We Knew That Time Would Kill Us

If there was one thing you could say to describe Jimmy and Johnny together, it was that their endless banter could oftentimes be hilarious, but after a while, it could get a little... annoying.

“Dude, fuck you Short-Shit! I won—”

“No, I won! You cheated!”

“I won and that's all there is to it, so shut the fuck up already. God!”

Jimmy's rebuttal would have been rather amusing, had they not been basically repeating that particular conversation for the past half an hour.

The three of us had been lounging around the 'living' part of the bus for the past few hours, waiting and playing video games until we rolled up to our next destination. We'd only left for tour the night before, and while I was still having trouble realizing the fact that I was actually living on the bus, the guys seemed to have settled right in.

I'd mainly been watching them play an extremely heated private match of Call of Duty, but it had ended abruptly when accusations of cheating had arose.

“No, that's not all—” Just when I was considering pulling my hair out in exasperation, Zacky sat down beside me, looked amused and irritated at the same time. “Listen, guys, you both won okay? It was a tie.”

Even though Zacky's explanation made no sense whatsoever, Jimmy and Johnny grinned, dropping their controllers to high-five each other. Both Zacky and I chuckled quietly, sharing glances as the two got absorbed into the video game one more time. We didn't want to distract them again, as more bickering would surely ensue.

Moments later, Brian came out from the bunk area, a smile on his face as he observed the four of us scattered across the small sofa and on the floor. He caught my eye for a split second, then his eyes flickered back to the bunk area before he planted himself next to Zacky, forcing us to move over to make room for him.

For some reason, the look he gave me, and the way he looked at the bunks, made my palms sweat. Matt was back there, and to the best of my knowledge they'd both went back there to talk to their significant others. My hand went to my pocket, my phone was still there. With Noah's number still in it. Why was that thing plaguing me? Every time someone gave me an odd look or a sideways glance, my mind immediately went to the thought of obtaining his number.

Maybe because Matt had all but forbade me to hang out with that group of boys. What would he do if he found out I'd gotten one of their numbers? I honestly didn't even want to think about it. No, I didn't have a single thought of Noah in that way, but I knew that Matt wouldn't see it like that.

I groaned inwardly, rubbing my tired eyes. It wasn't exactly easy to see in a bunk that was travelling a hundred miles per hour, and my thoughts were getting a little too complicated. It seemed like I was always jumping through hoops and tangling a huge web of lies for no apparent reason. Why couldn't I ever just be completely honest with Matt?

Because he wouldn't understand.

No, there wasn't anything to worry about. Matt and the guys were still clueless about my run in the that group of boys from the night before, I was in the clear. Nothing to worry about.

“Yo, Patey! C'mere for a sec!” Matt's deep voice rumbling through the bus nearly made me jump. My heart began to race, maybe I wasn't in the clear after all. Maybe he knew about everything all along and he was just waiting for me to crack.

With no other choice, I numbly got up from the sofa and made my way to the bunks, as slowly as possible without one of the guys, or even worse, Matt, finding it suspicious. Just as fast as my heart, my mind began running through all of the possibilities of what he could have wanted to talk about. What were we talking about last time?

That would give me some idea about what he wanted to talk about this time, but that thought stopped short when I realized I couldn't even remember the last time we talked...

He was laying on his bunk with the curtain open when I finally dragged myself in there, and I laid down on mine, on my side, so I was facing him across the makeshift hallway. “What's up, Matt?” I asked, keeping up my fabricated smile. I'd gotten better at it over the past few months.

“How have you been doing lately?” He asked after closely observing me for a few moments. He too was wearing a relaxed smile, and for a split second, I wondered if his was fake, too.

By then, I knew if I just gave him a simple shrug like I so desperately wanted to, he'd grow worried and he'd ask more questions that he already had for me. I launched into something that I wasn't lying about, yet it was exactly one of the things that had been haunting me lately. “Oh—well, you know, I just miss Dannii and the girls more than I thought I would and—uh, yeah.”

“I know it's hard, but you can text and call the girls and Dannii anytime you want, you know. And it won't be so bad after a while, kiddo. You just gotta get used to it is all.” I was touched by how much he was trying to get me to open up a little more. That he wasn't directly asking me to talk to him; he had a new tactic. He was being subtle about it. “Anything else on your mind?”

Yes. But nothing I wanted to talk to him about. “No, not really,” I said, the smile never leaving my lips. “I'm glad I got that out, though.”

Unexpectedly, Matt sat up and reached across, easily bringing me into a hug. “I really am proud of you though, kid. I still can't believe you worked so hard just to tour with us.” He said after I relaxed into his hug, laughing slightly.

I felt a pang of guilt at that, but at least he could be proud of something, right? Maybe it was actually a good thing he didn't know about all the things I'd been thinking about over the past few months. “It's means a lot more to me than just driving around with you guys,” I said, giving him a genuine smile, liking how easy it was to talk about something like that.

After he pulled away, he abruptly broke out into a knowing grin. “Speaking of, you get today's school work done?”

Letting out a groan, I flopped face-first onto my bunk. In all the excitement the very first day of the tour had brought, I'd completely forgotten about something as mundane as school work. I knew that if I didn't start it soon, I'd fall behind and I was pretty sure Matt would be so proud of my grades anymore. And it wouldn't be good for anyone's eardrums, either, because Matt would be the first to find out about it.

“Well... no, but I promise I'll get started on it soon!” I said, my eyes flitting to the laptop perched at the edge of my bunk; where it had been since I'd woke up. I actually meant that, I would get started on it as soon as I could. It was a good distraction and it'd keep the guys off my back for a few hours.

The smile never left his face, and his eyes then held a spark of excitement. “Hey—guess what? We've got the night off before our show in Vegas tomorrow, so we're staying in a little place called Caesars Palace.”

“And let me guess, you're stoked to blow your life-savings gambling in the casino?” I asked, laughing.

“You know it,” He laughed along with me, and I wasn't surprised to find out that was what he really was all fired up about. “But I don't want you getting into too much trouble, got it? Come to think of it, while I'm gone I don't even want you leaving the hotel room alone. It's a huge place, Patey. You could get into a lot of trouble there.”

I sighed into my pillow. “That's not very much fun, is it?”

“I'm not budging on this P. I can do some stuff with you before we go down, but then you gotta stay in our room. But hey, at least you won't have any distractions from your homework then!” When that obviously didn't brighten my mood, he continued. “And uh... you can order all the room service you want?”

With a new idea of fun I could have on my own in mind, I sprung up in the bunk, almost hitting my head in the process, but grinned at Matt nonetheless. “Okay.” I stated simply, the gears still turning over in my head.

Out in the living area, Jimmy could be heard hollering and the rest of the guys had joined in soon after. Matt and I shared a look before bolting out to see what everyone was freaking out over. They were all crowded in the very front of the bus where the driver was, and I noticed they even he couldn't keep the smile off his face. Why were the guys so excited?

We were approaching the infamous Las Vegas strip.

Seeing the 'Welcome to Las Vegas' sign was somewhat groundbreaking for me, and I couldn't help but think that just a year ago, I never would have even thought about visiting this place. But still, I refused to dwell on the dark parts of my past and grinned.

The guys were going to have a wild, fun night. And if they were going to leave me to my own devices in a place like Caesars Palace, I was determined to have my own fun, too. Noah's seemed number to weigh down in my pocket more than ever, but for a different reason this time around.

I refused to feel guilty about what I had planned out. Because really, it wasn't that bad and for once, I was actually hoping that I was going to have some fun. Maybe I'd even make some new friends in the process.