Here Comes the Sun

Nick was getting better. It would take time for him to fully heal, both physically and mentally, but he was improving. It was safe to say we were all in that situation. He’d spent the rest of the day in the ICU being monitored by the staff. They were concerned about possible spinal injury – they worried that the blow to his head could have paralyzed parts of his body. But so far, he seemed fine. His throat occasionally bothered him, but lozenges were taking care of that and he could talk normally. He had movement in every limb, but it was too soon for him to move without having pain. So Joe and I had to help him walk around and use the bathroom. He didn’t trust himself alone. He was in too much pain.

I was better with him awake. I ran to the bathroom less often and with time, my bruises were beginning to lighten. When he smiled and laughed, I had more strength, knowing he was okay. But once he fell asleep, it was a different story. I was constantly paranoid, touching his chest every few minutes to make sure he was still breathing. I was always anxious, never able to sleep a wink while his eyes were closed. I tried my best not to let him notice.

Joe had been in a better mood as well. There were still times when he’d think too hard and upset himself. But for the most part, he was happy Nick was alright.

“So you broke his arm, huh?” he’d asked Nick after some time. It was a touchy subject but Nick smirked.

“Yeah,” he said proudly, “Nearly crushed it. The nurse said he needed surgery.”

“Good boy. I taught you well.”

“As if,” Nick scoffed, “In case you forgot, I broke your arm just a few months ago as well.”

I smiled, remembering Joe’s neon green glow-in-the-dark cast he’d obtained from his arm wrestling match with Nick.

Joe was quiet, unable to think of a good comeback. Nick chuckled beside me.

“You suck,” Joe finally said.

“Love you too, bro.”

The next evening, when Nick was able to stand upright without any help, he was allowed to be discharged. He wanted to go home more than anything, but I wanted him to stay. I felt safe with the heart monitor and the nurses ready to do whatever it took to save his life.

“Don’t worry,” he assured me, smiling, “I’m going to be fine. It’s not technically home but the hotel’s a hundred times better than this place. It smells like chlorine all the time.”

I sighed uneasily.

“Will you trust me? I’ll be fine.”

I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Okay, okay. I know ‘trust’ is gonna be hard to get back after what I did, but you don’t need to worry. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

He took my hand and pulled me close, smiling at me warmly.

I groaned. “You make being mad at you so hard.”

He grinned and touched his lips to mine. He was experimenting, testing the waters to see how far he could get without either of us getting hurt. I wanted him to know that he wasn’t like everyone else – his touch did the exact opposite of pain. And I’d been kissing him regularly, so I knew it wouldn’t hurt him.

So I took control.

Gently, I ran my tongue over his bottom lip and into his mouth – something I had never done with him before. He was always afraid it would be too much for me to handle. I felt his tongue against mine and it was a new feeling -- exciting and heart-pounding. I was suddenly too warm. It got too intense too fast and I figured I probably should have waited until he’d healed a bit before tempting him like that.

He was fighting the urge to hold me against him. His breaths quickened and I smiled against his lips as I heard the heart monitor’s beeps speed up. Reluctantly, I pulled myself off him before I exerted him too much. He blushed an adorable bright red, looking down.

“That wasn’t fair,” he mumbled breathlessly.

“I know. I’m sorry.” I laughed.

I lifted up his chin and smiled at his shy, boyish expression. I kissed him again briefly before standing up, walking over to the corner of the room.

“Joe brought you some clothes for when we leave,” I said, picking up a backpack sitting behind the door, “Do you want to change now?”

He sighed. “Guess so. I’ll have to eventually.” He slowly peeled off his blanket and unclipped the heart monitor sensor from his finger.

“I promise I’ll be gentle,” I said, letting him latch onto my shoulder for support as he stood.

“After that kiss, I don’t think I can believe you.” He raised his eyebrows at me.

I blushed. “Oh, hush.”

He smiled and leaned against the wall as I unpacked his clothes: jeans, a gray beater, and a black flannel shirt. I reached over and locked the door before untying the string at the back of his gown and slipping it off. Fighting back tears as I saw his wounds, I slowly began helping him change. We had done it to each other so many times, it was never awkward. As I stared at his body and recalled what he’d said to me about his purity, I gulped down hard and bit my lip nervously, feeling a strange feeling inside me that I couldn’t explain. I shrugged it off quickly and unlocked the door.

“Leave the buttons open so the beater can show,” I told him, fixing his collar, “It looks better.”

He smiled down at me, reaching for my waist.

“No, Nick. Don’t.”

“It won’t hurt,” he promised, holding me against him. I tried not to touch his sides, but it was impossible. I accidently hit a rib and he groaned, letting his head fall onto my shoulder.

“See? I told you,” I scolded him, and then caressed his curls, “I’m sorry.”

I held him and guided him to the chair, sitting him down as he moaned in pain.
“God, this is killing me,” he cried.

I stroked his cheek with the back of my hand. “I know it hurts.”

“No, it’s not even that. I can’t hold you.” He took my hand. “I want to hold you.”

The fact that not being able to hold me was hurting him more than his injuries brought tears to my eyes. I was desperate to be in his arms as well. I longed to hear my song beating against his chest again, but I had to wait. I couldn’t let him be in pain while he did it.

“You guys ready?” I heard Joe’s voice ask, knocking on the door and peeking inside, “The nurse said we can leave as soon as she checks him one last time.”

Nick’s voice picked up. “Yes! Let’s get out of here already.”

I ran a hand through his curls lovingly.

“Um, KC? Can I talk to you for a sec?” Joe asked apprehensively.

“Sure, JJ.”

He laughed. “JJ?”

“Yes. You christened me KC and now I’m going to call you JJ. It’s only fair.”

“Guess you’re right.”

Joe smiled and held the door open for me to walk out into the hallway. He followed me, looking at me restlessly and shoving his hands into his pockets.

“What is it?” I asked him, crossing my arms.

He hesitated. “Mandy.”

I nodded. “Thought so.”

“She won’t even look at me for more than like, a second. It’s driving me crazy.”

“Just give her time. She has to talk to you eventually.”

He groaned. “She saw me talking to one of the nurses and all she did was shake her head and walk away, saying something about things never changing.”

“Were you flirting with the nurse?”

“Of course not.”

I raised my eyebrows at him.

He stared at me for a few moments before loosening up. “Okay, fine. Maybe I complimented her about how her scrubs brought out her eyes, but c’mon now. It’s not a crime.”

I shook my head, laughing at him.

“Look, she wants us to go stay with her in Trenton. She has a condo up there. I heard her telling Dad on the phone,” he went on.

“Oh. That changes things.”

“It’s going to be so awkward. Save me,” he begged.

I smiled at him. “I’m here for you, JJ. I’ll…do what I can.”

“You’re the best, KC.” He grinned.

“I know. Now, will you watch Nick for a minute, please? I need to go downstairs real quick.”

He eyed me. “Are you still throwing up?”

“No,” I lied.

He continued to stare me down until I told him the truth.

“Okay, yes. I am. But it’s getting better,” I confessed, “I just need to go to the cafeteria.”

“But you barely eat.”

“It’s not for me.”

He wasn’t buying it.

“You’ll love it too. You’ll see,” I said, “I want to get something that’ll cheer Nick up a little more.”

“Oh, fine.” He finally gave in.

I flashed him a giant smile and walked away, reaching the elevator and pressing the button for it.

I didn’t know the hospital very well, so I had to ask around to find the cafeteria. I crossed my fingers as I approached the bakery counter, hoping they had what I was looking for.

“May I help you?” said a cashier in a hairnet.

“Hi. Do you have any red velvet cupcakes?” I asked politely.

“Ah, you’re in luck.” He smiled. “We’re down to our last one.”

I sighed in relief. I had hoped for at least four, but I took what I could get. The cashier bent down to open the display case, picking up a mini red cupcake covered in a thick swirl of frosting and placing it in a napkin.

“That’ll be a dollar fifty,” he said.

I pulled out a bill and two quarters from within my back pocket and handed it to him in exchange for the cupcake. I muttered a word of thanks and turned on my heel, speed-walking back to the elevator.

I couldn’t wait to see Nick’s face.

I would have sprinted down the hall if my muscles weren’t so sore. I was just steps away from his room when Mandy caught up with me, her heels clicking against the tiled floor as she strutted.

“Hey, Kara,” she said cheerfully.

“Hi, Mandy.” I bounced around, eager to give Nick his surprise.

“Listen, you guys are more than welcome to stay at my place up in Trenton. I know that hotel isn’t exactly comfortable. You and Nick could rest in the guest room. Joe as well.” She smiled but her face seemed to fall whenever Joe’s name was mentioned.

“Thanks. That’s so sweet of you. I think it’s a great idea. Nick’s missed you as well – he was so surprised when he saw you were here. I’ll go tell him.”

I remembered exactly what Joe had told me before. He didn’t want things to be awkward between him and Mandy if we stayed at her place. I figured doing so would help them out, maybe let them work things out between them. I risked him getting mad at me and agreed.

She nodded, her smile widening. She really was too nice to say no to.

I hide the cupcake behind my bag slyly and turned the knob of Nick’s room. I went inside, shutting it behind me quietly, and saw Nick sitting shirtless on the bed, being examined by the nurse.

“Where’d you go?” he asked, wincing in pain as she poked one of his ribs, “I waited for you.”

“I went to get you a surprise.”

He raised his eyebrows curiously. “A surprise?”

I waited until the nurse finished her examination before telling him. I was sort of breaking the rules, giving him solids when he wasn’t supposed to have them. But I didn’t care. He needed a pick-me-up.

I grinned and showed him the cupcake, receiving a rather adorable boyish smile in return. “Ta-da!” I exclaimed.

“Talk about a blast from the past.” He laughed. “You just made my day."

“I hoped I would.”

Because there was only one, Nick insisted on cutting it four ways so everyone got a piece – him, me, Joe, and Mandy. I told him the pieces would be too small and he could have the whole thing, we didn’t mind, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. He said it was our thing and he couldn’t eat it alone.

When he was finally ready to go, content with himself after eating his share of the cake, we helped him onto a wheelchair and took him down to the main lobby. Joe had brought the car up front and Mandy was already in her Jeep, waiting to lead us to her place.

“You guys got the car back quick,” Nick said as I buckled him into the backseat.

Joe looked at him in confusion. “The car never left the hotel parking lot, dude. It was there all night.”

Nick’s eyebrows creased together. “So I walked?”

“Guess so.”

“Wow. I don’t remember that.”

He rubbed his head in pain and I sat beside him, holding his hand. His memory of the past week had been fogged. His head had been hammered so hard; he struggled to remember the minor details.

At Mandy’s house, Nick and I stayed in the guest room. Joe had begged us to the point where we gave in and let him sleep on the floor below us. The last thing he wanted was to sleep on the couch where he risked being alone with Mandy.

“Why don’t you just talk to her?” Nick asked him as he got into bed.

“I tried to at the hospital, but it was always too awkward.”

“Well, try again.”

I heard Joe groan.

I stepped out of the bathroom where I was combing through my hair after a shower.

“JJ, girls like it when guys want to fix things. Even if you didn’t do anything wrong, she got hurt and doesn’t wanna get hurt again,” I said.

He groaned even louder.

“Think about it?” I suggested.

He stared at me. “Fine.”

“Good,” I smiled, “And while you’re thinking about it, could you go to the store for me?”

He pointed a finger at me. “I am not buying you any tampons. That’s his job.” He motioned to Nick.

I laughed. “No, not that,” I said, “I need more white gauze for Nick.”

“Oh. Okay, I can do that.” He smiled and walked towards the door, grabbing his keys, wallet, and sunglasses. He peeked out the door, making sure the coast was clear of Mandy, and walked out.

“He sure is something.” I chuckled, turning to Nick. His head was pointed to the ceiling and his eyes were closed.

“You feeling okay?” I asked him, touching his cheek with the back of my hand.

“Mmm,” he moaned at my touch, “Just a little tired.”

My hand traveled down his chest, feeling his breaths. I remembered the doctors mentioning something about his breathing being slower than normal for a few days because he was on the respirator for so long. They said it was normal, but it still scared me to death when it looked as though he wasn’t breathing.

His chest was low for too long and as I waited for him to take a breath, the anxiety was too much for me to bear. I felt nauseous again, running to the bathroom and closing the door halfway so he couldn’t see.

“Kara? Are you okay?” I heard him try to yell. The headboard of the bed creaked as he tried to stand.

“Don’t get up,” I told him as I wiped my mouth and flushed the toilet, “I’m okay.”

I rinsed out my mouth and splashed more cold water onto my face, chewing on another piece of gum from my pocket. I was down to my third pack already.

I swung open the door and saw him half standing, half sitting awkwardly against the pillows. I rushed to help him back up properly.

“You were throwing up,” he stated, looking at me with worried eyes, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’ll be fine. Just relax.” I adjusted the covers over him.

“Kara,” he pleaded with me, “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” I avoided looking him in the eye. “I’ve just been feeling a little sick lately. That’s all.”

He stared at me apprehensively, gulping down hard before he spoke.

“Are you…” he stuttered, “A-are you pregnant?”

My heart sank at the question.

“Of course not. Don’t be silly.”

“It’s possible,” he whispered.

I sat down beside him and said, “No, it’s not.”

He was confused.

“He was never…inside,” I whispered, “He got close, but no.”

I felt his body shudder.

“I’ve just been tense,” I went on, “It’s not going well with whatever I eat, but it’s getting better. Don’t worry.”

“You say everything so lightly,” he said lowly.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s like…God, it’s like you’re so trained. Whenever something bad happens, you pretend it’s not eating you up inside. You pretend you’re not scared to death. You’re so used to shit like this happening to you. It’s not fair.”

I gulped, my voice suddenly lost.

“You’re so strong,” he continued, “Too strong. And here I am doing stupid, idiotic things because I can’t stand it that someone touched you. All I did was make everything worse. My anger made everything worse.”

I sighed and moved closer towards him, laying my head on his exposed shoulder.

“I wish I was as strong as you think I am, Nick.”

He made a low, painful sound as I kissed his shoulder blade softly.

“I want to hold you,” he pleaded.

“You can hold me all you want when you heal,” I said, “But until then, I’ll hold you.”

He chuckled lightly. “You’re half my size.”

“I don’t care.”

I lifted the covers up, sat beside him, and put them back down, warm and snug beside Nick under the blanket. He smiled, feeling my warmth.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Positive.” I smiled.

He straightened his torso and gently leaned himself over me. I felt his ribs touch mine and for a split second, he winced in pain. But when it subsided, he was comfortable. As long as I didn’t move, he would be fine. He turned his head to the side and rested it on my chest, allowing me to wrap my arm around him gently and play with his curls.

“I can hear your heart,” he whispered.

“Now you know why I love it when you hold me.”

He smiled against my skin.

“Can you take the bandage off for a little while?” he asked, “It itches.”

I reached for the gauze wrapped around his forehead and gently ripped off the end, unveiling his wound.

“How bad is it?” he asked.

I winced, surprised that I cared more about what they’d done to his hair than his wound. They had cut his hair off a bit at the sides and almost completely shaven off a patch at the bottom where the cut was. It was almost unnoticeable, hidden by the curls falling down above it. The shorter haircut suited him and made him look older. But the wound itself was horrible. It was almost three inches long, stapled together with thin strips of metal – stitches were too weak. He never complained, but I knew a cut that deep must have been giving him a migraine all the time.

“Do I have to shave my head?” he asked, afraid.

“God, please don’t,” I cringed, picturing his gorgeous curls falling to the floor, “It’s really not that bad. The haircut’s cute. I’ll take you to the barbershop to get it even.”

“That’s a relief,” he sighed.

He was silent for a moment as he listened to my heart. I continued to twirl his hair around my fingers, massaging his scalp as much as I could to ease his headache.

“I miss Layla,” he finally whispered, “Listening to your heart reminds me when I’d feel her kick.”

I smiled at the memory. “I miss her, too. So much.”

“We need to go home, Kara. Coming here was a mistake from the beginning. I’m so sorry.”

“You couldn’t have known.”

He sighed. I could tell he wanted to argue, but in his heart he knew I was right.

“I miss her smile,” I said, grinning to myself as I remembered, “She could brighten up a room, that kid.”

Nick chuckled. “We’ll see her soon. I promise.”

I nodded as I kept rubbing the top of his head, moving to his temples.

“That feels so good,” he said.

“I’m glad.” I smiled.

He sighed, making a soft, comforted sound.

“You know, to be honest, I don’t even know why we’re still here.”

“Your parents wanted us to go home days ago. They were all set to send the jet.”

“So why didn’t we go?”

I hesitated. “Moving you was risky. It still is.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“You can barely stand. You need time.”

He scoffed. “I can stand…”

I took a deep breath. “For once, just admit you’re not okay, Nick. Just once. You can’t move and you’re hurt pretty badly. I know your head is killing you as we speak.”

He was quiet.

“Rest for a few days, alright?” I went on, “Officer Alyssa will come by and talk to us and—“

“I don’t care about police anymore,” he spoke up with certainty, “They never do anything to help us. It’s such a waste of time.”

I debated his words in my mind. In a way, he was right, but we had nothing left to lose. We had to trust that someone was going to fix it, maybe not that day or the next. But eventually. I had hope that Taylor and his friends would finally pay for everything they’d done. I had to keep fighting.

“Who else do we trust then, Nick?” I pushed the subject, “Look where that’s taken us. Look what coming here, thinking we could make things right on our own, did to us. We almost lost our lives. All of us are lucky to even be breathing right now.”

He was silent once again, until he sighed and looked down.

“You’re right,” he said.

“I tend to be sometimes.”

He laughed for a second before wincing in pain, his body tensing up awkwardly. I tried to soothe him, apologizing for hurting him.

“It’s all good,” he said, chuckling again. I smiled at hearing it. I smiled at simply sitting there, just talking to him. Hours ago, I had thought I would never be able to again.

We laid there in silence for a while, content with just being with each other. I listened to the deep breaths that were completely his own, with no tubes or machines doing it for him. It was a beautiful sound. I didn’t need anything more at that moment. It was perfection.

After a moment, there was a soft knock at the door.

“Come in,” I said, trying to sit up a bit more and look presentable. If it was Mandy or one of her friends, I’d be embarrassed. But with more strength than I thought he had, Nick held me down, not ready to leave me just yet. I smiled.

“I hope I’m not disturbing anyone,” Mandy said as she opened the door and walked in with a tray in her hands.

“Aw, look at you two.” She smiled warmly.

I blushed and felt Nick gently rub his cheek against me.

“I brought you guys some dinner and Advil. The nurse said Nick has to take two every few hours as a painkiller. It might help with Kara’s nausea, too.”

“You’re too good to us, Mandy,” Nick told her sweetly.

“Well, you know what they say,” she sighed, “Mandy always knows.”

She ended with a small wink and we laughed.

“Besides, you’re family. Always have been, always will be.”

She picked up the bottle of Advil, spilled out enough for me and Nick, and set the pills on a white napkin beside two tall glasses of water.

“I’ll be in the living room if you need me,” she said, tucking her hair behind her ears, “Gossip Girl is on.”

She grinned and turned on her heel, prepared to walk out, when she ran into Joe, who was holding a white plastic bag.

“Oh, um…Sorry, I’ll just…Um…” Mandy stammered.

I watched as they both moved from left to right, awkwardly trying to get out of each others’ way. They both stared down at their feet, avoiding any possible eye contact. I was astonished over how similar their movements were. They mirrored each other. When her hand scratched the back of her neck nervously, so did his. And neither of them realized it.

Eventually, they got past each other. Mandy scurried into the living room and Joe squeezed through the doorway, widening his eyes at us in embarrassment.

Nick started laughing. I couldn’t help but join him.

“What?” Joe asked.

“Your ears are so red,” Nick said between chuckles. I felt him try not to laugh too hard and hurt himself.

“Oh, shut up.” Joe rushed to cover his scarlet ears with his hands. “Kara, your gauze is in the bag.”

“You’re the best, JJ.” I smiled up at him.

“And I got you tampons, too, just to show you I’m not a jerk.”

I laughed. “Correction. Now, you’re the best.”

He stuck his tongue out at me and sat down, kicking the bag underneath the computer chair.

“That’s not fair,” Nick mumbled against my skin.

“What?” I asked, starting to play with his hair again.

“He got to buy you tampons before I did.”

I burst out laughing. “What? Are you seriously jealous about that?”

“…Yes.”

I glanced over at Joe as he leaned back in his chair, seemingly satisfied with himself.

“You snooze, you lose, my brother,” he said, grinning.

“I swear you two are the strangest human beings I have ever met.” I laughed.

“But you love us,” said Joe.

I smiled. “So much.”

His grin widened and I felt Nick lovingly rub his cheek on me again.

It was quiet for a moment as our laughter slowly died down. I was peaceful. I had both my boys near to me, safe and sound. I was calm for the first time in days.

But I knew the feeling wasn’t going to last long.