If You're One for Breathing

William Beckett

Thump...thump...thump...

My heartbeat drops to a slow without her here anymore. I'm lying back on our hotel bed, staring at the spinning fan. It's a warm day, coming back from the beach. My eyes close, and I see her, pale and shocked to see me once again. That small mousy smile, shy and sweet...

I missed you.

I should have said it back. Because I did- I missed her so much that it hurt just to breathe. And she doesn't lie. She hides the truth, but she's a horrible liar and everyone knows it. She knew it as well. So she stopped lying so much. But... I didn't tell her.

I'm trying to convince myself that I didn't miss her. That she doesn't matter. That she did lie, because she left me, and she doesn't want me feeling bad for being used like that. The voices in my head are, unfortunatley, telling me otherwise and I'm just having a hard time. I'm being played with, and I don't know by who.

"Hey!" Sisky slaps my stomach, coming up. "Whatcha doing?"

"Sleeping," I grunt.

He narrows his eyes and pouts at me. "Don't sleep! You might die!" His eyes widen. "Then you couldn't be with Ella! So you can't sleep!" He starts to shake me. "No sleeping!"

Sitting up, I shove him off. "Get away! I'm not getting back with her, okay?"

"But you saw her at the beach," he wails, getting on his knees. "You two are perfect! She loves you! That look in her eyes the moment you two saw each other was beautiful!" The guys behind him are nodding in agreement.

I glare at them. "All of you weren't there!"

"I was!" They slap him upside the head and he pouts.

Groaning tiredly, I fall back on the bed. "Guys, Ella is gone, okay?" I give a tired, pathetic look to Chiz. "You know what I mean. She left. So I don't think she'll be coming back to us."

"I disagree." Andy smirks, and pulls something out of his pocket. Squinting, I see a red little... phone. But none of us have a phone like that. No one except... "Behold!" He cries, waving it around. "Ella Carmichael's phone!" He laughs giddily. "She left it at the beach and I got it!" Mike gives him a look. "Well, I was trying to put my number in it and she just left, so..." he trails off, shrugging casually.

Michael grabs his cousin's phone, opening it. "He's right," he says softly. "It's her's, all right." Then he frowns. "We have to get this back to her."

Andy pouts. "Then I get to take it to her!" He pauses, confused. "How will we get it to her?"

"Call all of her contacts," I mumble obviously, and lie back down. Chiz heard though, and nods. He steps out into the hall with the phone and I close my eyes for a nap. But there are so many thoughts racing through my mind, there's no way I'll be able to sleep now.

The possibility of seeing her again... my stomach has butterflies, and I can't decide if that's good or not.