Fearing Death

Jon sighed as he set down the newspaper, frowning at the photos of he and Jordyn on the beach in St. Lucia. These photos weren’t taken by him or Jordyn and were undoubtedly snapped by someone working at the resort they stayed in. He was slowly realizing that once the public really got their hooks into you, they were relentless.

They were two weeks back from their trip, their tans fading and the cool weather of late November sinking into the city. Glancing at his watch, he noticed that he should have left already to pick up Jordyn from lacrosse practice. He sped down to the garage and made his way over to the school as quickly as possible.

“Hey sweet thing.” He smiled, opening the door for her as she walked out from the field house, the two of them ignoring the two photographers who were rather explicit about their presence, not even bothering to be discreet.

“Hi.” She smiled softly, getting into the seat behind the passenger and buckling up as Jon tossed her school-issued duffel into the trunk. Staring down the two photographers as he opened up his own door and drove them away from campus. It was bad enough they knew where she went to school and when she was done for the day.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.” Jon grinned, knowing that she was definitely going to be hungry as well. A physical check up the day after they returned from their vacation revealed that while Jordyn was much healthier, she still needed to gain about fifteen pounds to be an acceptable weight for her age, and grow about five inches.

“Yeah, I am.” She nodded, leaning her head back against the headrest and grabbing her zip-up from the seat beside her, pulling it over her lap.

“You okay?” He asked, glancing into the rearview worriedly.

“Just tired.” She assured. “I couldn’t fall asleep last night, and I got yelled at during lacrosse.” She sighed.

“Yelled at? Who yelled at you?” He asked, flicking on his blinker and frowning as they pulled up to a parking space in front of Panera.

“Our captain, she’s a brat.” Jordyn mumbled, getting out of the car and following him into the restaurant. They stood in front of the menu for a few moments, his arm wrapped around her to keep her shoulders warm.

“Why did she yell at you?” He asked.

“I don’t know, because she’s a brat?” Jordyn offered, making Jon laugh softly as they ordered their food. Jordyn downed her soup in a bread bowl, as well as a few bites of Jon’s salad.

“What’s the matter, babe?” He asked, looking at her across their small booth as she rest her head against the leather booth, eyes closed and face somewhat flushed.

“I don’t feel good.” She whispered sleepily. “I think I’m sick.” She frowned, eyes big as she glanced over at him.

“Are you going to throw up?” He asked, eyebrows knit together in worry.

“No, I just feel crappy.” She offered quietly.

“Come on, we’ll go home and get something to drink, and you can take a nap.” He insisted, bussing their dishes before they could walk back to the car. “You need to start wearing a sweatshirt from the field house to the car, it’s too cold to wear that.” He instructed, motioning to her sleeveless lacrosse top.

They were half way home when Jon heard a soft sniffle from the backseat.

“Baby girl are you okay?” He asked, glancing at her through the mirror.

“I don’t feel good.” She began to cry, making his heart drop down into his stomach. When they reached the garage, they left her lacrosse bag in the car and he hoisted her up into his arms, rubbing her back comfortingly as they walked to the lobby. Jordyn sniffled pathetically as they finally got to the apartment where Jon carried her right to her bedroom.

“Change into your pajama’s, I’ll get you something to drink.” He smoothed her hair back before disappearing into the hallway. Fixing up a glass of ice water and a mug of tea, he returned a few moments later to see her tucked into bed, laying on her side as tears continued to pool in her eyes as he set the two beverages down on her nightstand. “Here, take Doug.” Jon smiled softly, tucking the penguin into her chest as she held it tightly. “Do you need a trash bin?” He asked, feeling her forehead to see that she was a little on the warm side. After handing her a children’s Motrin, he kissed her forehead softly as she slowly fell asleep before walking into the family room.

He got a few moments of quiet to himself before the phone started to ring, making him spring up from the couch and try to grab it as quickly as possible before the ring could wake up Jordyn.

“Hello?” He all but hissed, wanting to know who would try to wake up his little girl.

“Jon? It’s Terry, we have a problem.”

•••

Jordyn settled excitedly on the same side of the booth as Jon in their favorite restaurant. Seven months together seemed like a perfectly good thing to celebrate at Jordyn’s favorite restaurant, Mt. Fuji. Ordering roll after roll of fresh sushi, they tried all sorts of things, eel, surf clam, and even squid. Of course, they ate all the things they knew they liked, vegetable and shrimp tempura, fresh raw salmon, crunchy rolls, and exotic rolls that combined a number of things.

“Try this!” Jordyn squealed, holding up a piece of the rainbow roll before popping it in Jon’s mouth. They ate red bean ice cream and groaned about how full they were. “Can we come here every day?” Jordyn asked wistfully.

“Only if we want to gain a hundred pounds and y’know all the fun that comes with that… diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure.” He joked, making Jordyn look at him blankly. “Never mind.” He ruffled her bangs with a laugh.

Today, before Jordyn would be returning from school, Jon would already be gone for Phoenix. Most days when he would be gone before she could come home, he would pull her out for lunch and they would eat together, just the two of them, and he would bring her back before her fifth period class.

“Oh, Grandma’s calling.” Jon said, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “Salut, Maman.” He greeted, making Jordyn giggle, she always thought he sounded silly when he spoke French. Jon was relieved, however, that Jordyn didn’t speak, well some, but her knowledge of colors and numbers wouldn’t clue her into their conversation.

“Salut, bébé, ce sont vous deux à?” Andree asked tentatively.

“Jordyn et moi sommes en train de terminer le déjeuner, alors je vais la ramener à la classe, alors je s'envoler.” He replied, sending Jordyn a wink when she perked up at the mention of her name.

“Avez-vous parlé à son encore? She asked, pressing him for information.

“J'ai décidé de ne pas, elle dispose de suffisamment de passe en ce moment et je sais que ce serait vraiment son stress, ainsi, au moins, je le crois.” He sighed, running a hand over his face and snatching a small piece of raw salmon from the tray, popping it into his mouth.

“Jonathan, c'est que votre décision de faire? elle ne devrait pas arriver à choisir? It is her family after all...” Andree sighed.

“No, Maman, it is not.” Jon shook his head, “and quand elle était plus âgée, je vais la laisser décider, mais pas maintenant, quand elle est si jeune.” He stated finally. “I will send her your love, she’s eating trios grands, des morceaux de poissons rouges.” He grinned down at Jordyn, using words he knew she would recognize.

“I’ll call you later, je t'aime, Jon.” Andree sighed.

“Je t’aime, Maman.” He replied. “Say goodye to Grandma.” He held the phone down to Jordyn.

“Je t’aime, Grandma!” Jordyn smiled before Jon could end the phone call.

“Come on, let’s get back to school, huh?” He asked, putting down two bills on the table before taking her hand in his. It was raining out, so Jon took off his coat and handed it to Jordyn to cover her small body after she pulled her hood up over her head. Sara had come over that morning and curled Jordyn’s hair cutely, and she didn’t want to ruin her hairstyle. They ran out to the car, splashing and jumping in puddles before they were in the warm safety of the truck.

“Don’t forget, Abby is picking you up from lacrosse today.” Jon said as they slowly made their way back to the school. Jordyn nodded as her backpack rested in her lap, legs swinging in front of her. “And I think she’s taking you out to lunch tomorrow.” He spoke of that Saturday. “So best behavior.” He added.

“When do I ever behave badly?” She asked, tilting her head, Jon grinned at her question with a soft laugh.

“Good point. How did I get so lucky with you?” He asked, making the little girl beam up at him. Jon grabbed his golf umbrella from his trunk organizer to walk Jordyn up to the school. They were a hundred yards away from the middle school building when Jon heard it.

“Jordyn? Jordyn!” Each of the Toews’ turned their head to see a woman in a black wrap coat, red heels and a leopard print umbrella walking towards them. Jon held onto Jordyn’s hand tightly, pulling her into his side. “Jordyn, it’s me baby! It’s your Mama!” She smiled excitedly. Jordyn shivered, crushing herself into Jon’s side as he began to move towards the school.

“Dad?” She asked, breathless as the woman continued after them.

“Keep walking, Jordyn.” Jon growled, not mad at his girl, but mad at the woman for showing up like this; at all. “Don’t look, Jordyn.”

“Baby girl it’s me! I have been looking for you everywhere!” She smiled excitedly. She wasn’t an ugly woman by any means, but she radiated a feeling that bothered both Jon and Jordyn. “Jordyn come here!” She wailed, reaching her hands out towards them. Before she could comprehend what was going on, Jordyn was scooped up into Jon’s arms and he was power walking into the building, a skip away from jogging. There was a safe distance between them and Jon brought her straight into the front office.

“You can’t let that woman into the school, she has no child or business here.” Jon informed the secretaries. One of the nodded, taking out a a walkie-talkie and calling security. That was the best part of sending Jordyn to a school like this, utmost safety and privacy. “It’s okay babe.” He reassured, bending down to Jordyn’s height as two burly men appeared from the back of the front office, each giving Jon a nod of recognition before heading out to the front foyer. “Abby is going to pick you up in the office today after school, alright? I’m going to call Coach Bodey and tell him that you can’t come to practice today.” He added, smoothing her hair out, lightly playing with her curls. “Don’t leave the school unless you’re with Abby.” He added sternly. “I’m so sorry I have to leave, because I know you have questions, but I just want you to hold onto them until I get back.” He insisted.

“Okay.” She nodded, still visibly shaken up. Jon studied her face and could tell how scared she was.

“Nope.” He shook his head. “I’m signing her out.” He said, standing up and grabbing the familiar clip-board from the desk that he had signed so many times before.

“Mr. Toews… Jordyn has missed a lot of school.” The secretary spoke softly. Jon looked up at her pointedly, and he knew he was being rude, but at the same time, she must have known how shaken up the two of them were.

“I don’t see how this school would have a problem considering I’m paying thirty grand a semester and she’s still getting straight A’s.” He all but snarled, running off the information and his signature before gathering his little girl in his arms again and walking them out of the school. Neither the woman nor the security guards were in sight as they walked back to the car and Jordyn stayed silent all the ride to the Sharp’s suburban home. Jon had called quickly on the way to their home to tell Abby that she was coming over a few hours early, and Abby was just fine with that. Then, he called Sara and asked her to throw together a duffel for Jordyn, listing off a few things.

“And Doug.” Jordyn spoke quietly.

“And Doug.” Jon added, speaking into the phone as the pulled up to the beautiful, three-story colonial. Hanging up, Jordyn followed him into the home solemnly and he helped her balance as she pulled off her pink rain boots, sniffling softly before he could hold her tightly, her face pressing into his shirt as she cried gently. Abby back tracked from her trip downstairs, deciding to give the two of them some privacy. “Did she scare you?” Jon asked quietly, rubbing her back as she nodded, not feeling much for words at the moment. “I’m so sorry that happened, it won’t happen again Jordyn. I’ll never let it happen again.” He assured her.

“Is she really…?” Jordyn trailed, not allowing herself to call that woman her Mom. Jon sighed, fighting the words in this mouth.

“She might be.” Jon nodded. “She has tried to get a hold of me a few times.” He added, wanting to be appropriately honest with her, but not telling her quite all of the gritty details.

“Don’t make me go with her.” She shook her head frantically. “Don’t make me go with her.” She repeated, making Jon’s throat shorten as he swallowed hard.

“No, never.” He shook his head in the negative. “You never have to see her again Jordyn.” He added. “You’re mine. Forever, remember?” He asked, reminding her of the words they exchanged when he had brought her home seven months earlier. “Mine and only mine.” He finished as he held her a little longer. He let her tears subside as he held her tightly, rubbing her back up and down comfortingly. Soon, she was only sniffling softly. “All better, huh?” He asked with a small smile. She nodded quietly as he wiped away a few stray tears.

“Don’t go.” Her lips trembled, making his heart break. They had never had this problem before. “Don’t leave.” She added.

“I have to, but when I get back, I’ll be home for two weeks.” He grinned. “I’m all yours.” He added with a small smile. “Sara’s bringing over the computer, so we can talk, and I’ll call when I get there, and before bed, and you’ll talk to me tomorrow. I’ll be home Sunday in time for dinner.” He assured.

He could tell she was still very shaken by everything that had happened and he swept her into the family room, settling the two of them on the couch. Abby gave them a small smile as she passed silently into the kitchen. Jordyn snuggled up tightly to his chest, both of their clothes slightly damp; hers from the rain and his from her tears. They two of them closed their eyes as they rest together, a blanket pulled over their bodies.

“Don’t worry, you’re stuck with me, kid.”