Here Comes the Sun

Joe continued to hold onto me as we walked closer towards Nick’s body, leaning over his bed. I wanted to look away – the scene was so painful – but I couldn’t.

“I can’t believe this…”

I placed my trembling hand on his cold chest, careful not to hurt him. Joe pulled up two chairs on either side of him – he didn’t bother trying to hide his face from me as he did it. He was crying too hard. He stared at his baby brother for so long, letting hot tears pour helplessly down his colorless face, until he finally took a seat beside him, burying his head in his hands.

I sobbed harder than I had ever sobbed before. I held Nick’s hand in mine gently, scared to death that touching his swollen, bloody knuckles would bring him pain. I brought his skin to my lips and cried. Seeing him in that state was killing me inside. I could literally feel my heart breaking. It pounded so hard against my chest, it hurt.

Suddenly, every machine hooked up to Nick’s body went off, beeping out of control. He began shaking rapidly, his face flushed. His hand tightened over mine too hard and I began screaming.

“Nick! Somebody help him! Oh, God. Nick!”

His shoulders continued to rise from the stretcher as he shook, his arms moving up and down aimlessly. Joe stood and began pulling at his hair, helpless and frustrated. He began to gasp uncontrollable amounts of air into his lungs.

“SOMEBODY HELP, PLEASE! HE’S DYING!” I screamed so loud, my throat stung.

A nurse walked in almost too casually. I was angry she hadn’t moved faster – Nick was most likely having a seizure. He could have died while she took her sweet time.

“Can you hear me, Mr. Jonas?” she said into Nick’s ear, “If you can hear me, squeeze my fingers.” She took his hand in hers.

She waited a moment before pressing a few buttons on one of the machines. I panicked, wondering why she wasn’t performing CPR or doing something to save his life. After a few seconds, the loud beeping finally slowed and Nick’s body returned back to its still, lifeless state. Joe was breathless beside me.

“It’s alright,” the nurse said when she saw my face, “Don’t panic.”

I ran to Nick’s side, pulling up the blanket that had slipped a bit during his shaking, exposing more thick gauze around his torso. I was growing angrier at the nurse by the second – how could she expect us not to panic?

“W-what happened?” I heard myself stutter. “He was seizing.”

The nurse sighed as if she’d heard that question one too many times.

“No. He was trying to fight the respirator. When they start to wake up, they start trying to breathe on their own. So obviously, that messes with the machine and it beeps like that, thinking something is malfunctioning.”

I stared at the intricate looking respirator and the long, thick tube taped to Nick’s mouth.
“And the sh-shaking?”

“Well, of course, the tube is uncomfortable, so every once in a while, they start choking on it. They try to take the tubes out but they don’t know what they’re doing. We tie them up if they get too aggressive.”

I shuddered at the idea of having a tube running down my lungs, breathing for me. I couldn’t fathom the pain Nick must have been in. I knew I would make hell if they even thought of tying him up.

“Why does he need the machine in the first place? What happened?” Joe asked lowly, never prying his eyes away from Nick, “If he’s trying to breathe on his own, just let him.”

The nurse sighed, taking in all of Joe’s questions. She motioned at us to take our seats, leaning forward to talk to us. I braced for the worst.

“We found him in an alley around Twenty-Third Street. Police had gotten complaints from neighbors. When they got there, they saw him surrounded by a group of boys. Most of them ran off, except for one who stayed behind. I’d say there were around four or five of them altogether. He’d done some damage to one of them – broke his arm. But once the others showed up, he had no chance.”

I lowered my head. Somewhere deep in my soul, I knew Nick would do it. I knew he would want to get his revenge. But I couldn’t explain the sheer anger that built up inside me as the nurse explained what happened – anger towards the monsters that had hurt him. I pictured him lying helpless on the concrete as they beat him and kicked him until he couldn’t move anymore, until his body was torn up into the bloody mess that lay before me.

“Yes, he’s trying to breathe on his own. But he’s not fully awake yet. He’s been unconscious for nearly four hours now,” the nurse went on, glancing at her watch, “If we take the tube out now when we’re unsure of how he’ll respond, there’s a chance he could die.”

I shivered.

“He has three broken ribs, lots of bruises, as you can tell, and he hit his head pretty badly. But honestly, I’ve seen much worse. He’s a very lucky guy. The only reason we even need the respirator is because we found him unconscious, which is probably the result of the head trauma. It’s not unheard of. And the neck brace is standard for everyone just in case there’s spinal injury. It also helps the tube run straight. We don’t take it off until they wake up fully.”

I was shocked I could still breathe anymore. I tried to take in everything she had just told me, but all I could think of was how badly beaten Nick was. Nothing else crossed my mind.

“W-when will he wake up?” I managed to ask, my voice muffled.

“I can’t be certain,” said the nurse, “There’s really no way of knowing. We just have to wait.”

“He has diabetes,” Joe stated without any emotion.

“Yes, we’re aware. That dog tag is a smart thing to have. We got your number off that as well. He’s getting regular doses of insulin as we speak. Now if you have any more questions, please feel free to ask. I’ll be at the front desk keeping an eye on him.” She smiled. “Oh, and one more thing…”

She left the room for a moment, returning with a brown bag.

“Here are his things. Take care.”

She walked away, leaving the curtain open so she could watch Nick.

I searched weakly through the bag, finding his jeans, beater, and t-shirt, all ripped up and drenched in blood. The neater cuts of fabric were from the paramedics, but I knew the violent tugs and rips came from the beating. He could never wear the clothes again. In a clear Ziploc bag were his hotel card key, wallet, and iPhone, each equally destroyed. The fact that all his money and credit cards had still been in tact told me the beating was about much more than money. Behind his driver’s license was a picture of me holding Layla and behind that was a folded printout of Layla’s first ultrasound – I was in utter shock that he’d kept it safe and close to him for so long. I could have almost smiled.

In a separate, smaller bag was a small silver ring. I narrowed my eyes at it, trying to figure out what it was. Then it was obvious. I spilled it into my palm and kissed it, tucking it into my pocket.

I set the bag aside and turned my attention back to him. I didn’t know when or if he would ever wake up. The uncertainty was what hurt me the most. He couldn’t even breathe on his own. I was angry with him that he had gone out and put himself in that situation, but I was even angrier with myself because I knew it was all my fault.

And I would never forgive myself.

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Hours passed and I never left Nick’s side. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I could barely think anymore. My body simply couldn’t function. It came to the point where my insides would tear up so badly, I would vomit. I tried to keep it a secret from Joe. He was already scarred enough. But it didn’t last long. He saw me running down the hall and ran after me, ignoring the fact that he was chasing me into the girls’ bathroom.

“You need to tell a nurse,” he said as he held back my hair over the toilet in the stall, bringing back too many unpleasant memories.

“I’ll be fine,” I moaned painfully.

“You’re so far from fine. I can’t lose you, too.”

I flushed the toilet and stood, shoving a stick of gum from within my pocket into my mouth. I stared at his worn face.

“You haven’t lost him, Joe.”

I could see the pain in his tired, bloodshot eyes.

“Think about it. What good would I do him if I was in a bed next to him? That’s the last thing he needs,” I said, trying to reason with him.

He remained quiet, sighing uncomfortably. I walked out of the stall and threw a few handfuls of cold water on my face, chasing away the nausea.

“If it doesn’t get better…” he began lowly.

“I’ll tell her myself. Deal?”

He nodded.

“We better get back.” He took my hand and led me back out into the hallway.

By Nick’s door, I saw three extra nurses wheeling him out. I started to panic, sprinting over to them with Joe close at my tail.

“What happened?” I asked them quickly, craning my neck to see what was going on in the room. “Where are you taking him?”

One of the male nurses holding Nick’s mobile respirator said, “We’re transferring him to the Intensive Care Unit. He’ll have a better room there.”

“Y-you can’t move him. He’ll die!”

“Relax, miss. He’ll be fine.”

“No!” I balled up my hands into fists.

“KC, it’s okay.” Joe wrapped his arms around my shoulders and held me back. Once again, he was keeping me sane.

We followed the team into the elevator and onto another floor. As we approached one of the empty rooms, the same nurse turned to me.

“You guys will have to wait out in the lobby for a little while,” he said.

“What? Why?”

“It takes a while to set everything up.”

“I don’t care. I want to be with Nick.”

“Miss, if you could just—"

“I’ll stay out of your way, I promise!”

I continued to fight with him to let me stay, but eventually Joe took me out to the lobby and threatened to tell the nurse about my condition if I didn’t listen to him. So I complied. He pulled me into his arms and told me to fall asleep. I honestly tried to, but most of the time was spent faking it and worrying about Nick.

When we were finally allowed into the new room, Nick looked better. They’d put him in a proper gown, hiding the worst of his wounds, and redressed his bloody bandages. The dried blood on his face had been cleaned off and I knew he must have felt more comfortable in a softer, warmer bed. But I wouldn’t be fully satisfied until I could see that smile.

The only thing left to do after that was wait. Most of the hours were silent. Neither Joe nor I had any words for how we felt anymore. We just wanted to be in Nick’s presence as much as we could.

“You should call your parents,” I told him softly. I began drawing tiny hearts with my finger on Nick’s forearm, hoping he could feel them and know I was there.

Joe nodded. “I know. I just don’t know what to say to them.”

He paused, thinking too hard as his eyebrows furrowed. It was hard to tell what was going through his head. He’d been trying to be strong for me, to be the shoulder I could cry on. But deep in his heart, he was hurting. There was no denying it. I could see it in his eyes.

When he finally spoke, his voice was barely audible.

“I remember when he was born,” he said, smiling slightly, “I was little, but I remember it. When Dad drove me to the hospital, all I remember thinking was that I wasn’t the baby anymore. I was so happy.” He laughed at the memory. “But when I finally got there and saw him, it was so weird for me. I felt so…protective of him. He was just so small and delicate and I was terrified to hold him because I thought I’d drop him.”

He ran a hand through his wavy, un-straightened hair. I smiled when he smiled, picturing a tiny toddler Joe holding a tiny baby Nick in his arms.

“I was always close to him. I mean, I’m close to Kevin too, but it’s different with a younger brother. The bond just feels different. We did everything together. He’d tease me about my lame jokes, and then I’d tease him about his curly hair. You know, it was straight until he turned like, twelve. Remember?” He laughed.

“And when he got diabetes,” he went on, his face falling, “he was always in the hospital. I felt so helpless and I knew I couldn’t do anything for him. That’s the worst feeling. Seeing him lying there in pain and wanting to help him so bad, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t do a thing. I thought he was going to die.”

I shuddered, remembering the exact memory he was. That had been a hard time for all of us. I knew exactly how he felt.

“But he didn’t, Kara.” He looked into my eyes. “He didn’t die. He fought through it and I know he’ll do it again. He’s meant for so much more than this. I know it. He’s gonna fight through this and wake up. You’ll see.”

He waited a moment before rising and kissing Nick’s bandaged forehead.

“I’m going to call my dad and bring back some food, alright?” he said, kissing mine as well. He threw on a straight face and tried to be strong again.

I nodded and he walked out, looking back at us one last time before turning the corner.

I smiled to myself.

“You know, that brother of yours really loves you.”

I sighed deeply, taking Nick’s icy cold hand and warming it between both of mine.

“Why’d you do it, Nick?” My voice sounded far away. “Why did you go out there, thinking you could get your revenge that way? I…I could have lost you tonight. That would have killed me.” I ended in a whisper.

“You have to fight this. Don’t do it for me. Do it for Joe. You heard what he just said. He believes in you so much. And do it for your parents and Kevin and Frankie and all your fans, Nick. You have such a beautiful life. Don’t ruin it because of me.”

I was interrupted by the respirator as it began choking him again. I bit down on my lip hard, shutting my eyes tight until it passed. It happened every few minutes – the intervals were getting shorter every hour. But I still couldn’t get used to it. Over time, he became still again and the blood stopped rushing to his head. I took a deep breath.

“I know the only reason you did this is because you love me,” I whispered, “And I cause you pain and make you do dangerous things like this, but I love you. We love each other too much for our own good, Nick.” I laughed without humor. “You’re the most important person in my life. You make me a better person. Being with you and being able to call you mine is the best thing that's ever happened to me. You amaze me. I’m only holding on for you, holding on to see that smile and those eyes again. It’s crazy the things we do for each other. And I know I make you go across the country out of nowhere and make you worry and make you cry…”

I sighed shakily, feeling tears that I couldn’t fight anymore pour down my face.

“But I love you so much, it hurts.”

I looked at his expressionless face, praying that somehow he could hear me. Part of me waited for some reaction from him – I half-expected him to squeeze my hand or make a sound or do something.

But I knew I was only wasting my time – he probably couldn’t hear a word I said.