You Will Be Given Love

„Happy Birthday!” me and Kara yelled as soon as Zack opened the door.
He was looking at us with an amused smirk playing on his lips, as we enveloped the boy in a big hug, kissing his cheeks and singing a ‘happy birthday’ song.

It was April twenty first, the day when Zack Merrick became another year older – nineteen.
It was also the day known as mega hardcore birthday party at Zack’s place.

His parents knew about their son’s reputation – a guy who could hold his liquor down longer than anyone in whole Timonium and they didn’t seem to mind.

What could they say anyway?
Don’t drink, stop with the partying?
Oh, their son would definitely listen.

“Hey girls, you’re just in time!” Zack laughed.
“Yes well, don’t we have a perfect timing?”Kara smirked and I just laughed handing Zack the colorful birthday balloons.

He was happy, very happy.

The present itself weighted about a ton.
We thought that the perfect present for Zack would be alcohol. Pretty handy and besides, what else is there to give a guy who turns nineteen and is known for his drinking habits?

Zack had this mini cabinet which he called Mary.
It was full of different kind of alcohols; the boy had almost every type of liquor, whiskey and bourbon ever known to man, so it was pretty easy to follow his taste.
Besides that Zack actually collected alcohol, so it wasn’t so much about drinking. It was rather a hobby with a rare occasion of emptying the cabinet.

“And here,” Kara said, giving Zack the big wooden box with the red ribbon on it. “Is your present.” Zack huffed as he picked up the box and looked at the both of us. “What’s in it, rocks? It weights a ton!” He said as he placed the box on the hallway’s floor.

We looked at each other, smirking slight. “We thought that you might need some refill for Mary after tonight, you know, just a little something from the two of us.” Kara said looking at me and then back at the boy.

“How did you? I mean, how you even got it, you’re not allowed to buy alcohol!” He said and we just laughed.
“We’re girls, Zack.” Kara said as it was the most obvious thing.

We laughed some more, entering the residence of Merrick’s.
The house was stuffed with people – they were everywhere; some of them drunk, while others even drunker. They were everywhere, in every room and even in hallway, talking, dancing, occasionally making out at which Zack just laughed as he passed them by.

“Crazy ass party, right?” Kara whispered in my air, taking me by the arm, as we followed Zack further into house.

“Firecracker!” Jack exclaimed as soon as we entered the kitchen.
There was a small group of people – Alex, Jack, Rian and other, which we didn’t knew; standing all together around a kitchen counter, each holding a small glass filled with a liquid.
They counted to three and all of them drowned the content, except for Jack, of course, he was busy hugging us both to death and kissing with sloppy kisses all over our faces.

“Iuuu, Jack, quit it!” Kara exclaimed, brushing off Jack’s saliva from her cheeks.
Jack just laughed while I took a paper towel, to clean my face off.
Sometimes Jack was just too much of an animal.

“Hei, what are you guys doing?” I asked him once I was done.
Jack looked back at the group who had their second share of drinks, counting again.

“Drinking shots, well, they are. I’m going be okay for a while now or I will puke, or maybe pass out somewhere, but I don’t want that, so, I have to take a break. Mhm!”

I looked up at Jack and he was definitely more than tipsy.
He had this goofy smirk on his lips, while towering over me and Kara, swaying slightly.
He had a plaid red shirt on, with a typical black skinny jeans and red Nike dunks; he also had his black NY hat on.

“Hey, did you cut your hair?” I asked as soon as my eyes scanned his hair.

Jack took of his hat and Kara and I gasped.
His hair indeed was a bit shorter, it was styled neatly at the front of his forehead; his bangs were slightly shorter, leaving the sides and the back of his hair longer. His almost black hair didn’t seem so messy anymore; instead it was done in a perfect boyish hair do, which complimented Jack very well.

“Jack,” I whispered, brushing my hand through his hair. “They look so good.” I stood there in awe taking his appearance in. He indeed looked good.

“Ha! Now I’m not the only one with pretty hair, hey, Gaskarth, you hear that, chicks dig my hair!”
Jack turned around to face the group who has just drowned another round of shots.

Rian came over, and sneaked his arm around Kara’s waist, kissing her neck passionately, while Alex and Zack came over with Alex waving a peace to both of us.

“Hey girls, looking good.” He said looking at us both up and down.
Just like Jack, Alex’s eyes swam, he was also slightly drunk. I mean, who wouldn’t be, it was already ten in the evening and the party started a good three hours ago, maybe even earlier for these boys.

“ow did you thought about the haircut?” I asked looking at his hair again, which was now covered with the black hat again.

Alex placed his arm around Jack’s shoulders, hugging him to his form.
“Actually, me and Alex went to the mall today, looking for a present to our bro’,” he took Zack closer to him. “And we were passing by this hair salon, and Alex was like – hey, let’s get you a haircut, and I was like – hey, great idea, let’s do it; so we went inside and got my hair done.” Jack smiled proudly while Alex took his hat off and patted Jack's new hairdo.

“Wow,” was all I could say.
Jack looked amazing.

“So, you dig me now?” Jack asked, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.
I just laughed and shook my head at him. “Baby, I had a huge crush on you right from the start!” I laughed more.
Jack’s eyes grew in surprise as he looked down at me. “Seriously?”
I laughed and shook my head. He was so cute when he was drunk.

He took me by waist and leaned to my ear. “Well, then we should hook up, you know.” He tried to whisper quietly which ended with me giggling out loud while Zack and Alex just laughed looking at us.
“Jack, be serious.” I said looking at his cute, pouting face.
“No love for Jack?” He pouted as I pitched his lower lip.
“Not tonight, honey, not tonight.”
“Okay cupcake,” he sighed, hugging Alex. I laughed some more.

***

“So, what do you want to drink, my dear ladies?” Rian asked the both of us, as the group of people went out of the kitchen, leaving me, Kara, Rian and Alex behind.

“Well, my dear man, what are you offering?” I asked looking at the bottles, that were placed on the kitchen counters – beers, a lot of beers, liquors, whiskeys and some bottles of crystal liquid.
“Well, we have a huge variety tonight, only at Merrick’s place and only for you, my dears.” Rian said, taking the bottle of cola out of the fridge and a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Whiskey with cola, uhh.

“What is it?” Alex asked looking at my scowling face.
“I don’t know if I’m going to be able to keep it in me. Me and whiskey don’t get along all that well.” I said remembering my experience with the drink.

It was true; I could hold vodka, liquors, beer, anything in me but not whiskeys and bourbons or anything in the shade of brown. The smell and the taste were making me running to the toilet instantly.

“I’m going to add more cola than whiskey, alright?”
Rian asked looking at me with a small smile. I nodded not sure if that would work.

“Maybe you would like to drink something else? I’m drinking wine tonight so maybe you would like some too?” Alex asked, holding up his wine glass, showing a liquid in the perfect shade of crimson.

I held my hand out, asking for a sip which Alex gladly gave me.
I took a sip and nodded my head. “Yeah, I would like to have some of this, if you don’t mind, that is.”
“No, not at all.” He smiled and went to the cupboard, to get another wine glass.

“Leave it to Alex to drink an expensive wine at the party.” Rian laughed, while poured his mixture into glass and handing it to his girl.

Kara was leaning against the counter, lost in thoughts.
“Hey girl, you alright?” I whispered, coming over, leaning besides her.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I just spaced out.” She smiled and looked at me, giving me a slight hug.

“Here you go,” Alex said giving me a glass of wine. I thanked him and sipped on my drink, listening to Rian and Alex speaking.

***

“So, anyone caught your eye tonight?” Kara asked me as soon as we sat on the bed in a dark room on the second floor.

Me and Kara were dancing and talking to people all the time, when we finally decided to have some rest and head upstairs, just to have a girl talk.

“Um, not that I am aware off.” I said, taking a sip of my brown drink.
Rian managed to make me drink the yucky cola-whiskey mixture after I said that I couldn’t feel my bottom lip anymore.
That was my sign of being tipsy.

“Really and what about Alex?” Kara smirked looking me straight in the eye.
Where did that came from?

“What about him?” I asked a bit dumbfounded.
“Oh come on, you two are like talking all the time, he shares his wine with you and you mean that you didn’t notice all the signs? Besides, I see the way you’re looking at him. You, my dear, are totally checking him out!” Kara laughed, pitching my nose.

I felt my cheeks burning a bit and I wasn’t quite sure that it was from all the alcohol I drank.

“Well?”Kara asked a bit impatient but with a smirk on her lips.
She knew she got me.

“Well, umm… I don’t know if I can say that I’m into him, you know; I mean, he’s a very handsome guy, I really like his appearance and he has a nice personality, like, I don’t know him that good but I’m saying from what I know. And he has this way with words, like, he knows what to say all the time.” I sighed, looking down at my heels.

“Well, my dear, that means that you are seriously into him!” Kara laughed.

“No, Kara.” I looked up at the girl with slightly pink cheeks. Her eyes were sparkling with mischief even in the dimly lighted room.
She was so beautiful.

“I mean, it’s too early for me to say anything. Gosh, there’s something really attractive about him but I just can’t figure out what really.”
“Maybe it’s just him.” Kara shrugged.
“Huh?”

“Well, you know, he seems attractive to you because of everything he is. You like every aspect of him.”
“I don’t know Kara, I’m a bit lost here.”

“Hey cupcakes, what are you doing here, all alone and in the romantically dimly lighted room?” Jack entered the room, closing the door behind him.

“We were having a girl talk.” Kara smirked looking at me.
I sipped on my drink, frowning a bit at the taste of it.
I’m going to drink this glass down and then take something else; whiskey is seriously not for me.

“Uuuu, can I join?” Jack asked excitedly as he sat down on the bed in front of me and Kara.
“Yes you may, my dear, because we need to help our little star struck friend here.” Kara said, hugging me.

“Uuu, sounds interesting. Who’s the guy?” Jack asked looking at me.
“What is it with you people? Why do you assume that it’s a guy?” I asked embarrassed hiding my blushing face in my arms.

“Well, because you’re blushing and I’m not that sure that you’re into Kara, although I would love to see girl on girl action but I think that Rian would kill me. I’m too young to die and well, hmmm, I don’t have any other ex… ex… explanation here, so yeah, who is he?” Jack brought his face in his arms and looked at me through his dark lashes.
Did I mention that he is cute?

“Alex,” Kara smirked.
“No shit?!” Jack jumped a bit, looking at me, then at Kara then again at me.
“No shit,” Kara confirmed while I just looked at my heels.
I love these shoes.

“Wow, I mean, seriously wow. Although, it’s nothing new, you know, it’s Alex.” Jack just shrugged.
“Huh?”

“I mean, that guy is attractive and he’s all cool and stuff, chicks dig him. I’m just surprised that you took a liking to him. You never showed anything and I didn’t even know that you two were so close.” Jack said picking on my necklace.

“It’s not that I’m into him,” I said glaring at Kara. “I said before – he has an attractive appearance, I assume that he’s an amazing person, whom I know slightly off, by the way and well, there’s something about him that draws me to him.”

Jack nodded. “Yeah, well, that’s good. You know, he and Lisa broke up, maybe you should do something now that he’s single.”
“What can I do? I mean, I’m not going to go down there and say – hey Alex, you know, there’s something about you that draws my attention, want to go somewhere or just hang out a bit more so we can get to know each other better and I can figure out what is it that attracts me to you?”

“Well,” Jack laughed. “That would do or you could just come up to him and simply say – hey, would you like to go on the date?”
I laughed out. “Like, seriously, so simple?”
“Well, I don’t know about Alex, but if you would come up to me and ask me the question I would say yes.”
“That’s because I’m your best-est buddy, Jack.” I said chuckling.
“Yeah, also, but you know, yeah well… Never mind.” Jack trailed off, scratching the back of his head.

“So a mission this is,” Kara smirked looking at both of us.
“Ou, do tell, do tell!” Jack exclaimed happily bouncing on the bed.
“We, my dear friend,” Kara said placing her arm around Jack’s shoulder. “Are going to hook up the two love birds tonight.”
“We?” Jack asked looking at Kara with his eyes wide.
“Yes, we.”

***

“You have to sway your hips, Diana!” Kara hissed as she placed her hands on my hips, swaying them to the beat of the music from left to right in circular motions. “Yes, like that, now do it on your own.”

So the plan was actually pretty simple – Kara and Jack had to make sure that Alex had his full attention on me.

We were back in the crowded guest room, seeing that the half of the people has moved to the lounging area. So all Kara did was making sure that I remember how to dance or how to ‘look sexy’.
Her words not mine.

It wasn’t that I didn’t know how to be sexy; I’ve had my fare share of lessons on how to be sexy from my two girl-y friends from back home.
I knew how to flirt and what a good amount of it could lead to; I mean, it’s just been a long time since I needed to make a guy want me.

Yes, that was Kara’s plan – get the drunken Alex to really want me with a little help of flirt, femininity and heavy dancing.

Jack was in charge of the music and also in getting Alex near me so he could have the perfect view of my butt.

“Perfect,” Kara smirked as the first sound of guitars played through the room.
People cheered at the sound of Framing Hanley’s cover for Lil Wayne’s Lollipop filling the room.
A perfect, bad ass, hard core song, if you ask me.
Gosh, I love Framing Hanley.

“Now, my dear, let the music take over you. Let your inner monster out and just enjoy.”Kara said as she let go of my hips and closed her eyes, giving herself to the music, swaying to the rhythm.
I followed her cue and closed my eyes.

The world around me seemed to become a blur and just disappeared into the sea of muffled voices, slight throbbing and of course pitch black darkness.
I didn’t care about anything around me, all I knew in that moment was that the song made me feel so good, so perfect, so bad ass.

I thought about different faces – the experiences from my past.
They were all just faces with one thing in common – the eyes.

Every single one of them had these beautiful, heavy lidded, glazed eyes, full of lust and passion for me and me only. It made me feel so good just from the sight of the gaze; it made me feel so wanted.

“I make her feel right when it’s wrong like lyin’, man she ain’t never had a love like mine,”

Suddenly I felt my hips being pulled back and I opened my eyes seeing a smirking Kara in front of me.
She just winked and slowly made her way past me.
I leaned back into the body behind me slightly confused.
What should I do now?

The hot breathing of the person behind me made my skin crawl with pleasure; his strong hands were tightly gripping my hips, swaying them to the beat.
I gulped down a lump in my throat and closed my eyes again, leaning into body behind me.

Was it Alex?
I have never been so close to him, we didn’t even hug each other like I do with all the other guys. Alex was just… distant.

“Shorty wanna hump, you know I like to touch ya lovely lady lumps,”

I opened my eyes once again and decided that it would be for the best if I turned around and faced the person behind me, whose heart was racing so fast against his chest. His hands were making it hard for me to actually concentrate on the dancing but on the other hand, he did lead me and that felt so good.

I turned around and looked up in the person’s face.
It was Alex.

“Hey,” he whispered, smirking slightly and placing his hands on my hips once again.
“Hey,” I whispered back smiling.
We just continued to dance, looking in each other’s heavy lidded eyes until the song ended.

“Want to go grab a drink?” He asked when the song ended and I just nodded.
Alex took my hand in his and led me to the kitchen.
Jack and Kara held the thumbs up as we passed them on our way to the kitchen.
Idiots.

But I had to give it to them, the plan actually worked.

***

We entered the empty kitchen and Alex let go of my hand. He proceeded to the refrigerator as I leaned against the counter.

“Want some wine?” He asked, taking out his bottle.
“Will it be okay for me to drink wine after I had my fare share of whiskey?” I asked with a laugh.
“So Rian managed to make you drink the stuff, ey?” Alex smirked looking down at me.
He wasn’t that tall, well, not as tall as Jack. He was maybe a head taller but he still looked down at me, even with my heels on.

“Yeah, he did.” I chuckled remembering how I didn’t even care about the drink that Rian so happily gave me.

Alex nodded as he proceeded to pour us some wine.
His hair was a slight mess but it didn’t seem to be that important.
His gray striped v-neck shirt was a bit crease and had a few stains of red on it, but even that didn’t seem so important.

I was watching Alex closely, with my arms crossed over my chest, taking in the boy.

What was it about him that attracted me so?
He was good looking, of that I was sure, but was the looks so important?
I have been dating guys who were slightly duller than Alex in appearance but that didn’t change the feelings I had for them. And yet, here is Alex, the guy who could be several different persons at once and I still couldn’t figure him out.

“Here you go,” Alex said handing me the glass.
“Thank you,” I whispered and sipped on my drink.
It was almost tasteless.

“That’s it!” I chuckled, placing the glass on the counter behind me. “I need to stop drinking for a while.” I laughed some more.
“What, why?” Alex looked at me with a curious gaze.

“The wine seems a bit tasteless to me, so it’s my cue to turn to glass of water.” I roamed through the cupboards looking for a glass.
Alex just chuckled and sipped on his wine. “Second cabinet on your right.” He said and I looked where I was told.

“Aha!” I smile triumphantly and filled the glass with water, sipping on it gladly.
“I think I’ll need to use the bathroom pretty soon.” I laughed, heading back to where Alex was, leaning against the counter once again.

Alex chuckled looking at my glass.
“So, what’s with the water?” He glanced up at me.

“Well, when you drink alcohol the whole evening you feel like shit the next day; not that I have a hangover, usually I get away with red cheeks and a desert for a mouth, but that’s not the point.
Lately I have been experiencing the bliss of headaches in the morning after my drinking rituals earlier so, I found on the web that if you have a glass of water in between your drinks and what else not, than it is a good possibility that you’ll feel better in the morning.
You know, the body dehydrates when we drink alcohol, so we need to supply ourselves.” I finished and smiled a big cheesy grin.

Alex laughed. “Wow, never thought about it in that way,” he chuckled. “I guess I’ll have to do it too, you know, I have huge hangovers in the morning. Although I’m on wine tonight, so no hangover for me in the morning.” He said with a distant look in his eyes.

Immediately I felt the tension cover the both of us as I looked at him closely.
“Alex, are you alright?” I asked looking at him a bit worried. “I mean, you don’t have to say anything to me, I know we’re not that close, but you seem like you need someone to talk to.”

Alex sighed, looking down on his hands.
We just stood there for a while and I was giving up on the thought that Alex would ever open up to me, I mean, he was cool with it then why should I bother so much?

“I saw Lisa with a guy,” he whispered after a while.
I looked up at him while his gaze was still averted on the glass he had in his arms. “I mean, we broke up about two weeks ago and she has moved on and…” He trailed off for a while.
“I don’t know if I have. I mean, I have been with her for so long.” He whispered with hurt lacing his words. “Three years. We were together for three years.”

Three years was much, it’s all I could say.

My personal experience was almost half-a year and I was happy for that.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t stable; it’s just that I always had a sort of relationship where everything was perfect at the beginning and after two months or so the other half didn’t know if he wanted to continue things anymore. The constant ‘you’re just too good for me’ or ‘I’m not ready for a serious commitment’ always were the lines that guys used to break up with me.

At first it made me feel depressed because I was looking at others around me – a total whore was celebrating her second year with her boyfriend while I listened to a guy breaking up with me after three months of being together.

It kept on going like that and I was feeling more and more worthless. The constant ‘am I not good enough’ was playing in my head and I started to think about it all rather than running away from myself and keep on experiencing the same situation over and over again.

It was then after my last boyfriend that I realized that indeed I was responsible for the unfortunate relationships I had in the past. I tried to find love somewhere else, somewhere outside myself.

I remember all the moments when I was looking at myself in the mirror and thought – how can I go out like this, my hair is a mess, I look fat and all those things, that brought my self-esteem down. And there was the answer to all of my problems – I thought that someone else would teach me how to love myself.

And that was when things changed.
I started to embrace myself for everything I am, for everything I would be and for everything I ever was. I started to pay attention to my thoughts and realized that my mind was constantly bringing me down – you’re not good enough, you’ll fail.

It was the time when I changed myself and became the person I am now – a person who loves herself and her life; and not just only her own life but the life that was in me and around me.

God for me was a word I didn’t use before but now I use it in completely different context –the God is the Life that is in me and around me. The God is the love that I feel for myself and for the things I do.

“I’m so sorry Alex, I mean, I know how you feel.” I said turning my attention back to Alex.
He looked at me and smiled with a sad look in his eyes.

“I just don’t know how to act now or what to do. Lisa was always there, sure we fought a lot, broke up and then got back together but lately the things just changed.
I think that this time she’s gone for good and I don’t know what to do. She was just always there…” He took a large gulp of his wine wile I sipped on my water.

“And then I walk on her in the fucking living room, sitting on this guys lap and shoving her tongue down his throat. I mean, it was so whorish! How can she do that when she knows I’m there?”Alex said with an angry tone.

“Hey, calm down.” I said, stroking his arm lightly. “It’s okay, I mean, not the part where she was making out with the guy but still. Don’t get so worked up because of it.”
Alex just looked up at me with his sad, beautiful brown eyes.
Oh God.

For a moment there I was lost.
All I could see was his beautiful brown eyes, which sparkled in the light because of the alcohol and sad because of the unfortunate love. He was so beautiful and so broken.

“People make mistakes but it’s not yours or my place to judge them or say they do wrong.
They do what they want to do because they think it’s right for them, which in result maybe hurts someone that is close to them. Sometimes they don’t really mean the things they do while other times they do it on purpose.
I’m not saying that Lisa’s behavior is right but I’m not saying that it is wrong either. I don’t know her and even if I did I wouldn’t judge. How can I judge a person when I myself make mistakes?”

Alex looked at me with the intense gaze and I felt slightly uncomfortable.
“Is it true?” He asked after a while.
“What is true?” I asked looking back up at him.
“That you… like me?” He asked and I felt a wave of dizziness wash over me.
“Umm.”

How should I reply to a question like that?
Yes? No?
How about the truth?

“I don’t know that I could call it ‘I like you’,” I looked up at Alex who had a small smirk on his lips. “I mean, you’re very attractive as a guy and of course personality, which I’m not so familiar with, but I mean, there’s something about you that attracts me. I don’t know if I can call it a crush or I don’t know, something else, but you intrigue me.”
I looked down at my glass of water and drank it all the way to the bottom.

Alex chuckled and sipped on his wine.
“It’s good, you know.” He said after a while.
“Yeah, I know.” I smiled and looked back up at him. Alex was looking me in the eyes and I found myself lost to the world again.

“You’re an amazing girl, Diana.” He said leaning in a bit.
Is he going to kiss me?

A slight panic was slowly creeping in me and I didn’t know what to do; so I froze in my spot.
“I thought that it was a bit too obvious when Jack was making me go to the guest room and just dance, you know. He never asked me to do that kind of thing.” Alex chuckled some more, while going to the sink and putting the glass down.

I took a large intake of breath.
Thank God.
My heart was racing against my chest and shifted a bit uncomfortable in my spot as Alex returned beside me.

“And I admire you for the way you think. I mean, Lisa and I had something and yet you still stand here and even when you have the hots for me you don’t judge her, nor do you bitch about her. You’re so unlike any other girl I have ever met.” He said looking at me again.

I blushed a bit and looked up at Alex. “I just think that you guys need to talk, maybe sort things out and maybe even get back together in the end. You know, there’s more to the situation than reaches the eye and you’ll never know until you try.”
Alex looked at me for a while and then nodded. “Yeah but not now, I’m not ready yet.”

***

“So you and the Josh guy, huh?” Alex asked after we agreed to return to the alcohol.
There was enough water in the both of us by the time.
“Uh, I don’t know. He seems to be pretty amazing but, I just…” I trailed of sipping on my drink.
What was it? It’s so yummy!

“You just don’t have the hots for him like you do for me?” Alex smirked looking down at me. I just laughed and brushed him off.
“Full of yourself much?” I laughed taking another sip of the drink.
“You know it,” and then he winked at me.
He winked at me.

“Hey, there you are!” The voice behind us cheered as I turned my attention to the boy that just came into kitchen.
“Josh, hey!” I exclaimed happily and made my way towards him.

The tall boy enveloped me in a warm hug, taking me off the floor and swaying a bit. “Josh, put me down, I’m going to throw up.” I giggled.
“So, you’ve been drinking, ey, and without me?” He put me down but didn’t let go of my hips as he pouted his lower lip out.

“Well, me and Alex kind of just stuck to the water for a while and now we’re back in business.” I smirked glancing back at Alex who was watching us with an amused smirk on his features.
“Cool, cool. Hey Alex,” Josh walked pass me and shook hands with Alex.
“Hey man.” Alex returned the favor.

“So, Diana,” Josh started as he returned his gaze to me. “Can I have a word with you?” He asked gesturing towards the exit.
“Um, yeah, sure.” I looked back at Alex. “Thank you, for the drink and all.” I said with a smile on my lips.
“Don’t mention it and thank you for talking,” Alex nodded.
Josh took me by the arm and led me out of the kitchen.

***

“So, I was thinking,” Josh said exhaling the smoke.

We were standing out on the porch of Zack’s house, listening to the faint sound of the party back in the house and a peaceful night that surrounded us.
It was the end of April and the weather was perfectly warm.

I turned my attention back to Josh and took in his appearance.
The boy had dark, black straight hair which was hidden with his black beanie. He was also taller than me, just like everyone else. He had this tall, lean body with a small amount of muscles to it.
Josh was wearing a hoodie and simple skinny jeans.

“We’ve been know for what, two weeks I think, and well, the only time I get to see you is in our classes or now, which is the first time I see you outside the school, so I was wondering – maybe you would like to go out someday?” He asked taking another drag of his cigarette.
Was he really asking me out?

I shivered a bit and looked up into his face.
He had this slight, playful smirk on his lips and curious eyes that were sparkling beautifully from the porch light.
He took another drag of his cigarette and waited for me to say something.

“Oh, um, like a date?” I asked, going to the rails of a porch and sat on them. He exhaled the smoke and came closer. “Well, it can be a date; you know, like not a real date but just hanging out together – you and me, getting to know each other more.” He came in front of me and placed his arm on the each sides of my legs.

He looked at me with this intense look in his eyes.
“Josh, you know, I …” I trailed off looking down at my legs.
“I don’t date.” I said.

“Well, it don’t have to be a date then.” He laughed trying to sound casual.

Curls were falling down in my face and I smiled.
Josh was making me feel better and worse at the same time. It was true, I didn’t date anymore.

How could I date when I haven’t been here for a month? Sure, there were guys who I found attractive but not so attractive to really think about something serious. I think I just wasn’t ready yet, besides, I broke up with my boyfriend only a month ago and just because I was going to a different continent.
Although I didn’t want to live with a false hope, but just maybe things would work out and we could get back together. But, do I really want to get back with him?

It wasn’t that I didn’t expect any of this coming from Josh; he was showing affection towards me from the very first time in cafeteria, when he sat beside me.
He was always making me laugh and we kind of fooled around, nothing serious, just talking.

Josh got along pretty good with Jack; it would be actually pretty awkward if he didn’t because I spent most of the time talking to him rather than actually listening to anything else. But somehow he and Alex were distant. Not that I mind, of course, it was their business, not mine.

“I don’t really know what to say.” I looked up at him with a small smile gracing my lips.
Was I ready to do something like this?

With Jack and the gang it was all different; I knew that my relationships with those guys were simply platonic and nothing more, even though we did joke about getting together and all but let’s face the truth – it was Jack and the crew.

But with Josh everything seemed to be slightly different.
I had this feeling inside of me that he wanted something more than my friendship and I wasn’t ready to give it to him.
Do I really want to have something more?

“Well, my dear, in situations like these you usually have two answers; one – yes Josh, I would like to go out with you or the other one – nope, sorry Josh, can’t do. I don’t date or I have hots for someone else or I’m just not that into you. But I mean, it’s not like it has to be a date, we’re just friends, you know.”
He shrugged sweetly, lighting of his cigarette.

I looked up at him. Josh had his hands in his pockets and he was looking at me patiently.

“Do you like me?” I asked.
I had to make sure that I didn’t screw everything up.
Maybe I just imagined things; maybe his intentions are different from what I was thinking they are.

“Define the word like.” He said, leaning against the rail.
I sighed and looked down at my heels. “Umm, well, I meant it like you know, a guy likes a girl, he asks her out on the date, which in our situation doesn’t have to be a date if we don’t want to, and, umm, well, they go out together, once, twice, maybe even more and after a while they get together and are a couple. I meant do I attract you as a girl?” I looked up at him.

He smiled and crossed his arms over his chest. “Well, now that you put it all like that I must admit that yes, I do like you as a guy could like a girl. And, well, I mean, I would like to call our outgoing a date because I’ve been attracted to you right from the start. I would really love to build a relationship with you, Diana.” He said sincerely coming closer to me.

I shivered a bit and gulped the lump that was building up in my throat.
“Are you cold?” He asked, stroking my bare arms.
“Umm, no, it’s just that I…” I looked up at him.
Josh was so close, too close for the comfort.

“Josh, I …”
“Shh.” He put a finger on my lips and slowly started to lean in.
“Josh, no, please.” I said quickly, putting my arms on his chest and pushing him back slowly.

He looked at me with a slightly confused expression, before his eyes widened and he let go of my arms. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to do anything you’re not comfortable with. Shit, sorry!” He said, backing away a bit.

“No, it’s okay, I’m sorry I … I just had to clarify it to you.” I said, hopping down on the floor, swaying a bit.
I was tipsy.

“I mean, Josh, you’re a great guy but I don’t think that I’m able to give you something more than a friendship.” I said looking into his handsome face. “I’m so sorry if I lead you on, I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay, honey, it’s okay.” Josh shrugged but never lost his smile. Then he came over and enveloped me into hug, placing his chin on the top of my head. “I’m glad you said so before everything grew into something more.” He whispered.

Then I heard a low chuckle, forming in his chest. “Although, it will take some time to get over you, I do have a small crush, dear Diana.” He said letting go of me and kissed my forehead.

I smiled. “It’s going to be okay, Josh, you’ll find your princess, of that I’m sure.”
“I know, I know, but for now I’m going to call you my princess in a non-princess way.” He chuckled again, swaying us both from side to side.

“Are you cold?” He asked and I shook my head.
“No, I have alcohol in me, it’s keeping me warm.” I laughed.
“You don’t look drunk.” Josh said.
“That’s because I’m not drunk. I’m a little bit tipsy, that’s all.”
“Good to know.”

“Hey, there you are! We’ve been looking all over for you.” Kara gripped my arm as I was taken out of Josh’s embrace.
Jack and Kara took me in while I said a quick goodbye to Josh, who lighted up another cigarette. He waved at me and said a quick ‘see you’ while Kara dragged me back into the house.

“What were you doing with Josh outside, shouldn’t you be with Alex?” Kara asked as soon as we were back inside the house.
Jack came over at us, sipping on his red cup, looking curiously at me.

“I was with Alex.” I said looking at them both.
Kara’s mouth formed in the shape of ‘o’ while Jack snorted. “Yeah and why was Josh all over you when we got there? Did we interrupt something?” Jack laughed, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

“No, Jack!” I said, pitching his arm playfully.
“Ow!”

“Then what were you doing out there, he seemed to be very happy with you in his arms.” Kara looked down at me skeptically.

“We were talking.” I shrugged. “And he kind of asked me out.”
Jack choked on his drink. “What?” He exclaimed.
“He did what?” Kara couldn’t believe her ears.

“He asked me out on the date and I asked him if he liked me which ended us in sorting out our so called relationship. He did like me as a boy likes a girl but I said that I could offer him my friendship only; I didn’t want to lead him on.” I said looking down at my feet.

“Oh, honey,” Kara said enveloping me into a hug.
“No, it’s actually alright,” I laughed as I felt Jacks strong grip around us. “He said that it’s okay and that he’s glad I told him before everything got serious. He also said that he will need some time to get over me.”

Jack laughed: “Cupcake, he’s going to need and awful lot of time to get over you.”He said, pitching my nose slightly.

“Huh?” I asked a bit confused.
“I mean, come on, the guy has been all over you! I’m surprised that you didn’t notice it earlier.” He laughed.

“Well, it’s no wonder; our Diana is everything a guy could dream of.” Kara said proudly, kissing my cheek.

“So, now, tell me, what happened between you and Alex? Did you guys hook up?” She asked with an amusement playing in her beautiful eyes.

I blushed a bit. “No, we talked.”
Jack groaned beside me but didn’t say anything.

“Talked?”
“Yeah, we talked; he opened up to me, Kara!” I smiled with joy remembering the conversation that we shared in the kitchen.
“Well, that’s a good thing. That’s definitely a good thing, better than nothing!”
“Yeah, I’m very surprised he did. I mean, I thought that he wouldn’t and yet he did.”

“So, what did you guys talked about?” Jack asked curiously.
“Lisa.” I shrugged.
“A very good choice of topic,” Kara rolled her eyes.

“I saw Lisa earlier.” Jack said taking a sip of his drink.
“Yeah, Alex did too. He said that she hooked up with a random guy. Alex didn’t take it that well.”
“Yeah, I saw her with the dude in the guest room on the couch. They were practically doing it, with clothes of course!” Jack said looking between people that passed us by.

“That Lisa is something; I don’t know how to even call her. She’s not a bad girl, you know, I have hanged out with her, she seemed to be very fun and all that but her attitude sucks majorly!” Kara sighed.

“Yeah, Alex wasn’t too happy. I talked to him, said that he shouldn’t take it so close to heart. I mean, it is her choice and they did break up. He wasn’t so sure that they would get back together though.”
“Hey, hey, that’s your cue.” Jack elbowed me a bit wiggling his eyebrows.

“I don’t know Jack. He seems to care about her even though they are not together anymore.”
“Well, it’s just natural; they’ve been together for a very long time.” Kara said.
“I know, let Alex figure out what he wants himself. For now I am happy with the things he does. I mean, we did talk tonight and that’s a lot!” I smiled with joy as they both just laughed and hugged me.

“Okay guys, I need to use the bathroom. All the alcohol and water is just begging to get out!”

Kara and Jack let go of me. “Okay, we’ll be nearby, see you later.”
“Take care, cupcake,” Jack said giving me warm kiss on the forehead.

***

Once I was done I headed back to the kitchen.
I entered the room and was met by an awfully interesting sight. I quickly backed up against the wall before the couple could see me.
Alex and Lisa.

“ ... just one kiss.” Lisa begged.
I didn’t want to listen to them, I really didn’t but I couldn’t move.

“I saw you tonight, Lisa, you were dry-humping that guy! Now you expect me to welcome you back? Just like that?”
“Oh come on Alex, what is it with you, it’s just a guy! Besides, I did it all just to make you jealous.” She giggled.

Just to make you jealous.
Somehow those few words made me sick to the stomach.

What was it with girls and thinking that by hurting the guys they would actually get them back, I mean, it would gain the opposite response.

“Make me jealous, what is it with you, are you that dumb?”
“Come on, baby, don’t be mad, I know you want me.”
“Stop, Lisa, I can’t do this anymore.” Alex sighed.

“What? Alex, we always break up and then get back together. Why don’t we just ditch the crowd for a while, head upstairs and make up?” She suggested with a husky voice.

That’s it.
I headed back into the kitchen, glancing at the couple.
Lisa had her arms under Alex’s shirt, while he was pressed against the counter with his arms on it. He looked up at me with his beautiful brown eyes but I just averted my gaze.
It was their business, not mine.

I went to the cupboard the get the glass out while the two of them proceeded with their sick little game.
“Stop it.” Alex said firmly as I poured some water in the glass, bringing it up to my mouth.

I heard the throat being cleared behind me as I turned around.
The girl with blond hair, who had her arms under Alex’s shirt, was slightly glaring at me through her drunken gaze, waiting impatiently.
“Do you mind?” She asked.

I shook my head and proceeded to get out of the room, not stopping behind to even listen to them.
I didn’t care.

***

“Firecrakcer!” I was met when I entered the kitchen about half an hour later.
“Join us!”Jack laughed, placing his arm around my shoulders.

There was a small group of people, circling around the counter in the middle of the kitchen which had small glasses of liquid on them.

“Hey there,” a guy looked at me, smirking, as Jack drew me closer to the gang.
“Hey,” I smiled back.

He wasn’t like all the other guys in the room, in fact he looked to be too old to actually participate in these kind of parties. I assumed that he must be in his late twenties.

“I’m Tim,” he said, extending his arm towards me. I took it and we shook arms.
“Care to drink?” He asked and I nodded. “Yeah, why not.”
“That’s my girl!” Jack cheered.

***

“Hey, I’m going to the bathroom, you’ll be okay without me here?” Jack whispered in my ear, as I watched the guys gulping down their drinks. I had about three shots and I needed to take a break.

At the rate that guys were drinking I would pass out very quickly and wake up in the morning feeling like a truck had hit me.

I nodded as Jack skipped away.

“Hey, do you want a different kind of drink?” Tim asked me, looking down in the plastic red cup, which he was filling with a liquid in the most beautiful color ever – electric purple.
I have never seen a drink in this shade before.

“What is it?” I asked as he handed me the cup.
“Just a little something,” Tim smirked looking at me.
The guy gave me chills and I sniffed the drink a bit skeptically.

“I don’t know,” I almost placed the cup on the counter as Tim came over to me and placed his arms on my shoulders. “Just try it; you can give it to me if you won’t like it.”
He said looking me straight in the eyes.

I just shrugged and took a small sip of the drink.
It tasted very delicious, so I took a larger gulp.
“I told you it’s tasty.” I just nodded and placed the half empty cup on the counter.
I shouldn’t drink that much and at that rate.

Tim still had his arms around me all the time and I felt a slight wave of dizziness wash over me.
“Uhh” I groaned as I felt the room around me slowly spinning.

“You alright?” Tim asked looking down at me.
“I don’t know,” I answered leaning against his tall frame.

Ha placed his arm around my waist and led me out of the kitchen. “Come on, let’s go and dance a bit.” He said.
I just closed my eyes and prayed that the dizziness would go away.

***

The room around me spun in colorful motions with a slight sound of music and muffled voices. I couldn’t feel my legs nor could I feel my arms, but I had this feeling that someone was holding me.

“Come here, baby.” The voice whispered from somewhere as I felt something wet on my neck. I tried to get away from the uncomfortable feeling but I couldn’t.
My body wasn’t responding and my mind wasn’t thinking.

“Stop,” I whispered as the wetness came closer to my throat, making its way towards my face.
I didn’t like it, I wanted to get away from it.

“Stop,” I whispered once again and tried to push back the thing that was holding me.
“I know you want to, come on baby.” The voice whispered in my ear as something nibbled at my earlobe.

“No,” I managed to mumble averting my face away from the thing. “Stop.” I said once again noticing that my voice sounded off distance.
What was happening?

“Get away from her!” A new voice sounded in the distance as I looked up and tried to open up my eyes. The image in front of me swam in colorful lights and I felt myself growing nauseous.
Make it stop.

The room spun around me and I felt a slight tug in my stomach. Suddenly I could feel that I was set free, no more wetness covering my neck and no one was holding me.

“Hey, hey, easy now.” Another voice said. It seemed so familiar.
A pair of arms wrapped around me as I leaned into them. They were comfortable. I placed my arms on the warmness that supported me and smiled.

“What’s with her?” A voice asked. There was a muffle sound after but I couldn’t care less. All I felt was the warmness besides me and I knew that I was safe.
“She’s pissed off drunk.” Another voice sounded over me and frowned in response.

“Am not.” The voice sounded from somewhere in me.

Warmness beside me enveloped me as I tried to open up my eyes once again.
I looked up and saw a shape of a person. He looked down at me but I couldn’t make his face out. He seemed familiar and I just trusted my intuition.

“Let’s get her out in the fresh air, it’s too crowded here.”

I didn’t notice that I was standing out when a soft breeze tickled my skin, making me giggle and shiver a bit.
“Cupcake, are you alright? Gosh, I left you for a while and you got yourself so wasted.”

I couldn’t shake the feeling that the voice was disappointed in me.
I tried to reach my hand towards the voice only to find out that my body didn’t actually listen to me.
“No,” I managed to whisper. “I didn’t.” A voice inside me said.

“I don’t think that she had anything to say at this. Look at her; she can’t even stand on her own feet.” The warmness beside me spoke and I smiled in response. The warmness made me feel good about myself.

I tried to fight the dizziness off, I really did. I wanted to prove the voice that I am nothing to be disappointed at, but I couldn’t.

My eyes were open once again and a figure was looking at me.
“Diana, can you see me?” I shrugged and tried to stay focus, but the image in front of me swam really badly.
“I’m not feeling good,” I whispered trying to settle down my stomach.

“Something’s not right. Where did you leave her?” The warmness spoke.
“She was perfectly fine earlier, almost sober. She came into the kitchen; me and guys took some shoots. I told her I would go to the bathroom and when I came back she wasn’t there.” The voice spoke somewhere in the distance.

I looked at the person and noticed something red on it. “Jack?”
“Yes Diana,” the voice answered and I smiled in response.
It was Jack.
Jack was disappointed in me.

“Jack, I’m sorry.” I whispered, sniffing a bit.
“Hey, hey darling, it’s alright. Come here.” I felt another warmness envelope me as I giggled a bit.
“You’re going to be alright.”

“She was dancing with Tim when we found her.” The warmness spoke after a while.
“Yeah, more like he was dancing and she was just limp.” Jack said, stroking my hair.
“Do you think that Tim got her drunk?”
“I don’t know, I think maybe.” Jack spoke again.

I just wanted to go and lay down somewhere.
The cold air seemed to get to me as I felt my body begin to shiver a bit.

“Hey, there you are, oh my God, what’s with her?” I felt a voice rang around me as someone took my face in their warm arms.
Thank God, warmness.

“We found her like this with Tim all over her,” Jack spoke while the warmness enveloped me in a bigger embrace.
He felt me shiver.

I felt a pair of arms stroking my cheeks and my head, making me feel warmer.
I leaned in and let it take over me.
I was safe.

“That mother fucker drugged her!” The high-pitched voice exclaimed and I had to turn my head away from the annoying sound.

“Hey guys, I think I’m going to get her home. She’s cold.”The warmness around me spoke.
I knew that voice.

“No,” I spoke. “No, Victoria.” I said once again looking up at the figure holding me.

The sight was blurry but the shapes and forms were becoming clearer if I stared at them more. “Alex?” I whispered as I made out his striped v-neck.
“Yes?” He asked looking down at me in his arms.

So the warmness was Alex.
It was so nice.

I sighed happily, closing my eyes and snuggling into him more.
He smelled good.

“Okay, her house won’t be good. How are we going to explain her sister that she’s been drugged at three AM?” Jack asked as the voice besides him sighed annoyingly.

“When I’ll get my hands on that mother fucker, I’m going to teach him how to pick on innocent girls.” The voice spoke.

“Hey guys, woah, what’s with her.” Another voice came but I was too tired to even open up my eyes.

“Tim drugged her.”
“No shit?”
“No shit,” Alex’s voice rang in his chest.
Easy there.

“What the fuck? How did he even consider the option? I mean, I knew Tim did this in other parties.”
“It’s not the first time?” Jack’s voice rang though group.
And then the voices muffled down.

Who was Tim?
And what’s this about being drugged?
Did they use drugs?
I don’t use drugs. I’m clean.

“Guys, I’m going to take her to my place.” I was already halfway to my dreamland, when Alex’s voice shook me out of my peaceful slumber.

“You sure?”
“Yeah, she’s asleep already. I’ll carry her; it’s just a couple of houses.”
“Honey, you’re going to be alright. I’ll cut the dickhead’s balls for you.” A soft voice spoke stroking my curls but I just shrugged.

“Cupcake, do you want me to come with you?” Jack spoke as the previous person went away.
“No, have fun here.” I whispered looking up at him from half-closed eyes.
Jack nodded and gave me a soft kiss on the forehead.

“Jack?” I asked in a small voice. “Are you going to be alright?”
Alex chuckled while Jack just laughed. “Of course dear, you better take care of yourself, princess. I’ll see you soon. Take care of her.”

“Yeah, you can come over later.” Alex spoke.
“Yeah, I probably will. Okay, see you later man.”
“See you.”

And we were surrounded by the silence of the night.
I shivered once again as I felt myself being enveloped into warmness.

“Can you walk or do you want me to carry you?” Alex spoke into my ear and I felt goose bumps cover my arms.
“I can’t feel my legs.” I whispered as I felt myself being lifted and carried in the soft, strong arms.
“Then I’ll carry you home, darling.”
I just nodded and snuggled into Alex’s comforting warmness.

***

“Do you want to sleep in your clothes?” I opened my eyes as I felt myself being placed on something soft.

Alex’s face was lighted dimly by a small light and we were in a room I couldn’t quite place in my mind.
Where am I?

“Where am I?” I whispered.

Alex looked down at me as he proceeded to remove his clothes. “My room.”
Oh.

“Won’t your parents be mad?” I asked, sighing and snuggling into the pillow beneath my head.
“They’re out of town for the weekend and even though they wouldn’t.” Alex said.

I felt a mattress besides me shifting with weight as he lay down beside me.

“How do you feel?” Alex looked at me.
His face was too close; I had to close my eyes.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.” I chuckled.
Alex laughed as he covered us with a blanket.

“Do you need some spare clothes? Maybe you want to get into shower?” he asked and I opened my eyes.
“I don’t like to sleep in clothes.” I said trying to get up and take my necklace of.
It stuck in my hair and I tried to pull it out.

“Easy there,” Alex said as he collected my curls and tangled out the necklace from them.
I took of my vest and the white blouse, shivering a bit and blushing – I was in my bra only.
I covered my breasts with hands, trying to get away from Alex.

“Um, do you have a shirt I can put on?” I asked a bit nervous. Alex looked up at me and quickly proceeded to the other side of room.

I felt something soft being placed against my back and looked back. Alex vwas looking at me with a shirt in his hands.
“Thank you.” I said, taking of my bra, putting the shirt over my head.

It came just over my hips, so I took of my shorts and frowned a bit – I didn’t have my heels on.
“Where are my shoes?” I asked, trying to get off from the bed but Alex’s hand stopped me.

“They’re downstairs; I couldn’t let you sleep in shoes.” He turned to me and I thanked him with a smile.
The light was turned off as I placed my head on the pillow, facing Alex.

“Shit.”
Alex looked at me. “I lost my phone.”I sighed trying to remember the last time I used it.

“Jack has it. We needed to cover up for you, Victoria called.” Alex said as I snuggled into him.
He tensed a bit but the feeling was gone instantly.
“Okay,” I whispered.

“Is it okay for me to snuggle into you?” I asked. Alex put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him.
He had a shirt on and for that I was thankful. “It’s okay little one, it’s okay.”

We lay there like that for a while.
I was listening to his soft breathing as it lulled me to sleep. He was so peaceful, so different from the Alex I first met.
I liked the change; I liked it very, very much.

“Um,” I whispered after a while. “Isn’t Lisa going to be mad?”
I just had to ask.

Alex sighed and his other arm under his head. “Don’t care, we’re over.” He shrugged.

“What happened?” I asked, giving my full attention to the boy. “I mean, you were okay at the party.”
Alex snorted remembering our encounter in the kitchen.

“Not really,” he whispered. “I told her that I’m sick and tired of our stupid game. If she wanted to save our relationship or should I say – what’s left of it – then she would do it and not whore around with random guys.”

“How do you feel?”I asked and Alex just shrugged. “I will be after some time.”
“I’m going to be alright.” He hugged me closely and whispered.

“What about you and Josh?” His question rang through the room.
“Umm,” it was a bit awkward talking with Alex about the boy who obviously liked me.

“He asked me out.” I said.
“Oh,” was all Alex said.
“Yes and I kind of said that I’m not dating.” I continued not too sure why.
It was private.

“I mean, he’s nice and all, but … I don’t feel the spark, the connection, you know.” I looked up at him.
“That’s good, I mean, well… never mind.” Alex trailed off.

“Yes, well, he said that he’ll need some time to get over me though. I didn’t want to lead him on, even though I didn’t know my feelings towards him, I couldn’t risk it all right from the start. I mean, I have been here for a month and here he is, asking me out and hoping that there will be something.
I just don’t know if I’m ready for the commitment, so I offered my friendship instead.”

Alex nodded, tightening his grip on me.
“It’s going to be alright in the end, little one, but now sleep, you had a rough night.”

***

“Morning,” I whispered as Alex opened his eyes.
He looked a bit disoriented for a while and then his eyes landed on me.
“Hey,” he whispered closing his eyes for a moment.
“How do you feel?”

I chuckled a bit and yawned. “Like I’ve been hit by a truck.” I answered truthfully.
“Well, that doesn’t sound so bad now does it?” Ales chuckled and I closed my eyes leaning into pillow some more.

I woke up about an hour ago, feeling slightly out of place.
The last thing I remember from last night was Jack saying that he had to go to the toilet, then there was a guy named Tom or was it Tim, and he gave me the drink in the shade of purple and then it all went into the pitch black.

I was a bit surprised to find Alex beside me. I was even more surprised when I found Alex’s arm wrapped around my waist.
He was sleeping with a small frown covering his handsome features and I couldn’t do anything but stare.

He was so peaceful in his sleep and yet he looked like he needed someone to be there just to hold him, so I snuggled into him, not taking my eyes off the boy, hoping that he would wake up.

“How long have you been awake?” He asked in a hoarse voice.
I just chuckled, “a while.”

“It’s nice to know that you’re pretty quiet when you’re awake. I appreciate that.” Alex sighed and turned on his back. I missed the warmth of his hands around me but I didn’t complain.

“You can go into the shower first. I’ll let you borrow some of my clothes.” He said.
I looked at him happily and sat up, getting out of the bed.

Once I was on my own two feet the room around me spun and I had to steady myself. “Woah.” I said.
“You alright?” Alex asked preparing to come to me.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m alright. I just need to get used to this.” I closed my eyes and took a large intake of breath and tried to keep my balance again. This time the world didn’t spin so much so I proceeded to get out of the room.
“Second door to the left,” Alex yelled behind me.

***

“No, I wasn’t raped nor did I sleep with a random guy. I was drugged last night so Alex took me to his place and yes, these are his clothes and I'm wearing them because I took a shower in the morning. Good morning to you too.”
“Okay,” was all my sister could say as I came into the kitchen about an hour later after waking up at Alex’s place.

“Orange juice?” She asked reaching for the box in the refrigerator.
“Yes, please.” I said sitting down at the bar stool at the kitchen counter.

Alex laughed at me as I came into his room with his black skinny jeans on, which were a bit too big for me and a v-neck shirt, that also was too big.
I didn’t have any other shoes and I didn’t think that Alex’s dunks would do either, so I put on my heels and get the few blocks to my house, cursing all the way home for not thinking about getting something else on my poor feet.
The heels were killing me.

I did look like a wreck when I entered the kitchen.
My long curls were collected in a slightly dump bun, the makeup was washed off and a bit of mascara was left under my eyes. My pale face didn’t glow all that shiny and healthy and I had the clothes from the previous night folded somewhat neatly in my arms.
I sure didn’t step out of magazine this morning.

“So, what happened? I got a message from Jack saying that you’re a bit tipsy and you’ll stay at his place.” Victoria said, placing a glass of orange juice in front of me, which I took and gulped down very happily.
I needed sugar in my body and I needed it badly.

“Uhh, well, everything was fine till I didn’t feel my body and mind cooperating anymore.” I said, tangling out the mess of my hair.

“How did that happen?” She asked, putting a baby food on Bruno’s little table. The little one took his small spoon and started to feed himself which of course didn’t go all that smoothly.

“Everything was alright for the most of the night, I mean, I was a bit tipsy. Rian even managed to give me Jack Daniels but then I met this guy which I don’t remember the name of, so he gave me this drink and I was a bit skeptical at first but there was no smell nor was the color bad, in fact the whole drink looked pretty yummy so I tasted it and next thing I knew I was at Alex’s place, dressed in his shirt and ready to go to bed.” I looked down at my hands. The nail polish was chipped.
I painted them just yesterday, how could this happen?

“Wow,” Victoria said placing another glass of juice in front of me. “You’re lucky your friends were there, I men, anything could happen.”
“Yeah, I was very lucky.” I sighed thinking about last night’s events.

“Do you want to eat something?” She asked after a while; I just shrugged. “I’m not really hungry; I think I won’t be able to hold anything in my stomach.”
“Okay, then why don’t you go to bed, I’ll wake you up later.” She smiled and I hopped down on my throbbing feet.

“I’m not going to wear heels anytime soon.” I grumbled going up to my room.
Victoria just chuckled.

***

I heard muffled voices around me and suddenly my eyes opened.
“What the –?” I squeaked as I studied my surroundings.

Big brown eyes were staring at me a good feet away as I took a large intake of breath.
It was just Alex.
“You scarred the living shit out of me!” I exclaimed pitching his arm.
He just laughed and looked at others. “She’s alive.”

The others – Kara, Rian and Jack were also in my room. “Not to be rude or anything but, what are you doing here?” I asked a bit groggily.

“Nice to see you too, sunshine.”Rian laughed as Kara came over and sat beside me.
“Hey there sweetie, how are you?” She asked, stroking my bear tight.
“I’m fine; could have been worse.” I replied snuggling into my pillow.

“Yeah, it could. And if it would then I would personally kill the mother fucker.” Jack exclaimed from his place. He was sitting at my desk and typing something on my computer.
A soft sound of Kings of Leon filled my room and I smiled in delight.
“Turn it a bit louder, it’s my favorite song.”

The sound of Manhattan filled the room as they all began to talk among themselves.
“I see you still got my shirt on,” a voice beside me whispered.
I opened my eyes and looked at Alex.

He changed his clothes for a black shirt and a red hoodie and his hair was a mess under the hood of the jacket. He looked well rested with slight shadows under his eyes but it didn’t look like he had a rough night, nope, not at all.
Oh, he didn’t have a rough night.

“I’ll give it back to you after I’ll wash it, okay?” I asked looking at him.
He smiled down at me and shrugged. “You can keep the shirt, I mean, it suits you better than me anyway.”
“Thank you,” I smiled.

“So yeah, Tim wanted to apologize,” Jack said again looking at me.
“Huh?” I looked up at the boy and he just stared at me.

“Come on, Diana, you’ve been drugged last night, I mean, it wasn’t even funny. Do you know at what state me and Alex found you? The guy was all over you while you were just there, numb like a doll. I left you only for about what, five minutes and you managed to get that drunk?” Jack asked angrily.
Woah, woah, woah!

“Jack, it wasn’t her fault!” Kara said strictly, stroking my head.
Why was Jack so angry?

“Dude, what’s your problem?” Rian asked from his seat on the other chair.
“My problem is that I can’t even fucking leave her for five minutes!
It’s like I don’t know, I mean, I know Tim, it’s just the way he is. He sees a pretty girl and then he drugs her and has his way with her! I mean, what if me and Alex wouldn’t even go to the guest room?
It was all fun and games’ looking at Tim with some bimbo and then when we saw your face it wasn’t so funny anymore.
What would’ve happened if we didn’t make it on time? Where would you be in the morning?” Jack sighed, rubbing his eyes with his arms.
Where would I be in the morning?

“I’m sorry, it’s just that when I saw you there in his arms in the state you were, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I thought that you had something more to you than just get shitfaced and hook up with a random guy.”

“So that’s what it all was about? Me getting drunk and hooking up with a random guy?”I asked feeling my temper rise.
How could he even accuse me for this?

“Guys, stop it.” Alex said from his place.
“No, no, let him speak, let him say everything. It’s obvious that it’s all bugging him just begging to get out.” I said looking at Jack. He did this weird leg shaking when he was nervous or pissed off.

“I don’t have anything else to say.” He said not even looking at me.
Oh, he doesn’t now, does he?

“Well that’s too bad because I sure do,” I said sitting up in my bed.
“First of all, Barakat, don’t you ever raise your voice at me and second – you left me in the kitchen!”
“I told you I would come back, I had to take a pee!” He said looking at me.

“Yeah, and I was standing there waiting for you until this guy came up and started to flirt and offered me his fucking drink!”

“She just cussed!” Rian giggled, while Kara shushed him off.
Rian just giggle some more, looking at Alex with an amusing grin.

“So, if there was another random guy coming at you flirting would you take the drink from him too?” Jack asked getting up from his chair.
“I, what? No, of course not! I don’t know why I even took it from the guy!” I confessed looking down at my arms.
This whole situation was so messed up.

“Guys, I think you should both stop before you’ll get to the hair pulling part.” Alex said between his laughs.

“You think it’s fucking funny? You didn’t laugh when you were trying to hold her on the fucking porch. You saw her, Alex, you saw how wasted she was. And you Missy – you should consider who you accept drinks from!”

“Here we go again,” Rian laughed while Kara shushed him, again.
“Oh, yeah, because the ‘I drug girls to get into their pants’ was so obviously written all over his face.” I said rolling my eyes.

“Gosh, we’re not getting anywhere with this.” Jack exclaimed throwing his arms around and plopping himself down on my chair.

“Just my thoughts, now both of you, shut the hell up and listen. You, Barakat, stop accusing her for something she wasn’t aware off.
We needed to warn her about the whole Tim thing, she is new to this after all. And you,” Kara turned to me. “Don’t get your panties in a twist. Jack was just worried about you, that’s all.
You would be in his position if you would saw yourself last night. Thank God you had your clothes on.”

Jack looked away from us with hurt written all over his face.
He indeed was worried about me.
Something inside of me snapped.

“Jack,” I whispered. He just looked at me and averted his gaze instantly as our eyes met.
“Jack,” I tried again, getting out of my bed.

“What,” he mumbled as I came over to him and sat in his lap.
“I’m sowwy I yelled at you, I didn’t mean too.” I said, lacing my arms around his neck and snuggling into him.

His arms sneaked around my waist. “I’m sorry I accused you for being silly but you were silly.” He said in a hurt voice.
I chuckled but let it go. “It’s alright Jack, I love you too.”

“Aww, ain’t that cute?” Rian giggled, hugging Kara closer to him.
Rian was in an awfully cheery mood.

“Hey Rian, why are you so happy?” I asked from my place on Jack’s lap.
“Don’t know, just… happy I guess.” He shrugged.
“Bull shit, dude, you got laid last night. I know that smile of yours!” Alex laughed from my bed.

“Okay, I didn’t have to know that.” I said burying my blushing face in Jack’s hoodie.

“Um, Diana?” Jack said.
“Yes, my dear,” I looked up at him.
“Could you please stop wiggling on my lap, it makes me uncomfortable, especially when you’re in you underwear only.” Jack said with a blush covering his handsome face.
“Oh my God!” Rian and Alex laughed together, while Kara just sat there, blushing a bit.

I looked at Jack and couldn’t understand what was he saying when I got it.
Oh!
Oh my God!

My cheeks burned with fire as I shot up from Jack’s lap and ran my way back to bed, hiding under my sheets.
This was just great.

“I’m sorry!” Jack blushed while all the others laughed, wiping away the tears.

***

“So, are you coming to the practice tonight?” Rian asked.

The guys and Kara had their fare share of laughing at mine and Jack’s little encounter and now we all were sitting on my double bed, just chilling.
I had put on the shorts because, well, I didn’t want to walk around with my naked butt.

They would find something else to laugh about and of course I didn’t want to embarrass Jack even more.
Poor thing hasn’t said anything for a while now.

“Of course I’m coming to the practice, what kind of stupid question is that?” Alex exclaimed slightly glaring at Rian.
“Oh, so you broke up with her?”

Huh?
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Alex asked slightly annoyed.

Kara took Rian’s arm in her own and stroked it gently.
“You know damn well what it means; don’t pretend like you’re stupid.” Rian’s tone rose as he rolled his eyes.
Woah, what’s going on?

“Um, guys?” I asked from my place. They didn’t pay me any attention so I looked at Jack and Kara.
Jack didn’t even look at me, in fact he hasn’t even spoken to me since the lap-thing.

“Kara?” I asked turning my attention to the girl.
Her beautiful face was frowning a bit, looking from Alex to Rian and then back again at Alex.

“Well, let’s just say that when Alex dated Lisa he preferred other things over music and the band.” Rian answered instead of Kara.
Oh.

Alex set his lips in a tight line, glaring at Rian while Rian himself tried to brush him off by simply ignoring the boy.

“I’m glad that we have you back, by the way.” Rian said with a small smirk playing on his lips.
Gosh, he was so pushing Alex’s buttons.

“Yeah well, I’m glad that I could make you happy.” Alex said, crossing his arms over his chest and leaned into wall behind him.

“Hey guys, mom just texted, I need to go.” Jack spoke from his place.
We all got up, saying our goodbyes.

“I’m really sorry about earlier.” I whispered as soon as Jack enveloped me in a hug.
Gosh, I loved his hugs.

“It’s okay cupcake, I’m sorry too.” He whispered in my ear, giving me a slight peck.
“And I’m also sorry about the underwear and all that, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” I said looking up into Jack’s brown eyes. He was so cute with his hood on and hair that were slight mess.

“It’s okay too, although it was pretty embarrassing and funny. It was the first time I responded to a girl like that, although you were wiggling on me so yeah, your fault anyway.” Jack winked looking down on me.
I just giggled.

***

“So, aren’t you supposed to do something today?” I asked Alex after Kara and Rian left.
“Why? Do you want to get rid of me so fast?” He smirked, leaning against my pillow.

We were sprawled on my bed, facing each other and just talking.
It wasn’t uncomfortable nor was it awkward. I began to feel at ease with the boy in this close proximately and so was he, I suppose.

“Nah, kind of like the new relationship we have,” I shrugged closing my eyes.
“Oh, and what kind of relationship do we have?” Alex asked in a slightly amused tone.

“You know, being comfortable in each other’s presence. I mean, it’s nice to have another close friend.” I replied with a yawn.
“Yeah, yeah it is.”

So we lay there in silence for a while and I began to feel myself slowly drifting into a peaceful slumber when Alex’s voice shook me from my dream. “Did he hurt you?”
I opened my eyes and looked at him a bit confused. “Huh?”

“Tim, did he hurt you?”
“Oh,” was all I could reply.
Did he hurt me?

“I don’t think so and I can’t remember. It’s been a blur after the drinking part.” I said honestly.

Alex huffed, thinking about something.
“And you, did she hurt you?” I asked.

Alex sighed looking down at me.
“She did but I’ll get over it. I mean, what we had was real, but like I said – it’s in the past now. I love her, I still do, but I’m not in love anymore and I’m not sure that I want to go back.
I mean, it was great but I think I’m not ready to love again. The word gives me chills a bit.” He admitted looking somewhere in the distance.

“You know,” I started after a few moments of silence. “Love is actually a pretty simple thing. It’s not something we imagine it to be. I’m sorry that I say so, but you just haven’t experienced a real love then.” I whispered looking at him. His brown eyes were turned to me.

“I once read this story by Paolo Coelho, I don’t remember the title of the book, but it had all these beautiful words and explanations about World and the language that it spokes. There was also explained about love and it clarified my fear of it.
He said that a real love frees a men, it never holds him down from pursuing his dreams and wildest fantasies. Real love is like a fresh air – you can never get enough of it and yet it is always there, just for you, believes in you, gives you everything not asking anything in return. When love locks you down then that’s not a real love, because real love makes you fly towards your wildest dreams.”

Alex was looking at me all the time and I felt a bit uncomfortable.
His gaze was so intense and yet he didn’t seem to hear me.

“Have you ever been in love? The kind of love that you just described?” He asked me after a while.
“No,” I answered truthfully. “I haven’t. But I believe in it and I know that it’s going to come to me when the time is right.
There is love for everyone – the question is – are you willing to let it in?”

We lay there in silence once again.
“Tell me about your relationships back home,” Alex said after a while.

“What do you want to know?”
“How many boyfriends have you had?” he asked smirking.

“Well, umm, four? I started to date at the age of fifteen, kind of late considering that teenagers around me were doing it much earlier. I had different interests at that time so boys never crossed my mind actually until came the ninth grade. That was a wild time.
I don’t really know what you want to hear, I mean I have a very poor experience.” I said slightly blushing.

“Are you a virgin?” Alex asked looking at me. I couldn’t help but blush.
“No,” I answered truthfully. “I lost my virginity at the age of seventeen with a boy who turned eighteen on his birthday. It was the first time for us both and he was the first guy I had a serious relationship and also the longest one – we lasted almost half a year.”

“But, that’s not much.”
“Yeah, comparing to your three year experience it’s nothing but it’s pretty much for me.” I answered.
“Why did you last for such a small amount of time?” Alex asked.

“Umm, we fought a lot, I mean, you and Lisa fought a lot too, but we had different kind of fights, I think.” I answered playing with my nails. “He just wasn’t ready for a serious commitment.” I looked up at Alex and smiled.

“Yeah, sure he wasn’t, you did have sex, right?”
“Yes, yes we did.”
“And how was it?”

“It was good; actually it was the only time when I felt that he really liked me. We didn’t spoke that much because our personalities didn’t seem to fit together but when it all came to sex then we clicked instantly. I think that was the reason that we didn’t work out – we had nothing to give each other or maybe we just weren’t meant to be together.”

“Wow,” Alex said after a while.
“Yeah, the funny thing is that when we had our last, parting sex he made me reach my orgasm two times in a row.
It was the first time I really experienced the bliss of it, made the whole breaking up thing a bit less painful.” I smiled remembering.

Alex laughed “And how did he take it, I mean, did you fake it before?”
“No,” I said. “I was always honest with him and well, he blamed himself for not being able to give me it. I mean, I don’t know why I never had it before, I just never did.” I shrugged.

“Well, he was right about blaming himself,” Alex said. “I mean, you’re amazing in every sense of being amazing. I would like to be in your boyfriend’s shoes. I would make you come so much and so hard that won’t be able to walk for a week.” Alex laughed.

I blushed furiously, pitching his arm.
“Alex! God, you’re so full of yourself!”