***ing Technology

‘Fucking technology.’

With one hand scratching his head and the other fiddling with his brand new mobile (yeah, the old one found its bitter end under his… ehm, bum), Billie was heading home after a long walk into town. It was almost seven, well, to be precise it was six thirty-six, and he left home at about two o’clock that afternoon, and maybe that was why he kept receiving calls from Adie. The only small, little problem was that he didn’t know how to fucking answer with that new hell’s tool he had in his hands.

“Mental reminding: always, always listen to your sons when they’re trying to tell you about phone calls. Fuck. What the hell did Joey say about the buttons? Green button. The green fucking button is for… answering? Gosh, yeah, it’s to answer, isn’t it?”

Remember. That’s what he was trying to do: remember. Lately it seemed like he couldn’t come up with memories, let alone stupid talks about mobiles. He couldn’t remember when was the last time he had a proper laugh with Mike and Tré. He couldn’t remember when his wife last told him she loved him. And that hurt a lot.

‘I-fucking-can’t-remember-a-single-thing.’ He muttered under his breath, and with anger he kicked an empty can on the ground.

He kept on walking, but this time he buried his hands in his pockets; he felt like a total stranger to where he belonged. He had been to Berkeley that day, and had to stop a few times to ask people the right way. God, he really couldn’t find his way – even though he had been living there almost all his life.

That scared the living shit out of him.

‘Cigarette.’

Billie reached for his back pocket and got out a packet of Marlboro red, plus an old lighter, put a fag in his mouth and lit it up: he took a drag and slowly blew the smoke out. Stupid to say, but he instantly felt better.

“Cigarettes understand me better than my wife.”

He growled in frustration and mentally kicked himself.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, what the bloody fucking hell am I thinking of? Billie, you suck, you suck so much that you make me wanna spew my guts out to the open air. Coz no one wants to hear a drunken fool.”

Again, the frustration hit him so hard he almost felt like crying. Not that song. Not that song after he just thought bad about his wife. His love. His everything.

“I’m fucking mental.”

Suddenly, the notes of London Calling filled the air. His head shoot up and found an old lady in front of him. She was trying to cross the road, but she turned around too and looked at Billie with a puzzled look on her face.

‘Is it… is it you?’ He asked with a tiny voice. Where the fuck was the music coming from?

She looked at him, shook her head in disbelief and replied.

‘It’s your mobile, you idiot.’ With that, she crossed the road and disappeared.

“Oh. My. God.”

Still looking where the old lady last was with a I-can’t-believe-it look on his face, he took the mobile out of the pocket and pressed, hoping with all his heart it was the right one, the green button. Slowly, he put the phone to his ear and spoke.

‘Hello?’

A sigh.

‘Bill, look at the screen.’

He sighed too and looked at it: it read Adie, and numbers were slowly changing under the name.

‘Oh, hello Adie.’

‘Thank fuck. Where are you?’ Crossed? Was she angry?

‘On my way home.’

‘Billie! There’s no need to scream. I can hear you.’

He closed his eyes hard and mentally kicked himself again.

‘Sorry. Are you alright Adie?’

‘Are you really asking me that, you bloody idiot?’

“What’s with the idiot thing today?”

‘Uh… I guess?’

‘You’re whispering now, but never mind. Bill, I’ve been worried sick. I tried to call you like, I don’t know, fifteen times? And couldn’t fucking reach you! I was bloody worried, hun.’

A little smile played on his lips.

‘You've just called me hun.’

‘Oh, gosh.’ Another sigh, but this time he could feel that she was smiling too. ‘Billie, when do you think you’ll be home?’

‘Why?’

‘So I can run away before you turn up. Gosh, Armstrong, what’s wrong with you?’

“That’s a good question. I don’t know Adie, I don’t really know. Sorry.”

‘Nothing, I suppose.' He felt his face crack a crooked grin.

‘Billie, listen. Come home, right? The kids aren’t here, so… I was wondering…’

‘Yeah?’

The silence scared him. What was she thinking about? And why was he being scared of her thinking? He suddenly thought about all the things he could have done wrong: he didn’t forget anything from the shopping list the previous day, he was sure; he fed Speedy IV that morning… maybe. What else? Uh, he didn’t change the cats’ toilet, but he thought it didn’t need changing.

‘Adie, sorry, if it’s for the cats’ toilet, I thought it was alright, that’s why I didn’t clean it. I’ll do it now, ok?’

Another small silence and then her genuine laugh got to his ears.

‘Adie? I wasn’t being funny. Oh, can you open the door, please? I’m right here.’

In front of him, the door opened and revealed a smiling Adrienne holding a mobile in her right hand. Even though they were face to face, they didn’t put the phones away: the only thing they did was to stare in each other eyes and smile.

‘Hello Billie.’

He took a step forward and answered.

‘Hello Adie.’

‘Long time no see, huh?’

He smiled again.

‘I’m sorry. Will you ever forgive me?’

‘Mmm, I was planning on forgiving you right now, love.’

His heart melted. He loved her. What was he thinking of when he said that cigarettes were better then her? She was the only fucking one, and he was an asshole.

‘Bill… the kids aren’t at home, why don’t we… like, spend some time together?’

For fuck’s sake: his face fell, his questioning eyes wandered to hers and found pure… melancholy? What did he do to her?

And then he knew why he was afraid of her silence before: he was scared that silence could mean everything between them was over, that she was fed up because he was never ever at home. He really was an asshole. And a really big one, too.

‘My God Adie, I’ve been so fucking selfish.’

She looked at him and simply said:

‘You’re right, but there’s one thing that is more important.’

He sighed and felt like crying.

“Asshole, asshole, asshole!”

‘What is that?’

‘Well, two things to tell the truth. The second one is that you’re not an asshole, only a bit of a self-destructive man. Don’t drown in your pain alone, Billie, let me help you. Would you?’

He stared at her: gosh, she understood him better then himself.

‘I don’t know what to say, Adie.’

‘Just say yes.’

He nodded and muttered a ‘Yes'.

‘Good. Now, do you wanna know the first more important thing?’ She smiled.

He nodded again.

She took a step forward, by now they were one in front of the other, she took his phone in her hands and pressed the red button. She then threw both of the mobiles on the grass. Billie gasped and stared at her wide-eyed.

‘Hey! I’ve just bought that! What the…’

But she cut him off by pressing her index finger on his lips and shushing him.

‘We’ve got money to buy another one. I’m fed up with this fucking technology right now, also because your voice is way better live then on the phone. Well, the first more important thing… better, most important… is… well, I love you, Billie.’

He felt his mouth slightly opening while his heart was slowly but inexorably burning: she loved him. After all he’d done – well, after all he hadn’t done – she still loved him.

Her sad look brought him back to reality: he closed his eyes and put his head in his hands.

“Asshole.”

‘Billie. Billie, I’m so… scared. I’m scared that… well, that you don’t feel the same anymore. I’m afraid there… there could be someone else.’

And there it went: his heart lost a beat, maybe two, and the only thing he could do was open his eyes, take his wife’s beauty all in and, finally, seize her by the waist and kiss her. And he instantly knew it was the right thing to do: she slowly closed her arms around his neck, while his hands gently stroked the side of her body. Gosh, how much did he miss her? Her scent, her hair, her lips. Herself. And that kiss… that kiss meant more than everything he’d done in the past three (or even more, he didn’t know) months.

Holding Adie’s neck, he muttered into their kiss:

‘I fucking love you, Adie. You are my everything, my day, my night, my life. I can’t live without you.’

A sob. Billie’s eyes fluttered open and what he saw broke his heart: she was crying, and he caused all that. He was every single tear she was dropping. He was the pain, he was the anguish. But he realised that he was the healer, too. With his thumbs, he wiped away the tears and kissed her eyes.

‘Adie… I’m so fucking sorry. Please, forgive me. Would you?’

Her silence almost broke his ears.

“Please, say something.”

‘Please, Adie…’

Their eyes met, and they lost themselves in each other’s: the green eyes looking for forgiveness, the brown ones for love. And they both found what they were looking for.

‘Come inside Billie, we’ve got a whole night ahead.’

Her smile made him want to jump around and freak out, but he didn’t: he simply followed her inside and closed the door behind them.

Gosh, he loved her.