I Know You Are, But What Am I?

Oh God, I already forgot your name
But a name's just a string of letters, put together, so clever
Oh God, I thought that I found God in your name
It's upsetting, but the setting won't change
We're never gonna be the same

If you look, everybody here is trying on new faces
And the ones that fit are surprisingly contagious
With a shiny new beginning we cordially invite you to
Into the dressing room

Oh God, it seems that I misplaced your secret
But I can see what it does, how it lights you up
Oh God, this season has seen better days
Keep it steady ’cause you're losing the pace
We're never gonna be the same

Don't spill your guts ’cause that's a mess that no one wants to clean up
Is this enough, my heart is stuck, this feeling's breaking me up

Saturday, April 10th 2010

I woke up with a dull throbbing between my temples. I felt around my bed, looking for Alex, my stuffed lion. But I found another living, breathing human instead.
I rolled over and forced my eyes open. I needed confirmation of the previous night’s events. Mike Fuentes. Yep, I slept with Mike.
“Fuck.”
“Again? Didn’t you have enough last night?” Mike mumbled sleepily with a smirk on his face.
I poked my head out of the bunk, and after I was sure there was nobody else on the bus, I climbed out, quickly pulling on my clothes.
“What are you doing?” Mike asked, poking his head out of his bunk.
“Leaving.”
“Aww, why? You know you had a good time last night.”
“Shut the fuck up. Listen to me. You do not tell anyone that this happened.”
“You can’t control me,” his joking face quickly turned serious as my words sunk in.
“You will regret it if you tell anyone about what we did, I will make sure of that.”
“Ughh, get off my fucking bus.”
I grabbed my shoes and practically ran off the bus and over to my own.
When I reached the kitchen, I leant against the table and looked at the clock. 7.45 am. No wonder nobody else was up.
I sat down on one of the benches and rested my head in my hands. So much for self control.
A noise above me startled me and I stood to grab some headache tablets and a bottle of water, consuming both surprisingly quickly before Kassi stumbled down the stairs from the bunk area.
“Mornin’,” Kassi mumbled groggily.
“Morning.”
“Why are you up so damn early?” She asked as she fumbled with the coffee machine.
“I could ask you the same thing,” I said as I stared at the table. I couldn’t bring myself to look her in the eyes.
“I have no idea, okay. Just shut up, doofus,” she laughed.
When I didn’t return the laugh, she realised something was wrong. She stopped attempting to make coffee and turned to me, not saying a thing until I looked her in the eyes.
“Why are you in last night’s clothes?”
“I couldn’t be bothered changing?” I tried. She continued staring at me intently, obviously not buying my feeble attempt at lying. “I just got back.”
“AJ, I don’t want you seeing Alex again.”
“It wasn’t Alex,” I admitted, burying my face in my hands once again.
“Who?! Tell me everything!” Kassi shouted as she sat on the other side of the table to me.
“Mike.”
“Mike? Like Mike Fuentes? Wow. When?”
“Last night, obviously,” I went for the smart arse answer.
“No shit. But I mean, I thought you were going after Alex. Last time I saw you, you were grinding on that boy like there was no tomorrow.”
“Kass, I do not need reminding.”
“I’m just sayin’. You seem awfully fickle. Now, stop avoiding it, and tell me everything,” she demanded.
“I came back to the bus at around one. I was like halfway up the stairs and then I heard someone calling my name; Mike. And he was being a douche, so I told him to fuck off, then he kissed me. And someone shouted my name on the bus. So he shut the door and took me over to his bus, because there was nobody on it. And you can guess the rest, you pervert.”
“Oh. My. God.”
“Shut up, Kass.”
“This is good! I mean, he was staring at you all night, so he must be like really interested in you, and you have been obsessed with him forever. I mean, you guys are like the perfect couple,” she gushed.
“Yeah, totally perfect. Except for the part where we aren’t a couple and he is a total dick,” I replied sarcastically.
“What? Why aren’t you guys a couple?”
“Because I told him that if he told anyone about what happened, he would regret it.”
Kassi smacked my arm. “Are you braindead?!”
“One; he is a complete and utter asshole. And two; he doesn’t want a relationship. Neither do I, for that matter. I mean, I am here to do my job, not sleep around. I should be focusing on my job.”
Kassi stared at me as if I had just said I stuffed a dog up my ass.
“You are making a mistake, that is all I’m going to say. You better get dressed or whatever before the others wake up. Especially if you don’t want people knowing about it.”
“Thank you, Kassi. I’ll go get dressed now. Oh, what is on the itinerary for the day?”
She pulled out her Blackberry and opened up her calendar. “Since the tour doesn’t start up properly for another week, the bands are sticking around LA and you get to do some interviews and shit. You are set to interview Juliet Simms from Automatic Loveletter at two. Then at three-thirty, you have an interview with…” she looked up at me, her face a cross between amused and worried. “At three-thirty you have an interview with Pierce The Veil.”
“Oh fuck.” I said as I walked up the stairs.

I quickly showered and dressed, being sure that I looked good before I even contemplated stepping off of my bus.
It was noon when I began to walk out of the gates that were now being taken down. I shielded my eyes against the sun, wishing I had brought my sunglasses with me.
I walked down the street for five minutes until I found a Subway store and quickly ran into the air-conditioned place and ordered a sub. I sat down to eat quickly in order to get back to the buses in time for my first interview under AP’s name.
I took my time walking back to the buses as I realised I had taken only ten minutes to eat. I still found Automatic Loveletter’s bus by 12.30PM.
Even though I was half an hour early, I knocked on the door of the bus. A young guy answered the door, looking at me suspiciously.
“Hi, I’m AJ, from AP. I have an interview with Juliet, and I am like super early. I thought I would try my luck anyway,” I smiled up at me, again cursing the sun and covering my eyes.
“I will just check if she is ready,” he smiled. “YO JULIET!” he screamed. “YOU GOT A GUEST!”
I stared at him, my eyes practically popping out of my skull. He simply laughed and ran up the stairs and back on to his bus, leaving the door open. While contemplating the pros and cons of just waltzing in there, a frazzled looking Juliet Simms ran to the door, a piece of toast in her hand.
“I am so sorry I am late!”
“Don’t worry, you aren’t late. I’m just extremely early. If you want me to come back later, I can.” Damn, I knew I should have just hung around on my bus instead of coming early.
“Don’t be an idiot! Come on the bus! You’re here now,” she laughed and smiled as she spoke. This girl was definitely easy to get along with. “We can go into the back room. The guys shouldn’t disturb us. The woman I talked to, Kassi, I think, said that AP wanted an interview with just me. Is that right?”
“Yep, that is correct. They want an interview with a female since the rock music industry and Warped Tour are dominated by males,” I repeated what Tom had told Kassi.
“Huh…”
“What?”
“I just find it funny, because women are becoming such a major part of the music industry, especially the rock and pop punk aspect that I am involved in. I mean, look at Paramore and Hey Monday. They are two hugely successful bands, and they are both fronted by chicks.”
“Shush! This is the kind of stuff I want for my interview, and I haven’t got my recorder out yet,” I laughed as she closed the door of the private back room.
I sat down on the lounge and looked around the small space. It was scattered with guitars and drumsticks. Random pieces of paper with scribbles all over them littered the floor along with pillows and blankets.
“Sorry this place is such a mess,” Juliet apologised.
“Dude, it is fine, stop stressing.”
“Okay, let’s do this shit.”

The interview with Juliet went off without a hitch. She was such a cool person that it was more like sitting down to talk with a friend.
All too soon, three thirty rolled around, and I was knocking on the door of the bus I had spent the previous night doing unmentionable things in.
Mike was the one to answer the door, of course. Instead of his usual smirk, a sneer was covering his features.
“What do you want?”
“I’m not here for you, I’m here for the interview with Pierce The Veil.”
“Oh dear Lord, you are the interviewer from AP?”
“That’s right, and if you don’t let me on the bus, the interview will run over. And trust me, I do not want to spend anymore time with you than is necessary.”
“Hey, Mike. Who was at the door?” A male voice said as they approached the door. Soon enough, they were in view. It was Vic, the lead singer, Mike’s brother. I looked between the two and was astounded at the difference between the two.
One was a short brown dude, clearly with a Mexican heritage. And the other was a tall, skinny, white guy covered in tattoos.
Mike turned away from me and walked on the bus, leaving the door open and Vic staring at me with a confused expression.
“Hi, I’m AJ, the interviewer from AP magazine. We have an interview set up for three-thirty?”
“Oh, right. Yeah, come in,” Vic snapped himself out of the trance he seemed to be in and stepped aside for me to enter the bus. “We are all hungover, especially Mike. Sorry about that, he usually isn’t rude like that.”
I decided not to remark on the comment that Mike wasn’t usually rude and followed Vic to where Tony and Jaime were eating cereal and Mike was digging through a cupboard, very angered. His shoulders were tense and his face was scrunched up.
“Hey, boys, did you hear those moans coming from my bunk last night?” Mike asked. My eyes shot open. He wouldn’t dare.
“Mike, I don’t really think that is appropriate with our current guest,” Vic hissed.
“Why not? It was her making all the noise, after all.”
I lost control again. I shot across the few steps to Mike and slapped him hard across the face. The room went completely silent. Tony dropped his spoon into his bowl and snapped everyone out of it.
“I think you guys can handle this interview without me?” Mike sneered as he stormed into the private back room, slamming the door.
“Wow. Well, this is interesting,” Jaime mumbled as he shovelled another spoonful of Cornflakes into his mouth.
“I-I-I’m really sorry about that. I don’t know what came over me just then.”
“He deserved it,” Tony stated simply. “I mean, you don’t just go around saying that shit. It ain’t right.”
“Uhh, thanks, but maybe we should just do this another day?” I asked them, not able to meet their eyes.
“No, stay. Mike can have his bitchfit on his own,” Vic said as he ushered me into sitting at the table, next to Tony.
“Are you sure? I mean, maybe it isn’t the best time. I don’t want to cause any problems.”
“You aren’t the one causing problems, sugar,” Tony said as he ruffled my hair affectionately.
I smiled for the first time since entering the bus and the guys all relaxed.
Apart from me slapping Mike, the interview went fine. Vic, Jaime and Tony were the nicest people I had met in a long time, rockstars or not.
We ended up discussing the latest movies and Xbox 360 games when Mike emerged from the back room. He saw that I was still there, rummaged around in the cupboards for a moment, before retreating to the back room with a bottle of whiskey in hand.
“Hey, Mikey, it’s a bit early for drinking, isn’t it?” Vic asked while standing at the door.
All that was heard was a “fuck off” and a thud as something heavy hit the door, making us all jump.
“Maybe I should get going,” I said while standing up from the table.
“You don’t have to,” Vic said as he sat down at the table again.
“No, I do, actually. Like I said, I don’t want to cause anymore trouble than I already have. Besides, my PA will be getting worried that I haven’t come back from your interview.”
“Alright, but please don’t be afraid to come back to our bus just because of him,” Tony said as he hugged me.
“Yeah, I really don’t see why he has a problem with you,” Jaime said as he pulled me away from Tony and into his own embrace.
“Seriously, AJ, please come back. Some of us on this bus enjoy your company,” Vic said as he wrapped his arms around me at the door.
“I will try,” I laughed. “You three have officially restored my faith in Pierce The Veil.”
I stepped off of their bus and pulled out my phone, switching it on. I always kept it off during an interview.
I had seven missed calls and eleven messages. All from Kassi. All essentially saying the same thing; ‘where are you?’, ‘what did ptv do with my bffizle?’, ‘did you fall in their toilet? ew.’
I laughed as I stepped onto my bus, taking the stairs to the second level two at a time, retreating to the backroom. I collapsed onto the lounge and quickly fell asleep.