We Knew That Time Would Kill Us

When I headed back toward the bus, I took my time instead of rushing like before. It was partially from shock, I still couldn't process what had just happened. Evan walked away from me, yeah. I got that much. But he hadn't exactly said he wanted to break up, even though our relationship had been a little rocky still. My legs felt like they could give out at any moment, but that didn't make me try and get back to the bus any further—not even the bitter cold could do that.

A twisted, resentful part of my mind felt that all of this was Tyler's fault. That if he had just steered clear of drugs and stayed on the right path, then none of this would have happened. My relationship with Evan wouldn't be up in the air. My relationship with my father wouldn't have been so tumultuous, either. Part of me felt like I was doing all of this for him, while he had clearly ditched me last year without a second thought.

But then the rational side of my conscience kicked in, and I reminded myself that I was doing this on my own free will. Tyler didn't ask me to do any of this; he wasn't forcing me to go see him. That was all me, and that was what I really wanted.

I hesitated outside the door, wondering if any arguments would ensue when I got on. All was silent, however, and as soon as I shut the door and got up the steps, Jimmy had me crushed into a hug. I returned the embrace straight away, thankful that someone was siding with me—or even saw my side for what it was. The sincerity of his hug almost made me cry right there, in the front of the bus with everyone watching from where they sat in the living area. A side that hadn't shown itself in a while, my stronger side, wouldn't let me.

And you know what? It felt nice. I felt like I was in control for once.

"I'm here for you, Mini," He murmured, leaning down to press a chaste kiss to my temple. I tightened my hold around his lanky figure, burying my face into his chest. He wasn't expecting me to spill my guts; there weren't any hidden motives in this hug, and I enjoyed the simplicity of it while I could before he pulled away, sending down an encouraging smile.

While I didn't—couldn't—return the smile, my eyes held all the thanks Rev needed to see, and I turned around to face the rest of the band. They all looked to be bracing themselves, and Matt was (for once) quiet, sitting in the same place at the table. His gaze was quizzical as he stared me down; I refused to so much as even meet his eyes. To the rest of the guys, I forced a tight, half smile that looked more like a grimace to let them know I wasn't going to blow up anytime soon. At least not if anyone provoked me.

Dropping my smile, I turned back toward Matt and raised a questioning eyebrow, my silent question obvious. "Well?" I said when he simply continued to look at me, referring to the flights.

He hesitated again with his answer, and I could almost feel Jimmy tensing beside me. He gingerly set his phone down on the table in front of him, his hand lingering on the device before he reached up and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. Voice soft, his eyes held hesitance, as if he didn't want to further upset me. "There aren't any flights out until tomorrow evening—but," He added quickly, seeing the look of irritation cross over my features. "We'll drive. I've already arranged it. And it's not as bad as waiting until tomorrow night for a flight, we'll be there by then."

I was surprised by his calmness. After all, when I'd left the bus before he'd been raging, and here he was acting as if he were afraid of what I'd say to him. Maybe he was just doing to make me happy—or maybe he didn't want to fight anymore. Or maybe, he finally saw my side of things. Either way, I was betting Jimmy had gotten to him for the short time I'd been absent and knocked some sense into him.
Another thing I owed him a 'thank you' for.

That didn't mean I was even close to forgiving Matt, though. Tired of yet another setback, my shoulders slump--almost in defeat, and I let out a dejected sigh. "Let me know when we get there I guess." I said, my tone almost a murmur, and even quieter than Matt's had been. I headed back toward the bunks without another word and sat on my own bed idly, not knowing what to do with myself. I wanted to sleep this all away, but how could I when Tyler was in the hospital, fighting for his life?

Over the past year, what had happened... I could only ask myself. With Tyler. At the thought of him, I collapsed onto my bed and curled into a ball, nuzzling my face into my pillow. For nearly an hour all I could do was remember him. From the time we were kids to the last night I'd seen him, last year. I couldn't help but cringe at the memory, Being beaten up by Andy had been the best experience of my life, and being scared out of my wits by Tyler afterward had just topped it all off as the worst night of my life.

They knew from experience to give me some space, so I felt sure I'd be left alone for the rest of the night. Was that really what I wanted, though, to be alone? I sighed and tears blurred my vision; I wondering what the hell I was doing to myself by thinking that. When Matt brought me home that night last year, I'd been so sure I could turn everything around.

I had, too... at least for a while. Guilt coursed through my veins at that thought, as I realized I'd broken far too many promises. It seemed like I'd thrown the very last of my chances away. I fell asleep crying, and when I awoke—wherever we were on the road—it was nearing three AM, according to my phone.

In all, I'd gotten maybe two hours of sleep, tops. But I didn't feel refreshed like I hoped I would, and tonight's events were still all too fresh in my mind. After letting out a shaky yawn, I sat up in my bunk and wiped the remaining moisture from my cheeks, coming to realize that I'd been crying through my sleep. I jumped when I heard a thump outside my bunk, and then a few short, heavy footsteps.

"Payton? Can I come in?" Zacky's voice was soft; it wasn't because everyone else was asleep. I could hear them out, still in the main area of the bus talking quietly amongst themselves.

Surprised, I peeled back the curtained that separated us and I squinted up at him, confused. "Why are you here?" My question wasn't meant to be offensive, but it came out that way. I blamed it on tonight's drama.

"I lost a bet," He replied sarcastically. "Now move over, I'm coming in.”

Knowing the guys, he was probably telling the truth. Nonetheless, he was here, and for some godforsaken reason wanted to see me. That didn't sound too appealing, but Zacky seemed determined, and I just wanted to get it all over with. I moved over until I was resting against the far wall, sitting cross-legged to give the guitarist enough room to make himself comfortable.

If he uttered one word about Tyler, I was sure I'd break down. And that was something I really didn't want.

Hunched over in the tiny bunk, Zacky rested his elbows against his bent knees, and sent me a small smile. "Do you want to talk?"

Honestly, I hadn't expecting him to be so forward with that. Usually, the guys all beat around the bush and skirted around the main subject, but Zacky was obviously a different story.

"No." I replied, the small word clipped.

"How's Tyler, anyway? What exactly did his mom say?" I stared at him blankly; no one had ever been so blunt with me before, especially over such a sensitive topic. No, Zacky Vengeance did not know how to deal with teenagers. At the mentioning of my former best friend, I recoiled as if I'd been slapped, and turned so I was facing the wall.

"Go out of my bunk, Zacky."

He muttered a string of curses under his breath, before speaking up. "Hey, P. I didn't mean it like that. I just figured—"

"Get the fuck out of my bunk, Zacky," I repeated loudly, ready to snap. A tear unwillingly slipped down my cheek, and I was quick to wipe it away. My yelling got Matt up, of course, and his loud footsteps started down the bus. I let out a groan at the sound of it. "Now look what you've done."

Zacky held his hands up in defense when I sent a heated look toward him, and before I could rip into him Matt had my curtain ripped open. Seeing me turned away, no doubt crying, Matt motioned for Zacky to leave with a jerk of his head. Only then did he go, and he mumbling that he was 'only trying to help' along the way.

"Come here, Payton," Matt said, almost demanding. I shot him a weird look, wiping pathetically at my face to rid myself of anymore accumulated tears. When I didn't budge, he let out a sigh. "Come on, get out here."

Fed up with everything, I pushed all my blankets aside and slipped out of my bunk, not knowing what he could have possibly wanted. I stood in front of him, my arms crossed and my eyes downcast. He abruptly stepped forward after observing me, and took me into a bone-crushing hug. With my arms crossed it was awkward, and I refused to return it. "I'm sorry," He admitted quietly, leaning down to press a kiss to my forehead just as Jimmy had.

Hearing his apology, I unfolded my arms in defeat; although I was still pissed with him he wouldn't leave me alone until he got a response from me. So I wrapped my arms around his wide midsection as far as I could, and leaned into his chest. I may have been angry with him—but I wasn't going to be childish. Not anymore. Refusing to return the hug would have only added more tension between us, and there was no denying that I enjoyed it. In that moment what was said and done didn't really matter, because just for that split second I looked past all of that to see my father, who had done relatively well in raising me over the past year. Except for the most recent slip-up, of course.

He sat back on my bunk with me on his lap, and I rested my head against his shoulder. I had to take advantage of these few short hours of peace, because I knew that as soon as I stepped off the bus tomorrow things would go downhill, and quickly. "He can't die—he can't. I can’t lose another person." I breathed, sounding sure of myself. The thing was, I wasn't sure of anything anymore.

Even though I had family surrounding me, the thought of losing Tyler had me feeling incredibly lonely. Matt remained quiet, promising me nothing, as we both knew the outcome—Tyler's fate—probably wouldn't be good.

"Evan—he walked away from me tonight," I said suddenly, not just looking to change the subject. That was the other thing slowly eating me away, and surely the next thing I would cry over. I felt like I had to tell someone about it, and for once Matt seemed like the reasonable one.

"What?" He questioned, his eyes darkening. I swallowed, wondering if I really should have brought it up after all.

A minute passed, and I hopelessly shrugged my shoulders. "I was trying to explain to him what was going on and he just--he just walked away."

"I always had a bad fucking feeling about that kid," He more or less stated, but he didn't completely flip like I almost thought he would. "But he doesn't matter, Patey. I'm not going to keep shit like this from you again, you have my word. And no matter what happens over the next few days, I can promise you that I'll be there for you."

We stared at each other, and I couldn’t detect one hint of deception in either his voice or his features. I could only let out a sigh, dropping my head to lean against his shoulder again. "As long as you promise."