We Knew That Time Would Kill Us

Matt

My eyes scanned the room, waiting for someone who I thought I could trust to walk by. Zacky was standing beside me, his expression mirroring my worried one. In just a few minutes we would be onstage performing once again, but first I had to take care of one thing.

“Hey, Chris, can you do something for me?” I asked, grabbing him by the arm as he hurried past me. He was a pale, scrawny kid with dirty blonde hair, a roadie who was just starting out. He didn’t look a day older than eighteen. Not the best roadie around, but he was getting there and I knew I could trust him, at least with this small thing.

Hesitantly, he nodded and looked shocked that I even remembered his name. “Sure, what can I do for you Shads?” He asked exuberantly, looking stoked to be something other than hauling equipment around.

“You know my kid right, Payton?” I waited until he nodded before I continued. “Well, could you watch her tonight? I mean, what she’s doing and who she’s doing it with?”

For a moment he looked confused as to why I was asking him to babysit my kid, but he nodded once again in compliance. “But be subtle about it, okay? Don’t make it obvious whatever you do."

This was wrong, I knew that. And I also knew that when Payton found out I was having people watch her, she would strangle me. But seeing my daughter keep things from me as if I were a complete stranger to her again was killing me. She’d grown so distant over the past few months, and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why.

“Okay man, I’ll do my best.” Chris said, still smiling. I laughed and patted his shoulder before he took off, just about racing ahead of everyone else.

Of course, Payton was Payton and I’d almost grown to accept that she’d always keep some things from me. I knew that after I missed so much of her life, she would have a hard time to ever fully trust me with anything.

But it was getting out of hand then. I was her father, basically her only parent if you didn’t count the guys and girls, and I did worry over her a lot. I thought she would have understood that I’d like to know where she’s going when I’m not able to watch over her, but these days she’s not even doing that.

All the things she was refusing to talk about with me had to be wearing down on her. Eventually, just like the last time, she was going to break down or something bad was going to happen to her. If I could help it, I was going to stop it from getting to that point. I just hoped she would cooperate with me for once.

“Like I said man, me n’ Short Shit only saw her running around down in that casino in Vegas. I don’t know any more than that.” Zacky muttered beside me.

“I know, I know Zacky.” I said, letting out a heavy sigh. “I just wish it didn’t have to come to this.”

He cracked a small smile and patted my back just as I had done with Chris. “It’ll be all right... eventually.”

I just wished Payton and I could have a talk like we used to, an entirely truthful one. I was almost sure that would fix a lot of things. And hopefully when I find out what she’s keeping from us, we will.

Payton

Just five minutes into hanging out with Wretched Remorse, my can of soda was spewing through my nose because I was laughing so hard. Evan and Noah were rolling around on the floor, ‘beating each other up’ while the rest of us watched. Even if it was just play-fighting, Evan was winning by a long shot and Noah was getting out of breath just a few minutes into it.

As usual Brett remained stony faced about the whole thing, muttering that either Evan was going to hurt Noah or he was going to hurt himself, but even he and Oliver managed to crack a smile at the two and laugh a little. It felt great to just laugh freely at nothing again and not feel bad about it.

Grinning, Evan brushed himself off as he stood up from the floor, leaving a panting Noah to rest. He wrapped a casual arm around my shoulders as we both leaned against the wall, and for a moment I tensed before forcing myself to relax. This was new, before Evan always kept at least a little distance between the two of us, but then I was confused. So, what? Did he like me back then? Or was he just being friendly?

There were two other things that sort of caught my attention, one more than the other. Although there were always loads of roadies around, but there was one guy, who had semi-long, dirty blonde hair, who always passed by us every few minutes. Sometimes he had a few patch cables in his hand, other times nothing. And he always snuck a few glances at the five of us, as if he were looking for something. For the most part, I ignored him.

The other, Brett threw me small, tense glances whenever Evan and I made contact with each other. I could tell he was observing me for at least ten minutes. I looked up at Evan, only to see him staring back at Brett. I knew then that something was up.

“Is everything okay, Brett?” I asked tentatively, my voice coming out small. I really hoped he didn’t have any sort of problems with me, and I thought he hadn’t until then. Silently, he turned and motioned for me to follow him. I shot one last look up at Evan before following Brett, my footsteps hesitant. If that was what he wanted, I wasn’t ready for any confrontation with him tonight.

I still had a lot of things to accomplish tonight. I wanted to find out what Dannii was hiding from me about Evan, preferably from himself, and if Brett were to have a few not-so kind words with me, I don’t think I would be up for making any more progress with Evan. I looked up at Brett expectantly when he took my arm, leading me into an unlocked, vacated dressing room.

“I’ve noticed how close you’re getting with Evan.” He stated, rather bluntly.

Shocked, I immediately began rambling, stumbling over every word I uttered. “I—no, I don’t, it...” I paused and took a deep breath, slowly exhaling in hopes of calming myself down. If I was going to be truthful with Evan, then that also meant I had to own up to my feelings for him, even if it was to his best friend. “Yeah. I like him, a lot.” I finally admitted, looking at my shoes as I felt the blush burning my cheeks to the point where it hurt.

He broke out into a smile then, then, as suddenly as his mood had changed, he brought me into a warm, tight hug. His hugs were just welcoming and familiar, for a moment I thought I was hugging my dad instead of a guy I met just a few weeks ago. I wondered if Matt would be as understanding as Brett had just been?

“That’s good. Evan really deserves a girl like you in his life.” He grinned as he pulled away, but made no move to go for the door, and that only led me to believe he had more he wanted to talk about. “Listen though, I know that Evan may come off as a... uh, an asshole sometimes, but it just takes him a while to warm up to people. He’s gone through a lot, Payton, and he still has to go through a lot more. Don’t mess him up more than he already has been.”

“I promise,” I said quickly, holding up my hands to show I wasn’t crossing my fingers, somewhat childishly. “I promise I won’t.”

After I said that, he let out a laugh and it cut through the last bit of tension that was left. “Okay. He really likes you though, and if you don’t make a move soon he will.”

Thinking, I stopped short from what I was about to say and met his eyes. “Wait—what did you mean by ‘he’s going to go through a lot more’?”

“That’s for Evan to tell you, not me.” I let out a long sigh at his reply, hating the fact that he had given me almost the exact same answer that Dannii had.

Brett left soon after, but I’d chosen to stay back in the dressing room and think. I had been hoping to get somewhere tonight with Evan, but then I just had more and more questions and it didn’t look like they would be answered anytime soon. I had gotten no further with Evan than where’d I’d left off.