Turn It Into Magic

"That was a pretty crazy night, was it not?" Abigail asked Elizabeth as they sat, sipping their over-sweetened coffee and nibbling on their sugary treats. They were seated across from each other, just like they were every morning.

"Oh wow, yes it was! I wonder what the fans would do if they knew all these stories were real..." Elizabeth contemplated aloud. Elizabeth and Abigail were queens of the Maniggy erotica empire. Maniggy was a word they created out of boredom one fine weekend while they looked at pictures of Twiggy Ramirez and Marilyn Manson and combined their names.

"They'd freak out, of course!" Abigail smiled to herself. "Hm, it seems quieter in here today."

"Nobody's playing any music!" Elizabeth exclaimed, slamming her fist down on the table. Her coffee sloshed all over the wood of the table and dripped onto the floor, but she paid it no mind. "Something needs to be done about this!"

"TIM! GET IN HERE!" Abi shrieked. Seconds later, a sleepy-eyed Tim Skold appeared in the room. "Can you turn on the music for us? It's too quiet in here without it."

"Yeah, yeah, alright," Tim groaned, rubbing his eyes and exiting the room to turn on the music to flood the building.

With all the money Elizabeth and Abigail made from their Maniggy erotica empire, they bought a hospital and decked it out with anything they saw fit. Soon enough, Marilyn Manson and his band came to join them, along with the very small influx of patients.

"That's better. I can hardly even think without my music," Abi sighed. She was referring to what she called '70s porn music,' or the funky bass in I Don't Like The Drugs (But The Drugs Like Me).

"God forbid you can't think," Elizabeth muttered.

"What was that?" Abi asked, snapping up from her stretched-out position in order to hear Elizabeth more clearly.

"Nothing, nothing," Elizabeth brushed it off. Abi shrugged and sat back in her chair.

Just as Elizabeth closed the lid of her laptop, Marilyn Manson himself entered the room without so much as a knock.

"Morning girls," he greeted, waving to both Abi and Elizabeth.

"Morning Marilyn," they replied in unison, still slightly dazed at the presence of Marilyn Manson in their very own hospital.

"Twiggy just wanted me to tell you to warn anyone who comes looking for us that we're going to be busy for a while," Marilyn said in a most casual tone, as if this happened every day. Well, for Twiggy and Marilyn, it did happen every day. Sometimes even twice. But that was beside the point.

"Of course," Elizabeth agreed with a smile, viciously kicking Abigail's leg under the table. Abi jumped and lost the dazzled expression on her face as she wiped the little bit of drool from her lip.

"Cool. Thanks guys," Marilyn said, waving as he left the room. Abi held back a squeal as Elizabeth motioned for her to be quiet. She counted to thirty as slow as her anticipation would let her, then she got up and turned on the one-way chalkboard. They used this chalkboard to witness the epic sex that went on in the room next door, Twiggy and Marilyn's room.

"Abi, get the camera, I can tell this is going to be good," Elizabeth said. Abi quickly grabbed the camera without question and hooked it up so that they wouldn't have to hold it while they watched.

No sooner had Marilyn entered the room before he was attacked by Twiggy. Marilyn pushed him onto the bed in the center of the room, their lips connected.

Neither Elizabeth nor Abi heard the timid knock at the door. Marilyn and Twiggy didn't hear it when the same thing happened on their door. Nobody was expecting what happened. And then it did.

Ginger walked into the middle of a sex scene between Marilyn and Twiggy. Instantaneously, he got a boner. Marilyn stopped kissing Twiggy and Twiggy stopped tearing off Marilyn's clothes. Both of them turned to see Ginger - and his boner - standing in the doorway to their room. Ginger looked horrified, then he ran out of the room as quickly as he possibly could go.

Elizabeth switched off the camera and the one-way chalkboard as Abi ran to the intercom.

"Ginger, Twiggy, and Marilyn. You have ten minutes to make yourselves acceptable before you are needed in our office. I repeat, Ginger, Twiggy, and Marilyn, you have ten minutes before you are needed in our office," Abi called out over the intercom. They had some serious talking to do.

__

Ten minutes later, Ginger, Marilyn, and Twiggy were all sitting awkwardly on a couch together. Elizabeth and Abigail were sitting across from them in their own seperate armchairs. Ginger had solved his 'problem' and the other two were fully clothed.

"Ginger, we're here to discuss your sex life," Abi stated bluntly. Ginger blushed a dark shade of red.

Suddenly, Pogo was pulling up a chair next to the little group. He sat in it backwards, so that he was straddling the back of it.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" he asked, then looked at Ginger and smirked. "Oh, nevermind. I think I've got it. We're discussing Ginger's sex life. Or lack thereof."

"Shut up, Pogo!" Ginger yelled, blushing a darker red. Pogo laughed at Ginger's defensiveness.

"Pogo, please. Before you retaliate, you must know that this is a pressing matter that should be taken care of as soon as possible. Besides, you have plenty of spare time to mess with Ginger," Elizabeth said before Pogo could utter a single remark.

"Alright," Pogo smirked, "Let's hear what Ginger has to say."

Ginger gazed at everyone in the room, a look of horror on his face while everyone stared back. Elizabeth and Abigail looked concerned, Marilyn insistent, Twiggy confused, and Pogo amused. Ginger finally decided to look down at the rip in his jeans.

"Well...?" Pogo pressed.

"I don't know what to say," Ginger muttered.

"Well, you could start by telling us what you needed with Marilyn and Twiggy," Abi shrugged.

"I wanted to know if Twiggy wanted to come bake a cake with me and John," Ginger admitted. He began to fiddle with the strings coming from the rip.

"Oh this is just precious! I wish I brought my camera!" Pogo exclaimed, laughing to himself.

"Pogo." Abi stopped Pogo from speaking by holding out her hand in his general direction. "Now Ginger...why did you get a boner?"

The question was direct and blunt. Ginger twitched his head so that his hair was covering his beet-red face. Everyone sat in silence for a few moments, broken only by Pogo's occasional snickering and a drawn-out sigh from Marilyn.

"Ginger, the only way you'll feel better is if you just tell us. You know we're just gonna bother you until you tell us anyway," Marilyn pointed out. Ginger sighed and nodded.

"I...I got a boner because...I...I like guys," Ginger confessed.

"HA! I knew it! Hand it over, Marilyn!" Pogo yelled triumphantly. Elizabeth and Abi watched in confusion as Marilyn groaned and fished $20 out from his pocket. Pogo snatched it greedily and laughed maniacally.

"You...you bet on Ginger's sexuality?" Abi asked in disappointment.

"I was on Ginger's side!" Marilyn said defensively. He had thrown his hands in the air and was looking at them wide-eyed.

"No you weren't! You bet on him!" Elizabeth yelled back.

"This isn't about our bet! This is about Ginger!" Pogo shouted, pointing dramatically at Ginger, who had hoped with all his heart that the attention would be focused on Pogo and Marilyn instead of him, but was sadly disappointed.

"Yes. Ginger. How did you find out that you like guys? And how long have you known?" Abi questioned curiously, tilting her head to the side.

"I, um...I like two guys," Ginger whispered almost inaudibly. Pogo laughed loudly, slapping his knee like it was the best thing he'd ever heard.

"Who?" It was Elizabeth who had asked this time, leaning forward in her chair as she became more intrigued.

"Do I have to say?" Ginger whined.

"Yes!" Everyone in the room exclaimed their response to that one. Ginger sighed and mumbled something incoherently.

"What was that? You need to speak up so we can all make fun of- I mean hear you," Pogo said, a smile slowly spreading out across his face.

"I said I like John and Twiggy!" Ginger yelled. His eyes watered and his head slumped back into it's former position. The room was silent for a moment, then Pogo snickered.

"I'm sorry, Ginge," Twiggy murmured, patting Ginger on the shoulder.

"Twiggy!" Marilyn scolded, looking down at Twiggy shamefully.

"What?! I didn't know what else to say!" Twiggy yelled in his defense.

"Well Ginger. I'm sorry to say, but Twiggy is taken and John, well...you know him. He hits on every creature with tits. So, I'll tell you what we're going to do. We're going to draw a name from a hat," Elizabeth compromised. "And then you'll spend some time with that person and see if you like them. If not, then we'll draw a new name."

"Can we call it The Dope Hat?!" Twiggy asked with a huge grin, automatically interested. Pogo looked at Twiggy like he had a second head, Ginger blushed, and Marilyn shook his head.

"Yes, Twiggy. We can call it The Dope Hat."

__________

"Who should we put in the Dope Hat?" Elizabeth asked Abi after everyone but Pogo had left. He always seemed to linger to get the gossip, then suddenly disappeared. Abigail looked up and glared at Pogo.

"Go, Pogo, go," Abi said, pointing at the door and speaking to him as if he were a dog.

"No!"

"Yes, Pogo! This is confidential!"

"No!"

"Go clean up, Pogo. You're the leader of our Sanitary Commission! There are more people to clean up!"

"Fine."

Pogo pushed the chair away from him dramatically and left the room. Elizabeth looked at Abi and shook her head in disbelief.

"So. Hat." Elizabeth stated simply.

"Hat." Abi agreed.

"We should put John in anyway. Who knows where this will go?" Elizabeth suggested. Abi nodded and wrote "JOHN 5" down on a piece of paper. She folded it in half and dropped it into the large top hat that Marilyn had generously provided just for the occasion.

"And we should put Pogo in, too. It's not like they'd do anything if he got picked. Besides, we're going to have a bunch of people in here, so it's not going to be that big of a deal," Abi shrugged.

"True, true," Elizabeth agreed. She wrote "POGO" down on a slip of paper, folded it, and dropped it into the hat.

"Megan Fox?" Abi suggested.

"Abi. He likes guys."

"Oh, yeah, that's right. Rezzy?"

Elizabeth wrote "TRENT REZNOR" on a slip of paper, then dropped it into the hat.

Soon enough, they had plenty of names (in their opinion). The new names included, but were not limited to, Tim Skold, Rob Zombie, Zim Zum, and Gerard Way.

Abi and Elizabeth sat back to admire the hat that was half-full with small paper slips.

"I think I'm going to post a notice around the hospital to let everyone know that they need to be here. How does tomorrow at 10 sound?" Abi asked.

"Wonderful. And I think I'm going to make a label for this Hat."