Fearing Death

“C’mere Maxie!” Jordyn slapped her hands on her knees as the new Rottweiler puppy stared at her, head tilted and ears cocked forward, tongue lolled out cutely. “Come here, boy!” She giggled, making the tiny black puppy launch himself towards her, all vicious, ferocious eight pounds of canine. “Dad look how silly he’s being!” Jordyn laughed as Max crawled all over her, his tiny pink tongue coming out of his mouth to lick at her neck.

“Jord, bring Max inside, it’s getting stormy.” Jon called from the back patio. “Dinner’s done.” He added. Jordyn got up from her spot in the green grass of their backyard, scooping Prince Maxwell Jonathan Toews, or Max, up into her arms before running into the house, closing the sliding glass door behind her.

“Go eat, Maxie.” Jordyn set him on the floor, scooting his butt to where his little red dish was filled with kibble.

“That’s one hard core watch dog you guys got.” Patrick noted with a grin, watching the floppy little thing meander over to his dish before dumping his face into the pile of dog food.

“Don’t make fun of Prince Max.” Jordyn frowned. “He’s my precious baby, and he’s very sad right now because we had to leave all his brothers and sisters back at the farm because Dad said we couldn’t get them, too.” She fought the urge to pinch Patrick while she took her seat next to him at the dining room.

A dining room table complete with four chairs was one of the few big pieces of furniture that the Toews had in their house at the moment. It had been two weeks since Jon took Jordyn to see their new home and they had only started buying new furniture for the past couple of days.

Prince Max was a present for Jordyn, waiting in her bedroom one day after she had come home from school. Jon watched on with a big grin and a small sense of smugness as she went crazy over the new puppy she had wanted so badly. He also didn’t mind the massive bear hug and shower of kisses as Jordyn reassured him he was ’the best Dad in the whole entire world!’ He was doing a pretty fine job, if he did say so himself.

“Don’t let him be that mean to your baby.” Jordyn advised Sara when she walked, setting down two trays of homemade lasagna – Jordyn’s favorite.

Two and a half weeks ago on the lake for Jon’s birthday, Patrick and Sara announced a surprise, that Sara was two and a half months pregnant.

“Oh come on, you love me.” Patrick insisted, giving her a goofy grin, slinging his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side. “Give me a kiss.” He puckered up his lips at her.

“Ew!” Jordyn squealed with a laugh as Jon helped Sara carry in a bowl of garlic bread and a tossed Caesar salad.

“Come on! Right here!” Patrick smushed his lips up against her cheek, laughing at the way her cheeks turned bright pink in embarrassment.

“Patty.” Jordyn whined, making Jon laugh as he finally let her sit up straight in her seat.

“Thanks for dinner, Sara.” Jon said, scooping out a square of lasagna and fixing a plate for Jordyn before serving himself.

“You know it’s no problem.” Sara smiled, doing the same for Patrick, scooping out two heaping pieces of the pasta for her boyfriend first.

“Jord, what are you thinking for your birthday?” Patrick asked, digging in with a hand set on Sara’s thigh, rubbing his thumb over her knee comfortingly.

It was only a three weeks until Jordyn’s birthday, May thirtieth, when she would be turning twelve years old. Less than three weeks later is when they would be having a small, family celebration to commemorate the day Jordyn came home with Jon.

“I don’t know.” Jordyn shrugged. “What do you think I should do?” She asked. Jordyn had never gotten the opportunity to celebrate her birthday before. The Fogley’s never made an effort to celebrate her birthday, and once a year, all she would do was wander down to the convenience store on the way home from her school and snag a Snicker’s bar from the counter.

“We can do whatever you want to do, babe.” Jon said, taking a big bite of lasagna. “Do you want to have some friends over? Go to dinner? Maybe go down to Navy Pier?” He suggested.

“I don’t know… I’ll have to think about it.’ Jordyn considered her options. “Maybe we can just… go skating? And go get sushi for lunch?” She asked.

“Baby girl we can do that any day, this is your special day! Let’s do something special!” Jon insisted with a laugh at how simple it was to please his little girl.

“You mean like… go to New York?” She asked with a tilt of her head, nibbling on her piece of garlic bread.

“Is that what you want to do?” Jon asked.

“Well, I don’t know, maybe?” She asked. “I’d want Patty and Sara Abby and Patrick and… Hjalmy to be there.” She blushed, making Sara giggle and the tips of Jon’s ears turn bright red.

“Well…” Jon cleared his throat, “you have a little bit to decide, so think about it.” Jon insisted. Dinner was fun and causal, just like they usually were, but this time, Sara and Patrick couldn’t just take the elevator back up to their place, and Jordyn was sad to see them go.

She held Patrick tightly after he had slipped on his shoes, wishing they didn’t have to go.

“I’ll be over this week, keep things interesting around here till I get back, okay?” He teased, kissing the top of her head before she could nod.

“See ya.” She whispered, closing the door behind him before wandering back into the kitchen where Jon was making sundaes for the two of them, Max sitting faithfully at his feet, hoping Jon would drop a peanut or a drop of caramel for him to enjoy. “Maxie, go get your blankie.” Jordyn instructed, making the little pup scramble out of the kitchen, having a hard time gaining traction on the hard wood floors with his tiny puppy nails causing him to slip all about.

“Here you go.” Jon grinned, handing over what he deemed to be a perfect turtle sundae.

“Yum thanks.” Jordyn smiled as he grabbed her by the waist, lifting her to sit down on the counter top before joining her. “Do you think we could go to Navy Pier this weekend? Me and you?” She asked quietly. “Maybe Patty and Sara, too?”

“I don’t see why not. I’ll see if Pat and Sara can, but they might have plans already.” Jon said, taking a big bite of his ice cream. “But I’m sure we can do that. I haven’t been there in years.” He frowned, wishing he had time to go more. They ate their sundaes in silence, a slight rumbling of thunder in the distance.

“It gets really quiet here.” She whispered gently. “A lot more quiet than the apartment.” She added.

“Houses like this are usually for big families.” Jon nodded slowly, licking the caramel off of his spoon.

“Do you think we’ll ever have a big family?” She asked. It was no strange thought to Jordyn’s mind to wonder what it would be like to have an older brother or a little sister. “Do you think I’ll ever have like… a brother or a sister? Or… a mom?” She asked quietly, having a hard time looking up at Jon.

“I don’t know, Jordyn…” Jon shrugged. “I’d like to get married, have more kids, but I don’t know if that’s the best thing for me right now. I’m at a pivotal point in my career and only twenty-four years old.” He added. “Those things will come with time.” He insisted. Sometimes it made Jon question himself when she asked him things like this, about having siblings or a mother-figure, but Jon knew that he was doing the work load of a full-time parent and then some. He was confident he was giving Jordyn everything she needed to be a happy child. They finished up their desserts and Jon took Jordyn’s empty bowl. “How about you go grab one of Max’s new toys, see how he likes that tug-rope we got.” He suggested with a warm smile. Jordyn nodded, hopping off of the tall granite counter before running into the family room.

And as Jon heard Jordyn’s giggles from the family room as he loaded up the dishwasher, he just knew that he was doing a good job. She was happy, healthy, doing well in school, making friends, and an incredibly bright little girl.

Jon was doing a better job as a single parent than most families with two. Why would he need to find a mother for Jordyn, anyways?

•••

“Oh! The Wave Swinger.” Jordyn tugged Jon’s hand excitedly, dragging him over to the ride as she hopped along in her new sorbet orange sundress, something cool and light she could wear for the summer; seeing as Chicago’s warmer season was getting progressively hotter and hotter each summer.

“It’s not going anywhere!” Jon laughed, “we’ll make it.” He insisted, handing the ride attendant six tickets before they could run up ot the giant tree-looking attraction, strapping themselves into the seat.

So far they had been having a great day at the pier, lots of rides, fried food, and Jon even won Jordyn a big stuffed giraffe that was already sitting in the backseat of his truck. Next, they planned on taking on the eighteen-hole mini-putt course. Jon took the seat on the Swinger just behind Jordyn’s, smiling at the way she wiggled excitedly for the ride to commence.

“Back here!” He insisted, holding out his iPhone to snap a photo of her with a big, wide smile just as the attendant had let on the last of the people for this ride around. He tucked his phone back down into his pocket safely. He grinned at her carefree nature, her head tossed back as she let the wind blow through her hair, her bare feet swinging, her sandals down on the concrete below like most of the people on the ride. Her legs swung as the ride raised them high into the air, swinging them around like small dolls. “Having fun?” Jon called with a laugh to which he could hear her emit an airy giggle. She sat up again, taking in her surroundings as she got to overlook the city she loved.

Jon watched again as she slumped back in her seat, but something was different this time, her body posture was just… off, and when her head lolled just the right way, he could see her eyes closed, but not in comfort, but what looked like unconsciousness.

“Jordyn.” He called out firmly, knowing that she would respond to the tone. She didn’t move, not even an inch as they swung over the pier. “Jordyn!” He called again, and thankfully, the chairs were already descending. “Hold on, baby girl.” He called out, heart racing in his chest. When the chairs finally landed, he rushed out of his seat, not waiting for the attendant to undo the series of clasps. Jordyn looked lifeless and Jon willed himself to keep from hyperventilating. “Call 9-1-1!” He shouted out to the attendant, who jumped at his bark, immediately taking out a cell phone.

He held Jordyn in his arms gingerly, reaching out two fingers and pressing them to the hollow of her throat, finding her pulse much like he did after a set of suicides on the ice. It was terribly slow and Jon could feel his own veins restricting in terror. This wasn’t happening, they were just having a day at the pier, she was fine just a few moments ago. She was fine.

Jon could hear the ambulance sirens, but not even those calmed him, not until he could see the paramedics and know that something was being done.

“Jesus, she’s barely got a pulse.” One of the paramedics noted as the rushed her onto a gurney. Jon hopped into the ambulance with him, this time, not being able to keep the tears from falling. What was wrong with his baby?

Sitting and waiting was the worst thing. Jon immediately called Patrick and told him what was happening, begging him to swing by the apartment and pick up Jordyn’s records form the study. He knew that he should have known more about her health history, but he was too busy trying to spend time with her and make her happy that learning those things seemed irrelevant.

“Is she allergic to any medication?” The nurse asked, attempting to help him fill out at least a little of her information.

“Uh… no, I don’t think so.” Jon shook his head.

“You don’t think so?” The nurse asked, cocking an eyebrow at him. “Has she had any previous surgeries, broken bones, illnesses? Is she on any prescriptions?” She rattled off.

Jon rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, palms clammy and heart still jumping under his ribs. “She uh – she’s had some heart surgeries when she was a baby, she’s had the chicken pox already… she sprained her wrist this past spring.” Jon’s knees bounced as he sat in his seat in the waiting room. The door beside him swung open and he wanted to cry tears of relief as Patrick and Sara came rushing in, Patrick holding her medical information from the apartment.

“Here, here.” Jon took the envelope from Patrick’s hands, practically shoving it at the nurse. “That can tell you everything you need to know.” He said, eyes wide, pupils’ dilated and a big lump forming at the back of his throat.

“Is she okay? What’s going on?” Sara asked, taking Jon’s hand as she and Patrick sat on either side of him.

“I don’t know… we were on a ride at the pier, everything was fine and then she just… stopped…” He shook his head. It was another twenty minutes before a doctor in light blue scrubs came out to talk to Jon.

“Jordyn has had troubles with her heart in the past.” He opened the conversation, making a sick stone settle in Jon’s stomach. He nodded in understanding. “She has what we call a ventricular septal defect, or VSD.” He added. “Before a child is born, the left and right ventricles of the heart are not separate. As the child grows in the womb, a wall forms to separate the ventricles, but if the wall does not completely form, a hole remains, thus creating a VSD. This should have been taken care of with her previous surgeries, and we are investigating right not to figure out why it hasn’t, but Mr. Toews, children that carry that hole in their heart never seem to live past age eight if it hasn’t been corrected before then. Right now, Jordyn’s heart is pumping too much blood into her lungs and it would have lead to complete heart failure if you hadn’t brought her in today.” The surgeon finished.

“What, what do we do? What do I need to do? Is she okay? She’s probably terrified.” Jon began to list off, tears streaming down his clean-shaven cheeks.

“Jordyn is peculiar case, but we will begin open-heart surgery within the next few moments to correct the flaw. I have to warn you that several complications may arise, but I’m feeling confident with Jordyn’s case, even if we don’t see it too often. Consider yourself very, very lucky, Mr. Toews. Maybe you should go out and buy a lottery ticket.” The surgeon advised before disappearing back between the double doors.

A nurse came out to explain the procedure to Jon, telling him that they would be beginning right away and that it would last a good two hours, another three before she would be conscious again.

“But she was fine.” Jon shook his head. “We… we were having such a good time.” He whispered silently as he rest his head in his hands, tears falling down onto the blue denim of his shorts while Sara rubbed an arm up and down his back comfortingly.

“She’s going to be okay, Jon, they’re gonna patch up her heart and she’ll be good as new.” Patrick said, trying not to let his own worry get to him. “Everything’s going to be okay.” And for once, Patrick realized, that no one should have to comfort a member of one family so much in the waiting room of an emergency room.

Life had a certain way of throwing curveball after curveball at the Toews family.