Fearing Death

Jordyn ducked out of the orthodontist’s room, head hung low as Jon finished up the paperwork, frowning for a second as the doctor gave him an impish smile. He could hear her tiny sniffles and she didn’t look up at him as he took her small hand in his own.

“Hey, what’s the matter, huh?” He asked as they got in the back in the car. She hopped into the backseat, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning her head against the window. Jordyn shook her head, refusing to speak as he sighed, pulling out of the parking lot. “Babe, talk to me.” Jon insisted, wondering if maybe a little ice cream would cheer her up. “You want to get a treat?” He asked, trying to catch a glimpse of her in the rearview. She shook her head again, pouting terribly as she reached for her iPod.

That fucking iPod. Jon thought it was such a good idea at the time, but now it was in her ears all the time, taking her away from him. Sure, it was only a week out since Christmas, but he was ready to throw that stupid thing off the nearest high-rise.

Jon heaved an even deeper sigh; he was leaving the next morning for a five-day trip to play the Wild, and then the Blue Jackets. Jordyn was supposed to be coming since she didn’t have school for another eight days, but he had a strong feeling he may be calling Abby or Sara soon to watch her if she didn’t cheer up.

“How about I make your favorite smoothie when we get back, and then we’ll pack up, and hit a night out for dinner?” He suggested. Jordyn perked up slightly at the idea, actually acknowledging his existence with a small nod, accompanied by a sniffle. The elevator ride back up to the apartment was painfully silent. Jon’s heart sunk in his chest as she brushed off his arm that he tried to wrap around her narrow shoulders. She made a straight break for her room, closing the door as he hooked his coat on a hanger, putting it back into the closet.

Moving about the kitchen, he put together Jordyn’s smoothie, preparing one for himself as well, but with a scoop of protein powder. He set his in the fridge and topped hers with whipped cream before sticking in a straw and carrying it down to her bedroom.

“Jord, babe? Can I come in?” He rapped the back of his knuckles on her bedroom door. Receiving no response in return, he very slowly opened the door, peeking his head in. His stomach grew unsettled to see her laying face down on her bed, head dunked in one of her pillows as her back raised and lowered in deep, uneven breaths. Walking in, he set her smoothie on her nightstand, sitting on the edge of her bed and placing his hand on her back. “What’s wrong baby girl? Come on, it’s okay. Nothing to cry about.” He tried to soothe her.

“I look hideous!” She sobbed, “and they hurt so bad!” She added, pulling her face away from the pillow to reveal bright red cheeks and tears pooling in her eyes.

“No, no.” Jon shook his head, gathering her in his arms as she cried into his chest. “You do not look hideous Jordyn, you are beautiful. The most beautiful little girl I know.” He added, stroking her hair gently.

“You have to say that!” She huffed and puffed between tears. “You’re my Dad!” She insisted.

“Jordyn, your braces look just fine.” Jon insisted. “They’re really not bad at all, and I know they hurt and you have to get used to them, but soon you’ll forget they’re even there.” He said, rocking her softly. “Now, no more crying, pretty girls shouldn’t cry.” He insisted, making her sniffle and smile softly. “I’ll get you some Tylenol for your pain, and you can drink up your smoothie.” He added.

“Thanks.” She sniffled, balling the sleeve of her sweatshirt in her hand and wiping under her eyes.

“Maybe you want to take a nap? Do want me to put a movie on?” He asked, handing her the smoothie he made and grinned at how excited her face got. Jonathan Toews could whip up one mean strawberry-banana Jordyn smoothie. The added Jordyn was just a few drops of honey he tapped in before blending it all together.

“The Secret Garden?” She asked timidly, referring to one of her favorites she discovered. After Jordyn had come home eight months ago, she discovered HBO, Showtime, and Starz. Jon honestly believed that she could watch movies all day and night every day of the week. She just loved movies. Jon wasn’t particularly fond of the chicky movie, but he nodded, it wasn’t like he had to watch it with her. “Watch it with me?” She asked, making him sigh before nodding again. “Okay.” She blushed excitedly.

“Finish up, Tylenol, I’ll get the movie going.” Jon kissed her head again before getting up and leaving her bedroom. He grabbed his cell phone from the counter, bringing up the calendar and all it’s important, pending dates. A week from now was the hearing for Jordyn’s birth-mother’s restraining order, the week after that Child Services was coming for Jordyn’s nine-month check up, and then the week after that, they would be flying back up to Winnipeg for a surprise vacation. Two days, but a vacation nonetheless. Mixed in with all of that was school, hockey games, practices, trips, a birthday party, Valentine’s day, parent-teacher conferences, and a meeting with a realtor.

Jonathan Toews certainly had his work cut out for him. Jordyn came running out of her room, smoothie in hand as well as two Children’s Tylenol. Jordyn didn’t like to swallow pills without anyone around; she had an acute fear of choking. Jon watched as she popped the first pill into her mouth, swallowing it down with a mouthful of smoothie. The second pill was a success as well and soon, they were all cuddled up on the couch, a fire going in the fireplace and the movie playing.

Jordyn snuggle up tight to Jon from underneath his Chicago Blackhawks Snuggie. Of course, when asked, he refused to say that it was a Snuggie. But Jordyn watched infomercials, she knew a Snuggie when she saw one.

”It’s a slanket!” Jon insisted with a huff when Jordyn questioned him about the blanket with sleeves in question.

“I know you don’t like this movie, but thanks for watching it with me.” Jordyn smiled gently, speaking slowly from the aching pain in her jaw.

“I would watch his a hundred times if you wanted me to.” Jon insisted, rubbing his hand up and down her arm comfortingly.

“Y’know, you’re a good Dad.” She said as his fingers fiddled with the long wisps of her hair; something that could guarantee put her to sleep if he did it long enough.

“You’re not so bad a daughter yourself, kid.”

•••

“So what do you and Jon like to do together?” The caseworker, Mrs. Jillian asked, folding her hands on her lap as she sat in Jordyn’s desk chair, facing Jordyn who sat on her neatly made bed. She and Jon cleaned the apartment up earlier in the morning before he treated her to a sushi lunch and a Pink Berry dessert. They returned to the apartment half an hour before Mrs. Jillian arrived and Jordyn gave her a tour of the apartment.

It made Jon nervous the way she wrote down certain things on the clipboard she carried casually throughout the apartment. He tried to be as silent as possible as he stood on the other end of the hall, just inside of his door so that he could faintly hear them talking.

“Oh! Lots of things.” Jordyn smiled. “We like to eat sushi, and go to his hockey games, and on trips, he plays catch with me and helps me practice for lacrosse. We like to watch movies and play in the rec room and go visit Grandma and Grandpa in Canada. He and Grandpa and Uncle Davey took me fishing, and they have a strawberry farm, too so we get to pick berries and make food with Grandma.” She smiled. “Oh, and Jon’s teaching me how to skate, I’m not very good at skating, but Jon says I’m a quick learner.” She blushed, “and he’s taking me to a Penguins game!” She added excitedly. “This is the penguin Jonny got me, his name is Doug.” Jon could see her clutching her favorite stuffed animal to her chest. “And Grandma made me this quilt for Christmas, it’s really warm and it even has a little penguin in the corner.”

“Well that’s very nice.” Mrs. Jillian smiled. “I like penguins, too. Tell me, Jordyn, who takes care of you when Jon goes to play hockey?” She asked, crossing her legs, her clipboard resting in her lap.

“Sara or Abby nanny me. Abby is Old Patrick’s wife, and Sara is Patty’s girlfriend. They bring me to school and help me with homework and make me dinner and all that.” Jordyn smiled.

“Tell me about school, Jordyn, do you get good grades?” Mrs. Jillian asked with a warm smile.

“I really like school, I like my classes, and science is my favorite. I get mostly A’s and I got a B last semester, but that’s just because I’m not very good at writing essays.” She blushed, making Jon grin as well. He remembered the day she came home with that B and how upset she was. When Jon was in school, he considered a B to be a fairly decent grade. “And I play for my school’s lacrosse team, I love playing lacrosse, and I like when Jon helps me train. Next season I’ll get to play varsity.” She replied.

“I’m glad you’re having so much fun.” Mrs. Jillian replied nicely. “But I have a few more questions that are going to be just a touch more serious, if you don’t mind.” She began. Jordyn nodded and Jon’s stomach squeezed tightly. “Jordyn, do you know why Jon had to go to court three days ago?”

“He talked to the judge and made it so my birth-mother couldn’t be near me anymore, a… restraining order.” She searched for the words.

“And do you know why your birth-mom needs to stay away from you?” Mrs. Jillian asked.

“Jonny doesn’t like her around me and neither do I. She was always bothering us and sometimes she scared me.” Jordyn replied. “Jonny said she had ‘no legal right to me’ anymore.” She added.

“Jon seems to explain things to you very well.” The caseworker acknowledged, which made Jordyn nod. “Are you happy here? With Jon?” She asked, leaning forward.

“I love my Dad.” Jordyn replied. Jon smiled softly in relief from his end of the hall. Not that he wasn’t sure of her answer, but so glad that he got to hear it. “I love living here with him, I love my Grandparents, and my Uncle Davey, I love Patty and Sara and Jon’s teammates. Jon and I are getting a house, too, and I think he’s going to get me a puppy.” She added with a grin. “Not that I need one, I’m happier than I’ve ever been here with Jon, I have a real family for the first time in my entire life, and I never want that to change. I know Jonny loves me, he tells me every day. Jon’s the best Dad ever.” She finished. The interview finished up, Jordyn showed Mrs. Jillian a few photos from her trips to Winnipeg, fishing on lake Toews, and more pictures from events like her first day of school, her first lacrosse game, and photos of her and Jon when they went together on hockey trips.

“Relax, Dad.” Mrs. Jillian grinned as she met Jon at the door, who offered her a cup of coffee or tea before she left. “You’re doing a great job, she’s a good kid, and very smart. She loves you to death.” She left him on that high note before disappearing into the elevator.

“So what now?” Jordyn asked as Jon walked into the kitchen, she sat on the countertop, nibbling a cookie she had snatched from the cookie jar. She was still sore from her new braces, but she was slowly becoming accustomed to them. She had progressed from smoothies, mashed potatoes and jello for dinner to foods that required to a little more chewing.

“What do you want to do?” Jon asked, hopping up onto the counter beside her, slinging a heavy arm around her shoulder.

“What do I want to do?” Jordyn asked, looking up at him and feeding him a bite of the oatmeal peanut butter cookies Sara had baked for them. “We’re always doing what I want to do, what do you want to do?” Jordyn asked.

“I want to… watch a movie, take a nap with my favorite girl, then maybe we can see about going out for a special dinner tonight. How does that sound?” He asked.

“What movie?” Jordyn asked, tilting her head as she hopped off the counter. Jon sucked in a breath and she immediately narrowed her eyes. “Again?!” She squealed. “We’ve watched Miracle so many times! You know all the words! Just play it in your head!” She whined with a cute grin.

“Okay okay, I’ll pick something else.” He insisted. “How about Three Ninjas?” He suggested a movie he and Davey watched every weekend when they were growing up.

“Yes.” She grinned, grabbing the fleece tie-blanket Sara had help her make for Jon, one side a bright red with crossed hockey sticks and pucks, and the other side black to fit the family room’s modern colors better. Jon popped the movie into the DVD player and sat down on the couch, stretching the blanket over the two of them after turning the overhead lights down.

It was something they did three times a week, even when he had a full hockey schedule; he always made time to watch a flick with Jordyn. Sure, they didn’t talk much during the movie, except when she asked a few questions, but their time together, brought them closer together. And it reminded him how happy he was to have her in his life.