We Knew That Time Would Kill Us

“Get out of the car, Payton.”

“Payton, get out of the car.”

For the third time since we got in the SUV, I ignored Matt. Ice was running through my veins, panic had completely taken over my rational thoughts. My breaths were uneven and laboured, and they were growing shorter and shallower by the second.

I was trying my damndest to ignore him, yet I was about to go into a freak-out, which I’d never had when it wasn’t dream-related. I was scared out of my mind, and yet again Matt had no idea.

Kids were staring at the SUV already; they knew who was occupying it. Did they all know? No, that had to be impossible. Not everyone cared about that sort of thing, did they? I mean, Matt had aviators and a large tucker hat on backwards. He said it was a disguise, I said it was his signature.

Of course, I didn’t actually say it to him. I hadn’t spoken to him since the night before, and that was only when we were arguing about my grades. I’d barely acknowledged him or the guys since then. Yeah, I felt utterly horrible about it. But what was going to happen when they left? I couldn’t continue depending on them like I had been doing for the past few months, because I knew that soon, they wouldn’t be there for me to lean on.

I had to detach myself; from everyone that I managed to find any kind of comfort in. And I planned on doing so as quickly as possible. “Patey, it’s not gonna be so bad. You’re overreacting. If I were you, I’d be proud.”

His arrogant side was beginning to come out again, and it only made it that much easier to ignore him.

Several kids were huddled together on a bench, whispering to each other and stealing glances at the SUV every now and then. That was what my attention was focus on, not Matt. My breath caught in my throat when one of them was bold enough to actually point at our car. I knew one thing for sure then, I sure as hell hadn’t been overreacting.

“Payton, I swear to God,” He was beginning to get frustrated. I could feel his harsh glare on me through the rear-view mirror. “If you don't get your ass into that school right now, I’m gonna carry you—”

His threat scared me a little—because M. Shadows carrying his kicking and screaming daughter into the school would surely cause a huge scene that would just make everything that much worse than it already was. But he had stopped short on his threat, and hadn’t said anything after that. This could have only meant that he finally noticed I was having a mini-stroke in the back seat of his car.

About fucking time.

“P? Sweetie, are you okay?” His tone had changed dramatically from about-to-blow-a-gasket to worried and concerned in a split second. I could still feel his gaze on me, he had turned around in his seat to stare back at me. Yet I couldn’t tear my gaze away from those gawking teenagers. It had gotten to the point where they were being obnoxious about it.

As quickly as his mood had changed, he was out of the SUV and to my side of the car, wrenching the door open. I was still focused on the kids who I could unfortunately no longer see because Matt was blocking my line of vision. I bet they were just about shitting themselves at that moment, and I was almost happy that I couldn’t see their reaction.

“What’s wrong, baby?” He asked, coming closer to embrace me. I shrunk away from him, chanting ‘Detach!’ over and over in my mind. His frown deepened and his eyebrows furrowed in concern, but he refused to give up. He just reached in further and pulled me into a hug. I had no choice but to return it.

As much as I didn’t want it to, I felt a little better from his hug. I sniffed, and only then did I realize that I had been crying. When had I become such a pansy?

When Matt pulled away and he too noticed that I was crying, he sighed. “Do you wanna go home?” He asked, finally breaking down.

No, that would only prove that I’d grown soft over the last few months. Which really didn’t make any sense at all since I lived with a bunch of rowdy rock stars, but that was what I felt was happening. And then I had to provemyself them wrong.

Quickly, I peeked out behind Matt and with relief I saw that the kids had since vacated the bench. The bell had rung a few moments ago, and they had only left because they had to. Them leaving would make things a little easier, but I would have to make my entrance into a quiet classroom. I was not looking forward to that.

“No, no,” I mumbled, my voice coming out unsure, but I had already made up my mind. Matt looked more confused than ever at that point, but relieved nonetheless, and almost proud. “I might as well get it over with.” It was like my very first day all over again.

Managing to force a smile, I played with the fraying fabric on one of the rips in my jeans, still not being able to meet his gaze. He lifted up my chin and grinned at me. “Everything’s gonna be fine, Patey. And I’ll tell you what, if you get through the whole day with your head held high,” He paused, his smile widening. “I’ll think about making a deal with you.”

Knowing what he meant, I perked up and replaced my fake smile with the most sincere one I could muster. I had side-stepped him and was out of the SUV just at the mentioning of ‘a deal’. “Really?” I asked, wanting confirmation. “So what are you saying, that I can come on tour with you guys?”

“Wait, there’s a catch. But a fair one,” He held up his hands defensively when I gave him a look. “Go on, I said the whole day, you know. And you’re already missing it.”

Thankfully, that was all it took for me to take off down the walkway. I was in higher spirits then, I didn’t need any more of a pep talk from Matt than the one he’d already given me. And hopefully, it would last me the entire day as I knew I would need it. “And no skipping!” He yelled just before I was out of ear-shot. I groaned, liking the idea he’d just put into my head a little too much, but after a second thought I decided against it.

The entire point of this was to prove to everyone that I wasn’t scared or nervous as to how they would react.

Even though I was at least ten minutes late, there were still a few stragglers around, wandering around campus. They stared, but I completely ignored them and did just as Matt said, I held my head high and continued to my first class. Although I couldn’t help but wonder how they had all found out so quickly, because it had only happened that past weekend. The only conclusion I could come to was that news travels fast—especially when it’s about a rock star’s ‘love child’ (Matt probably wouldn’t take too keenly to me calling myself a ‘bastard’ or ‘illegitimate’, even though they too were both very true) attending HB High.

Much to the principals and Mrs. Hoffmaster’s displeasure, I’d gotten a seat in Mr. Thorne’s advanced music class. As did Dannii, which we were both over the moon about. Thanks to coordinating last year when we were signing up for this year’s courses, we got almost every class together. All except Health, which Matt had insisted that I take. I was guessing he was still trying to avoid ‘the talk’ at all costs, which I was completely with him on that.

“Payton, P, P-Body! My main woman!” Dannii screamed, this was her usual outburst every morning.

Up until then, it hadn’t happened in class. All the kids had quieted down the instant I stepped in, and everybody (including the neighbouring classrooms, too) easily heard it. They all stared at me with a newfound look of wariness—everyone except Dannii and Mr. Thorne, thankfully. Again, I ignored the stares and plunked down into a seat next to Dannii. Her outburst was nothing new; I was well used to it by then. I just hated the stares that came with it at that moment.

“Alright, so, now that everyone’s here,” Mr. Thorne began, sending a wink my way. He hadn’t marked me in as late, or else he would have made me go get a late slip. He was honestly still my favourite teacher, just for that. “We can start!”

Music class and all the ones following it went by the same; however it wasn’t nearly as bad as it would have been had Dannii not been there by my side to endure it with me. She cracked jokes and directed the attention away from me, which I would be eternally grateful for.

Although I’d only managed to gain a few stares and a scattered whisper, I did not get my hopes up for I knew the worst was yet to come.

Lunch.

Oh, the drama. Lunch was always the place where it all went down. All the prissy arguments between rivalling preps happened there. The jock fights, the geek fights, the scattered and somewhat clichéd food fight that I’d happily taken part in at the cafeteria happened during the short, precious forty five minutes we got. It was where the cheerleaders cheated on their boyfriends, spread rumours, made scandals of themselves, and then at the end of the day they patted themselves on the back for a job well done.

When I’d gotten in the two fights with Andy and Larissa, it had been at lunch. And believe me, that had been enough drama to last me a lifetime. I had the same gut feeling that something was going to happen, and I tried my best to prepare myself for it.

No, to put it a little more simply, I was not looking forward to lunch.

Most importantly, I could not get myself into a fight as I was sure that Matt wouldn’t take too kindly to having to pick me up, whatever ‘deal’ he had in mind would surely be off then.

Dannii threw me a smile as we made our way down our beaten path that lead to our usual spot. The tree I’d claimed as my own on my very first day here was still our number one spot to hang out. It was a little chilly out for Californian weather, but it was nothing I couldn’t handle with the help of a hoodie.

We’d only been sitting down on the lush grass for a few minutes before we literally smelled trouble. It was as if someone had fumigated their house with a huge, cheap bottle of perfume. We could smell it, even across the walk way where Larissa and her cronies were sat together under a tree similar to ours.

I’d been beyond disappointed when I found out that Larissa hadn’t switched schools to be with her beloved Andy. Apparently she cared more about the reputation she’d built up and her position as ‘Cheer Captain’ than the boyfriend she had seemed to love so deeply just a few months before then.

She glared at me across the way, and I couldn’t help but return it. We hadn’t confronted each other since the fight we’d had, but that didn’t mean things had cooled off between us. I still despised her as much as ever. Dannii tensed, noticing our not-so friendly exchange.

“Patey, come on,” She sighed, nudging my shoulder with hers. “She’s not worth it.”

“I know, but just... ugh,” I sighed, finally looking away from her and her pack of hyenas that were laughing at something ‘funny’ she had said. I could only imagine who it had been about.

Throughout the next ten minutes, they had quieted down and huddled together a little more, whispering loudly to each other and giggling every so often. It made me sick to my stomach, knowing that if they weren’t talking about me, they were talking about someone else. And for some reason that pissed me off even more.

Just when I was about to burst, one of her followers, who I knew as Sam, stood up and began timidly making her way over to us. Figures, she’d send a shy one over so we couldn’t cuss her out. Really though, Sam wasn’t that bad. She liked cheerleading as a sport, and didn’t see it as just another way to climb higher on the social totem pole. I’d talked to her once or twice, and she was nice enough.

She just hung out with the wrong crowd. I had quite a bit of experience with that, and how people can really mess up your judgement. So I didn’t blame her for tending to Larissa’s every whim. “Uh, hey,” She began, smiling down at us. Larissa’s group had since quieted down so they could hear what we were saying. “So... is it true?”

It was easy to see that it was uncomfortable for her to ask that, and that she knew it wasn’t her place to ask such a thing. I decided not to get angry yet and play dumb. “Is what true?”
“You know... about being uhm... M. Shadows’ kid?” Her words came out fast and jumbled, and she clamped her hand over her mouth and closed her eyes once she finally got it out. Once she pulled her hand away, I saw her mouth “Sorry!” to me.

“What does it matter?” I snapped, starting to lose my cool. Sam visibly flinched, but I was starting not to feel sorry for her anymore. She should have been stronger; she should have stood up to Larissa and refused to approach us if she hated doing so as much as she seemed to.

“Because—because—” She stopped when she began stuttering and stared straight ahead, focusing on the trunk of the tree behind us. “Because Larissa wants to know if what she’s been telling everyone is true.”

My blood boiled when I heard that. No wonder word about me had spread so quickly—Larissa had started it. And when Larissa, the head honcho/cheerleader says something, she’s basically speaking through a loudspeaker. Everyone hears about it, and everyone believes it.

Slowly, Dannii stood up, her hands clenched at her sides as she stepped closer until she was in Sam’s face. Sam looked absolutely scared out of her wits, which was kind of hilarious considering she had just under an entire foot over Dannii.

“Listen, Sam,” Dannii started calmly, but loud enough for Larissa to hear. “Next time Larissa wants her dirt work done,” She paused, waiting for Sam to timidly nod before she continued. “Don’t send one her lackeys to do it and get it done her fucking self!”

At that point Sam looked like she was about to piss herself out of fear, but I couldn’t say she didn’t have it coming for her. Dannii was known to stand up for her friends, and everyone knew it wouldn’t be any different that time around. She wasted no time in turning on her heel and all but sprinting over to her group of ‘friends’, who had since gotten up when they heard what Dannii said, and they all patted Sam’s back as they stormed away.

I couldn’t help it once Dannii sat back down next to me, I gave her a wide smile. She laughed once she saw my face and we both high-fived each other. “Thanks, Dannii.” I said, genuinely meaning it. I still didn’t know what I would’ve said to Sam if Dannii hadn’t been there, but it probably wouldn’t have been nice.

“Anytime, P. Anytime.”

“Matt, Matt, Dad, Matt, Dad! Would you just hurry the fuck up and tell me?” I said, in a huff as we walked through the front door.

Ever since I got into the car I’d been heckling him about just what our ‘deal’ pertained to. But he refused to give me any details until we got back to the house. I couldn’t help it. I was excited, and I was up for to do whatever I had to in order to reserve my bunk on that tour bus—by any means necessary.

And unfortunately for Matt, that included bugging the shit out of him.

By the time we got to the living room, I was bouncing on my feet in both excitement and apprehension. I hadn’t been in such a good mood in quite a while—which was baffling considering what had happened over the past few days. I was just hoping Matt wasn’t going to shoot me down.

Matt couldn’t keep the smile from his face as he placed his hands on my shoulders, making me sit down. I suppose he was happy that I was in a better mood, a drastic difference from last night. I was afraid that had worried him a little too much.

He sat down in his usually spot, on the sofa across from me and observed me for a few moments. “So, how was your day?” He asked, clasping his hands together on his lap.

“Awe, Matt!” I groaned, hoping he wasn’t going to have a long conversation or give me another lecture before we got into our ‘deal’.

Like this morning, he held his hands up in defence. “Hey, I want to know, okay? It’s important.”

To him, maybe. But I really didn’t care to relive today’s events. “It was okay,” I started, not wanting to get too into it and give him something to dwell on. I knew that simple phrase wouldn’t suffice, though. “Larissa and her bitches were assholes but that’s nothing new there. It was fine other than that, though!” I added hastily, seeing the worry spark in his eyes.

“If you’re sure,” He finally sighed, looking down for a moment before locking eyes with me again. “But we’re gonna talk about it later. You ready to hear the deal now?” He laughed when I nodded eagerly. “Alright, well, if you can get your grades up to at least the passing mark by the time report cards come around, and if you get your grades up to an A by the time we go on tour, you can come.”

“An A? Matt, you’re insane! There’s no way I can get my grades up to an A by like, January!” It was quite possible; I wasn’t going to admit that though. It just sounded like way too much work for me. “How ‘bout a C?” I quipped after a moment, smirking at him. If bargaining was really what it came down to, I was sure as hell ready to do a lot of it.

He paused, looking at me for another long, uneasy moment. “B and you got a deal.”
Looking away, I scoffed, but nodded nonetheless. A B had been what I was aiming for, but I couldn’t let Matt know that or he’d raise that bar up to an A again. Without warning, I was up from the sofa and had Matt engulfed into a hug. I was ecstatic, my mood even better than before.

“I’m gonna get you tutors or whatever you need to help you too, okay?” Matt asked, a smile in his tone. I simply nodded and hugged him tighter.

I was going to get my grades up and I was going on tour.