Status: Jack Barakat three shot
Now and Then
3/3
Now
Taking a deep breathe, Jack walked into the kitchen. The first thing he saw was Rezia’s crying figure, reminding him so much of the night they had first met. The second thing he saw was Zack’s shocked expression when he realized his friend was there and had heard the entire conversation. And the third thing he saw was Rezia’s red-rimmed eyes when they met his own.
“Rezia,” he whispered softly, falling to his knees in front of the chair in which she was sitting. Jack grabbed her hands in his own, gripping them tightly as if they would soon disappear. This has to be a dream, he thought, barely noticing as his friend left the room to give the once-couple time alone together. Jack felt himself unable to talk as he looked at her, still just as beautiful as she had been when they were together.
All those years apart had killed him a little inside, or so he had thought. Seeing her revived that broken and torn piece of him that he thought had died along with the love he thought she no longer had for him.
“Jack,” she croaked, more tears flowing down her face. “Please, say something. Even if it’s just how much you hate me and wish to never see me again. Please, just say something,” she begged him after a minute of silence between them had passed. Her words knocked him out of his stupor, and gripped her hands tighter.
“I don’t hate you, Rezia. I couldn’t even imagine hating you. Do you know why that is? I love you too damn much! After all this time, I still love you. So please, please, stop crying. Seeing you like this, it kills me.”
With shocked and tearful eyes, Rezia attempted to stop crying. It took a few minutes for her to stop the flow of tears completely, and Jack allowed himself reach up and wipe the last few off her face with his thumb.
“You still love me?” she whispered. Jack nodded, waiting for her to speak. “You shouldn’t, Jack! I hurt you so badly, and you didn’t deserve it. Not in the least! I messed up. I don’t deserve to have your love.”
Once more, Jack was wiping stray tears that came from her eyes. “Maybe you did hurt me, Rezia. But that was a long time ago. And ever since I just let you walk away, without following you to explain, I’ve been miserable. I love you, Rezia. I love you so much that it hurts to even think about hating you. I forgave you the second you walked out the door for hurting me, and you need to understand that. I love you, Theresa Shawna Rothe, and that will never change.”
With that said, he waited for her response. It took time, and the silence was unbearable. “I love you, Jack. I have for so long, and I’ve been kicking myself for not finding the courage to even call you to tell you that in all this time. I love you.”
***
Then
It was with tearful eyes that Rezia looked at the picture she had found in her mailbox that afternoon. The picture was of Jack, in what looked like a heated kiss. But the girl wasn’t Rezia. Looking at the time, she saw it was close to ten. The boys were leaving for a tour in their van the next morning, so she had to do this now. She called out to her parents that she’d be back soon, and drove to Jack’s house.
His mother answered the door, and she told Rezia to go right up to Jack’s room. There she found him doing last minute packing, a typical Jack thing. Once he saw she was there, he went over to hug her. She stopped him when he was a bit more than a foot away, shaking her head. “Rezia, what’s wrong?”
Jack’s voice was dripping with concern for the girl he loved, but Rezia believed that the concern was far from genuine. She suspected the same of his love. Without uttering a single sound, she held out the picture that had torn her heart into pieces. Jack took it with an uncertain expression on his face. He glanced at it first, but the looked at it again in a double take. “Rezia, this is not what it looks like,” he began, but she cut him off.
“Whatever you have to say, don’t. I can’t believe Jack, I can’t believe that I let you have my heart. We’re done.” Leaving him too stunned to move, she hurried out of his house and back to her own. That night, she cried herself to sleep.
But that was the only time she allowed herself to cry, until a few weeks later. She was talking to a friend she had made at one of the boys’ gigs a few months back, and Lenora had demanded on seeing the photo of Jack kissing the girl. Despite the pain that was attached to it, Rezia hadn’t thrown the picture out, just put it in a box underneath her bed.
“Hun, this picture is almost two years old,” Lenora said after studying the photo. “What makes you so certain of that?” Rezia asked, taking the picture back. “Look, you can see the restaurant in the background. That burned down two years ago.”
Rezia dropped the picture, letting it flutter to the ground as her heart broke once more. She turned to her friend with tears in her eyes. “I need to be alone right now,” she said, and Lenora nodded in understanding. After a tight hug and a promise that things would work out in the end, Lenora left. Laying on her bed, Rezia thought about calling Jack, but she knew she could never talk to him after hurting him the way she had. So she decided an email would be best.
Dear Jack,
I know you must hate me, and I don’t blame you. I hurt you for no reason, and I cannot express how truly sorry I am for the pain I caused you by jumping to conclusions when I saw that picture. I should have let you explain, to save us both some heartbreak. I completely understand if you cannot forgive me, because if I were in your shoes, I don’t know if I could.
When I discovered that the picture must have been two or more years old, it tore my heart into even more pieces. Because the only thing that hurts me worse than me believing you’d betray me like that, is knowing how you must feel because ofmy believing you could. If you never wish to talk to me again, I wouldn’t blame you.
If you don’t wish to try out relationship again, I understand. But, no matter what, I love you and I’m sorry.
Rezia
Rereading the email, she deleted it. It wouldn’t make a difference either way, because Jack must hate her for not trusting him. And she didn’t blame him for the hate she imagined he had for her.
Over the next few years, there were several similar emails and letters that were never sent. There were several times when she picked up the phone and thought about calling him. But she never did, because she was too afraid of having him confirm that he hated her. And every now and then, she broke down into tears when she was alone, simply because she missed him so damn much. But, Rezia believed he deserved someone so much better than her. Someone who wouldn’t hurt him the way she had. Not once, though, did she stop loving him.
Taking a deep breathe, Jack walked into the kitchen. The first thing he saw was Rezia’s crying figure, reminding him so much of the night they had first met. The second thing he saw was Zack’s shocked expression when he realized his friend was there and had heard the entire conversation. And the third thing he saw was Rezia’s red-rimmed eyes when they met his own.
“Rezia,” he whispered softly, falling to his knees in front of the chair in which she was sitting. Jack grabbed her hands in his own, gripping them tightly as if they would soon disappear. This has to be a dream, he thought, barely noticing as his friend left the room to give the once-couple time alone together. Jack felt himself unable to talk as he looked at her, still just as beautiful as she had been when they were together.
All those years apart had killed him a little inside, or so he had thought. Seeing her revived that broken and torn piece of him that he thought had died along with the love he thought she no longer had for him.
“Jack,” she croaked, more tears flowing down her face. “Please, say something. Even if it’s just how much you hate me and wish to never see me again. Please, just say something,” she begged him after a minute of silence between them had passed. Her words knocked him out of his stupor, and gripped her hands tighter.
“I don’t hate you, Rezia. I couldn’t even imagine hating you. Do you know why that is? I love you too damn much! After all this time, I still love you. So please, please, stop crying. Seeing you like this, it kills me.”
With shocked and tearful eyes, Rezia attempted to stop crying. It took a few minutes for her to stop the flow of tears completely, and Jack allowed himself reach up and wipe the last few off her face with his thumb.
“You still love me?” she whispered. Jack nodded, waiting for her to speak. “You shouldn’t, Jack! I hurt you so badly, and you didn’t deserve it. Not in the least! I messed up. I don’t deserve to have your love.”
Once more, Jack was wiping stray tears that came from her eyes. “Maybe you did hurt me, Rezia. But that was a long time ago. And ever since I just let you walk away, without following you to explain, I’ve been miserable. I love you, Rezia. I love you so much that it hurts to even think about hating you. I forgave you the second you walked out the door for hurting me, and you need to understand that. I love you, Theresa Shawna Rothe, and that will never change.”
With that said, he waited for her response. It took time, and the silence was unbearable. “I love you, Jack. I have for so long, and I’ve been kicking myself for not finding the courage to even call you to tell you that in all this time. I love you.”
***
Then
It was with tearful eyes that Rezia looked at the picture she had found in her mailbox that afternoon. The picture was of Jack, in what looked like a heated kiss. But the girl wasn’t Rezia. Looking at the time, she saw it was close to ten. The boys were leaving for a tour in their van the next morning, so she had to do this now. She called out to her parents that she’d be back soon, and drove to Jack’s house.
His mother answered the door, and she told Rezia to go right up to Jack’s room. There she found him doing last minute packing, a typical Jack thing. Once he saw she was there, he went over to hug her. She stopped him when he was a bit more than a foot away, shaking her head. “Rezia, what’s wrong?”
Jack’s voice was dripping with concern for the girl he loved, but Rezia believed that the concern was far from genuine. She suspected the same of his love. Without uttering a single sound, she held out the picture that had torn her heart into pieces. Jack took it with an uncertain expression on his face. He glanced at it first, but the looked at it again in a double take. “Rezia, this is not what it looks like,” he began, but she cut him off.
“Whatever you have to say, don’t. I can’t believe Jack, I can’t believe that I let you have my heart. We’re done.” Leaving him too stunned to move, she hurried out of his house and back to her own. That night, she cried herself to sleep.
But that was the only time she allowed herself to cry, until a few weeks later. She was talking to a friend she had made at one of the boys’ gigs a few months back, and Lenora had demanded on seeing the photo of Jack kissing the girl. Despite the pain that was attached to it, Rezia hadn’t thrown the picture out, just put it in a box underneath her bed.
“Hun, this picture is almost two years old,” Lenora said after studying the photo. “What makes you so certain of that?” Rezia asked, taking the picture back. “Look, you can see the restaurant in the background. That burned down two years ago.”
Rezia dropped the picture, letting it flutter to the ground as her heart broke once more. She turned to her friend with tears in her eyes. “I need to be alone right now,” she said, and Lenora nodded in understanding. After a tight hug and a promise that things would work out in the end, Lenora left. Laying on her bed, Rezia thought about calling Jack, but she knew she could never talk to him after hurting him the way she had. So she decided an email would be best.
Dear Jack,
I know you must hate me, and I don’t blame you. I hurt you for no reason, and I cannot express how truly sorry I am for the pain I caused you by jumping to conclusions when I saw that picture. I should have let you explain, to save us both some heartbreak. I completely understand if you cannot forgive me, because if I were in your shoes, I don’t know if I could.
When I discovered that the picture must have been two or more years old, it tore my heart into even more pieces. Because the only thing that hurts me worse than me believing you’d betray me like that, is knowing how you must feel because ofmy believing you could. If you never wish to talk to me again, I wouldn’t blame you.
If you don’t wish to try out relationship again, I understand. But, no matter what, I love you and I’m sorry.
Rezia
Rereading the email, she deleted it. It wouldn’t make a difference either way, because Jack must hate her for not trusting him. And she didn’t blame him for the hate she imagined he had for her.
Over the next few years, there were several similar emails and letters that were never sent. There were several times when she picked up the phone and thought about calling him. But she never did, because she was too afraid of having him confirm that he hated her. And every now and then, she broke down into tears when she was alone, simply because she missed him so damn much. But, Rezia believed he deserved someone so much better than her. Someone who wouldn’t hurt him the way she had. Not once, though, did she stop loving him.