When will you go?”
I shrugged. “Hopefully tomorrow.”
Claret, Viridian, Azure, Saffron and Cerise. Yeah, I know, I know. I was majorly teased for it when I was a kid (but Claret and Saffron were teased the most because their names sounded like a girls name, but with Claret at the size of how he is now, no one can tease him). Mum was probably still a ‘hippie’ back then and was probably still smoking something our Grandmother Eunice would frown at.
Mum swayed into my room. Her movements were always slow and fluid. I envied her. I’m as graceful as a ballerina with no training.
The bells at the end of her sarong jingled as she walked up to Claret patting his shoulder. “Now, now. If Cerise wants to dorm, I say we let her. She is quite capable of making her own decisions.”
I grinned at mum. Embarrassing and weird she may be sometimes, I still loved her. She always had my back. Mum winked at me.
Claret looked at mum. “Mum! How could you be so laid back? She’s like, twelve!”
No I am not. I’m like, almost an adult. Sort of. Nearly.
Mum straightened her back. She was still no match for Claret’s height. Standing next to Claret, mum looked like she could be Claret’s older sister. I don’t know how my father managed to get a wife like my mum. Mum could be one of those trophy wives that only rich and successful men have, with her prolific soap acting career and her signature Swedish blonde hair and blue eyes. Except mum wasn’t really trophy wife ‘material’ with her constant need to binge watch foreign dramas and anime for days and her unhealthy obsession with soy candles.
“Oh, shush Claret. Pull that stick out of your bum, will you?” Mum made a face and giggled. “What are you, the evil controlling brother? Your baby sister is almost an adult now. She has decided this for herself.”
Why is it in my family, the children – particularly the sons – play the parenting role, while the parents play the embarrassing sibling role?
Mum turned to Azure and nudged him in the rib. “You agree with me, right Azure?”
Azure turned to her, hesitant. Mum has this look where she can somehow get you to say what she wanted. I blame it on her past soap acting career. “You’re too over dramatic, Claret. Mum says it’s okay.”
Claret crossed his arms, his left foot tapping. “You’re too under dramatic! Don’t you care about our baby sister?! Just because mum says it’s okay, doesn’t mean it should be done. Mum said it was okay to eat drink kale. And what happened, Azure? Tell me.”
Azure shifted uncomfortably and turned away from mum’s pointed looks. “I do care about Cerise. Besides, drinking kale isn’t impossible.”
“Just abominable.” Saffron patted Azure on the shoulder and shook his head. “I agree with Claret.” Saffron turned to me and pointed accusingly at me. “You’re not allowed to dorm, Rise.”
I groaned. Saffron was the youngest son and the closest sibling to my age. Because of that, he somewhat treated me more of an annoying brat than a baby sister. “You’re only saying that, fun-sucker.”
Saffron clutched his chest. “No really, Cerise, you’re my precious baby sister! I only want the best for you.” He sounded sincere, but his eyes were telling me a different story.
Mum smiled, holding her hand over her heart. “As a mother, I am so happy to see my children love each other.” She began to push my brothers out of my room, “But Cerise is old enough. She needs to learn how to be independent. This would be a great opportunity! I’m sure she can take care of herself.”
Claret didn’t look convinced, Viridian raised an eyebrow, Saffron frowned and Azure sighed.
They weren’t happy with backing down, but nevertheless, they nodded and were starting to retreat back to… whatever they usually do. Claret with his cleaning, Viridian with his studies, Azure with his reading and Saffron with his gaming.
Mum grinned as she escorted my brothers out of my room. “Also, with her brothers always around, how could she?”
My brothers stared blankly at mum. As she reached for the door, mum smirked, “Get a boyfriend, that is.”
Before my brothers – specifically Claret – could respond, mum quickly ran back into my room and locked the door.
We laughed as she helped me pack.
Cerise’s sincere reasons why you should never EVER go to a family reunion:
1. Children. I repeat, CHILDREN WILL BE THERE!
2. The sound of children doesn’t put you off enough? How about all those senile aunties that have a mole on their face with a hair or two coming out wanting a kiss from you?!
3. “So Cerise, do you have a boyfriend yet?”
4. “Why not? You know, when I was your age I …” blah blah blah “countless boyfriends, hundreds of suitors, millions of stalke – uh, I mean secret admirers and many nights of…” Yuck.
DO NOT WANT.
Van Goldenburg.
No matter how fancy-schmancy it looks or sounds like, I will never be able to fully acknowledge that name. Never. Why? Because my family has always been full of weirdo’s. I know too much about that name. Take my father for example. Technically, my father is not ‘weird’. Nor does he act ‘weird’. He just looks weird. Why?
Because he’s bald.
Once upon a time, back when the dinosaurs, no, back when my father had hair, he managed to blackmail (he says ‘charm’ but I know better) his way into a beautiful soap actress life. He married her, had five beautiful children, then life got back at him by taking his free time (he became a school principal) as well as his hair.
On the other hand, the beautiful soap actress was successful, but later became affected by that said man’s baldness. She stopped acting and became a full-time mum. Instead, now mum enjoys creating and selling soy candles online and researching about an organic and vegan lifestyle that would annually cost more than a car. I think mum may be a ‘hippie’, but I’m not too sure.
Cerise: Are you some sort of hippie?
Mum: Yes, thank-you Cerise. I do love animals.
Cerise: …Do you know what a ‘hippie’ is?
Mum: Oh, (giggles) my daughter! Of course, they’re so cute.
Unlike my father, mum doesn’t look weird (thank the Lord!). Instead, she is weird.
Mum, being mum, always liked things different. And that’s totally fine. Except, with her being fond to unique things was probably the only logical reason I can think of when on reasons why she gave my brothers and I our names. That bit, wasn’t totally fine. That bit needed a bit more thought.
Yeah, so because my parents are weird, my brothers and I have been called weird. Yasmin calls my brothers and me the ‘spawns of baldness’ (though, she has more endearing nicknames for me). I guess it is gene inherited.
“YOUR’E WHAT?!” My eldest brother screamed.
“How could you?” My fourth eldest brother cried.
“Why would you do that?” My second eldest frowned.
“When will you?” My third brother asked rather calmly.
“Who’s this?” My mum asked as she passed my room.
I groaned as I began to fold my shirt. “Dad said it was okay. He even gave me the keys!”
Besides my mother and I, my family consisted of men. Our family was of seven. I was the youngest and only daughter of five. So you could kind of understand why my brothers had always been a little protective of me.
“No! I will not allow you to board by yourself!” My eldest brother, Claret said.
“What?! Why not?” I snapped, stiff with indignation. I glared at Claret. He was always so difficult when it came to my freedom and the outside world. Ugh.
“You could be assaulted for all I know!” Claret answered, folding his arms.
“Claret, it’s a girl dormitory. Meaning it’s filled with girls. You know, I’m a girl, right?” I groaned.
“Sorry, Rise. I agree with Claret here,” said my second eldest brother, Viridian. “That doesn’t guarantee anything.”
“Why?” I looked at Viridian. Out of all of my brothers he was supposed to be the logical one.
“You’re lazy, forgetful and with us not around you won’t do your homework or any work,” Claret frowned then added, “also, you might get raped or murdered.”
“Will you stop with the raping and murdering?!” I thought for a moment, wait, that didn’t come out right. Throwing my hands in the air, I continued. “Anyway, I said it’s a girl’s dorm! Girl! It’s part of the school, so it’s safe!”
Saffron, my fourth eldest brother frowned. “I don’t see why you have to board. You live close enough to the school.”
“Yeah, but I’m always late!”
“That’s because you wake up thirty minutes before school starts.” Claret replied, waving a disapproving finger at me. “I’m not having you board.”
Claret kicked Azure, who was my third eldest brother. Azure sighed and looked at me. “When will you go?”
I shrugged. “Hopefully tomorrow.”
Claret, Viridian, Azure, Saffron and Cerise. Yeah, I know, I know. I was majorly teased for it when I was a kid (but Claret and Saffron were teased the most because their names sounded like a girls name, but with Claret at the size of how he is now, no one can tease him). Mum was probably still a ‘hippie’ back then and was probably still smoking something our Grandmother Eunice would frown at.
Mum swayed into my room. Her movements were always slow and fluid. I envied her. I’m as graceful as a ballerina with no training.
The bells at the end of her sarong jingled as she walked up to Claret patting his shoulder. “Now, now. If Cerise wants to dorm, I say we let her. She is quite capable of making her own decisions.”
I grinned at mum. Embarrassing and weird she may be sometimes, I still loved her. She always had my back. Mum winked at me.
Claret looked at mum. “Mum! How could you be so laid back? She’s like, twelve!”
No I am not. I’m like, almost an adult. Sort of. Nearly.
Mum straightened her back. She was still no match for Claret’s height. Standing next to Claret, mum looked like she could be Claret’s older sister. I don’t know how my father managed to get a wife like my mum. Mum could be one of those trophy wives that only rich and successful men have, with her prolific soap acting career and her signature Swedish blonde hair and blue eyes. Except mum wasn’t really trophy wife ‘material’ with her constant need to binge watch foreign dramas and anime for days and her unhealthy obsession with soy candles.
“Oh, shush Claret. Pull that stick out of your bum, will you?” Mum made a face and giggled. “What are you, the evil controlling brother? Your baby sister is almost an adult now. She has decided this for herself.”
Why is it in my family, the children – particularly the sons – play the parenting role, while the parents play the embarrassing sibling role?
Mum turned to Azure and nudged him in the rib. “You agree with me, right Azure?”
Azure turned to her, hesitant. Mum has this look where she can somehow get you to say what she wanted. I blame it on her past soap acting career. “You’re too over dramatic, Claret. Mum says it’s okay.”
Claret crossed his arms, his left foot tapping. “You’re too under dramatic! Don’t you care about our baby sister?! Just because mum says it’s okay, doesn’t mean it should be done. Mum said it was okay to eat drink kale. And what happened, Azure? Tell me.”
Azure shifted uncomfortably and turned away from mum’s pointed looks. “I do care about Cerise. Besides, drinking kale isn’t impossible.”
“Just abominable.” Saffron patted Azure on the shoulder and shook his head. “I agree with Claret.” Saffron turned to me and pointed accusingly at me. “You’re not allowed to dorm, Rise.”
I groaned. Saffron was the youngest son and the closest sibling to my age. Because of that, he somewhat treated me more of an annoying brat than a baby sister. “You’re only saying that, fun-sucker.”
Saffron clutched his chest. “No really, Cerise, you’re my precious baby sister! I only want the best for you.” He sounded sincere, but his eyes were telling me a different story.
Mum smiled, holding her hand over her heart. “As a mother, I am so happy to see my children love each other.” She began to push my brothers out of my room, “But Cerise is old enough. She needs to learn how to be independent. This would be a great opportunity! I’m sure she can take care of herself.”
Claret didn’t look convinced, Viridian raised an eyebrow, Saffron frowned and Azure sighed.
They weren’t happy with backing down, but nevertheless, they nodded and were starting to retreat back to… whatever they usually do. Claret with his cleaning, Viridian with his studies, Azure with his reading and Saffron with his gaming.
Mum grinned as she escorted my brothers out of my room. “Also, with her brothers always around, how could she?”
My brothers stared blankly at mum. As she reached for the door, mum smirked, “Get a boyfriend, that is.”
Before my brothers – specifically Claret – could respond, mum quickly ran back into my room and locked the door.
We laughed as she helped me pack.
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Thanks for reading :)