Here Comes the Sun

“Somewhere, I let all my defenses down. Never thought to turn around. And you did not make a sound.”

I couldn’t give up on him. I was tired, feeble, and felt absolutely pathetic, sitting there, doing nothing. But I kept going, just for him. He’d been unconscious for nearly three days and at the end of each day, I could barely hold on. It got to a point where I was trying everything to trigger some reaction on his part and speed up the process. I was down to the most obvious – singing. I sang to him nonstop, running through every Jonas song, every Stevie Wonder song, and every Beatles song as least once. My head throbbed so hard, it was difficult to remember all the words. Nothing was working. All he did was choke more, making me feel worse.

So as I sat there beside him with his hand in my lap, I sang the song I’d wrote so long ago when I had last been without him for days. My voice was slowly disappearing with every lyric that escaped my mouth, but I couldn’t find it in me to stop. I had to keep going.

Joe had been spending a lot of time talking to Officer Alyssa on the phone. He didn’t want to me listen, so he always escaped to the lobby, but I knew exactly what they were discussing. After he had called his father, both of his parents were furious and scared to death. They wanted to fly down and take us home right that second, but moving Nick was too risky. Mr. Jonas told us he would just come down by himself, most likely the next day. I couldn’t fully remember his exact words, but until then, he sent Mandy to our rescue.

Having her around was refreshing. Things between her and Joe were awkward, but she helped keep me sane when he wasn’t around to do it. She was always on me to eat on a regular basis and brought me changes of clothes. She was like a miniature Denise Jonas, always looking out for me and the boys. Most of the time, she sat in the corner and read a magazine while I sang to Nick, but I could feel her looking at us from time to time.

“I knew he would confess eventually,” she told me quietly. Her voice hinted to me that she was smiling. “He loved you too much to keep it a secret.”

I continued to sing but grinned at her in response.

“It’s incredible. I can feel the love in the room,” she went on, looking from me to Nick in awe, “You care about him so much and I’m sure he feels the same.”

I sighed deeply. “I know he does,” I whispered, “Too much.”

She was about to smile and say something else when Joe walked in, holding a tray full of food from the cafeteria. His eyes immediately met Mandy’s, but the moment she hid her face in the magazine, he blushed uncomfortably and stared at me, avoiding looking at her again.

“Time to eat,” he ordered, pretending as if that didn’t just happen.

I groaned. “I just ate, Joe. I’m full.”

He scoffed. “You had two baby carrots and a bottled water. How can you be full?”

I shrugged.

“Besides, that was almost six hours ago. So eat. Now.”

He set the tray down on the table beside me and waited patiently for me to take a bite of something. I gave in, wanting to make him happy. Most of the good things I had been forcing myself to do were because I wanted Joe and Mandy to have one less thing to worry about. Just as I hesitantly reached for the green apple perched beside a bowl of pasta, Nick began to choke.

But that time was much worse than any time before it.

His body shook so violently, we ran to hold him down to the bed before he fell off. The sounds he made were so blood-curdling, I had to fight the urge to run to the bathroom again. Mandy’s magazine fell to floor as she sprung to her feet, helping Joe and I to pin down Nick’s quivering shoulders. I didn’t even realize it at first, but I was screaming louder than I thought possible.

“SOMEBODY HELP HIM! PLEASE! OH, GOD. HE’S DYING! PLEASE!”

The next few minutes were chaos. Everything moved so fast, I could barely keep up. The room was spinning and I felt dizzy. In a matter of seconds, I knew Nick would die from lack of oxygen. His movements were becoming less blind – he moved like he knew what he was doing for the first time in days. And just as two nurses sprinted into the room, the miracle happened.

He opened his eyes.

I was speechless. I took his hand, kissing it, and he looked straight at me, confused and afraid. His other hand traveled to his throat and up to his mouth, trying to take out the tube. It was hurting him so bad, he had tears in his eyes.

“We’re going to need you three to step out for a moment,” one nurse said, motioning us to get out.

“What? No! He just woke up!” Joe argued. For once, I wasn’t the one fighting.

“We need to take the tube out and it’s usually a hard thing for families to see.”

“We don’t care. We want to stay,” Mandy spoke up.

I had no words. All I did was stare into Nick’s eyes, feeling the tears surface. Everyone else in the room seemed to fade – he was the only thing I saw.

“We won’t take it out until you leave!”

The sheer agony in his eyes told me he wanted the tube out more than anything, so I ushered Joe and Mandy out of the room, hurting myself much more than I hurt them. We waited outside the door impatiently, unable to keep ourselves still. All I wanted was to be with Nick, to look into his eyes for as long as I could. I was so proud that he had woken up.

We waited for no longer than a few minutes, but it felt like so much longer. We’d waited for three days – I would say that’s long enough.

“Kara…” I heard a low, raspy voice say my name from inside the room.

“Nick!” I called him in return, speaking for the first time since he’d awakened.

“Alright, you can go back in now, but be gentle,” said the nurse, holding out his hands at us.

I ran in as fast as I could, smiling as wide as I thought possible when I saw his watery eyes looking at me.

“Oh, thank God…” I whispered, holding his face gently between my hands. He was too weak to hold me, but he raised a hand up and placed it over mine.

“I’m…so…” he tried to speak. His throat was sore from the tube; I could barely hear him. “Sorry…”

He winced at the pain.

“Shh, it’s okay. Don’t talk. You’re safe now.” I caressed his cheek and kissed his forehead.

“I…love…you.”

I grinned, feeling the tears fall down my face. He was in such pain, he couldn’t breathe. He repeated the words until his voice could be so more than a whisper before crying out, shutting his eyes tight. I tried to soothe him and take the pain away, but there was nothing I could do. I felt helpless.

But I was so thankful he was alive.

--------------------------------------------------

“Are you going to eat your Jello?”

I smiled at him, amazed with just hearing his voice.

“No, Nicholas.”

I picked up the carton of red Jello cubes and set it down in front of him. He wasn’t allowed to eat solids for a while – just ice cream and sugar-free Jello. Cherry was his favorite.

“Nicholas?” He scrunched up his nose.

“What? That’s your name, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but it makes me feel like Santa Claus. I like Nick.”

I smiled. “I like Nick, too.” He grinned shyly, spooning a cube into his mouth.

“Besides, I think it’s cute,” I said, leaning close to him, only inches from his face.

“Well, I think you’re cute.” He smirked, his voice muffled by his mouth full of Jello. I laughed.

I looked down in embarrassment, blushing a deep scarlet. I leaned back against my chair, receiving a puzzled look from him.

He swallowed. “Why’d you do that?” he asked, setting down his spoon.

“Do what?” I asked, pretending not to know what he was talking about.

“Pull back.”

I looked at his hurt expression and almost felt guilty for being angry with him. His wounds were looking a bit better now that he was moving around, but he still looked helplessly pathetic.

I sighed. “I’m not going to kiss you.”

He frowned. “Why not?”

I diverted my eyes, forcing myself to look away from his puppy-dog eyes. If I was going to do it right, I couldn’t look at him. His face would make me want to take it all back.

“You’re mad at me,” he guessed.

“You could have died.”

He made a soft, whimpering sound and tensed up, not saying a word.

So I took a chance.

“They could have killed you. Why did you do it? How could you do something so stupid?”

“I was angry,” he said quietly.

“So what? You’re not a child. You can’t go out and beat someone up just because you’re angry.”

He shut his eyes, creasing his eyebrows in pain.

“He hurt you.”

I sighed deeply and leaned into him again, cupping his pale face in my hands.

“Now he’s hurt both of us,” I pleaded, “You have no idea what I went through, Nick. No idea. I’m sitting here in awe over you just breathing, just speaking to me. Just being alive. What he did to me was nothing. The real pain was when I thought I lost you. Don’t you ever do that to me again.”

He gulped hard, tears welling in his eyes.

“I know,” he whispered, “It was stupid…”

I laughed without humor. “So, so, so stupid.”

He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

I shifted up to kiss his forehead.

“That’s not what I want,” he said quietly.

I smiled. “I know, Nicholas. But I still won’t.”

“You’re still mad? But I said sorry. I tried to be the hero and get my revenge, but it was stupid and I’m so, so, so, a hundred times sorry and I’ll never do it again.” His face fell in disappointment.

I shook my head.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” I said, glancing down at his bruised lip.

“It won’t hurt.”

I looked at him, feeling the sheer longing in his voice.

“Please?” he begged, “You won’t know unless you try…Unless you just don’t want to.”

I debated it for a few seconds before helplessly giving in. He was smart, using reverse psychology on me like that. I leaned in, almost touching him, and felt him smile just before our lips met. He was eager but I held back, kissing him as softly as I could, terrified of hurting him in any way. He was too cold and I was too warm. I could feel him trying to press himself closer to me, desperate to feel what he’d missed for days. The pain held him back like a cage. I touched him as if he was made of glass, bound to break at any second. And when he tried to sit up more, he winced.

I stepped back, shaking. “I’m sorry!”

“No,” he said as he waited for the pain to pass. He touched his side awkwardly. “It wasn’t you. I tried to sit up too fast.”

I helped him lean back down on the elevated bed, careful to avoid his broken ribs. There wasn’t anything for them – the doctors just told him to wait until they heal. Bandaging him on the outside all the time did nothing while they were on the inside.

“You’re a wreck,” I told him.

He laughed. “Then at least we match.”

He motioned to my damaged skin. My wounds weren’t nearly as bad as his, but I laughed anyway.

“Finally,” he sighed.

“What?”

“You laughed. I thought I’d have to try to make you laugh all day just to hear that beautiful sound.”

I smiled. “Oh! I have something of yours,” I said, suddenly remembering.

I dug into the pocket of the jeans Mandy had brought for me to wear and pulled out the silver purity ring, weighing it in my hands.

“They gave me all your clothes and stuff as well,” I said, “But this is the only thing you can still wear…”

He looked at it for a moment and then gazed into my eyes.

“You keep it,” he said.

I stared at him, puzzled.

“My purity is yours. I want you to keep it.”

Blood rushed to my cheeks again as I blushed, playing with the ring in between my fingers.

“I-I don’t think…um…” I stuttered nervously. Picturing him and I doing that made me self-conscious. My heart pounded against my chest. “I can’t wear your purity ring. I’m not pure.” I ended in a whisper, ashamed.

“Yes, you are. It didn’t count, Kara.”

I continued to look down at the ring in my hand, feeling my chest hollow as the memory came back.

“Look at me,” I heard him say.

I complied, showing him my tear-filled eyes.

“Keep it. I want you to have me. All of me. I don’t know much, but one thing I know for sure is that I’m going to be with you for the rest of my life. That won’t change, unless you don’t want the same thing. And if you don’t, then I won’t force you.”

I shut my eyes at the thought of being without him. The fact that he’d even think of me not wanting to be with him made me sick inside. I picked up his hand and slipped the ring swiftly onto his finger, wiping my eyes after.

He looked at me in pain, thinking I had rejected him.

“I want to be with you forever,” I whispered, “You gave me your purity. That’s…the most amazing thing I could have asked for. I don’t need the ring to remind me of it.”

I saw him smile and felt him take my hand in his.

“Besides, I’m pretty sure your fans would have heart attacks if they saw you stopped wearing it,” I laughed.

“I love you,” he said simply.

I looked at him in awe. “Good,” I said, “Because I love you, too.”