Fearing Death

Jordyn giggled as Jon tugged her fists above her head, lifting her off the ground as he stepped over a puddle to keep the bottom of her skirt from getting wet. They were back in one of Jordyn’s favorite places – New York City – and were staying until they felt like going home. Seeing as they had only arrived two days ago, Jon could see them staying at least another week and a half to two weeks. NYC seemed to be the only place to fuel and nourish Jordyn’s constant curiosity.

At the moment, they were making their way across Rockefeller Plaza to meet with none other than Glenn MacDonald, the editor in chief of Sports Illustrated. The same magazine that offered one-point-five million dollars for the story once word got out that Jonathan Toews was offering a very intimate peek into his life. Jon insisted that they weren’t looking for money, just looking to answer so many people’s unending questions. Jon was finally feeling comfortable enough with their familial status to let others into their life.

“Do you think the guy will be nice?” Jordyn asked as their hands swing back and forth, entering the all glass and chrome headquarters of the nation’s most popular sports publication.

“I’ve met him several times before, he’s a very nice guy, and he’s got a sweet fish tank in his office.” Jon added as they stopped to check in at the front desk. “Toews to see MacDonald.” He spoke briefly to the receptionist.

“Of course, Glenn is waiting for you, go right up.” She smiled sweetly. Jon commended her with a nod and he led Jordyn over to the elevator bank.

“Let me do it.” Jordyn slapped Jon’s hand away as she reached to push the number twelve button, making Jon grin. It was now three and a half weeks since Jordyn’s surgery and she was finally back to her old self, while still tender, she was up to her usual spunk and eccentricity. “Do you think Maxie is okay?” She asked, looking up at him. “Do you think he misses his Mama?” She added, referring to herself.

“I’m sure Max is doing just fine and that Patrick and Sara are taking very good care of him.” Jon reassured, taking her hand again as they finally reached the twelfth floor. Jordyn made sure ot look extra special today, they would be taking a few photos together so she picked out her favorite lavender dress, combed her hair neatly, and wore her signature Toews necklace that hardly ever left her skin. “Best behavior.” He reminded before he raised his fist to knock twice on the expensive dark wood doors. Not a few moments later did they open to reveal a warm-looking man in his fifties with a peculiar pair of round, thick-rimmed glasses.

“Jon, so good to see you again.” He smiled. “And this must be Jordyn.” He stuck out his hand to the little girl. She smiled widely before shaking it firmly. “That’s quite the grip you have.” He laughed, ushering them into his expansive corner office. “Come in, do you want anything to drink? Coffee, tea, Gatorade, maybe even a little strawberry banana smoothie?” He grinned down at Jordyn who nodded eagerly.

“So, what I’d like to do today is interview your Dad, then you and I can chat, then we can all talk – the three of us, how does that sound?” Glenn asked, addressing Jordyn.

“I think that sounds just fine.” She replied, folding her hands across her lap.

“How about you check out the pinball machine I have on the other side of the aquarium while I talk to your Dad? One of my employee’s will be up soon with a smoothie.” He insisted. Jordyn nodded, walking over to Jon and kissing his cheek before disappearing behind the fish tank across the room, giving both parties plenty of privacy. “So Jon, I’m going to cut right to it, I’m sure you and your girl have lots of fun things planned and I’d hate to keep you up in this office all day.” Glenn smiled, taking a seat across from Jon with a small recorder in hand. “Just to hit the ground running, I’m going to ask the question most people want to know, and that is… why at twenty-three years old and at a highpoint in your career did you decide to adopt an eleven year old girl?”

Jon took in a deep breath, stretching his palms out across his jean-clad thighs.

“It would have to start with how I met Jordyn, she came to one of our Blackhawks events late last May, and stood in my line for hours only to completely blow me off when she finally got to the front of the line.” Jon laughed at the memory. “Just a few weeks ago, when we were talking about this interview, I asked her why it was that she was there to begin with, and she had told me that it was because there were free drinks. She stood almost five hours in a line for something she didn’t care about, so she could get a bottle of Powerade.” He sighed a heavy sigh. Jon continued with his story, about how over the next few weeks he began to fall in love with her through a series of odd encounters. “I knew it was the right thing to do, but over the span of such a short amount of time, I wanted to be someone she could count on for love and support and a happy life.” He nodded, thinking deeply.

“Well I certainly commend you, I have an eleven year old know, and I couldn’t stand to handle that at your age.” Glenn laughed. “How do you… find balance between your professional life and raising a young girl? What about the tough subjects? Boys, school, and all that?”

“I have an incredible support system, Patrick [Kane] and his fiancée Sara have been closer than family through all of this as well as Sharp and his wife, Abby. Abby and Sara have been a godsend for when we’re out of town or Jordyn needs girl advice that I’m not quite equipped to handle. That, and as soon as my parents met Jordyn they were in love, I have a great family that I know would do anything for me and my daughter.” He answered.

“Lately there’s been a lot of talk about Jordyn being in the hospital, are there any rumors you’d like to put to rest?”

“Jordyn’s biological mother was an alcoholic and a drug addict, causing her birth defects to pile one on top of the other. When she was two months old, she had already undergone three major heart surgeries. When she was older, she was put in a very neglectful foster home that never even took her to the bare minimum amount of her doctor’s visits. She had an unattended VSD and recently underwent a corrective surgery.” Jon answered. “Her VSD, we learned, was also the reason she had such a hard time gaining weight, a side effect of the condition makes it very difficult to develop and gain weight normally. But now that all that has been said and done, we only have upwards and onwards to go. She is a happy, healthy girl who loves to play with her new dog and also is playing varsity lacrosse next year.” Jon answered.

“So tell us a little more about Jordyn.” Glenn insisted. “What is a normal day like for the two of you?”

“Right now, things are barely getting back to normal, she’s still not permitted to several things since her surgery, but before all that, the ‘day-to-day’ is really different every day.” Jon began. “We recently moved into a new place with a pool, Jordyn’s been taking swimming lessons so I know she’s safe in our own backyard, and also, I got her a new five-week-old Rottweiler that she named Prince Maxwell Jonathan Toews.” He added, making the both of them laugh. “During the school year, and granted I’m home, we wake up around six, I make breakfast, drop her at school, I go to morning skate and then head home to clean up around the house. Then I’ll pick her up when it’s time, and if I have an away game that night, I’ll take her out to lunch. But still assuming I’m home, we go back to the house, she has a snack and does her homework, I cook dinner, and then we play catch or go skate, go to a home game, or watch a movie – Jordyn’s a movie addict. Then we’re both eating dinner and in bed by nine-thirty, ready to do it all over again in the morning.” Jon finished.

“That’s all for now, Jon, how about we switch it up with Jordyn, then we can finish up with the both of you.” Glenn advised after they had joked around for a bit, shooting the bull until he had gotten what he needed. Jon walked into the back of the room, watching as Jordyn played with the pinball machine for a few moments before scooting her along into the room over.

“Hello.” Jordyn bounced into the chair beside Glenn, tucking her legs under her with a wide smile.

“Hey there.” Glenn replied with a laugh. “Jordyn, how about you tell me a little about school? What do you like to do?”

“I love gym and I like my science class.” Jordyn replied right away. “The food is even good at my school, a lot of people complain about their school food but my school has a meatloaf that’s better than my Dad’s. Also, I like playing lacrosse and I was going to play softball this summer, but then I got sick, so I can’t do it till next summer.” She quickly rambled off. “Oh, and I’m going to be in seventh grade.” She added with a sweet smile. They talked back and forth about several minute things, before Glenn asked her another interview question.

“What are some of your favorite and least favorite things about living with Jon?” He asked, crossing his legs in his lap as she took a big gulp of her smoothie.

“I love everything about living my Dad.” Jordyn replied rather seriously. “For the first time in my life I have a family that loves me, a house I like going home to, and everything I could ever want or need. I love my Dad and Grandma and Grandpa and Uncle Davey. I don’t have to worry about walking to school or when I’m going to eat next.” She replied, making Glenn swallow a lump. “I don’t love that every day after school is homework time, but I’d never complain about it.”

They talked about Prince Max, their new house on Webster Ave, and of course, Jordyn’s lacrosse team a little more in depth. Before Glenn called in to talk to the two of them together.

“What are some things the two of you enjoy doing?” He asked very casually.

“Sushi!” Jordyn replied right away. “We like to eat sushi for lunch and red bean ice cream.” She giggled from Jon’s lap as he rubbed his hand up and down her hand lightly.

“We like sushi, we like to swim with Prince Max, and we like to go to Navy Pier. Jordyn is learning to skate and she’s slowly learning French, so I try to use it around the house as much as I can.” Jon nodded. “And what do we like to do with Patrick and Sara on the weekends, huh?”

“We like to eat!” Jordyn laughed, making the two men laugh as well. “Jon and I make forts in the family room and watch movies, and we like to play video games with Sharpie and Hjalmy.” She added. “And I like when I get to go with Dad on his hockey trips and play in all the different hotel rooms. Plus we got to go to this island called St. Bloosha – “

“St. Lucia.” Jon corrected.

“St. Lucia, and we saw starfish and went on a volcano and ate funnel cakes.” She chirped excitedly.

“That was a lot of fun,” Jon nodded, “I’m sure we’ll be back in the winter, probably not at the same resort because their staff had leaked photos of our vacation, but we’ll go back to St. Lucia.” He nodded.

“Jordyn, I know this is a hard question, but how did you feel when Jon got hurt this past season when they played the Capitals?” Glenn asked. Jordyn squirmed in her seat, leaning back against Jon’s chest as his arms wound their way around her tiny waist.

“I was really sad and scared. Patty came and got me from the bleachers because people were watching me cry. I remember saying “Daddy, get up!” and he didn’t get up. I spent a lot of time in the hospital with him and I was sad that he wasn’t going to wake up. Later when he came home and Grandma and Grandpa were there, Grandma said that I didn’t have to worry because he was never going to leave me – not for a hundred years.” She finished, her tiny hand clutching Jon’s tightly. Glenn smiled tightly, jotting a thing or two down on the small notepad beside his chair.

“I suppose on a lighter note, it was just your birthday, wasn’t it, Jordyn?” He asked, instantly putting a smile on her face.

“Yes, I’m twelve now, but I still can’t get a cell phone like Dad’s.” She said very casually, making both men laugh as Jon swallowed back his tears. “But I got Prince Max and we went to the zoo and, we’re gonna go visit Grandma and Grandpa and go fishing, and Grandma is going to make birthday dinner.” She rattled off.

“And I also understand that it’s coming up on the one-year anniversary of your coming-home day.” He used the term most adoptive families referred to.

“Two days.” Jon nodded. “What I didn’t know right away was that, Jordyn and I had met on her birthday last year. I remember looking at one of her medical records when she was in the hospital and it said she was born on May twenty-sixth. All week and it had been bothering me and bothering me and I knew something else had happened that day, so I went back into my schedule with my agent and found out that it was the day we had the signing that Jordyn came to.” Jon replied. “I like to think that I was her birthday present last year, but –undoubtedly- she’s my gift.” He replied, running a palm over her hair, careful not to muss it.

“I won’t lie, that’s a pretty great coincidince.” Glenn agreed. “I guess I don’t have much to ask, other than for you Jon, I already asked Jordyn this, but how has Jordyn changed your life?”

Jon took in a deep breath, a thousand things coming to mind, but focusing on one.

“All my life, I’ve been scared of the same instinctual thing, and that was dying. I’ve always wondered what kind of legacy I’d leave behind – if any – or who would miss me if I was gone, and I’ve always been afraid of the unknown. I’ve always been afraid that I’d die without giving all my love away. The truth is… you don’t know how much you can love one single thing until you have a child. Things that were once important to you mean less, no NCAA championship, no Conn Smythe, no Stanley Cup matters when you have someone that means as much to you as Jordyn means to me. When I was laying in the hospital after suffering a hit that many hockey players before me had died from – and others are still laying in a coma – many people told me I was lucky to be alive. But I wasn’t lucky, I knew that I had to be fine for Jordyn. She made me stop fearing death, and gave me something to live for. I had too much to live for to be scared anymore.” He finished, wiping away a tear in his eye as Jordyn snuggled deep into his chest.

Glenn nodded, blown away at the maturity that was coming from the young man, shook both of their hands and bid them adieu. Their photoshoot was quick and simple, a few shots of them together, a few apart, and rather typical father/daughter poses. Jordyn’s favorite was when she got to crawl all over Jon, making the photographer laugh as she snapped away. When that was finished, Glenn met them down at the front door to see them off.

Several eyes were peering out through the glass-front building as Jon and Jordyn walked away into the busy streets of New York City, their conjoined hands swinging between them.

“Now what can we do?” Jordyn asked, looking up at Jon, the breeze of the gridlock city pushing her hair away from her face.

“We can do whatever you want to do… we have a lifetime.”