Here Comes the Sun

Days had gone by and I repeatedly tried to convince myself that I wasn’t nervous. There really was no reason to be. The line-up would be simple—I’d just go in, tell them who he was, then leave. No big deal.

But that didn’t stop my stomach from doing cartwheels every five minutes. Sickening thoughts crossed my mind, like the gang beating up Nick just a few months ago. Those boys weren’t being charged with anything yet, and we’d have to return to Jersey for the line-up. What if something happened? What if Nick ran off again? I couldn’t endure another painful episode like that. And I surely couldn’t bring Layla there, but would I be able to cope with missing her so much again? I shuttered to think of what might happen. My mind constantly spun with these horrible questions, but I had no answers.

Regardless of my anxiety, though, I had to put on a happy face. I was the only person who seemed to be stressing out at that point; with great difficulty, I even managed to convince Nick that I wasn’t afraid. I mentally lectured myself all the time, trying desperately to loosen up and have a good time so that I wouldn’t ruin the family’s radiating excitement for the wedding.

A few days before the wedding, I promised myself that I wouldn’t think of the trial anymore. I kept myself busy by planning a bachelorette party for Danielle. Her family wasn’t going to arrive until the day of the wedding, so I took it upon myself to treat her. Besides, it was flattering enough for the happy couple to ask me to be their maid of honor—it was kind of my job to lead the bachelorette party, as amateur as it was probably going to be with my lack of experience. With Mrs. Jonas helping me along the way, I managed to get everything I needed for the party, including a rather expensive wedding present that I hoped Danielle would enjoy. Trips to the city were always horrible though; even at that point in time, I wasn’t particularly fond of the paparazzi stalking my every move.

The night before the wedding, we girls had the entire house to ourselves. Mrs. Jonas wasn’t too involved in the party—she spent most of the time on the phone with the wedding planner, making sure everything would be perfect at the ceremony for her baby boy and his bride-to-be. The house was all too quiet without the boys, who were out on the town, doing who knows what for Kevin last night before becoming a married man. Danielle and I rented chick flicks and treated ourselves to piles of junk food, including the family favorite, red velvet cupcakes. The living room floor was covered in nail polish, makeup, magazines, board games, and anything else I could think of that would make the night as girly and entertaining as possible. Danielle wore one of those tacky plastic tiaras I picked up for her atop her wavy brunette hair, and even Layla sported a pretty pink dress as she watched us happily with wide, curious eyes.

“These movies are so corny,” Danielle said, rolling her eyes at the overly dramatic couple sharing an overly dramatic kiss in the movie playing on the television, complete with sappy music and whatnot. “I mean, this kind of thing never happens in real life.”

I laughed. “What kind of thing?”

“You know,” she said whilst picking up another cupcake and unwrapping the liner, “The whole ‘happily ever after’ thing.”

“I think it can happen in real life,” I disagreed, “Maybe I’m just a sap, but it’s possible in my book.”

“You really think so?” she asked with a tone of sincere surprise, “I think life’s too imperfect for the endings to always be that flawless. Relationships are too tricky nowadays. These movies should take that into account.”

“I dunno,” I sighed, “A romantic movie isn’t really as memorable if the ending isn’t happy. You always want the couple to end up happy. You’re rooting for them the entire time.”

“I guess,” she said, taking a large bite of the cupcake but still pondering the idea.

“You don’t think you and Kevin will have a happy ending?” I asked.

She raised her eyebrows and smiled. “Whoa there,” she said, “Our beginning doesn’t officially start until tomorrow morning.”

I laughed. “I know, but do you think you’ll be happy in the end?”

“Well,” she began, “Kevin makes me happy and I love him unconditionally. But nobody really knows what the end is going to be like. It’s one of those mysteries of life.”

I nodded my head, seeing her point. Moments passed before I spoke again.

“I know I’m going to have a happy ending,” I said.

She looked at me questioningly, so I went on.

“I think we all have the power to give ourselves our own happy ending,” I continued, “Even when so many bad things happen, we can change it.”

I looked down at Layla nestled comfortably in my arms.

“When I look at her, I know it’s up to me to make a happy life for us. She deserves that much from me, and when I think of how difficult or painful life gets, sometimes it seems almost impossible to imagine it being any other way, especially if it’s been like that for so long.”

I paused, hesitating as I thought of my past. “The past year has been hard for me,” I said, “Really, really hard. But something in me tells me it’s going to get better. I’m going to get better.”

She smiled before speaking. “You’re such a strong person, Kara. You really surprised me when we first met. For your age, you’re so mature and responsible.” She continued to smile, but then she turned sad. “I guess you’ve had no choice but to grow up so fast. I’m sorry for that.”

I didn’t really know what to say back to that, but she seemed to be awaiting my response.

“The bad things made me grow up fast,” I said quietly, sadly remembering every horrible experience I’d encountered the past year and a half. I tried not to dwell too much on the pain because I risked getting too emotional and ruining the party. “But lots of good things have happened, too,” I said with a small smile, “I got Nick back. That was probably the best thing that could’ve possibly happened. I got this beautiful girl of mine,” I paused to smile down at Layla, “I got to be loved by this amazing family in this amazing home. I got to meet incredible people, like you and Mandy. And, if everything goes well in the near future, I can finally get justice.”

“Everything will go well,” Danielle said with a warm smile on her face. She gently touched the side of my face affectionately, “You will get your happy ending. I know it.”

I grinned back at her and said, “I hope so.”

A few moments passed as the movie credits started rolling on the screen. I laid Layla back down on her blanket amidst all her stuffed animals and toys.

“Alright,” I said as I pressed STOP on the remote and jumped to my feet, “Time for your present.”

“Present?” she asked, surprised, “Kara, you really didn’t have to do that. Hanging out with me like this is so much more than enough.”

“Oh, shut up,” I laughed as I dug out a wrapped box from my hiding spot in one of the large kitchen cabinets. Mrs. Jonas had helped me keep it a secret. “You’re getting married, Dani. It’s a special occasion and it calls for presents.”

I smiled as I walked back to her and placed the box on her lap.

“I hope you like it,” I said, sitting down and pulling Layla back onto my lap so she could watch.

“It’s wrapped beautifully,” Danielle said, admiring the silver bow perched on top of the box.

She grinned at me before beginning to unwrap the paper. She uncovered a large book from the box and marveled at it, caressing the binding.

“It’s a scrapbook,” I said, “So you can watch your happy ending unfold.”

She didn’t say anything for a long moment as she ran her hands over the thick cover and opened the book to look at its decorated pages. When she finally looked up at me, she had tears in her eyes. She was silent as she wrapped her arms around me, careful not to crush Layla.

“Thank you,” she said against my shoulder, “I love it. It’s beautiful.”

She placed a gentle kiss on my forehead and I smiled.

“You’re very welcome,” I said, “We can start filling it with pictures from tomorrow. Joe said he’ll let me borrow his camera. You know, that big, fancy, professional-looking one.” I grinned excitedly.

Danielle laughed. “Speaking of the wedding,” she said, wiping her eyes and looking at her watch, “We should head to bed.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, turning off the television, “The bride needs her beauty sleep!”

“And so does the maid of honor,” she said, smiling, “I don’t even think I’ll be able to sleep tonight. I’m so nervous.”

She got to her feet and I handed her Layla before I cleaned up the toys and makeup sprawled on the floor.

“Don’t be nervous, Dani,” I said, “Everything will be fine. I promise.”

I watched as she snuggled Layla lovingly.

“Come on,” I said, “Let’s get Miss Layla up to bed.”

“Can I help tuck her in?” Dani asked.

I smiled. “Of course.”

---------------------------------

It didn’t take long to get Layla to sleep. It was three hours past her bedtime and she was tired as is. I hugged Danielle tightly and reminded her not to be nervous.

“If you can’t sleep,” I told her, “Wake me up and I’ll stay up with you.”

“No, Kara, I can’t do that,” she said.

“Yes, you can.”

She sighed. “Alright.”

“Goodnight,” I smiled.

“Night. Thank you for everything. Tonight was lovely,” she grinned at me before leaving to go to her room.

I changed out of my party clothes quietly, careful not to wake Layla. I pulled on some pajama bottoms and a spaghetti-strap tank top, pulled my hair up into a high ponytail, and brushed my teeth before getting under the covers. I hadn’t noticed how truly tired I was and fell asleep within minutes.

In my dream, I was taken back to that day in December. Everything was so vivid, so real, so reminiscent of the actual event, except Nick was there. I felt the cold air whipping at my bare skin and rough hands gripping me painfully. I tossed and turned in my sleep, trying to fight him off. I could hear Nick shouting. I yelled out for him to help me, but then his shouting seized and he fell down beside me, his eyes staring off into the distance.

He was dead.

I screamed out in horror and cried for him. My strength and will to fight back had suddenly disappeared, and soon after that, I felt cold and empty.

I had died, too.

In the back of my mind, I knew that was my ending. It wasn’t happy in the least. It was my worst fear. I felt hollow everywhere. I simply couldn’t go on.

Suddenly, as quickly as I’d fallen asleep, I’d woken up. I sat up slowly, looking around the room, mostly dark except for Layla’s nightlight. It was the third night in the row that I’d had that dream.

I saw Nick standing a few feet from the bed, untying his tie from around his neck. The clock read 11:30PM—I’d only been asleep for about an hour.

He turned around and saw that I was awake.

“Oh, sorry,” he said gently, “I didn’t mean to wake you. I just got in.”

I must not have truly been tossing and turning in my sleep.

“It’s okay,” I said, “You didn’t wake me.”

He took off the tie and threw it on the desk before walking over to the bed and sitting down beside me.

“How was your party?” he asked as he began to unbutton his dress shirt.

“Fun,” I said, “How was yours?”

He laughed. “It was good. We went bowling.”

I smiled but still tried to shrug off the dream from the back of my mind.

“We dropped off Kevin at his apartment,” Nick went on, “’Cause, you know, it’s bad luck to have the groom see the bride before the wedding.”

“Good thinking,” I said.

When his shirt was completely unbuttoned, he turned to me and said, “I’m gonna change real quick,” before kissing my forehead.

I watched as he stood, took off the shirt, and looked for clean pajamas to wear from the dresser. I laid my head back down on my pillow and contemplated the dream. I tried to tell myself it was nothing and I was safe—we were all safe. But it didn’t help much.

The wedding was only hours away. Then, Kevin and Danielle would be going on their honeymoon for a few weeks. Then, in about a month’s time, we’d have to travel to Jersey for the line-up. Then, who knows what was going to happen. I was scared. Beyond scared.

I felt the other side of the bed sink down and Nick laid down beside me, wrapping his arm around my waist tightly.

“I missed you,” he sighed into me.

I turned to him and smiled, touching the side of his face and twirling one of his curls around my finger.

He touched my cheek with his hand and frowned.

“You were crying?” he whispered.

I reached up to feel my cheek with my own hand and felt the wetness of tears. I hadn’t even noticed.

“Bad dream,” I whispered back.

He gently wiped the tears away and I closed my eyes in comfort as he kissed the spot. I turned to my side and snuggled my face into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and I felt protected. Against his t-shirt, I could still smell the sweet aroma of his cologne.

“I love you,” I told him.

He sighed and kissed the top of my head. “I love you, too, kid,” he said.

And with that, I fell asleep in peace.