To E-
Love, T-
To E-
I figured that since my recent behavior might seem strange to you, I would offer you this letter in return. Even though I’m not gonna send it, I’d never have the balls to show you this. So I’m really writing this letter for myself, to try and explore my own consciousness, to prove to myself that I’m not insane. But I’ll address it to you anyway.
I got sick and tired, completely fed up, with the ways you acted towards me. Some days I could ignore it, say it was just how you were. Other days I dwelled on it, I couldn’t keep it off my mind. Sure, we were friends at a point, even though I doubt that now. I doubt that I ever was your friend, actually. Sure, you would talk to me if there was no one else around, once you even came to me with a problem you had, which made me feel so good. But the moment that someone, anyone, who wasn’t as boring as I must be came along, I was chopped liver, I didn’t exist. And after a while, I was tired of being used as a last resort.
It wasn’t just you, to me it feels like everyone acts this way. With the exception of my few true friends, no one ever talks to me unless I speak to them first, unless I force myself on them. No one wants to talk to me, to ask me what’s wrong when I look unhappy, to listen to me at all. I’ve found that out in these last few months of observation. Most of the people I called my friends are really nothing more but mere acquaintances, not even friendly ones at that. Yourself included.
It used to be that when everyone wanted to listen to me, I wouldn’t have the balls to speak my mind. Now it seems to be the opposite. I’m sure if someone cared enough to ask me now, I’d tell them what I was thinking, because it hurts a lot to keep inside. People always used to want to hear me but I never let them. Now no one gives me the time of day. And maybe that’s my fault, it is most definitely my fault. It still doesn’t stop me from being angry. Maybe I’m just immature.
I got drunk one night and IM‘ed people, a friend of mine (whom I no longer consider friend) stayed up with me as long as I needed her. Now I know in my heart that she only wanted a cheap laugh, which I’m sure I gave her. She never really cared, I know it, she never gave a damn. And neither did you, nor do you now. You wouldn’t have even stayed up with me, drunk and lonely on the computer, when I would’ve been there for you without a thought. You know it.
So that’s why you’re getting my cold shoulder. That’s why I’m going to keep giving you my cold shoulder. I can’t say that I like being proven right, but that’s exactly the case right now with everything. I can’t say that it feels very good. But every time I see you in History, next to the desk where I used to sit, I smile in my mind. And every time I see you walking down the hall with no one by your side, I get butterflies in my stomach. For once you get to feel what it’s like to be the one walked away from, abandoned by your so called friend. I’m finally taking action, I’ll no longer be the fool.
I’m done with being your last resort, everyone’s last resort. And each time I see you all alone it’s a shallow victory for myself. Too bad victory isn’t sweet, but at least I feel like I’m finally winning.
I hope you enjoy my cold shoulder, because it’s all that’s left for you.
Love,
T-
I figured that since my recent behavior might seem strange to you, I would offer you this letter in return. Even though I’m not gonna send it, I’d never have the balls to show you this. So I’m really writing this letter for myself, to try and explore my own consciousness, to prove to myself that I’m not insane. But I’ll address it to you anyway.
I got sick and tired, completely fed up, with the ways you acted towards me. Some days I could ignore it, say it was just how you were. Other days I dwelled on it, I couldn’t keep it off my mind. Sure, we were friends at a point, even though I doubt that now. I doubt that I ever was your friend, actually. Sure, you would talk to me if there was no one else around, once you even came to me with a problem you had, which made me feel so good. But the moment that someone, anyone, who wasn’t as boring as I must be came along, I was chopped liver, I didn’t exist. And after a while, I was tired of being used as a last resort.
It wasn’t just you, to me it feels like everyone acts this way. With the exception of my few true friends, no one ever talks to me unless I speak to them first, unless I force myself on them. No one wants to talk to me, to ask me what’s wrong when I look unhappy, to listen to me at all. I’ve found that out in these last few months of observation. Most of the people I called my friends are really nothing more but mere acquaintances, not even friendly ones at that. Yourself included.
It used to be that when everyone wanted to listen to me, I wouldn’t have the balls to speak my mind. Now it seems to be the opposite. I’m sure if someone cared enough to ask me now, I’d tell them what I was thinking, because it hurts a lot to keep inside. People always used to want to hear me but I never let them. Now no one gives me the time of day. And maybe that’s my fault, it is most definitely my fault. It still doesn’t stop me from being angry. Maybe I’m just immature.
I got drunk one night and IM‘ed people, a friend of mine (whom I no longer consider friend) stayed up with me as long as I needed her. Now I know in my heart that she only wanted a cheap laugh, which I’m sure I gave her. She never really cared, I know it, she never gave a damn. And neither did you, nor do you now. You wouldn’t have even stayed up with me, drunk and lonely on the computer, when I would’ve been there for you without a thought. You know it.
So that’s why you’re getting my cold shoulder. That’s why I’m going to keep giving you my cold shoulder. I can’t say that I like being proven right, but that’s exactly the case right now with everything. I can’t say that it feels very good. But every time I see you in History, next to the desk where I used to sit, I smile in my mind. And every time I see you walking down the hall with no one by your side, I get butterflies in my stomach. For once you get to feel what it’s like to be the one walked away from, abandoned by your so called friend. I’m finally taking action, I’ll no longer be the fool.
I’m done with being your last resort, everyone’s last resort. And each time I see you all alone it’s a shallow victory for myself. Too bad victory isn’t sweet, but at least I feel like I’m finally winning.
I hope you enjoy my cold shoulder, because it’s all that’s left for you.
Love,
T-