Comedy. The Next Generation
one shot
Characters.
Daniel. My freind. Bad guy.
ME/Joe. Gansta.
Emma. A coward.
Shalisa. War hero.
Eli. Retarded.
As Daniel stood upon the highest tier of his newly constructed Citadel of Scientific Abominations, he looked out upon his new world and sighed.
Life was good.
But as existence settled back into the regular bore and constant drone of signing death orders, performing horrible experiments and terrorizing his new subjects, Daniel became disillusioned with reality- his life, as satisfying and comfortable as it was, was missing something; something vital.
And so Daniel began searching the many sciences that he had mastered for an answer or a key to his boredom, and without knowing really what he was doing he eventually settled upon alchemy- the ancient art of transforming one substance into another. However, as Daniel experimented with this form, he slowly but surely became different.
The very science which he had loved and treasured began to control him- he spent less time experimenting on his terrified subjects and more learning the many secrets of other worlds and dimensions. In the end, Daniel did not realise what he had been searching for until it was far too late.
One night, as Daniel poured over old manuscripts describing a prehistoric alchemy experiment, things changed. The experiment was borderline magic- the greatest heresy and blasphemy possibly committed by man.
The ancient scientists had broken into the transcended dimension- the very fabric of space and time; the resting place of the ancient gods and spirits.
And it had resulted in a temporal void that had torn the universe asunder and released the monsters into the world.
Daniel, not considering the ancient one’s follies, decided that his own research had to follow a similar path. He would succeed where others failed, and he would claim immortality from the undeserving gods and deities of the Abyss.
Many years later, Daniel’s once glorious (albeit horrible) kingdom had fallen into ruins. “The Crazy Cloner”, his people had taken to calling him- Daniel’s once fearful visage had fallen apart, leaving not one person genuinely frightened. Daniel had become an empty shell of what he had once been.
Down in the village, however, the people of a small town called Tristram were, frankly, pissed.
The town had a meeting, and the mayor was the most agitated of the lot of them.
“Go and kill the bastard!”
So, to appease the mayor’s deluded rage and to avoid him raising taxes, four heroes were chosen to journey to The Cloners’ castle and put a stop to the madness. A cleric named Emma, a rogue named Joe, a paladin named Shalisa and a wizardess named Eli… I mean, wizard…yes, wizard…were all chosen and sent forward to destroy Daniel and his army of hulking fabricants.
As the four heroes journeyed to the Citadel, disaster struck! Eli, the moronic wizardess, sorry I mean wizard, fell off a cliff and was dashed to death on the rocks below. Not really caring, the other heroes moved on.
So, I suppose it wasn’t really a disaster…
As they came to the castle and entered its gargantuan doors, many hulking fabricants attacked and Shalisa was forced to fight them off. Because Emma was a coward, she ran away and Joe had to help Shalisa by throwing exploding potions at the ugly bastards. Unfortunately, Joe was as good a shot with exploding potions as he was with a tennis ball, and he unluckily blew up Shalisa.
As the fabricants moved in on him, he activated his special ability “Gangsta” which involved distracting the enemy with loud music, the shininess of bling and the foulness of his many profanities; and then he shot at them with a prototype rapid fire projectile weapon he had taken to calling a “Mac-10”. As the many fabricants fell before him, Joe began screaming about his bitch and hoe’s or something like that, and then threw a hand grenade that he had pulled out from his unnaturally low riding trousers.
Even as shrapnel flew everywhere and fabricants screeched, Daniel was disturbed from his countless years of research and realised his predicament.
He flew down the stairs, the many years of solitude seemingly not weakening his abilities, and screamed like some sort of monstrous demon.
Even as Joe fired a random arc towards the enraged dark lord, and Emma reappeared behind him whimpering like some sort of small animal, Daniel’s eyes blazed and he screamed so loud that it shook the very foundations of the infallible citadel;
“No one fucks with the Cloner! Especially not whores and cocksuckers named Emma!”
Joe, disappointed at being named the whore, decided that it was time to leave. He set up a special explosive device without telling Emma, and then told the cocksucker to remain in the great hall and distract the Cloner from his vengeance.
Emma, being a stupid idiot, did as she was told.
As Daniel tore Emma’s head from her shoulders, the Citadel exploded and the mountain upon which it was seated began to give way.
Two things were immediately noticeable from this event.
Joe, who was outside viewing the carnage, was just thinking about how much ass he would get from being the towns hero when he realised that Tristram was situated right under the mountain. The collapsing mountain caused a rockslide which then, much to Joe’s dismay, obliterated the village.
As Joe yelled “D’Oh!” the castle itself, filled with ancient magic’s and trickeries, spilled open and a massive dimensional rift was torn in reality.
The Cloner’s voice was heard screaming “Damn you, cocksucking bastards! I’ll be back!!” as the mountain vanished, and in its place was a massive crater. Daniel had been sucked into an alternate dimension, just as Kane had a millennium before.
And standing where the castle had previously been was a robed figure with long black hair, emo fringe, a personality that always changes and a card saying “I love Mollie” strapped to his side.
Kane smiled broadly.
“What’s up, cockroaches? I’m back!”
Daniel. My freind. Bad guy.
ME/Joe. Gansta.
Emma. A coward.
Shalisa. War hero.
Eli. Retarded.
As Daniel stood upon the highest tier of his newly constructed Citadel of Scientific Abominations, he looked out upon his new world and sighed.
Life was good.
But as existence settled back into the regular bore and constant drone of signing death orders, performing horrible experiments and terrorizing his new subjects, Daniel became disillusioned with reality- his life, as satisfying and comfortable as it was, was missing something; something vital.
And so Daniel began searching the many sciences that he had mastered for an answer or a key to his boredom, and without knowing really what he was doing he eventually settled upon alchemy- the ancient art of transforming one substance into another. However, as Daniel experimented with this form, he slowly but surely became different.
The very science which he had loved and treasured began to control him- he spent less time experimenting on his terrified subjects and more learning the many secrets of other worlds and dimensions. In the end, Daniel did not realise what he had been searching for until it was far too late.
One night, as Daniel poured over old manuscripts describing a prehistoric alchemy experiment, things changed. The experiment was borderline magic- the greatest heresy and blasphemy possibly committed by man.
The ancient scientists had broken into the transcended dimension- the very fabric of space and time; the resting place of the ancient gods and spirits.
And it had resulted in a temporal void that had torn the universe asunder and released the monsters into the world.
Daniel, not considering the ancient one’s follies, decided that his own research had to follow a similar path. He would succeed where others failed, and he would claim immortality from the undeserving gods and deities of the Abyss.
Many years later, Daniel’s once glorious (albeit horrible) kingdom had fallen into ruins. “The Crazy Cloner”, his people had taken to calling him- Daniel’s once fearful visage had fallen apart, leaving not one person genuinely frightened. Daniel had become an empty shell of what he had once been.
Down in the village, however, the people of a small town called Tristram were, frankly, pissed.
The town had a meeting, and the mayor was the most agitated of the lot of them.
“Go and kill the bastard!”
So, to appease the mayor’s deluded rage and to avoid him raising taxes, four heroes were chosen to journey to The Cloners’ castle and put a stop to the madness. A cleric named Emma, a rogue named Joe, a paladin named Shalisa and a wizardess named Eli… I mean, wizard…yes, wizard…were all chosen and sent forward to destroy Daniel and his army of hulking fabricants.
As the four heroes journeyed to the Citadel, disaster struck! Eli, the moronic wizardess, sorry I mean wizard, fell off a cliff and was dashed to death on the rocks below. Not really caring, the other heroes moved on.
So, I suppose it wasn’t really a disaster…
As they came to the castle and entered its gargantuan doors, many hulking fabricants attacked and Shalisa was forced to fight them off. Because Emma was a coward, she ran away and Joe had to help Shalisa by throwing exploding potions at the ugly bastards. Unfortunately, Joe was as good a shot with exploding potions as he was with a tennis ball, and he unluckily blew up Shalisa.
As the fabricants moved in on him, he activated his special ability “Gangsta” which involved distracting the enemy with loud music, the shininess of bling and the foulness of his many profanities; and then he shot at them with a prototype rapid fire projectile weapon he had taken to calling a “Mac-10”. As the many fabricants fell before him, Joe began screaming about his bitch and hoe’s or something like that, and then threw a hand grenade that he had pulled out from his unnaturally low riding trousers.
Even as shrapnel flew everywhere and fabricants screeched, Daniel was disturbed from his countless years of research and realised his predicament.
He flew down the stairs, the many years of solitude seemingly not weakening his abilities, and screamed like some sort of monstrous demon.
Even as Joe fired a random arc towards the enraged dark lord, and Emma reappeared behind him whimpering like some sort of small animal, Daniel’s eyes blazed and he screamed so loud that it shook the very foundations of the infallible citadel;
“No one fucks with the Cloner! Especially not whores and cocksuckers named Emma!”
Joe, disappointed at being named the whore, decided that it was time to leave. He set up a special explosive device without telling Emma, and then told the cocksucker to remain in the great hall and distract the Cloner from his vengeance.
Emma, being a stupid idiot, did as she was told.
As Daniel tore Emma’s head from her shoulders, the Citadel exploded and the mountain upon which it was seated began to give way.
Two things were immediately noticeable from this event.
Joe, who was outside viewing the carnage, was just thinking about how much ass he would get from being the towns hero when he realised that Tristram was situated right under the mountain. The collapsing mountain caused a rockslide which then, much to Joe’s dismay, obliterated the village.
As Joe yelled “D’Oh!” the castle itself, filled with ancient magic’s and trickeries, spilled open and a massive dimensional rift was torn in reality.
The Cloner’s voice was heard screaming “Damn you, cocksucking bastards! I’ll be back!!” as the mountain vanished, and in its place was a massive crater. Daniel had been sucked into an alternate dimension, just as Kane had a millennium before.
And standing where the castle had previously been was a robed figure with long black hair, emo fringe, a personality that always changes and a card saying “I love Mollie” strapped to his side.
Kane smiled broadly.
“What’s up, cockroaches? I’m back!”