A Dustland Fairytale

"Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting." - The Beatles

After I left her house that night, I tried my best to forget about Juliet Hanson. I dug out my copy of Catcher in the Rye and sat down to read it. I lost myself in Holden Caulfield’s version of New York, of phonies and Phoebe and his search for himself. But as I read, I couldn’t help but think of her – of her smile, of her laugh, of the way she pretends to care what people think of her. I was reading, yes, but for some reason Juliet was on the edge of my mind.

I fell asleep with the book on my face and woke up late the next day. I dressed and left the house in a rush. I sped through traffic faster than usual – a feat most people would think was completely impossible. When I got to school, I had about a minute and a half to get to physics. I ran through most of the halls, slowing down just outside the classroom to walk casually through the door. I sat down at the exact moment the bell rang.

“Morning, dollface,” I said to Juliet, smiling broadly. She stared ahead, completely ignoring me. There was no way she would choose to ignore me. “Let me guess,” I continued. “Mommy and Daddy told you not to talk to the bad boy cuz he’s no good for you.”

“Exactly,” she said, still attempting to avoid any conversation at all.

“That won’t last very long,” I said. I was speaking quietly, leaning close to her. Professor Collins stood at the board, writing equations I knew I would never understand. I had learned long ago how to hold an entire conversation in the front of the classroom without having the teacher notice.

“Why?” she asked. Apparently, I’d managed to make her curious.

“I have a basic knowledge of psychology,” I explained. I was whispering in her ear; she was completely motionless. “We always want what we can’t have.”

I left her hanging with that statement, turning away from her to focus on the board and the useless physics equations I would never need if I really became an English teacher. I knew I had given her something to think about – something that would stir the thoughts in the back of her mind, that would make her question the validity of her parents’ rules. This was exactly what I wanted: to make her think so that she would come to me in search of answers.

And what I’d said was true: we always want what we can’t have.

& & &

That day, the seniors were allowed to eat lunch outside. I thought this was a pretty stupid decision by the administration because it was obviously going to rain, but I wasn’t going to complain or stay inside. I ate my lunch quickly under one of the many trees that filled the courtyard, watching everyone else in my class.

As I watched everyone else with their highlights and expensive clothes, I realized I missed New York. I missed the constant sound of traffic and the buildings crammed together – there was too much space in California. I don’t like open spaces; I’d rather be in a crowd.

I finished my sandwich, noticing people watching me. I was the mysterious, elusive “new guy.” No one knew anything about me because no one cared to ask. Instead, rumors flew. I was sure that there were a few freshmen who would’ve believed an upperclassman if they’d told them I was a murderer who had escaped from a juvenile detention center and was looking for my next victim. My leather jacket probably didn’t help that image.

Some of the guys I’d met in my other classes looked like they were thinking about talking to me, but none of them got up to move. None of them were curious enough, or none of them had the energy to walk all the way to the other side of the courtyard. I stared straight across the courtyard and noticed Juliet and Poppy sitting on one of the picnic tables, eating their lunches.

I stood and walked over to them. Poppy talked quickly to Juliet, who was looking up at the sky. I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but I was guessing she was alerting Juliet to the fact that I was walking over to them.

“What do you want?” she asked rudely when I was standing in front of them.

“I just wanted to talk to Juliet,” I replied innocently. There was something in her eyes that told me she was not going to let this go. For some reason, Poppy did not want me to talk to Juliet at all.

“I thought she told you she wasn’t allowed to talk to people like you,” she retorted, her eyes narrowed. I never wanted to make this girl angry, but I did want to talk to Juliet. I didn’t even care if Juliet wasn’t “allowed” to talk to me. Her parents weren’t here; there was no way they would find out.

“Do you ever let Juliet speak for herself?” I asked. “Or is she not allowed to do that, either?”

“Stop,” she said, her voice breaking into our argument. “I don’t want you two to argue for the rest of my life.” Poppy shrugged and Juliet turned to face me. “What do you want?”

“I already said I wanted to talk to you,” I said.

“About what?” she asked.

I shrugged. “Life, politics, pop culture, I don’t really care.” I didn’t think I needed a reason to talk to her, but maybe I needed a specific reason, a scheduled appointment, and a chaperon in order to have a simple conversation. Well, maybe the last two are a little ridiculous, but I wanted to talk just for conversation’s sake. I sat down on Juliet’s other side – where Poppy was not sitting.

Poppy sighed and stood up. “I’m going to talk to Kyle,” she announced. “I’m watching you.” She walked over to where Kyle, a friendly guy in my government class, was sitting.

“I thought she’d never leave,” I said, leaning my elbows on my knees and looking at Juliet. I would have talked to her whether or not Poppy had stayed, but I preferred to talk to just Juliet. Poppy was so defensive and opinionated – if I said something she didn’t like, she just might have attacked me.

“Are you really determined not to talk to me?” I asked. She shrugged, maintaining a resolute silence. “I’d love to get to know you, princess.” I smiled broadly. “I’m not a bad guy – not the monster your parents think I am. I promise, I’ve never killed anyone or even been arrested.” That didn’t mean I’ve never had run-ins with the law, but I really wasn’t a terrible person. At least, I wasn’t the scary rebel boy her parents had assumed I was.

Thunder cracked overhead, causing several people to shriek as raindrops fell heavily on everyone in the courtyard. I pulled off my coat and held it over Juliet’s head, keeping most of the rain off of us. “Even rebels can be chivalrous,” I said. She looked surprised that I had done something this courteous. “Come on, let’s get inside before we get soaked.” We walked to the halls, where I shook most of the water off of my coat. “See you later, princess,” I said, smiling as I walked away.

People still avoided me, as though I really was some scary murderer. I left my coat in my locker and went to my next class, hoping Juliet was still thinking about me.